I had intentions of updating this as I've gone along and forgot until now...Commence Rambling
Today is Day 31, this marks the first full month of my life since the high school without nicotine. How fucked up is that?
Regardless, I can't help but feel proud/happy/accomplished.
This month has been weird - The fog is much worse when you literally did everything but sleep with a dip in.
I am thankful it is getting clearer day by day. The fog in itself is enough reason for me to never have to go through this again.
I loathe the day I don't remember my mental state being affected by nicotine.
I had a different variation of dip dream this week. I dreamed that I hadn't ever quit, that I hadn't skipped a day, that I only took it out when I posted roll.
The worst part - the "me" in the dream didn't even see a problem with it. That shit freaked me out, I woke up screaming "stupid" at my wife... that was a fun conversation.. 'Crazy'
I took a road trip to see my dad the other day who is a lifelong dipper and smoker.
Although I take responsibility for my poor choices, this is probably the main reason I had the first dip - and why I never want my children to see me the same way.
This was the first time I'd seen him since my quit and seeing him brought two thoughts that are very different -
1. Cravings as bad as I'd had since quitting, my jaw literally tingled smelling his can opening.
2. Incredible motivation as we discussed his recent health/dental issues. It was a vivid look at my future if I don't stay quit, and was eye-opening in a way I've never allowed myself to see.
I'm very thankful for this site. It has been the glue that has held my shit together.
It is a great distraction when I can't focus on anything anyhow and seeing other people going/having gone though the same stuff is a big encouragement.
Socks - Day 31, I'm going to quit today with the same intensity as day 1
P.S. One day I will have to explain myself to the C Store clerk for throwing him one of these while pumping gas 'FU'