GLORIOUS!!!

[Tonifer]

29 starts with a recommitment. I was beginning to fade. I wasn't longing for a dip. I was just floating, but my raft had a slow leak. I didn't realize it was leaking or that I had started to sink. All I knew is something was most definitely not right. I was going through the motions and had lost sight of what my purpose was. In my numbness, I acted out of habit. I'm use to logging in and posting role. I'm used to clicking through the sight. I continued to do such. An unexpected thing happened. Someone, brand new to this world of quit, actually said my post "helped" them make their final decision. What? I'm falling apart over here. How can I help? It's important to be as honest on this journey as you can. It's important to journal the positives and the negatives. We never know who will read and who will need our story. Even more than that it is important to chronicle your history for your own self. In your weakness or numbness or victories, you can look back at everything you have gone through to bring you where you are today. One of the things that makes today so special and will help you to not take it for granted is to remember where you have been. I know I have stated that you must live in now, that yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't promised. There is a flaw in that method. If you completely forget the past you may not fully comprehend the present. Maybe a better way to view the past would be to forgive the past, but not forget. If not for yesterday, then you wouldn't be the amazing person you are at this moment. You also wouldn't know that it's possible to continue to become even greater. So, looking forward today I proudly say I CHOOSE ME. I continue to be free. I Quit today, because of yesterday. FIGHT ON!

Hey DBrown, I am sure that many here have been helped by your posts, myself included. I have been following you from the start and I said to myself "here's somebody that is going through the same things I am, if he can do it so can I." You express your thoughts and emotions so well. You are an inspiration. Stay addicted to the Quit.

[DBrown]

29 starts with a recommitment. I was beginning to fade. I wasn't longing for a dip. I was just floating, but my raft had a slow leak. I didn't realize it was leaking or that I had started to sink. All I knew is something was most definitely not right. I was going through the motions and had lost sight of what my purpose was. In my numbness, I acted out of habit. I'm use to logging in and posting role. I'm used to clicking through the sight. I continued to do such. An unexpected thing happened. Someone, brand new to this world of quit, actually said my post "helped" them make their final decision. What? I'm falling apart over here. How can I help? It's important to be as honest on this journey as you can. It's important to journal the positives and the negatives. We never know who will read and who will need our story. Even more than that it is important to chronicle your history for your own self. In your weakness or numbness or victories, you can look back at everything you have gone through to bring you where you are today. One of the things that makes today so special and will help you to not take it for granted is to remember where you have been. I know I have stated that you must live in now, that yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't promised. There is a flaw in that method. If you completely forget the past you may not fully comprehend the present. Maybe a better way to view the past would be to forgive the past, but not forget. If not for yesterday, then you wouldn't be the amazing person you are at this moment. You also wouldn't know that it's possible to continue to become even greater. So, looking forward today I proudly say I CHOOSE ME. I continue to be free. I Quit today, because of yesterday. FIGHT ON!

[rdad]

KTC in action. Sweet! Good job men.

[DBrown]

Day 25 - I'm a quarter of the way to the 100 mark. Yet, that's just a stop off along the journey. Find a way to celebrate each day. Become as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I slept for 15 hours. So, if you are worried about the sleepless nights along the way, don't it will come. 700pm-10am. There are still some bumps to smooth out. I still crave on trips in the car. Three hour drive, I consumed 20 pieces of gum. That'll be another 20 back. Work at times when it's slow. I'm security so that's most of the time. Honestly though how sad is it that the majority of the time I want dip now is out of boredom. Nothing to do, how about kill yourself. Worst philosophy ever. Anyway, just needed to place a marker today for myself. I don't know what tomorrow holds, or whether I will be there. What I do know is that today holds opportunity, and now I am here. In this moment I choose me. I quit with all of you today. Find a reason...

This blog entry helped me make my final decision to quit on Oct 27th! Thank you! Keep the quit going! Keep the honesty flowing! I quit with you today!

