My final quit date was 5/9/2016. I need some advice from the vet's out there.
I have been chewing for about a decade now on and off, but mostly on. I am 30 and started around 20 in college. I started off with Grizzly Wintergreen LongCut. I lied to myself that I would quit when I graduated. Nope. When I got married. Nope. Then lied again when I had my first kid. Nope. Finally came to the realization that I need to quit now as each dip only makes it that much harder to stop and if I don't quit now, I likely never will. I am surrounded in every direction by tobacco users of all sorts both friends and family, which makes this that much harder. I have quit before, for a period of 4 months here and 2 months there or a month over here and another month over there. My wife provided wonderful support when I most recently quit about 18 months ago. However, after this quit, which lasted 4 months, I came back to Grizzly WG pouches. I somehow justified in my mind that this was healthier and never let myself chew more than 1 pouch at a time and chewed about 4-5 pouches per day for 18 months. I never told me wife I was using again and could easily conceal a pouch and thought how awesome and smart I was for using pouches for the convenience and conceal-ability they had and what I perceived as the healthier option. I feel terrible for hiding this from my spouse. Now, I am about 21 days into this quit and it has been a real SOB as I quit cold turkey without the wife knowing since she didn't know I resumed 18 months ago. It's been a real bear being nice when all I want to do is be an asshole. I am over the physical withdrawal for the most part, but episodes do come and go. The physical withdrawal I can deal with. My main battle is the associations I have with chew, this is where I have always failed. Is there a better way to re-wire the brain to forget the chew associations? My associations or triggers when I normally would throw in a chew or pouch are mowing the lawn, hunting, fishing, watching baseball on TV, playing softball, driving, camp fires, smell of firing up the Weber and cleaning the kitchen. I now use tobacco free fake chew such as Jake's or Smokey Mountain. Recently, as I am mowing the yard with each back and forth pass I am constantly thinking of dipping and how awesome it would be to have one in as the pinch of tobacco free snuff isn't quite cutting it. I haven't caved and won't, but the associations are killing me and I know it is a mind game. This mind game makes me feel that I will never enjoy these activities as much as I once did when I did them all with a pinch or pouch. I find myself feeling depressed and slipping back into the fog when I do the activities I have heavily associated chew with. Will this ever go away to appropriate levels or will it always be right there in the forefront of my thoughts when doing these activities?