Here Again

[Dieselchick87]

Yippee tomorrow is going to be 30 days!!!!!!!! I was going to wait to post again till then but
I will be on my phone all weekend and its just easier to type on a full sized keyboard

the last couple of days I have been really struggling with anxiety that hit me out of no where and last night while
I was filliping out on my husband simply for not calling when he was done with his appointment (I am a huge worry wart when
it comes to medical shit ) I was flipping out and pacing back and forth my husband grabbed my shoulders and looked me dead in the
eyes and said "you are not going to find what your brain is looking for its at the store" that took all the wind out of my sails

As I come up on 30 days I realize that while I may not be actively recognizing the cravings they are still there on a deep seated almost molecular level. the battle has changed from a physical one to a subconscious one and it is a battle of wills.
I by no means have this under control like people around me think they ask how long have I been off dip I tell them my count and they respond with you so you are past the cravings you are home free....... I look at them thinking you are a special kind of stupid aren't you??
then I realize that their outlook is because they themselves are still under the Nic Bitches spell oh its no big deal (its just one dip/smoke or its only a social thing) LIES I tell you its all LIES there is no such thing as social dipping I can see this now. there is no such thing as just 1 are the people that think this really that stupid.

I doubt that anyone that is thinking about quitting will read this far into my ramblings but know this if you do

*your first week will be hell then the next two weeks you will question everything you knew to be true about yourself week 4 it will start to make sense only to get tossed around again. this journey isn't for the weak but know that contrary to what that nic bitch says you dont NEED her poison and you CANT just have one. this is an Addiction and until you realize that you have no control BUT once you realize the true nature of the hole you have dug for yourself you have the power to take your life back and say NO to the filthy dirty bitch and crawl hand over hand out of that hole. It is a CHOICE only you can make!

Thanks for posting this, Diesel. I hope you know that it helps me and others when you post. It lets us know what is coming down the road. What to expect. That regardless of how I feel at this moment, the fight will linger on.

It is a battle of wills. Your will is stronger and the great thing about it is, it's not just your will. It's our collective wills working together. That Nic Bitch as you call it has a super strong will when it is one-on-one. We are a team and we will prevail.

Viking

29 days is absolutely huge, and DC all this stuff you're going through will get better. Once that body fully resets to a non-chemically stimulated state of dependency, much of the side effects of quitting subside. Keep in mind, nicotine is an anxiolytic, and you've been self medicating any anxiety for the past X years. Now, you no longer have said drug and you're also learning to deal with anxiety minus the chemical. No easy task by any means. But you're right, you can never have just one. Like the alcoholic who can never have 1 drink, the same holds true for the nicotine addict.

Excited to see you on roll and chalk up the official 1 month mark, ...my money is on you being there, so here's a pre-congratulatory high five.

I like this quit, she gets it this time.

then I realize that their outlook is because they themselves are still under the Nic Bitches spell

I get you on this one. I've got a buddy who told me flat out, "Quitting wasn't that hard, don't know why you're so gung-ho on the whole posting roll thing". When I asked him if he would EVER chew again, he said, "I don't know ... if I was diagnosed terminal I would run to the nearest gas station I suppose". That right there is why it was easy in his mind's eye ... because he knew eventually, he was going back. You? You've flipped the proper switch. Keep killing it, moving forwards at the pace you need to go. NEVER backwards, always forwards. You're doing great!

Thank you for the vote of confidence I am gonna rock my Quit till the end of time

[Smeds]

Yippee tomorrow is going to be 30 days!!!!!!!! I was going to wait to post again till then but
I will be on my phone all weekend and its just easier to type on a full sized keyboard

the last couple of days I have been really struggling with anxiety that hit me out of no where and last night while
I was filliping out on my husband simply for not calling when he was done with his appointment (I am a huge worry wart when
it comes to medical shit ) I was flipping out and pacing back and forth my husband grabbed my shoulders and looked me dead in the
eyes and said "you are not going to find what your brain is looking for its at the store" that took all the wind out of my sails

As I come up on 30 days I realize that while I may not be actively recognizing the cravings they are still there on a deep seated almost molecular level. the battle has changed from a physical one to a subconscious one and it is a battle of wills.
I by no means have this under control like people around me think they ask how long have I been off dip I tell them my count and they respond with you so you are past the cravings you are home free....... I look at them thinking you are a special kind of stupid aren't you??
then I realize that their outlook is because they themselves are still under the Nic Bitches spell oh its no big deal (its just one dip/smoke or its only a social thing) LIES I tell you its all LIES there is no such thing as social dipping I can see this now. there is no such thing as just 1 are the people that think this really that stupid.

