I hate Kodiak

[Lochi21]

I realize I spent a whole 12 hours without thinking about putting that shit in my lip yesterday. 12 consecutive hours.

The small amount of joy I felt is tempered by the realization that I was (and am) a fucking idiot for letting nicotine steal tens of thousands of precious hours from me. Hours that I could have spent with my kids or my wife. Hours that I can never get back, no matter how angry I get about it.

This makes my quit that much stronger.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I know what you are talking about with regards to those missing hours with family. I was telling my wife about that last night but I don't think she understands it fully.

To be honest though, I hope there is NEVER a day (or days) that go by where I don't think about dipping. Like you, I have quit in the past and it got to that point where it was no longer on my mind. But I think it makes you complacent about this addiction/disease.

I plan to post roll every day possible for the rest of my life here at KTC in an effort to keep an upper hand on the Nic Bitch - who is always lurking...waiting for a moment of weakness.

[Kill the Bear]

I realize I spent a whole 12 hours without thinking about putting that shit in my lip yesterday. 12 consecutive hours.

The small amount of joy I felt is tempered by the realization that I was (and am) a fucking idiot for letting nicotine steal tens of thousands of precious hours from me. Hours that I could have spent with my kids or my wife. Hours that I can never get back, no matter how angry I get about it.

This makes my quit that much stronger.

[Kill the Bear]

That grean bear is tough. A lot of us know him very, very well. But we, and this group are tougher.

One other thing . . . what exactly is the "New England Area"? :huh: Upstate New York? Down East? On a ship at sea? :P

I know that quittin' can be wicked hahd, but it is fuckin' pissa when you make it. [Should give you an idea where I grew up.]

Welcome.

I'm a bit further north. Ayuh. (Christ I hate that word).

Born in Portsmouth, NH, living in Kennebunk Maine now.

[Vidocq]

My name is Mike.  I live in the New England area with my wife and three kids.

My History with Kodiak:

Aug./Sept. 1987 - the Beginning 

The Summer before I started High School my best friend had bugged me for months try it.  He had started earlier that same year.  It looked like a disgusting thing to do and I just wasn't into it.  A week or so before school started I caved.  Did I puke the first time? Yes.  Get Dizzy? Yes.  Was I hooked from the get-go?  YES

October 1996 - a long Vacation

I made myself quit before asking my wife to marry me.  I was a closet dipper and I didn't want to lie to her anymore, especially if we were going to be married.  The first few weeks were hard.  Cold turkey, no support, etc.  Somehow I made it...  Almost 5 years.

Oct 2001 - WTF?!

My wife and boys were asleep...  I was downstairs watching tv and bored, decided to get in the car and drive to the cumberland farms down the street and bought a tin.  I'd only have one or two, then throw the rest away...  after two dips I tossed the rest and told myself that was it.  Of course, I picked up a new one the next day on the way to work.  Why did I start back up? 9/11?  Stress over work?  The f#cking weather? I'm sure those excuses went through my head but I'm pretty sure it's because dipping was fun and I missed it.

Over the last 8+ years I have made several attempts, typically only lasting a few weeks.    In 06 I made it almost 2 months.  Clearly I can't do this on my own.  I'm a liar.  I have hidden this from my wife and kids the entire time. 

Feb 2010 - Another attempt

I have not taken a dip since 2/13/2010 at 9AM.  This feels different this time; I don't know why. 

What I don't get is why it seemingly has been so much harder to quit (or take another 5 year vacation I guess) since 2001. I'm not ashamed to say that it brings me to tears when I think about what I've thrown away.  Anyhow, I'm here and I'm going to do it this time FOR GOOD.

Hey Mike,

Same story as me: index.php?showtopic=3051

It is harder the 2nd time around. 30 days for me, and today I reaaaallly wanted to get a can. So I stuck a chunk of carrot in my gum and popped 2 Altoids into my mouth....problem solved! It's surprising how much I still want a dip, but it's not ever going to happen again, and you can do it too.

That grean bear is tough. A lot of us know him very, very well. But we, and this group are tougher.

One other thing . . . what exactly is the "New England Area"? :huh: Upstate New York? Down East? On a ship at sea? :P

I know that quittin' can be wicked hahd, but it is fuckin' pissa when you make it. [Should give you an idea where I grew up.]

Welcome.

[DTG]

My name is Mike.  I live in the New England area with my wife and three kids.

My History with Kodiak:

Aug./Sept. 1987 - the Beginning 

The Summer before I started High School my best friend had bugged me for months try it.  He had started earlier that same year.  It looked like a disgusting thing to do and I just wasn't into it.  A week or so before school started I caved.  Did I puke the first time? Yes.  Get Dizzy? Yes.  Was I hooked from the get-go?  YES

October 1996 - a long Vacation

I made myself quit before asking my wife to marry me.  I was a closet dipper and I didn't want to lie to her anymore, especially if we were going to be married.  The first few weeks were hard.  Cold turkey, no support, etc.  Somehow I made it...  Almost 5 years.