Thanks! I needed that.

[Bokie]

Day 25 - I'm a quarter of the way to the 100 mark. Yet, that's just a stop off along the journey. Find a way to celebrate each day. Become as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I slept for 15 hours. So, if you are worried about the sleepless nights along the way, don't it will come. 700pm-10am. There are still some bumps to smooth out. I still crave on trips in the car. Three hour drive, I consumed 20 pieces of gum. That'll be another 20 back. Work at times when it's slow. I'm security so that's most of the time. Honestly though how sad is it that the majority of the time I want dip now is out of boredom. Nothing to do, how about kill yourself. Worst philosophy ever. Anyway, just needed to place a marker today for myself. I don't know what tomorrow holds, or whether I will be there. What I do know is that today holds opportunity, and now I am here. In this moment I choose me. I quit with all of you today. Find a reason...

This blog entry helped me make my final decision to quit on Oct 27th! Thank you! Keep the quit going! Keep the honesty flowing! I quit with you today!

[ChristopherJ]

Day 28 and I am numb. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be anywhere. I'm in the middle of a horrible Dr. Suess book.

We all got that feeling at times DBrown. The fog and frustration can seem overwhelming, especially when the nic bitch is still whispering lies and sowing doubt in you. But I promise you that it keeps getting better. Once you make that promise today you will know in your heart exactly where you are and why you are quit.

[DBrown]

Day 28 and I am numb. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be anywhere. I'm in the middle of a horrible Dr. Suess book.

[DBrown]

Day 25 - I'm a quarter of the way to the 100 mark. Yet, that's just a stop off along the journey. Find a way to celebrate each day. Become as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I slept for 15 hours. So, if you are worried about the sleepless nights along the way, don't it will come. 700pm-10am. There are still some bumps to smooth out. I still crave on trips in the car. Three hour drive, I consumed 20 pieces of gum. That'll be another 20 back. Work at times when it's slow. I'm security so that's most of the time. Honestly though how sad is it that the majority of the time I want dip now is out of boredom. Nothing to do, how about kill yourself. Worst philosophy ever. Anyway, just needed to place a marker today for myself. I don't know what tomorrow holds, or whether I will be there. What I do know is that today holds opportunity, and now I am here. In this moment I choose me. I quit with all of you today. Find a reason...

[DBrown]

Day 24 is almost upon us. 23 days of freedom, and I'm still fighting the desire to return to slavery. Amazing how when one is free, they can look back and find comfort in chains. The thing about freedom is it's unknown. Sure the day can be great, but it could also be horrible. At least when I was in bonds, Pharoah Nic was there for me. When life was uncertain there was always comfort in knowing that someone else had control. I just need only place all my trust in him. Nic only has it's best interest at heart. Your money, your life, your all. See, 23 days in I'm sitting here without a dip in my mouth, thinking man it was great to be able to sit back and relax while spitting my cares away. Nic took the stress away. Now here I am in freedom and I have nothing to do. I'm stressing and no one can take that away from me like Nic did. Nic wasn't that bad of a guy was he? HELL YES! NIC IS A BEAST! Everything I was, was placed into empowering him and weakening me. As my money helped to build his empire, it robbed me of my own. Did he care that, that $3.50 could have been used elsewhere? Sure didn't. Sitting at day 24 I will have saved myself $84. Listen, this may sound a bit dramatic to some, but you need to see the ugly truth. NIC is an addiction. Addiction seeks nothing more than to use you up and spit you out. Addiction doesn't care about you. It will use you for everything it can get out of you, and then move on to the next poor soul, which is possibly someone you love that is merely following in your footsteps. Nic never cared for me. Nic never offered me anything. Nic only told me what I wanted to hear. I'm glad someone stepped up and started this community. Someone stepped out and said "Hey Nic, Let my people go!" Now here we are wandering in this desert. We have been through the suck, the fog, etc. After all we've been through and the moments of clarity where we have seen a marvelous new life, we begin to grow uncertain. Maybe slavery wasn't so bad. I mean sure Nic kills people, he takes my money, he ruins my relationships, he is nasty, he is oppressive, but look at all the good things Nic does for us... "I will not let your people go!"... Don't look back, QUIT ON! ONWARD TO THE PROMISED LAND!!!

