So I ran across this section of the site the morning after my first weekend. Sorry it took me a bit to get this out, but here goes nothing:
My name is Matthew and I live slightly outside of Birmingham, AL. I have been dipping for 8 years now, but was smoking for the 6 years prior to that. Both of my parents, sister, 2 brothers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all used nicotine, so naturally, when I became the age where first use occurs, it came naturally to me. I picked up and became addicted very quickly at the age of 15. Once in college, I met my now wife who urged me to quit smoking. Well, I had no desire to quit then, so I basically lied to her at every turn. I would smoke when she wasn't around, and when she was gonna be around, I would just throw a dip to get my fix, without having to smell like smoke. Eventually, dipping took over. I could do it pretty much everywhere. I could sit inside during the winter, I could do it at work, in class, her place, my place, wherever. It was easier to hide than cigarettes and I was really starting to like it. Once out of college we were engaged and several times in our relationship from that point forward, she has caught me with dip cans, or seen dip in the car, or smelled it on my breath. It has led to some huge fights, and almost to her walking out on me. Yet, everytime, I would immediately revert right back to the Grizzly as soon as I had a chance. I even had a cancer scare a couple of years ago, to the point where I had a piece of my gum sent for biopsy (luckily came back negative), but one week out I was right back on it. The lies continued for 7 years of our 11 year relationship. Her, constantly thinking I had quit, me constantly using behind her back.
It was time for the lies and deceit to stop. I finally came clean to my wife about all the using I had done, how I was so easily able to overcome smoking, how I never really quit in the first place, how I was able to find hiding spots in all our cars so I was never too far away from a dip, how I was able to purchase dip without it showing up on the bank statements.. She was hurt at first, but was willing to put that all behind her and help me develop a plan of action. It was actually her that turned me onto this site in the first place. So here I am, at the beginning of day 4. Mind in state of fog, head aching, fuse short, but clean. For the first time in 15 years, I'm winning...
