Hello from an EX-smoker in Texas, y'all!

[Diesel2112]

Day 33 Letter To My Quit Group:

Hey Brothers...

My heart is heavy tonight. Do y'all read the intros? If not, seriously... Start reading the intros! Every one of us should HAVE one and update it every so often.

In intros right now there's another retread. Guy coming in begging forgiveness and talking about how dumb he was and how much he needs this place. After 120 days quit he didn't think it was that important anymore to post roll. Figured he had it beat. And he caved. He had been active too. Was a "bad ass quitter" at one point. Except he wasn't. He was arrogant and complacent. And not in a horrible way... In a "it was a busy weekend and I'm still quit even though I didn't post roll!" kinda way. My heart is heavy because we range from just 31-59 days and already I see the complacency. I see the post and run. I see that we're gonna lose some. I can guess which ones will go first.

And it makes me so sad. Guys... Some if you were "stoppers". You stopped, you started, you stopped, you started... For others... You took your first dip and never looked back until you quit. No matter what category you fall into we share something. We are addicts. And the minute we lose sight of that. The minute we start to think... "I've got this! It feels great! It's easy!" we have opened the door a crack to let her back in. Is posting roll at KTC the only way possible to quit nicotine? No. But it's the best way. I've looked at the stats. They aren't good. This place is insurance. Don't think of it as keeping dip at the forefront of your mind... It's keeping QUIT at the forefront. We can enjoy our freedom and our good days but GUARD YOUR QUIT. It takes... At the very most, a few minutes to post roll or text someone to do it for you if you don't have wireless somewhere. If you do that for the rest of your life... How much time have you invested in your quit? I'll tell you the answer. The exact right amount of time.

For those of you in the leper colony telling us all what a great weekend you had and how great it is to be quit... Please read the intros today. Look at the guys coming back after making HOF. Look at wastepanel's story. And think of the hundreds... Maybe thousands... Who didn't come back but are slowly committing suicide as we speak. Guard your quit men. I like you guys and I'm sure you all have relatively nice faces.

Commit to posting 100%.

Nicotine is a drug, and your senses are drugged. Your taste buds, your feelings in your gums and lips, your sense of smell if you smoked. I think people forget just how powerful a drug it really is.

The worst part of continuing to chew isn't the fear of what it can do to your health or the hit it will put on your wallet. It's the warping of your mind. You will search for any plausable EXCUSE to keep on using.

I honestly believe that's why so many cave after they leave here.

Alone, your mind can talk you into using again. The devil in one ear eventually overpowers the angel on the other.

Post roll and stay on KTC, and you don't have such a mismatch. You not only keep yourself accountable but you have support from a ton of little angels that will be in your ear far more than the devil.

Read the story of the cavers who are coming back. They are basically saying the same thing.

Stick around boys and girls.

Everyone is in such a damn hurry to grow up. They end up leaving home, fall flat on their face and if they're smart they come crawling back. Its a tough and disheartening watch sometimes.

Slow your roll, quitting ain't easy.

[LionHeartedGirl]

Day 33 Letter To My Quit Group:

Hey Brothers...

My heart is heavy tonight. Do y'all read the intros? If not, seriously... Start reading the intros! Every one of us should HAVE one and update it every so often.

In intros right now there's another retread. Guy coming in begging forgiveness and talking about how dumb he was and how much he needs this place. After 120 days quit he didn't think it was that important anymore to post roll. Figured he had it beat. And he caved. He had been active too. Was a "bad ass quitter" at one point. Except he wasn't. He was arrogant and complacent. And not in a horrible way... In a "it was a busy weekend and I'm still quit even though I didn't post roll!" kinda way. My heart is heavy because we range from just 31-59 days and already I see the complacency. I see the post and run. I see that we're gonna lose some. I can guess which ones will go first.

And it makes me so sad. Guys... Some if you were "stoppers". You stopped, you started, you stopped, you started... For others... You took your first dip and never looked back until you quit. No matter what category you fall into we share something. We are addicts. And the minute we lose sight of that. The minute we start to think... "I've got this! It feels great! It's easy!" we have opened the door a crack to let her back in. Is posting roll at KTC the only way possible to quit nicotine? No. But it's the best way. I've looked at the stats. They aren't good. This place is insurance. Don't think of it as keeping dip at the forefront of your mind... It's keeping QUIT at the forefront. We can enjoy our freedom and our good days but GUARD YOUR QUIT. It takes... At the very most, a few minutes to post roll or text someone to do it for you if you don't have wireless somewhere. If you do that for the rest of your life... How much time have you invested in your quit? I'll tell you the answer. The exact right amount of time.

For those of you in the leper colony telling us all what a great weekend you had and how great it is to be quit... Please read the intros today. Look at the guys coming back after making HOF. Look at wastepanel's story. And think of the hundreds... Maybe thousands... Who didn't come back but are slowly committing suicide as we speak. Guard your quit men. I like you guys and I'm sure you all have relatively nice faces.

Commit to posting 100%.

[LionHeartedGirl]

Never mind.

Very enlightening lhg. I like it. I might have to use that one day.