[ChristopherJ]

Day 20 draws to a close. 21 days!!! Three weeks!!! Almost 1/4 of 100. 1st day of the rest of my life. So, I celebrated me today. Can I just say real quick how much I appreciate this site and the hope it gives. Next, I want to thank those that reach out in time of need. My wife is still dealing with wicked vertigo, so I was up this morning taking her to work and my son to school. She works a good way from home, so I thought I would spend the day celebrating my quit. Can I be completely honest for a minute? This will possibly sound stupid, but it also may help someone. Guess what the first thing to do to celebrate was to cross my mind. A mother f'n dip!!! Can you believe that? Seriously? Sadly, yes. So I'm going to celebrate being "can" free with a can??? OH MY GAWD!!! The grip this shit has is real. Don't ever be fooled into thinking you've won. You never win, but you keep winning. The only way to keep winning is to keep quitting. So, anyway, I spent the day in the woods by the river. I celebrated me by taking in all the things around me. The simple joys of life that are forgotten. The paths my feet trod no longer litter with "the juice". The things I touched no longer with stained fingers. The breaths I took were deeper and tasted sweeter. Sounds of rushing water, birds flapping, squirrels scattering, leaves falling, but no thud of can packing. Sat down on the riverbank with no can to throw off my balance, lol. I wasn't worried about what I would do if I ran out while out here in the middle of nowhere. It had no hold on me. It tried desperately to grab me this morning, but I made a promise. My word is all I have in this world. I could lose my money tomorrow. My house could burn to the ground. My car could be totaled. My wife could leave me and take my son. My health could fail. Anything could happen, but one thing I will always have is my word. I give you my word today and everyday. Quitting is different for all, but the same for all. The Nic demon knows you personally. It knows your strength. It knows your weakness. It doesn't always come boldy. It will sneak in. It will do whatever it takes to get you back. If you are that important to it, you MUST be even more important to yourself. Don't be a slave to it! Choose freedom! Choose life! Choose YOU!!! You are worth more than any lie it feeds. YOU ARE QUIT!!! Ain't it beautiful? KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!!!

Great post DBrown and I love how you celebrated (after stiff-arming the nic bitch). I also noticed that spending time in nature without dip involves new sensations and a calm that lets me notice and appreciate my surroundings. Armed with your promise and integrity you will continue to see and feel new things that were obscured by nicotine and the addiction. Quit on brother!

[DBrown]

Day 20 draws to a close. 21 days!!! Three weeks!!! Almost 1/4 of 100. 1st day of the rest of my life. So, I celebrated me today. Can I just say real quick how much I appreciate this site and the hope it gives. Next, I want to thank those that reach out in time of need. My wife is still dealing with wicked vertigo, so I was up this morning taking her to work and my son to school. She works a good way from home, so I thought I would spend the day celebrating my quit. Can I be completely honest for a minute? This will possibly sound stupid, but it also may help someone. Guess what the first thing to do to celebrate was to cross my mind. A mother f'n dip!!! Can you believe that? Seriously? Sadly, yes. So I'm going to celebrate being "can" free with a can??? OH MY GAWD!!! The grip this shit has is real. Don't ever be fooled into thinking you've won. You never win, but you keep winning. The only way to keep winning is to keep quitting. So, anyway, I spent the day in the woods by the river. I celebrated me by taking in all the things around me. The simple joys of life that are forgotten. The paths my feet trod no longer litter with "the juice". The things I touched no longer with stained fingers. The breaths I took were deeper and tasted sweeter. Sounds of rushing water, birds flapping, squirrels scattering, leaves falling, but no thud of can packing. Sat down on the riverbank with no can to throw off my balance, lol. I wasn't worried about what I would do if I ran out while out here in the middle of nowhere. It had no hold on me. It tried desperately to grab me this morning, but I made a promise. My word is all I have in this world. I could lose my money tomorrow. My house could burn to the ground. My car could be totaled. My wife could leave me and take my son. My health could fail. Anything could happen, but one thing I will always have is my word. I give you my word today and everyday. Quitting is different for all, but the same for all. The Nic demon knows you personally. It knows your strength. It knows your weakness. It doesn't always come boldy. It will sneak in. It will do whatever it takes to get you back. If you are that important to it, you MUST be even more important to yourself. Don't be a slave to it! Choose freedom! Choose life! Choose YOU!!! You are worth more than any lie it feeds. YOU ARE QUIT!!! Ain't it beautiful? KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!!!