Oct 2001 - WTF?!

My wife and boys were asleep...  I was downstairs watching tv and bored, decided to get in the car and drive to the cumberland farms down the street and bought a tin.  I'd only have one or two, then throw the rest away...  after two dips I tossed the rest and told myself that was it.  Of course, I picked up a new one the next day on the way to work.  Why did I start back up? 9/11?  Stress over work?  The f#cking weather? I'm sure those excuses went through my head but I'm pretty sure it's because dipping was fun and I missed it.

Over the last 8+ years I have made several attempts, typically only lasting a few weeks.    In 06 I made it almost 2 months.  Clearly I can't do this on my own.  I'm a liar.  I have hidden this from my wife and kids the entire time. 

Feb 2010 - Another attempt

I have not taken a dip since 2/13/2010 at 9AM.  This feels different this time; I don't know why. 

What I don't get is why it seemingly has been so much harder to quit (or take another 5 year vacation I guess) since 2001. I'm not ashamed to say that it brings me to tears when I think about what I've thrown away.  Anyhow, I'm here and I'm going to do it this time FOR GOOD.

Hey Mike,

Same story as me: index.php?showtopic=3051

It is harder the 2nd time around. 30 days for me, and today I reaaaallly wanted to get a can. So I stuck a chunk of carrot in my gum and popped 2 Altoids into my mouth....problem solved! It's surprising how much I still want a dip, but it's not ever going to happen again, and you can do it too.

[Lochi21]

My name is Mike. I live in the New England area with my wife and three kids.

My History with Kodiak:

Aug./Sept. 1987 - the Beginning

The Summer before I started High School my best friend had bugged me for months try it. He had started earlier that same year. It looked like a disgusting thing to do and I just wasn't into it. A week or so before school started I caved. Did I puke the first time? Yes. Get Dizzy? Yes. Was I hooked from the get-go? YES

October 1996 - a long Vacation

I made myself quit before asking my wife to marry me. I was a closet dipper and I didn't want to lie to her anymore, especially if we were going to be married. The first few weeks were hard. Cold turkey, no support, etc. Somehow I made it... Almost 5 years.

Oct 2001 - WTF?!

My wife and boys were asleep... I was downstairs watching tv and bored, decided to get in the car and drive to the cumberland farms down the street and bought a tin. I'd only have one or two, then throw the rest away... after two dips I tossed the rest and told myself that was it. Of course, I picked up a new one the next day on the way to work. Why did I start back up? 9/11? Stress over work? The f#cking weather? I'm sure those excuses went through my head but I'm pretty sure it's because dipping was fun and I missed it.

Over the last 8+ years I have made several attempts, typically only lasting a few weeks. In 06 I made it almost 2 months. Clearly I can't do this on my own. I'm a liar. I have hidden this from my wife and kids the entire time.

Feb 2010 - Another attempt

I have not taken a dip since 2/13/2010 at 9AM. This feels different this time; I don't know why.

What I don't get is why it seemingly has been so much harder to quit (or take another 5 year vacation I guess) since 2001. I'm not ashamed to say that it brings me to tears when I think about what I've thrown away. Anyhow, I'm here and I'm going to do it this time FOR GOOD.

Welcome. Your history is eerily similar to my history. WHEN you join the May quit group, drop me a message and we can help each other out. We can do this!

Your Brother,
Chris

[bearattack]

You not alone... "Fukukodiak" google it!

[Kill the Bear]

Removed "I hope".

Thanks for the welcome, guys. Today is a good day.

[BoutTime]

My name is Mike. I live in the New England area with my wife and three kids.

My History with Kodiak:

Aug./Sept. 1987 - the Beginning

The Summer before I started High School my best friend had bugged me for months try it. He had started earlier that same year. It looked like a disgusting thing to do and I just wasn't into it. A week or so before school started I caved. Did I puke the first time? Yes. Get Dizzy? Yes. Was I hooked from the get-go? YES

October 1996 - a long Vacation

I made myself quit before asking my wife to marry me. I was a closet dipper and I didn't want to lie to her anymore, especially if we were going to be married. The first few weeks were hard. Cold turkey, no support, etc. Somehow I made it... Almost 5 years.

Oct 2001 - WTF?!

My wife and boys were asleep... I was downstairs watching tv and bored, decided to get in the car and drive to the cumberland farms down the street and bought a tin. I'd only have one or two, then throw the rest away... after two dips I tossed the rest and told myself that was it. Of course, I picked up a new one the next day on the way to work. Why did I start back up? 9/11? Stress over work? The f#cking weather? I'm sure those excuses went through my head but I'm pretty sure it's because dipping was fun and I missed it.