I doubt that anyone that is thinking about quitting will read this far into my ramblings but know this if you do

*your first week will be hell then the next two weeks you will question everything you knew to be true about yourself week 4 it will start to make sense only to get tossed around again. this journey isn't for the weak but know that contrary to what that nic bitch says you dont NEED her poison and you CANT just have one. this is an Addiction and until you realize that you have no control BUT once you realize the true nature of the hole you have dug for yourself you have the power to take your life back and say NO to the filthy dirty bitch and crawl hand over hand out of that hole. It is a CHOICE only you can make!

Thanks for posting this, Diesel. I hope you know that it helps me and others when you post. It lets us know what is coming down the road. What to expect. That regardless of how I feel at this moment, the fight will linger on.

It is a battle of wills. Your will is stronger and the great thing about it is, it's not just your will. It's our collective wills working together. That Nic Bitch as you call it has a super strong will when it is one-on-one. We are a team and we will prevail.

Viking

29 days is absolutely huge, and DC all this stuff you're going through will get better. Once that body fully resets to a non-chemically stimulated state of dependency, much of the side effects of quitting subside. Keep in mind, nicotine is an anxiolytic, and you've been self medicating any anxiety for the past X years. Now, you no longer have said drug and you're also learning to deal with anxiety minus the chemical. No easy task by any means. But you're right, you can never have just one. Like the alcoholic who can never have 1 drink, the same holds true for the nicotine addict.

Excited to see you on roll and chalk up the official 1 month mark, ...my money is on you being there, so here's a pre-congratulatory high five.

I like this quit, she gets it this time.

then I realize that their outlook is because they themselves are still under the Nic Bitches spell

I get you on this one. I've got a buddy who told me flat out, "Quitting wasn't that hard, don't know why you're so gung-ho on the whole posting roll thing". When I asked him if he would EVER chew again, he said, "I don't know ... if I was diagnosed terminal I would run to the nearest gas station I suppose". That right there is why it was easy in his mind's eye ... because he knew eventually, he was going back. You? You've flipped the proper switch. Keep killing it, moving forwards at the pace you need to go. NEVER backwards, always forwards. You're doing great!

[pab1964]

Congrats on 30 days to one bad ass quitter!

nice month DC!!
Keep doing what you're doing!

30 days is huge. Keep stringing days together, it gets SO much better. This is the price to obtain your freedom, but it's a pittance for how good you will feel in the not too distant future.

You're doing great work DC, keep it up!

One month of freedom with many more to come ODAAT! Keep throat punching the bitch!

[KingNothing]

Congrats on 30 days to one bad ass quitter!

nice month DC!!
Keep doing what you're doing!

30 days is huge. Keep stringing days together, it gets SO much better. This is the price to obtain your freedom, but it's a pittance for how good you will feel in the not too distant future.

You're doing great work DC, keep it up!

[ChickDip]

Congrats on 30 days to one bad ass quitter!

nice month DC!!
Keep doing what you're doing!

[Stillamarine]

Congrats on 30 days to one bad ass quitter!

[Steakbomb18]

Yippee tomorrow is going to be 30 days!!!!!!!! I was going to wait to post again till then but
I will be on my phone all weekend and its just easier to type on a full sized keyboard

the last couple of days I have been really struggling with anxiety that hit me out of no where and last night while
I was filliping out on my husband simply for not calling when he was done with his appointment (I am a huge worry wart when
it comes to medical shit ) I was flipping out and pacing back and forth my husband grabbed my shoulders and looked me dead in the
eyes and said "you are not going to find what your brain is looking for its at the store" that took all the wind out of my sails

As I come up on 30 days I realize that while I may not be actively recognizing the cravings they are still there on a deep seated almost molecular level. the battle has changed from a physical one to a subconscious one and it is a battle of wills.
I by no means have this under control like people around me think they ask how long have I been off dip I tell them my count and they respond with you so you are past the cravings you are home free....... I look at them thinking you are a special kind of stupid aren't you??
then I realize that their outlook is because they themselves are still under the Nic Bitches spell oh its no big deal (its just one dip/smoke or its only a social thing) LIES I tell you its all LIES there is no such thing as social dipping I can see this now. there is no such thing as just 1 are the people that think this really that stupid.