I do what I can. :D

I decided not to air our dirty laundry for posterity. You can see what I wrote in August.

[srans]

Never mind.

Very enlightening lhg. I like it. I might have to use that one day.

[LionHeartedGirl]

Never mind.

[kkljinc]

SM, thank you. I am genuinely honored you posted that in my thread. I LOVE what you wrote and have read it several times.

Tonight I hosted a baby shower. It was a nighttime coed baby shower so the punch had the option to be spiked... Which I did. Now, I have turned down most opportunities to drink this early in my quit but I'm not a drink to excess girl and the environment was very safe. I thought.

I really hit it off with one of the guests whom I did not know. We chatted away and then she announced she's a smoker and went outside. A few drinks... Social smoking.... Tough day... In my former life this would have kicked my addict brain into high "justify mode" and I would have been buying a pack tomorrow.

But there was zero temptation. There was a definite awareness of a crave but not for one second did I consider it. I can thank KTC for that... And the fact that I truly understand that I'm an addict.

I accept the craves., the mood swings, the anxiety and the withdrawals.

I will let them crash like waves and recede into the calm.

The wall they are crashing against is Fort Knox. I had a fleeting thought.... Too many people have my number to even THINK about it. Thank you all for having my back. Just knowing you're there is enough for tonight.

Bring on tomorrow.

Nice LHG, It's great to know that, when you think hhhmm, maybe just one, you will have to fess up to all of these people you don't know. The accountability makes all the difference in the world. I quit with you today.

[LionHeartedGirl]

SM, thank you. I am genuinely honored you posted that in my thread. I LOVE what you wrote and have read it several times.

Tonight I hosted a baby shower. It was a nighttime coed baby shower so the punch had the option to be spiked... Which I did. Now, I have turned down most opportunities to drink this early in my quit but I'm not a drink to excess girl and the environment was very safe. I thought.

I really hit it off with one of the guests whom I did not know. We chatted away and then she announced she's a smoker and went outside. A few drinks... Social smoking.... Tough day... In my former life this would have kicked my addict brain into high "justify mode" and I would have been buying a pack tomorrow.

But there was zero temptation. There was a definite awareness of a crave but not for one second did I consider it. I can thank KTC for that... And the fact that I truly understand that I'm an addict.

I accept the craves., the mood swings, the anxiety and the withdrawals.

I will let them crash like waves and recede into the calm.

The wall they are crashing against is Fort Knox. I had a fleeting thought.... Too many people have my number to even THINK about it. Thank you all for having my back. Just knowing you're there is enough for tonight.

Bring on tomorrow.

[Mthomas3824]

Danielle,

You said, " don't know if you still feel gripping fear. I don't know if you still feel shame. I sincerely hope not."

I am a noob but I don't want to lose track of fear and shame. If I remember them, then it will fuel my desire to be a different person now, the quitter I have become.

There is no "shame" in the past. It was just a series of daily poor choices that, for me, lasted 16+ years. I can't change the past but I can choose to not repeat those actions today.

:)

I agree the past should never be forgetten but that is different than living in constant fear because of the past. That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to lose track. I want to remember. But I also want to enjoy my freedom without shame and guilt.

Keep the fear and shame in a bottle for emergencies only and remember Character and Integrity on a daily basis!!!!

fear and shame fade

Hold onto the memory of how badly you wanted to quit.
Remember all the broken promises, all the failed attempts, all the prayers and gimmicks and lies. Remember all the false starts all the resolutions. Remember the hundreds and thousands of "tomorrows" .

Congratulate yourself on every victory but be patient.
Hold onto your freedom. Enjoy not being tethered to a can.
Savor the absence of nagging fear.
Celebrate longer life, better health, stronger relationships.


Let go of your expectations around quitting. Just Quit
Accept all the craves, the mood swings, the anxiety, the withdrawls.
Like waves they will crash in then recede back to calm.

Life will still be harsh.Expect that. Addiction only compounds the problem.

No reason is good enough to sell your soul, the climbs too hard to throw away.

Quitting is as simple as you choose to make it. It is the imaginary constructs of your mind that makes it seem difficult.

Damn SM, I miss that shit. LHG, when SM steps out of the woodwork to help a quitter you better listen up. He sees some value and potential in your quit. Hold these words close to your heart.

Ditto, I'm stealing this for me and my quit. SM comments can't be wasted.

[Its_Got2Happen]

Danielle,

You said, " don't know if you still feel gripping fear. I don't know if you still feel shame. I sincerely hope not."

I am a noob but I don't want to lose track of fear and shame. If I remember them, then it will fuel my desire to be a different person now, the quitter I have become.

There is no "shame" in the past. It was just a series of daily poor choices that, for me, lasted 16+ years. I can't change the past but I can choose to not repeat those actions today.

:)

I agree the past should never be forgetten but that is different than living in constant fear because of the past. That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to lose track. I want to remember. But I also want to enjoy my freedom without shame and guilt.

Keep the fear and shame in a bottle for emergencies only and remember Character and Integrity on a daily basis!!!!

fear and shame fade

Hold onto the memory of how badly you wanted to quit.
Remember all the broken promises, all the failed attempts, all the prayers and gimmicks and lies. Remember all the false starts all the resolutions. Remember the hundreds and thousands of "tomorrows" .