Over the last 8+ years I have made several attempts, typically only lasting a few weeks. In 06 I made it almost 2 months. Clearly I can't do this on my own. I'm a liar. I have hidden this from my wife and kids the entire time.

Feb 2010 - Another attempt

I have not taken a dip since 2/13/2010 at 9AM. This feels different this time; I don't know why.

What I don't get is why it seemingly has been so much harder to quit (or take another 5 year vacation I guess) since 2001. I'm not ashamed to say that it brings me to tears when I think about what I've thrown away. Anyhow, I'm here and I'm going to do it this time FOR GOOD. I hope.

First off Welcome Mike.

Bruce is correct there is no hope in here only "do".

I know it probably seemed logical to say I missed it which is why you caved after a long quit. No one here is addicted to dipping, but we are all addicts to the nic bitch. It is kind of like a girl you go out with and the sex is awesome, but it turns out she is a crazy bitch and a stalker and never leaves you alone and wont take no for an answer.

Even after years of being quit the nic bitch is always waiting for you to slip up and have a weak moment.

The accountability on this site to post role every day with your promise to not have nic today is what makes this site so much different.

Welcome to the suck Mike, glad to have ya.

[Dr. Bruce Banner]

My name is Mike. I live in the New England area with my wife and three kids.

My History with Kodiak:

Aug./Sept. 1987 - the Beginning

The Summer before I started High School my best friend had bugged me for months try it. He had started earlier that same year. It looked like a disgusting thing to do and I just wasn't into it. A week or so before school started I caved. Did I puke the first time? Yes. Get Dizzy? Yes. Was I hooked from the get-go? YES

October 1996 - a long Vacation

I made myself quit before asking my wife to marry me. I was a closet dipper and I didn't want to lie to her anymore, especially if we were going to be married. The first few weeks were hard. Cold turkey, no support, etc. Somehow I made it... Almost 5 years.

Oct 2001 - WTF?!

My wife and boys were asleep... I was downstairs watching tv and bored, decided to get in the car and drive to the cumberland farms down the street and bought a tin. I'd only have one or two, then throw the rest away... after two dips I tossed the rest and told myself that was it. Of course, I picked up a new one the next day on the way to work. Why did I start back up? 9/11? Stress over work? The f#cking weather? I'm sure those excuses went through my head but I'm pretty sure it's because dipping was fun and I missed it.

Over the last 8+ years I have made several attempts, typically only lasting a few weeks. In 06 I made it almost 2 months. Clearly I can't do this on my own. I'm a liar. I have hidden this from my wife and kids the entire time.

Feb 2010 - Another attempt

I have not taken a dip since 2/13/2010 at 9AM. This feels different this time; I don't know why.

What I don't get is why it seemingly has been so much harder to quit (or take another 5 year vacation I guess) since 2001. I'm not ashamed to say that it brings me to tears when I think about what I've thrown away. Anyhow, I'm here and I'm going to do it this time FOR GOOD. I hope.

great post......... lose the I hope at the end! Change it to, I will! You'd be in the May 2010 group!

[Kill the Bear]

My name is Mike. I live in the New England area with my wife and three kids.

My History with Kodiak:

Aug./Sept. 1987 - the Beginning

The Summer before I started High School my best friend had bugged me for months try it. He had started earlier that same year. It looked like a disgusting thing to do and I just wasn't into it. A week or so before school started I caved. Did I puke the first time? Yes. Get Dizzy? Yes. Was I hooked from the get-go? YES

October 1996 - a long Vacation

I made myself quit before asking my wife to marry me. I was a closet dipper and I didn't want to lie to her anymore, especially if we were going to be married. The first few weeks were hard. Cold turkey, no support, etc. Somehow I made it... Almost 5 years.

Oct 2001 - WTF?!

My wife and boys were asleep... I was downstairs watching tv and bored, decided to get in the car and drive to the cumberland farms down the street and bought a tin. I'd only have one or two, then throw the rest away... after two dips I tossed the rest and told myself that was it. Of course, I picked up a new one the next day on the way to work. Why did I start back up? 9/11? Stress over work? The f#cking weather? I'm sure those excuses went through my head but I'm pretty sure it's because dipping was fun and I missed it.

Over the last 8+ years I have made several attempts, typically only lasting a few weeks. In 06 I made it almost 2 months. Clearly I can't do this on my own. I'm a liar. I have hidden this from my wife and kids the entire time.

Feb 2010 - Another attempt

I have not taken a dip since 2/13/2010 at 9AM. This feels different this time; I don't know why.

What I don't get is why it seemingly has been so much harder to quit (or take another 5 year vacation I guess) since 2001. I'm not ashamed to say that it brings me to tears when I think about what I've thrown away. Anyhow, I'm here and I'm going to do it this time FOR GOOD.