I doubt that anyone that is thinking about quitting will read this far into my ramblings but know this if you do

*your first week will be hell then the next two weeks you will question everything you knew to be true about yourself week 4 it will start to make sense only to get tossed around again. this journey isn't for the weak but know that contrary to what that nic bitch says you dont NEED her poison and you CANT just have one. this is an Addiction and until you realize that you have no control BUT once you realize the true nature of the hole you have dug for yourself you have the power to take your life back and say NO to the filthy dirty bitch and crawl hand over hand out of that hole. It is a CHOICE only you can make!

Thanks for posting this, Diesel. I hope you know that it helps me and others when you post. It lets us know what is coming down the road. What to expect. That regardless of how I feel at this moment, the fight will linger on.

It is a battle of wills. Your will is stronger and the great thing about it is, it's not just your will. It's our collective wills working together. That Nic Bitch as you call it has a super strong will when it is one-on-one. We are a team and we will prevail.

Viking

29 days is absolutely huge, and DC all this stuff you're going through will get better. Once that body fully resets to a non-chemically stimulated state of dependency, much of the side effects of quitting subside. Keep in mind, nicotine is an anxiolytic, and you've been self medicating any anxiety for the past X years. Now, you no longer have said drug and you're also learning to deal with anxiety minus the chemical. No easy task by any means. But you're right, you can never have just one. Like the alcoholic who can never have 1 drink, the same holds true for the nicotine addict.

Excited to see you on roll and chalk up the official 1 month mark, ...my money is on you being there, so here's a pre-congratulatory high five.

[Viking]

Yippee tomorrow is going to be 30 days!!!!!!!! I was going to wait to post again till then but
I will be on my phone all weekend and its just easier to type on a full sized keyboard

the last couple of days I have been really struggling with anxiety that hit me out of no where and last night while
I was filliping out on my husband simply for not calling when he was done with his appointment (I am a huge worry wart when
it comes to medical shit ) I was flipping out and pacing back and forth my husband grabbed my shoulders and looked me dead in the
eyes and said "you are not going to find what your brain is looking for its at the store" that took all the wind out of my sails

As I come up on 30 days I realize that while I may not be actively recognizing the cravings they are still there on a deep seated almost molecular level. the battle has changed from a physical one to a subconscious one and it is a battle of wills.
I by no means have this under control like people around me think they ask how long have I been off dip I tell them my count and they respond with you so you are past the cravings you are home free....... I look at them thinking you are a special kind of stupid aren't you??
then I realize that their outlook is because they themselves are still under the Nic Bitches spell oh its no big deal (its just one dip/smoke or its only a social thing) LIES I tell you its all LIES there is no such thing as social dipping I can see this now. there is no such thing as just 1 are the people that think this really that stupid.

I doubt that anyone that is thinking about quitting will read this far into my ramblings but know this if you do

*your first week will be hell then the next two weeks you will question everything you knew to be true about yourself week 4 it will start to make sense only to get tossed around again. this journey isn't for the weak but know that contrary to what that nic bitch says you dont NEED her poison and you CANT just have one. this is an Addiction and until you realize that you have no control BUT once you realize the true nature of the hole you have dug for yourself you have the power to take your life back and say NO to the filthy dirty bitch and crawl hand over hand out of that hole. It is a CHOICE only you can make!

Thanks for posting this, Diesel. I hope you know that it helps me and others when you post. It lets us know what is coming down the road. What to expect. That regardless of how I feel at this moment, the fight will linger on.

