Time to dust this intro off again, and celebrate 3,000 days of winning!
Yep, 3,000! Honestly, I can't believe it. I can't believe it, because for over 20 years I tried damn near every day to quit. I threw out literally thousands of partially full cans of Kodiak Wintergreen. And the next day I shamefully would return to the closed possible gas station in a near panic to get my fix on my way to work. I hid shamefully from my family, from my friends... I made every excuse in the book for the endless showers that weren't about getting clean, or the long escapes during the weekend in the car where I'd drive around alone or park in some parking lot like I was scoring crack. And then.... I went to see my doctor. And he told me that I was too fat, with too many results in the "off the charts" category in all the wrong way, and here are a bunch of prescriptions that you need to start on NOW, but also, you might want to brush up on your life insurance.
Well, I was around 40 at the time. And my dad, a physically fit small dude that liked his pipe tobacco way too well, well he died at 52 all of the sudden, and it hit me that I had to quit. Had to! So, I did. And on Day 16 I woke up in a very dark place, the darkest of my life. I was shaking, crying like a baby uncontrollably, and just lost and completely hopeless. And I got on the internet and found this place. I was schooled QUICKLY that this wasn't a habit, it is an addiction. That I will post every day or I'll fail. That I'm not alone. That other people had done every single thing I had done and felt every single feeling I had. And that quitting is possible, but you gotta do it right. And, I listened.
3,000 days later, I am so quit that it is ridiculous. And it is sooooooooooooo easy now. Everyone said, this will get easy. Well, it did. Not in 50 days, or 100. By a year, it wasn't hard, but there were still days. I still remember cravings in the 500s, but day by day, it got easier. I made friends along the way, and I mean good friends. I was best man in a wedding of a quitter in Calgary that I talk to every day.... and now I'm spending a lot of time talking him through his divorce. I text about 20 guys a day, and literally I feel about most of them like they are my own brothers. And of course, Todd... who died way too soon, but left behind a great wife and son that my wife and I talk to almost daily, and we see in person at least once a year, even in these times of Covid.
I'm a much better person than I was 3,000 days ago. I'm honest, I'm direct, and I'm engaged. I'm not trying to escape. My marriage is better, and my wife is happier. My income has multiplied and my responsibilities for my employer have as well. I'm a better son to a mother that demands and deserves a lot of attention. I'm a better friend. And overall, I'm just so much happier than I ever imagined I could be. There was always an underlying anger, tension.... that I think was low level withdrawal always on the cusp of breaking through. Well, that is gone now.
I've gone through some of the roughest points in my life in the past 3,000 days. My wife ending up in ICU from a diabetic crisis. A really kind boss getting fired... I was handed her job.... her suing us and me being smack in the middle of it. My mom having her leg amputated unexpectedly and having to move her to an assisted living facility - and learning how to deal with not only a severe disability as also the constant management of "institutional care" that is necessary. And in just the past couple of weeks, my brother learning of his Stage 4 oral cancer.... the kind that those of use that used tobacco for 20+ years fear.... but someone like him that never touched tobacco in his life. His journey with massive chemotherapy and radiation begins on Monday, and deep down I'm scared, but also feel a sense of guilt that I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway. Why is my brother, the kindest person I know, going through this when I "asked for it" for over 20 years? Life is full of challenges, but together, we push ahead.
Through all of these events, my online family has been by my side. In 3,000 days everyone has their own stories, and I'm so honored to have this support system in place. Because, any of these events would have easily triggered a cave in my past life.... but now, ain't no way I'm letting anyone down.
This is a long post, and for that I apologize. But I find it helpful to look back over time and see where I was, and where I am. I feel like Iron Man this morning when it comes to nicotine. It is a joke, and it won't control me today. I'll post roll. I'll text by brothers. And I'll win again today.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank all of you. For those of you just joining this process..... guys if some fat ass unhealthy crying dude like me can do this, I can promise you that you can as well. Post your promise. Keep your word. Reach out for help. And make connections.
God Bless KTC and the KTC family,
worktowin/3,000
