I was halfway through and accidentally deleted it all. Blah.
I pulled into a parking spot at one of the many softball fields I played at. I was 29, and my gf left her tin of Skoal pouches in my car. I popped one in, to see the what all the fuss was about. I got the head rush, almost threw up, but felt this instantly good feeling. That was the start...
My first 5 years were sporadic. She would buy it and I would ration like 3 pouches/day, as I didn’t want to buy it myself. I teach in the town I live, so I didn’t want people seeing.
When we broke up, one would think that would be the end. Nope. I just started venturing outside of town to buy and not care. Make excuses to go for car rides, etc, just to get some more. So for the last 5 years, I’ve been a regular user. About a tin every 2 days.
I’ve tried many times in the past to quit. Something always brings me back.
In 2015 I lost my grandfather.
In 2016, I suddenly lost my mother.
In 2017, my father in law finally ended his long painful battle with cancer.
In 2018... well, my stepkids’ Father got arrested, ended up dying, I bought a house, broke my hand and turned 40. I also gave up alcohol for the year. What better time to quit? And relapse. And quit again. And relapse. With each of these stressors cane another relapse. So finally, here I am, using this site to keep me accountable, and I’m 63 days in.
This morning, I pulled into that same softball field from 11 years ago... and did not dip. Like an alcoholic going into a favorite bar and drinking water... major victory. Tomorrow brings new challenges, but I won today.
Thanks to arrakisdq for suggesting I write this!