Congratulate yourself on every victory but be patient.
Hold onto your freedom. Enjoy not being tethered to a can.
Savor the absence of nagging fear.
Celebrate longer life, better health, stronger relationships.


Let go of your expectations around quitting. Just Quit
Accept all the craves, the mood swings, the anxiety, the withdrawls.
Like waves they will crash in then recede back to calm.

Life will still be harsh.Expect that. Addiction only compounds the problem.

No reason is good enough to sell your soul, the climbs too hard to throw away.

Quitting is as simple as you choose to make it. It is the imaginary constructs of your mind that makes it seem difficult.

Damn SM, I miss that shit. LHG, when SM steps out of the woodwork to help a quitter you better listen up. He sees some value and potential in your quit. Hold these words close to your heart.

[highcotton]

Well played skoal monster, well played.

[Skoal Monster]

Danielle,

You said, " don't know if you still feel gripping fear. I don't know if you still feel shame. I sincerely hope not."

I am a noob but I don't want to lose track of fear and shame. If I remember them, then it will fuel my desire to be a different person now, the quitter I have become.

There is no "shame" in the past. It was just a series of daily poor choices that, for me, lasted 16+ years. I can't change the past but I can choose to not repeat those actions today.

:)

I agree the past should never be forgetten but that is different than living in constant fear because of the past. That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to lose track. I want to remember. But I also want to enjoy my freedom without shame and guilt.

Keep the fear and shame in a bottle for emergencies only and remember Character and Integrity on a daily basis!!!!

fear and shame fade

Hold onto the memory of how badly you wanted to quit.
Remember all the broken promises, all the failed attempts, all the prayers and gimmicks and lies. Remember all the false starts all the resolutions. Remember the hundreds and thousands of "tomorrows" .

Congratulate yourself on every victory but be patient.
Hold onto your freedom. Enjoy not being tethered to a can.
Savor the absence of nagging fear.
Celebrate longer life, better health, stronger relationships.


Let go of your expectations around quitting. Just Quit
Accept all the craves, the mood swings, the anxiety, the withdrawls.
Like waves they will crash in then recede back to calm.

Life will still be harsh.Expect that. Addiction only compounds the problem.

No reason is good enough to sell your soul, the climbs too hard to throw away.

Quitting is as simple as you choose to make it. It is the imaginary constructs of your mind that makes it seem difficult.

[LionHeartedGirl]

Danielle,

You said, " don't know if you still feel gripping fear. I don't know if you still feel shame. I sincerely hope not."

I am a noob but I don't want to lose track of fear and shame. If I remember them, then it will fuel my desire to be a different person now, the quitter I have become.

There is no "shame" in the past. It was just a series of daily poor choices that, for me, lasted 16+ years. I can't change the past but I can choose to not repeat those actions today.

:)

I agree the past should never be forgetten but that is different than living in constant fear because of the past. That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to lose track. I want to remember. But I also want to enjoy my freedom without shame and guilt.

Keep the fear and shame in a bottle for emergencies only and remember Character and Integrity on a daily basis!!!!

Love that! So many useful applications too - not just quitting.

[RAZD611]

Danielle,

You said, " don't know if you still feel gripping fear. I don't know if you still feel shame. I sincerely hope not."

I am a noob but I don't want to lose track of fear and shame. If I remember them, then it will fuel my desire to be a different person now, the quitter I have become.

There is no "shame" in the past. It was just a series of daily poor choices that, for me, lasted 16+ years. I can't change the past but I can choose to not repeat those actions today.

:)

I agree the past should never be forgetten but that is different than living in constant fear because of the past. That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to lose track. I want to remember. But I also want to enjoy my freedom without shame and guilt.

Keep the fear and shame in a bottle for emergencies only and remember Character and Integrity on a daily basis!!!!

[LionHeartedGirl]

Danielle,

You said, " don't know if you still feel gripping fear. I don't know if you still feel shame. I sincerely hope not."

I am a noob but I don't want to lose track of fear and shame. If I remember them, then it will fuel my desire to be a different person now, the quitter I have become.

There is no "shame" in the past. It was just a series of daily poor choices that, for me, lasted 16+ years. I can't change the past but I can choose to not repeat those actions today.

:)

I agree the past should never be forgetten but that is different than living in constant fear because of the past. That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to lose track. I want to remember. But I also want to enjoy my freedom without shame and guilt.

[Radman]

Excellent post, LHG. It all comes down to this: NAFAR.

 That's the reason those words are under my avatar. Means a lot more than "floozie", or whatever auto-populate term would be there.

Evil_Won makes a great point:

.....fear and shame. If I remember them, then it will fuel my desire to be a different person now, the quitter I have become.

For me, those are value-adders for what we're accomplishing here. We know how damn hard this is, and that drives me to protect it at all costs. That's why I'm still here.

Do I need to be here? Could my quit survive if I left KTC and moved on? I don't know for sure, and I'm not willing to find out. So, today I posted another +1.