Been dipping Kodiak since college, stopped for awhile but when I hit my late 20's and early 30's it was non-stop. If I am awake and not eating or at work Kodiak was in my lip. My wife calls my can of Kodiak, my mistress. The thing is there are very few people in my life that know I was dipping. I would go thru 3 cans a day because if I had to get out of the car, go in a store, anything in public I would take it out of my lip. Moment I got back in the car, more Kodiak. Daily routine, Kodiak when I wake up, brush my teeth, go to work, Kodiak on the way to work, sunflower seeds and Monster Energy drinks all day long. Day 30 of quitting Monster (was having all kinds of health issues like a creepy, crawling feeling inside and when I quit my 3-4 monsters a day habit to zero that went away) Lunch time I would go park somewhere and spend my hour lunch alone, 10 minutes eating and 50 minutes with dip and watching videos on my iPhone.
I have spend most of my life wasted and not doing things because I didn't want to be without my dip. My family knows I dip, the wife complains if it's on the floor and has asked me to quit for awhile. I just ignored it. Pain in my gums, hopefully it goes away if I move it around. I have no friends. The reason is anytime someone asks me to do something I would come up with an excuse. Didn't want to hear anyone tell me what a dirty and disgusting habit it was. I already knew it and didn't want to hear it. Oh and the bad breath from dipping. Who wants to talk to you when you are spitting and your mouth stinks? I kept reading posts here but didn't join. I quit for 2 weeks cold turkey and where I am at only 1 store, yes only 1 and no where else even remotely close has dip ran out of Smokey Mountain Mint and Wintergreen. All they had left was straight and classic which to me are just horrible. So I made an excuse to buy Kodiak again. Worse part is they put the fake stuff right next to all the real stuff. I have to stare at the 5 pack rolls of Kodiak while grabbing the Rocky Mountain fake stuff. Told myself just one can while I wait for the fake stuff in the mail. Well when that nicotine rush hit me I thought why did I quit. After the 3rd dip, my gums hurt. That is when I knew I need to start over and this time join this page and just talk about everything I have gone thru.
Hopefully my story will help others understand not only are you hurting yourself, but really hurting the people around you. I travel internationally now and where I go doesn't have Kodiak. So what is the first thing I pack for vacation, you guessed it and I need to make sure I don't run out. If you really want to quit just move to another country that doesn't have it :) Depression for me was when I had to use Grizzly because my one store ran out of Kodiak. I actually went on a vacation with my family to meet my parents and sisters and spent more time avoiding my parents and sisters and just spending time with my wife and kids because I needed a dip and didn't want them to know. One vacation I used the patch only to get through the day with other family members and then when it was night time, ripped off the patch and had my Kodiak.
Well I joined the group, I am on day 13 with the horrible fake stuff straight Rocky Mountain in my mouth as I type this. One lesson I learned is when you quit and go thru the first 3 days of hell (the fog) and it was REALLY bad for me, then you cheat and start over, now you have to go thru the fog again and boy does that suck. This time it was a 2 day fog hell and I was doing fine and then day 10 hit. OMG, it was a bad day. Nothing bad happened it was a normal day but I had this feeling in the front of my head like I just wanted to start crying for no reason what so ever. The depression and anxiety were so bad and my wife wanted me to go here and there and even when I tell her, look I am having a REALLY bad day she doesn't understand what I am going thru. I buried my head in the pillow and when to sleep at 6pm. Next day, I was fine and things were back to normal. I owe my family big time putting up with me for those first 3 days because I was just mean and cranky. There have been days I get mad at the kids for no reason and my thinking is irrational and later that night I start thinking why did I act like that it made no sense. Before I quit I told them look I might be mean and a complete ass but I don't mean it and I am trying to fight an addiction that is a bitch to quit. I'm done for now and going to spend time with the family dip free and look forward to day 14 and getting away from the oral fixation some day in the future.