It is a battle of wills. Your will is stronger and the great thing about it is, it's not just your will. It's our collective wills working together. That Nic Bitch as you call it has a super strong will when it is one-on-one. We are a team and we will prevail.

Viking

[Dieselchick87]

Yippee tomorrow is going to be 30 days!!!!!!!! I was going to wait to post again till then but
I will be on my phone all weekend and its just easier to type on a full sized keyboard

the last couple of days I have been really struggling with anxiety that hit me out of no where and last night while
I was filliping out on my husband simply for not calling when he was done with his appointment (I am a huge worry wart when
it comes to medical shit ) I was flipping out and pacing back and forth my husband grabbed my shoulders and looked me dead in the
eyes and said "you are not going to find what your brain is looking for its at the store" that took all the wind out of my sails

As I come up on 30 days I realize that while I may not be actively recognizing the cravings they are still there on a deep seated almost molecular level. the battle has changed from a physical one to a subconscious one and it is a battle of wills.
I by no means have this under control like people around me think they ask how long have I been off dip I tell them my count and they respond with you so you are past the cravings you are home free....... I look at them thinking you are a special kind of stupid aren't you??
then I realize that their outlook is because they themselves are still under the Nic Bitches spell oh its no big deal (its just one dip/smoke or its only a social thing) LIES I tell you its all LIES there is no such thing as social dipping I can see this now. there is no such thing as just 1 are the people that think this really that stupid.

I doubt that anyone that is thinking about quitting will read this far into my ramblings but know this if you do

*your first week will be hell then the next two weeks you will question everything you knew to be true about yourself week 4 it will start to make sense only to get tossed around again. this journey isn't for the weak but know that contrary to what that nic bitch says you dont NEED her poison and you CANT just have one. this is an Addiction and until you realize that you have no control BUT once you realize the true nature of the hole you have dug for yourself you have the power to take your life back and say NO to the filthy dirty bitch and crawl hand over hand out of that hole. It is a CHOICE only you can make!

[Dieselchick87]

**** Boys Beware Menstrual Post***

last night was hell on wheels between the Nic bitch hormone fluctuation and my body trying to rip me apart from the inside out I was an emotional wreck last night and I literally could have been to a can of chew in about 5 minutes but instead I sat on my back porch and for the
first time in lord knows how long I sat there and processed my emotions I was a major bitch to my husband (for which I need to apologize today) I was a bitch to myself and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to create a new normal for dealing with this menstrual craziness this is literally the first menstrual cycle that I have had without nicotine and this shit SUCKS ( I will not cave over it do not worry) when your body is conspiring against you it makes your head play tricks on you. it compounds emotions on top of emotions inside of emotions wrapped around emotions fried in emotions topped with emotional sauce. I wonder if that is why I got hooked on the Nic Bitch to mellow out my emotions?? don't get me wrong my cycles have been bad in the past this though was way woooorrrssseee then anything I have experienced up to this point I hope to Hope that this is not a new normal.

Absolutely nothing is the new normal for you right now, so don't sweat it.

I remember being EXACTLY where you are now in quit days and worrying if how I was feeling then was to be my new normal. Exactly the same fear. Guess what - it wasn't. Healing from this addiction is a long process. But how you feel on day 27 or so is most certainly NOT your new normal! I'm on day 104 today and still healing - and I now know that how I feel now is not my new normal either.

If you read about what nicotine does to the body, it really is kind of frightening. It wrestles from your brain control of a lot of vital command centers. It takes time for the brain to rewire and take back the wheel. It is still learning what it was designed to do - it just jacks roll a lot in the early going. 'winker'

In the meantime, READ this.

I did not realize that the cravings were related to my hormone levels that is crazy uggg thanks for the encouragement guess I will have to accept my brain where it is and give it time to heal (hurry hurry hurry damnit )

So when my wife is being a biatch when grandmas visiting, all i have to do is slip her some dip? Well hell yes, I will start putting it in her coffee ?! Your mind and body will go through many more changes but nothing you can't handle. And you're absolutely correct we all have to figure out how to handle all types of situations, circumstances,etc. I'm still having trouble with some simple little things, like stupid ass people texting when driving and damn near running over me! Quit on! You're doing great!

