I'm done quitting. I have dipped since I was a freshman in high school. Dip of choice: dip, as long as it's in a can and you can grab a pinch. Mostly I dipped cope straight. I am a US marine who has decided that it is time to quit. In previous quits, I would last a few months until my next big deployment or field exercise, where, despite having quit for the past 5 months, would allow myself to be convinced that the stress of the situation I was in overpowered or was more important than my quit. My problem was that at the start of these quits, I did not include accountability, foresight and planning, personal integrity, and commitment into the quit.
For example, each time I quit, I stocked up on seeds, gum, and fake chew, and then just toughed out the next 2-8 weeks. I almost appreciated and enjoyed the challenge, and while it was difficult, the quit was fresh on my mind and I wasn't cracking. As time went on, and the physical urges of cessation were less frequent, my grasp slackened. As James Mattis once said, "complacency kills." I became complacent about my quit. After a while, a stressful enough situation would come about and, the quit having melted away in my mind, I would break my quit and the cycle would slowly continue.
Why should this time be any different? First off, I have killthecan.org. I know it is not a panacea by any means, but there's something about daily, regimented involvement that seems appealing. I'm also not putting all my eggs in one basket, however. I think the most telling sign that my quits weren't permanent before was that I kept them to myself. I didn't tell my fellow marines that dip, I didn't tell my parents or sister, and I didn't tell my girlfriend. I think not telling them served as a safety net for me, for if I failed my quit, I would only let myself down, rather than all of the others I mentioned before. I sat down with all of those people and presented them with my plan (short-term, mid-term, long-term) as well as a contract of my quit. It says that I am pledging to them that I will stay quit (not for 2 weeks, 5 weeks, or a year. that I will stay quit, period.) This lack of prior accountability had me living a total lie man. Quit after quit and all I was doing was full of shit. I think that's the thing that I never anticipated. The hardest part of quitting is not the first two weeks: that's the shit that involves physical urges. The hard part is when the physical urges die off, and you're left with your brain, as it's fucking wily. I'm done with all of this bullshit. My girlfriend is in. My family is in. My buddies are in.
At the end of the day, all of these contracts and pledges are just words and talk. Actions, rather, are the true measure of progress and success, and I have completed day 1 of the rest of my life without nicotine and dip. Measly in comparison to some of you vets out there, but I'm proud nonetheless, and I will continue making my pledge day by day. As always, I am willing to take any advice you all might have to make my quit more successful. Thanks and sorry for the long post!