[pab1964]

So, day 15 draws to a close and 16 begins. The 16th is my 12th wedding anniversary. I started smoking when I was 16. I changed to dip before getting married. My wife never asked me to change. I made the change believing I was doing her a favor. I understand that this journey is for me. However, I'm excited to know that this will be our first anniversary that I've been free. In the 14 years that she has known me, she has shared me. How many times were romantic moments ruined, because I had a dip in? How many times over the years have I chosen it over her? Well... none of that matters anymore. It no longer owns me. I love the fact that I no longer need to cling to the can. I've had some attitude issues along the journey, but not once have I had to turn away any 'lovin' due to dip. Now, I have even more free time for these lips. I'm sure yall don't want to hear about that. I just have to log this as a reminder of how much better freedom is.

Damn skippy and it just keeps getting better! You will notice much better health, colds, sinuses etc. Only way to screw all this up is to not be a man and stick that catshit in your mouth! Quit on!

[DBrown]

So, day 15 draws to a close and 16 begins. The 16th is my 12th wedding anniversary. I started smoking when I was 16. I changed to dip before getting married. My wife never asked me to change. I made the change believing I was doing her a favor. I understand that this journey is for me. However, I'm excited to know that this will be our first anniversary that I've been free. In the 14 years that she has known me, she has shared me. How many times were romantic moments ruined, because I had a dip in? How many times over the years have I chosen it over her? Well... none of that matters anymore. It no longer owns me. I love the fact that I no longer need to cling to the can. I've had some attitude issues along the journey, but not once have I had to turn away any 'lovin' due to dip. Now, I have even more free time for these lips. I'm sure yall don't want to hear about that. I just have to log this as a reminder of how much better freedom is.

[Stranger999]

I am just starting day 14, and I'm finally starting to figure this thing out somewhat. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I'm anywhere close to having it all figured out. When I decided to quit it was easy. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My desire to quit was louder than my desire to continue. Every time you think you have control and life is easier you tend to let your guard down. Just when you think you are past a certain stage you realize you haven't even begun to fight. Nic is a tricky beast. It preys upon your weakness. It is different for everyone. It will never let go. I'm realizing that, because every win on my journey is met with a crushing blow.

Rocky said it best, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”

Today and everyday is a win. No matter how many times I've been knocked down or how hard I've been hit, I have and will continue to move forward. I am still trying to figure out who it is that I am. I am not who I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be who I am now. In my weakness, I grow stronger. In my strength, I grow weaker. I admit I am weak. I allowed a plant to control me for 20 years. I was literally at it's command. When you have to step away from life to "enjoy the fix", then the fix keeps you from "enjoying life". I gained control back the moment I quit. My pride in myself grew for a week and a half. My strength was growing and I knew I had this. Until finally my strength ran out. I realized I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been in control in 20 years. What do I do when I don't have to run from my problems, but am not sure how to face them? What do I do when I no longer seek to numb the pains, but don't know how to treat them properly? Well, I've had to realize at the core who I am, and who I want to be. I am not satisfied with mere existence. I don't want to permanently stay upon my knees. I don't want to wallow in the pity of self. It was finally time. I pulled myself up. I realized life is life no matter what you use to escape or numb it. If you think that Nic or any other substance for that matter will help, you are sadly mistaken. It only adds to the problems, money spent, time lost, health decline, etc. Quitting doesn't make life any easier, but it sure as hell makes it less complicated. What seemed as life piling on, was merely things already existing. I had been blinded by my escape and numbing. Now that I faced them and felt like I couldn't do it alone, but would not allow Nic to help, I am beginning to realize that's life. I'm sure life isn't done kicking my ass, but guess what I'm not done getting up. I choose life. I choose me. I choose to quit.... and that my friends is how winning is done. Let's beat this shit together, today. Forget yesterday, and leave tomorrow where it is. Today, YOU keep moving forward.

