So this is day 23 of my quit. I tried to do an introduction earlier in my quit but was so unfamiliar to with this site that I posted it wrong and can no longer find it.
My addiction to nicotine started back when I was in college. It started out by bumming smokes from others and having the "I only smoke when I drink" kind of mentality. My addiction morphed into me buying my first pack of cigarettes to being in my twenties and smoking two packs a day. Dip was far from my mind. I would occasionally take a dip but it never took my attention away from cigarettes. Looking back at it now I see this part of my life as dip slowly taking steps into my life w/o me fully realizing it in order.
Fast forward a bit to my late 20's early 30's. Smoking was taking a toll. I felt the destructive symptoms of smoking (difficulty breathing, smelling, etc) and wanted to quit but finding difficulty doing so. I tried patches, weaning method, and Chantix. I failed miserably. One day I just stopped smoking cold turkey and with will power I was successful and no longer smoked. But WTF was I thinking........dip took this opportunity to jump into my life with more force. More and more dips everyday kept my nicotine addiction alive and well. I began smoking again.....now I am hooked on smoking and dip. It wasn't uncommon to find me with a smoke, dip and a nicotine patch on my arm all at the same time. I was totally out of control.
I finally succumbed that I was an addict but had to choose between smoking or chewing. I made the decision to chew. I literally made a conscious decision that chewing was the preferred method of delivery of my nicotine addiction. It was less expensive and didn't have the horrible smoker smell nor affected my breathing.
During my late 30's I had an unsuccessful quit where I was nicotine free (cold turkey style) for approximately 8 months. I thought I was done with nicotine for the rest of my life and thought it would be safe for just one pinch. Boy was I wrong. No fucking lie I took one pinch and the next day I was back to my two tins a day addiction. This was such a depressing point of my life because I just threw 8 months of hard work and hell away with "just one pinch." I felt like such a weak man.....and in many ways I was.
Summer of 2017 and I am now 42. I played around with the thought that I should quit. My wife and I were juggling some bills and it was driving me insane. I would tell her she had to stop spending so much money......and avoiding the fact I spend over $250 a month on chew. I made a decision that I should quit for financial reasons but never did quit. My first step was to make a quit date. LMAO! I am no idiot. After my previous attempted quits I knew that this was a stall tactic that nicotine plays in my brain. I knew I wasn't serious about my quit. As September approached and many "quit dates" passed me by I decided to quit on my birthday on Sept. 13. Guess what......I didn't quit on the 13th and awoke on the 14th disappointed. So I went to Google and stumbled on KTC. I dumped my tin and here I am on Day 23 of my quit.
I admit that this quit started off very weak. In other words I just didn't feel I had it in me. My second day was absolute hell and I powered through it. My fourth day was at a college football game (huge trigger for me) and I powered through it. My sixth day was full of cravings but I powered through it. My 10th day I drank to much alcohol and powered through it......my advice after that day is to never drink alcohol when starting your quit. My confidence is growing and my commitment to this quit has steadily powered up to full blown committed. BUT because I have attempted quits in the past I know that I will be battling this for a long time......but it is already getting easier.
KTC has helped me already and I thank those who have assisted me so far!
