I have wanted to quit for about 5 years now... but I have been a pussy about it, "I will quit eventually, I am just too stressed out, its just not the right time." Sunday I woke up, threw my last dip of the can in and went to the gas station to get a new can. Well when I got back home I realized "Shit, I left my can of chew at the gas station.." my 4 year old son was like "first, dad you said a bad word. Second, just quit." now I have heard "You should quit, you can do it, I believe in you.." my whole life from my mom, wife, sister, etc. and it just bounced off of me. I had stopped for a month or two here or there but lets be honest, I had no intention of quitting. I would try to be positive I can do it yay! (I was quite the cheerleader)
Something in my sons voice when he said "Just quit." what I heard is "man the F**K up and quit, its nobody's fault but yours. quit being weak and just QUIT!" I have been in hell every since... it is day #4 and my cravings are worse than they have ever been, I am constantly reaching for my can, telling myself "all you have to do is go buy a can." my arm hurts typing this... I have found that telling myself to quit being weak and man up, you're a dumbass for starting helps for some reason... and instead of saying "I can do it" I have been saying "I am F**king DONE!"
I am confident that I need help... I am not even sure if this post makes sense... but I don't care because I am ranting... I would like to join a group too! 'help' 'bang head' 'Crazy'