Thats cruelty to yourself imagine now plus nic bitch cravings???
'Popcorn' you have fun with that my advice step away from the coffee!!!


But in all seriousness thank you for the encouragement I know I have lots of changing and growing to do

[FLLipOut]

**** Boys Beware Menstrual Post***

last night was hell on wheels between the Nic bitch hormone fluctuation and my body trying to rip me apart from the inside out I was an emotional wreck last night and I literally could have been to a can of chew in about 5 minutes but instead I sat on my back porch and for the
first time in lord knows how long I sat there and processed my emotions I was a major bitch to my husband (for which I need to apologize today) I was a bitch to myself and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to create a new normal for dealing with this menstrual craziness this is literally the first menstrual cycle that I have had without nicotine and this shit SUCKS ( I will not cave over it do not worry) when your body is conspiring against you it makes your head play tricks on you. it compounds emotions on top of emotions inside of emotions wrapped around emotions fried in emotions topped with emotional sauce. I wonder if that is why I got hooked on the Nic Bitch to mellow out my emotions?? don't get me wrong my cycles have been bad in the past this though was way woooorrrssseee then anything I have experienced up to this point I hope to Hope that this is not a new normal.

Absolutely nothing is the new normal for you right now, so don't sweat it.

I remember being EXACTLY where you are now in quit days and worrying if how I was feeling then was to be my new normal. Exactly the same fear. Guess what - it wasn't. Healing from this addiction is a long process. But how you feel on day 27 or so is most certainly NOT your new normal! I'm on day 104 today and still healing - and I now know that how I feel now is not my new normal either.

If you read about what nicotine does to the body, it really is kind of frightening. It wrestles from your brain control of a lot of vital command centers. It takes time for the brain to rewire and take back the wheel. It is still learning what it was designed to do - it just jacks roll a lot in the early going. 'winker'

In the meantime, READ this.

I did not realize that the cravings were related to my hormone levels that is crazy uggg thanks for the encouragement guess I will have to accept my brain where it is and give it time to heal (hurry hurry hurry damnit )

Yes. And it sucks a bit. Okay, a LOT. But it is so clear you are going to take back your life, piece by piece, in no time.

Patience, grasshopper. 'Cheers'

[pab1964]

**** Boys Beware Menstrual Post***

last night was hell on wheels between the Nic bitch hormone fluctuation and my body trying to rip me apart from the inside out I was an emotional wreck last night and I literally could have been to a can of chew in about 5 minutes but instead I sat on my back porch and for the
first time in lord knows how long I sat there and processed my emotions I was a major bitch to my husband (for which I need to apologize today) I was a bitch to myself and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to create a new normal for dealing with this menstrual craziness this is literally the first menstrual cycle that I have had without nicotine and this shit SUCKS ( I will not cave over it do not worry) when your body is conspiring against you it makes your head play tricks on you. it compounds emotions on top of emotions inside of emotions wrapped around emotions fried in emotions topped with emotional sauce. I wonder if that is why I got hooked on the Nic Bitch to mellow out my emotions?? don't get me wrong my cycles have been bad in the past this though was way woooorrrssseee then anything I have experienced up to this point I hope to Hope that this is not a new normal.

Absolutely nothing is the new normal for you right now, so don't sweat it.

I remember being EXACTLY where you are now in quit days and worrying if how I was feeling then was to be my new normal. Exactly the same fear. Guess what - it wasn't. Healing from this addiction is a long process. But how you feel on day 27 or so is most certainly NOT your new normal! I'm on day 104 today and still healing - and I now know that how I feel now is not my new normal either.

If you read about what nicotine does to the body, it really is kind of frightening. It wrestles from your brain control of a lot of vital command centers. It takes time for the brain to rewire and take back the wheel. It is still learning what it was designed to do - it just jacks roll a lot in the early going. 'winker'

In the meantime, READ this.

I did not realize that the cravings were related to my hormone levels that is crazy uggg thanks for the encouragement guess I will have to accept my brain where it is and give it time to heal (hurry hurry hurry damnit )

So when my wife is being a biatch when grandmas visiting, all i have to do is slip her some dip? Well hell yes, I will start putting it in her coffee ?! Your mind and body will go through many more changes but nothing you can't handle. And you're absolutely correct we all have to figure out how to handle all types of situations, circumstances,etc. I'm still having trouble with some simple little things, like stupid ass people texting when driving and damn near running over me! Quit on! You're doing great!

