.....that put dip into my mouth that first time when I was 16???? Oh, that's right, I see him in the mirror every day.
New to the forum...at least new to signing up. After today I'll be 66 days into my quit. I found this site looking for what to expect when quitting, and I swear I must have read that post over 100 times. Although it's a generalization and the quit/effects are different for everyone, it helps just to have somewhat of a grasp on what might be coming next.
Like everyone else, I was certain that no one was going through what I was/am, and I was pretty much going to die at some point in the near future. I thought I was the only one that changed their entire life for many years just to chew. I was certain no one else neglected their family because of some toxic mulch that I put in my mouth.
The longest I had stopped before this quit was a month, and I fell to the, "I can drink and not want to chew!" I tried to rationalize, and I came to realize it was just that.....rational lies. I find it so amazing the person that lies to us the most is ourselves. To hell with consequences, I'm going to do what I want....even if it kills me. Of course we don't tell ourselves that, but that's how I've acted.
Although not entirely to blame, chewing did contribute to my divorce 5 years ago. After that, the one thing I leaned into more than anything was chew. It helped to calm me down. Who cares if I had sores in my mouth and chewed anyways, hoping nothing bad happened. Who cares if my blood pressure was going up and up. Who cares if I was getting dizzy while I chewed...and not the normal kind of dizzy. Not once did it ever occur to me to stop. The thought never once crossed my mind. This time around, I quit for myself. There are times it's a struggle and there are times I think something bad still may happen. And if I'm being completely honest, I deserve for something bad to happen. Of course I don't want it to, but no one made me chew. If something bad does happen, I will accept it like a man and fight like hell to get through it.
I'm thankful for all of the members that have come and gone and left their wisdom for us newbies to read. Obviously there are a lot that are still around and it's great to hear what life free of chew can actually be like. I'm glad I came across a site solely dedicated to kicking the sh*t out of the can!
Thanks for the help!
DesertDweller