20 years ago, I was 14 and I didn't even know that dipping was a "thing". I was just a girl starting high school going about her business. My cousin was hooked already and she had just migrated to the states. She didn't know where to get dip – but she knew my dad dipped. She let me try it once and I loved it. Then I would take a little from my dad here and there while he wasn't looking.
I realized he would just leave it in the basement so I would go steal some every night so I had enough for the next day and for my cousin of course. Time flew – once I had my license I would just go get it myself. I always felt weird – because I was a girl they'd judge me – I'd lie and say it's for my dad or my grandpa. I just kept dipping – all through college, no one knew – except my cousin. She got married and I was in school so we'd see each other less and less. Then they got bloodwork done for life insurance – where it showed tobacco in her system and she quit. She badgered me to quit as well but then I just started ignoring her more and more.
There were a few occasions my mom found a can of dip or something and she'd spaz but I would just say it wasn't mine or not sure where it came from. But what it really did was just made me better at hiding it. I was a ninja dipper – always swallowed the juices – I hate to admit it but I have eaten dip on several occasions to avoid being caught. Makes me sick just thinking about it right now. The only time I didn't dip was when I was eating or showering – I probably slept with dip in more often than not (I now know this was so totally f'ed up and stupid on my part).
My husband has no idea that I dipped – we dated for 2 years and have been married for 5 years. If I had dip in my mouth I would make up some excuse and go to the bathroom to take it out. Then I got pregnant in 2013 and stopped dipping the day I took test. I was fine – no symptoms of withdrawal. I didn't dip for more than 2 years – my entire pregnancy and then while I was nursing. Then I was depressed by all the weight gain and used the dip as consolation. Then I got pregnant again and stopped for 10 months or so. I spent a week with my parents and my dad was dipping all the time so I went and snooped around his stuff and found his dip and I stole a little bit each day. Before I knew it I was hooked again.
This time it was worse – I just couldn't get enough. I would constantly be dipping – it was never out of my mouth and I didn’t care to eat or do anything else. I would go put a new dip in almost 30 minutes. I couldn’t think about or do anything other than dip – I planned everything around it. I started increasing the amount of dip I would put into my mouth whenever I would be alone. I am not sure how much time I spent with dip instead of spending it with my beautiful children.
I finally got sick of it and decided I should quit – I started googling the bad effects that it would have. I found KTC and was trolling the site. The day I took the decision to quit was 9/29/17. I quit for myself – so I could see my children have their own children. After I quit I started poking around my mouth and of course started googling all the symptoms and having major anxiety about cancer! I have had so many aches and pains since I quit – and I am only at Day 28. KTC helps because I can see that so many other people have gone through this with me.