This is great perspective 14 days in. Might belong in the Words of Wisdom section. Thank you - your words have helped someone at 406 days quit realize that they need to get on roll tomorrow. ;)

Keep up the quit DBrown! I quit with you today!

[brettlees]

I am just starting day 14, and I'm finally starting to figure this thing out somewhat. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I'm anywhere close to having it all figured out. When I decided to quit it was easy. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My desire to quit was louder than my desire to continue. Every time you think you have control and life is easier you tend to let your guard down. Just when you think you are past a certain stage you realize you haven't even begun to fight. Nic is a tricky beast. It preys upon your weakness. It is different for everyone. It will never let go. I'm realizing that, because every win on my journey is met with a crushing blow.

Rocky said it best, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”

Today and everyday is a win. No matter how many times I've been knocked down or how hard I've been hit, I have and will continue to move forward. I am still trying to figure out who it is that I am. I am not who I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be who I am now. In my weakness, I grow stronger. In my strength, I grow weaker. I admit I am weak. I allowed a plant to control me for 20 years. I was literally at it's command. When you have to step away from life to "enjoy the fix", then the fix keeps you from "enjoying life". I gained control back the moment I quit. My pride in myself grew for a week and a half. My strength was growing and I knew I had this. Until finally my strength ran out. I realized I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been in control in 20 years. What do I do when I don't have to run from my problems, but am not sure how to face them? What do I do when I no longer seek to numb the pains, but don't know how to treat them properly? Well, I've had to realize at the core who I am, and who I want to be. I am not satisfied with mere existence. I don't want to permanently stay upon my knees. I don't want to wallow in the pity of self. It was finally time. I pulled myself up. I realized life is life no matter what you use to escape or numb it. If you think that Nic or any other substance for that matter will help, you are sadly mistaken. It only adds to the problems, money spent, time lost, health decline, etc. Quitting doesn't make life any easier, but it sure as hell makes it less complicated. What seemed as life piling on, was merely things already existing. I had been blinded by my escape and numbing. Now that I faced them and felt like I couldn't do it alone, but would not allow Nic to help, I am beginning to realize that's life. I'm sure life isn't done kicking my ass, but guess what I'm not done getting up. I choose life. I choose me. I choose to quit.... and that my friends is how winning is done. Let's beat this shit together, today. Forget yesterday, and leave tomorrow where it is. Today, YOU keep moving forward.

Most. Excellent!

Even if nobody knows, or cares, that you quit... you do.

Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and see freedom is beyond words. Freedom will keep defining itself the more days you add up. At almost 1,300.days it means something far different to me than it did at 50, 100, 500, and so on.

Rock on, brother!

AJ knows! and it's so good to read your perspective DBrown. Every win is a WIN though, and even over 1000 days myself I still have chances to celebrate. Yes, there are still pulls, urges, etc. But they are weaker and the FREEDOM gets more amazing all the time. It really does keep changing. Maybe it will stop growing after about 30 years (the time i used) but until then, bring it on, it's worth the discomfort. Plus, you learn all the tools in the first 100 days or so, and build your support, so the quit gets habitual and easier over time.