This site is amazing. Not the just the site, but all of the dedicated people on it. I no longer feel alone. I'm 44 years old now, but back when I was 15, my buddy handed me a little round tin of some stuff I had never seen or heard of before. For about six months I loved getting a little buzz from that Cope. We would see how giant a dip we could squeeze in our mouths. The buzz and dip didn't last. I started smoking and quit the dip. I smoked for about 7 years before going completely clean for a few years. Then, the dip re-appeared. For the last 16 or so years, my addiction has grown to more than a can and a half a day. There were a few brief stoppages in there, usually prompted by some cancer scare. You know, the sore throat or the strange sore in your mouth that makes you stop for a few days. Usually all it took to get me back in the can was a few drinks. I usually only dipped at work or with a few drinks on the weekend, but then I would find ways to do it on days off. Gotta go to Home Depot. Gotta take the kids to sports and hide out. What a douche. I can't tell you what is different this time, but it is. I'm out of the fog and can say that I am never, ever touching tobacco or anything containing nicotine again. I should be proud of myself. I have 62 days in and have even quit my 2 bags of salty sunflower seed per day habit I developed. However, I am consumed by thoughts of early death. Thoughts of not seeing my kids grow up. Thoughts of cancer. I don't know if this anxiety will lift or is it just something I will be haunted by due to a life of stupid decisions. Either way, glad I found you guys...Dan