[Dieselchick87]

**** Boys Beware Menstrual Post***

last night was hell on wheels between the Nic bitch hormone fluctuation and my body trying to rip me apart from the inside out I was an emotional wreck last night and I literally could have been to a can of chew in about 5 minutes but instead I sat on my back porch and for the
first time in lord knows how long I sat there and processed my emotions I was a major bitch to my husband (for which I need to apologize today) I was a bitch to myself and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to create a new normal for dealing with this menstrual craziness this is literally the first menstrual cycle that I have had without nicotine and this shit SUCKS ( I will not cave over it do not worry) when your body is conspiring against you it makes your head play tricks on you. it compounds emotions on top of emotions inside of emotions wrapped around emotions fried in emotions topped with emotional sauce. I wonder if that is why I got hooked on the Nic Bitch to mellow out my emotions?? don't get me wrong my cycles have been bad in the past this though was way woooorrrssseee then anything I have experienced up to this point I hope to Hope that this is not a new normal.

Absolutely nothing is the new normal for you right now, so don't sweat it.

I remember being EXACTLY where you are now in quit days and worrying if how I was feeling then was to be my new normal. Exactly the same fear. Guess what - it wasn't. Healing from this addiction is a long process. But how you feel on day 27 or so is most certainly NOT your new normal! I'm on day 104 today and still healing - and I now know that how I feel now is not my new normal either.

If you read about what nicotine does to the body, it really is kind of frightening. It wrestles from your brain control of a lot of vital command centers. It takes time for the brain to rewire and take back the wheel. It is still learning what it was designed to do - it just jacks roll a lot in the early going. 'winker'

In the meantime, READ this.

I did not realize that the cravings were related to my hormone levels that is crazy uggg thanks for the encouragement guess I will have to accept my brain where it is and give it time to heal (hurry hurry hurry damnit )

[FLLipOut]

**** Boys Beware Menstrual Post***

last night was hell on wheels between the Nic bitch hormone fluctuation and my body trying to rip me apart from the inside out I was an emotional wreck last night and I literally could have been to a can of chew in about 5 minutes but instead I sat on my back porch and for the
first time in lord knows how long I sat there and processed my emotions I was a major bitch to my husband (for which I need to apologize today) I was a bitch to myself and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to create a new normal for dealing with this menstrual craziness this is literally the first menstrual cycle that I have had without nicotine and this shit SUCKS ( I will not cave over it do not worry) when your body is conspiring against you it makes your head play tricks on you. it compounds emotions on top of emotions inside of emotions wrapped around emotions fried in emotions topped with emotional sauce. I wonder if that is why I got hooked on the Nic Bitch to mellow out my emotions?? don't get me wrong my cycles have been bad in the past this though was way woooorrrssseee then anything I have experienced up to this point I hope to Hope that this is not a new normal.

Absolutely nothing is the new normal for you right now, so don't sweat it.

I remember being EXACTLY where you are now in quit days and worrying if how I was feeling then was to be my new normal. Exactly the same fear. Guess what - it wasn't. Healing from this addiction is a long process. But how you feel on day 27 or so is most certainly NOT your new normal! I'm on day 104 today and still healing - and I now know that how I feel now is not my new normal either.

If you read about what nicotine does to the body, it really is kind of frightening. It wrestles from your brain control of a lot of vital command centers. It takes time for the brain to rewire and take back the wheel. It is still learning what it was designed to do - it just jacks roll a lot in the early going. 'winker'

In the meantime, READ this.

[Dieselchick87]

After a rough start to my week things are evening out and settling down I am really excited that I am learning to be a responsible adult. Last night I was able to take a breath and listen to my husband when he said that infamous line "we need to talk" that normally would have had me huffing and puffing "not before I have a dip we dont" would have been my reply setting up the whole conversation to be a fight and it would have been a fight over laundry not last night the knock down drag out fight avoided and a great night was spent enjoying my husbands company!