Mike2017a

[Tuco]

Day 17-24:
The good: Thinking about dip less often. Getting more focus back which is leading to more time to spend on things other than thinking about quitting. Exercising more often. Less guilt about damaging my health, sores in my mouth, dying young, and hurting my family/friends. I noticed that I am not waking up thinking about dip 1st thing. I am not even sure how many days this has been going on for, but realizing it is an amazing feeling. I can't remember the last time I woke up and dip was not my 1st thought. This is what a piece of freedom feels like and I want more. Over the Thanksgiving a couple of family members commented on how much more talkative and happy I seemed. This felt good and was a direct result of not being preoccupied with hiding my current dip or plotting my next dip or having to sneak off. Again, this is what freedom feels like. I have been reading great bits of wisdom and advice all over KTC that has been extremely helpful in keeping me quit.

The bad: Eating too much. Using too much of my new found free time snacking. Regret for all the time I wasted as a user. Still having craves, had one bad one over the weekend during some free time. Free time for me seems to be the hardest, this is when my craves hit but I have been staying prepared for them.

Looking at what I have typed I have to say my life is so much better than it was a few weeks ago. Despite the challenges, and they are difficult, the good outweighs the bad 1000 times. It is important to remind myself of this during the crave times.

As for substitutes I am still using just about anything under the sun: toothpicks, hard candy, gum, seeds, and the fake. The fake has been occupying my thoughts alot. I only use it on weekends for whatever reason. I have tried 4 flavors of SMC (wintergreen, straight, classic,  grape) and wintergreen Bacc-off. None are even close in taste/texture to my old friend Kodiak wintergreen. Where I live you can get none of these easily so I have been ordering. I have an order in for Jake's mint in various flavors and I am hoping that might come closer but not holding out much hope. I have no idea why I care so much about this but I do.

Rock solid, buddy. I think the level of introspection you're bringing is great, and I fully encourage you to keep it up. Quitting is a process and part of that process includes understanding all of the ways nicotine had control over your life and what you're doing to take back that control.

Don't sweat the snacking too much. Right now, your #1 focus is on being quit and doing whatever it takes to stay that way. Sometimes you get tired of leaning on substitutes like gum and toothpicks. If housing a bag of cool ranch doritos sounds more appealing - go for it. Whatever it takes to keep quit. Eventually, you will begin to equalize and then you can focus on maintaining a better diet.

[mike2017a]

Day 17-24:
The good: Thinking about dip less often. Getting more focus back which is leading to more time to spend on things other than thinking about quitting. Exercising more often. Less guilt about damaging my health, sores in my mouth, dying young, and hurting my family/friends. I noticed that I am not waking up thinking about dip 1st thing. I am not even sure how many days this has been going on for, but realizing it is an amazing feeling. I can't remember the last time I woke up and dip was not my 1st thought. This is what a piece of freedom feels like and I want more. Over the Thanksgiving a couple of family members commented on how much more talkative and happy I seemed. This felt good and was a direct result of not being preoccupied with hiding my current dip or plotting my next dip or having to sneak off. Again, this is what freedom feels like. I have been reading great bits of wisdom and advice all over KTC that has been extremely helpful in keeping me quit.

The bad: Eating too much. Using too much of my new found free time snacking. Regret for all the time I wasted as a user. Still having craves, had one bad one over the weekend during some free time. Free time for me seems to be the hardest, this is when my craves hit but I have been staying prepared for them.

Looking at what I have typed I have to say my life is so much better than it was a few weeks ago. Despite the challenges, and they are difficult, the good outweighs the bad 1000 times. It is important to remind myself of this during the crave times.

As for substitutes I am still using just about anything under the sun: toothpicks, hard candy, gum, seeds, and the fake. The fake has been occupying my thoughts alot. I only use it on weekends for whatever reason. I have tried 4 flavors of SMC (wintergreen, straight, classic,  grape) and wintergreen Bacc-off. None are even close in taste/texture to my old friend Kodiak wintergreen. Where I live you can get none of these easily so I have been ordering. I have an order in for Jake's mint in various flavors and I am hoping that might come closer but not holding out much hope. I have no idea why I care so much about this but I do.

[av8rmarc]

Congrats, Mike! Quitting with you, bud.

That's true about telling the family - it really helps - I told the Mrs. who told the kids so now there is no turning back

[mike2017a]

Days 13 -16: Made it through my 2nd full weekend dip free. Honestly I think everyday is as challenging to quit as the next but weekends seem scarier just due to the increased amount of free time. Also I typically drink on weekends and I am always worried about letting my defenses down while imbibing. Had some drinks for the 1st time since my quit on Saturday. Dipping definitely crossed my mind a couple of times but I shut those thoughts out and remembered my promise. I leaned on the fake stuff quite a bit on Saturday. I have also found it helpful that I have told my family and friends about quitting, if for nothing else than not wanting to disappoint them in addition to myself. I had my 1st dip dream on day 13 and it was not fun. I never actually dipped in the dream but was on my way to the store to purchase some when I woke up. After I woke and realized it was a dream and I had not faltered I was elated and very energized that I am quit.

In general I am improving each day. The lows are not as low as they were even just a few days ago. The anxiety I was having is almost gone which I am very thankful for. My motivation to workout is getting a little better but still not back to where it needs to be. Been eating too fast and too much still and soon I am going to have to stop cutting myself so much slack on that. There has been a substantial improvement in focus. I am no longer distracted thinking about the evil dip constantly. I would estimate that I am distracted by dip thoughts about 70% of my waking time. Still a lot, but so much less than the past couple weeks. All in all I am very glad to be quit and to be improving in several areas day by day. I went to see a movie last weekend for the 1st time without a dip since who knows when. I somehow made it through the whole movie. Who would have thought that possible a couple weeks ago? Some of these "firsts" are down right comical/sad. I prefer to look at the comical side of it and try to stay upbeat since the quitting is hellish enough on all of us.

[av8rmarc]

Great insights, Mike, keep up the good work

[mike2017a]

I wanted to use this space to document some notes for myself as reminders to the future quit me now that I am a bit less foggy.

Days 1 to 3 - On and off fevers and lots of sweating along with the chills and lack of appetite. Tried to sleep as much as I could because I didn't want to face the world. Took a day off work. Tried to think to the future, of not being a dipper and feeling better.

Days 4 to 9 - Found KTC and joined. Replacing a lot of my dipping time on the site reading and learning. So many others out there struggling through the same war. Physical symptoms have subsided. Non-stop psychological warfare in progress 99% of waking hours. Hardly a waking minute goes by when I am not thinking about dip in one shape or form. This is craziness! I feel like I should be in an asylum of some sort. Can't focus on anything, lots of wandering thoughts. Most of these days I have what feels like a weight or hole in my chest....some kind of depression-like symptom because I miss dipping. God do I miss it during my ritual dipping times (in the car, at work, after meals, before bed) which basically boils down to 12 hours a day with crap in my mouth. What a joke. Constantly wondering when it will get better. Sleeping more than normal. Going to bed earlier because I am not up dipping. Waking up earlier and forcing myself to sleep longer in the morning, just wasting time. Doing whatever I can to make the hours/days go by faster. Extremely distracted at work, productivity at work and outside of work plummeting to near zero. Avoiding coworkers as much as possible as my nerves are shot and I am so easily pissed off. I have plenty of energy and am well rested but don't have the motivation to do much. Skipping a lot of workouts. Eating bigger meals. Using gum, hard candy and toothpicks to get through waking hours. Bought some smokey mountain for the weekend and was hoping it would taste much more like dip. I only could keep it in for 20 minutes. My dips would go for 2 to 3 hours. So thankful for this site. It occupies much of my time and the feeling of accountability is keeping me quit day by day. Wondering about the future when the newness of the quit wears off, but for now it is helping get me through each day. Took the weekend off of booze for fear of letting my guard down. I haven't had a booze free weekend in many years. Actually did not miss the drink, kept myself busy running errands. I have a very addictive personality and my 3 big ones that I struggle to balance are dip, booze, and food. Now with dip out of the picture am curious on how the others will be impacted. So far its going better than expected but still eating too much. I couldn't booze without dip but I could dip without booze so I am not sure how this dynamic will be going forward. I am sure I would be in trouble without KTC.

Days 10 to 12 - Things are starting to get a little better. My concentration and focus is slowly improving. I am able to focus my thoughts for 10 to 15 minutes at a time which is a big improvement. That means I sometimes don't think about dip for 15 minutes which seems like a lifetime compared to the last 10 days. I am sure these are good signs of better things to come. Motivation is still lower than normal but slowly forcing myself back into workouts and feeling better after them. I used to reward myself with dip after workouts, now when my workout is done there is nothing to look forward to. Need to retrain my brain to realize the reward for working out is feeling better, not dipping. Wow does this sound dumb when its spelled out. On the subject of dumbness, I am realizing that eating has always been a race for me so I could get my after meal dip in. I still find myself eating way too fast even though there is no dip to be had after. Need to work on slowing down and enjoying meals rather than going savage on them. No reason to race through the meal to get to a toothpick or piece of gum. Still going to bed earlier but maybe that isn't a bad thing. Reaching out to more new members of KTC which really is helping me stay engaged with my quit and hopefully helping others in some way. Been getting extremely slap happy and laughing uncontrollably at times at stuff that normally isn't that funny. Almost feels like I am drunk. This is a much better feeling than the weight in my chest feeling that has been decreasing in frequency. I would estimate my mind is being occupied by the dip wars 90% of the time now which is significantly less than last week and I am very happy about this. For me it seems every minute not spent thinking about dipping is the most important thing.

[David S]

Hi All, i am on my Day 9 and I wanted to introduce myself. Been dipping Kodiak for 31 years, worked my way up from a dip a day to about 10 cans a week. For the last few years I spent most waking hours with a dip in. After all these years I have turned almost everything I do into a trigger to dip...eat, drive, work, relax, stress, watch tv, drink, not drink..etc. etc. One of the only non-triggering events for me is sleeping - absolutely ridiculous.

I stopped using for about 1 year, 20 years ago. That break ended with a night of drinking, being stressed, and being offered a dip followed by the thought of "why not have 1 dip, what could that hurt?". Well of course that led to full blown use almost immediately. Still cant understand how and why it is so powerful over me. One lesson learned from that experience is that I am powerless once it is back in my blood stream. This is valuable information to have, but it cost me another 20 years of being a slave to the shit.

As I have been sick of this habit for many years I am happy to have found this group and have been learning a lot on these pages. I have "quit" on my own before but that did not last, and I feel as if I had some kind of accountability element back then in my plan I may have remained quit. One of the things I have been reading about on here that has been especially helpful for me early on is being prepared. The cravings will come and being prepared to deal with them (by reaching out, keeping my word, staying connected, having substitutes, and avoiding certain situations when possible) is my best defense. I realize that this is easier to prepare for early on in my quit as I have been spending close to every waking hour thinking about not dipping. I know I need to stay more vigilant on being prepared with each passing day of my quit.

As of this day 9 I have been having plenty of ups and downs and dealing with all kinds of unfamiliar, unwanted, feelings and reactions, but the downs are starting to slowly decrease. I am very proud that I have been nic free for 9 days. I am so grateful to be part of this group and amazed by the dedication of all the other quitters on here. I am willing to help myself and anyone else stay quit. Thanks.

yes you're right Mike2017a, what you said about all the triggers and the only non trigger being sleeping is absolutely ridiculous. No, arguing that. Problem is that most people on here (I know I'm one of them) can relate to that to a T. I wasn't a very good ninja....wife caught me frequently....but I didn't dip around her. But if she was gone for whatever reason....I would have a dip from dawn until midnight other than eating and, again, yes it's ridiculous. down right sickening to be honest. But hey, you're here, I'm here so we are changing our futures. Sure I wish I could have done so much sooner....heck I wish I'd never put that crap in my mouth but we can't cry over spilled milk and its better late than never for sure. You've made a good decision and I'm glad you're here. Post your promise first thing every day and keep your promise. That's all that it takes. You have a lot of resources here...take advantage/make use of them. They could save your quit (and therefore your life) one day.

[RDB]

Welcome. The formula is really simple - post your promise, keep your promise.

Of course, it's hard as hell, too.

Swap digits with some of your brothers in quit, get as active in your group as your schedule allows, reach out when your need help.

Proud to quit with you.

[mike2017a]

Hi All, i am on my Day 9 and I wanted to introduce myself. Been dipping Kodiak for 31 years, worked my way up from a dip a day to about 10 cans a week. For the last few years I spent most waking hours with a dip in. After all these years I have turned almost everything I do into a trigger to dip...eat, drive, work, relax, stress, watch tv, drink, not drink..etc. etc. One of the only non-triggering events for me is sleeping - absolutely ridiculous.

I stopped using for about 1 year, 20 years ago. That break ended with a night of drinking, being stressed, and being offered a dip followed by the thought of "why not have 1 dip, what could that hurt?". Well of course that led to full blown use almost immediately. Still cant understand how and why it is so powerful over me. One lesson learned from that experience is that I am powerless once it is back in my blood stream. This is valuable information to have, but it cost me another 20 years of being a slave to the shit.

As I have been sick of this habit for many years I am happy to have found this group and have been learning a lot on these pages. I have "quit" on my own before but that did not last, and I feel as if I had some kind of accountability element back then in my plan I may have remained quit. One of the things I have been reading about on here that has been especially helpful for me early on is being prepared. The cravings will come and being prepared to deal with them (by reaching out, keeping my word, staying connected, having substitutes, and avoiding certain situations when possible) is my best defense. I realize that this is easier to prepare for early on in my quit as I have been spending close to every waking hour thinking about not dipping. I know I need to stay more vigilant on being prepared with each passing day of my quit.

As of this day 9 I have been having plenty of ups and downs and dealing with all kinds of unfamiliar, unwanted, feelings and reactions, but the downs are starting to slowly decrease. I am very proud that I have been nic free for 9 days. I am so grateful to be part of this group and amazed by the dedication of all the other quitters on here. I am willing to help myself and anyone else stay quit. Thanks.

[mike2017a]

I wanted to link my old intro here for my reference and anyone who would like to read