Hello from an EX-smoker in Texas, y'all!

[Evil_Won]

Danielle,

You said, " don't know if you still feel gripping fear. I don't know if you still feel shame. I sincerely hope not."

I am a noob but I don't want to lose track of fear and shame. If I remember them, then it will fuel my desire to be a different person now, the quitter I have become.

There is no "shame" in the past. It was just a series of daily poor choices that, for me, lasted 16+ years. I can't change the past but I can choose to not repeat those actions today.

:)

[LionHeartedGirl]

If you've been in chat you know I've been pursuing KTC history lessons from the vets. (If you haven't been to chat, what are you waiting for?). I'm fascinated by the culture of this site, the Original Seven, how it is currently run, past epic dramas and caves and retreads.

The vets particularly fascinate me and how they choose to mentor, cajole, herd, call out and ass chew the newbies. My quit group polices it's own pretty well but that's because some vets came in and mentored up leaders. But still the vets are here, posting support, welcoming Day 1's and popping into chat. It's a beautiful system that works amazingly well.

Tonight I visited the intros and saw four or five of them bumped up to the top. Per had found out who missed roll, found their threads and pulled out their own words to try to remind them to come back. Don't give up. Save your life. He was hard but compassionate. I was impressed and shot him a PM to tell him so. He seemed surprised by my reaction and when I explained that I would hope to post that kind of support one day he said that he fell from grace once, knows what it's like and wants to give back. Well, now I'm curious. So I read his story. After over 400 days.... He caved. And then he came back and posted day 1. But not before he broke hearts, angered people, destroyed trust and completely humbled himself. It was tragic and beautiful and cautionary and hopeful. And I'm so glad it's part of the KTC story.

Per reflected on his cave and subsequent retread a lot. You can read part of his story here:

index.php?showtopic=4667st=0

At one point he seemingly despaired that he would always be an addict and his day 10,000 would not be stronger against his day 1 in the face of "just one". There was definite fear in that. I know I'm just a 21 day newbie but I have a different perspective. See, before I found this site I was afraid. Before I accepted the fact that I'm an addict I wondered when I would be able to get back my "social smoker" status. How long would I have to wait before I could have "just one"? I had "quit" and restarted more times than I can count. I wondered if I'd ever break the cycle. Coming here, I realized the answer to those questions is NEVER.

Never.

I QUIT for TODAY. But there is tremendous freedom in knowing I will never have to try to find the balance. I will never have to manage my "habit". For me it is simple. "Just one" is a cave. "Just one" is too much. I'm quit for today, yes. I don't have to think about being quit forever but knowing that I will never have to deal with HOPING I can "handle it this time" has brought sweet relief. Not fear.

Per, I don't know if you still feel gripping fear. I don't know if you still feel shame. I sincerely hope not. You live every day free and you have something so many don't: full understanding of what "just one" means. Guard it. And enjoy your freedom. God knows you've paid your dues.

I quit with you today

[LionHeartedGirl]

Said it earlier in chat... gonna say it here too.

You, my friend, rock. Proud of you... proud to quit with you!

This quit is special. You know why. Because your worth it. Your worth never letting a filthy disgusting piece of paper with poison in it come close to you again lhg. No more will poison steal years from your life. Your family, friends (ktc included) like having you around. Nafar lhg because your worth it. I quit with you today.

I have the extreme pleasure and honor of knowing LHG in real life. I can personally attest to her incredible spirit and compassion. She has touched my heart beyond belief.

Thank you LHG...

:wub:

[kkljinc]

Said it earlier in chat... gonna say it here too.

You, my friend, rock. Proud of you... proud to quit with you!

BAM!!!

[boomdrum]

Said it earlier in chat... gonna say it here too.

You, my friend, rock. Proud of you... proud to quit with you!

This quit is special. You know why. Because your worth it. Your worth never letting a filthy disgusting piece of paper with poison in it come close to you again lhg. No more will poison steal years from your life. Your family, friends (ktc included) like having you around. Nafar lhg because your worth it. I quit with you today.

I have the extreme pleasure and honor of knowing LHG in real life. I can personally attest to her incredible spirit and compassion. She has touched my heart beyond belief.

Thank you LHG...

[srans]

Said it earlier in chat... gonna say it here too.

You, my friend, rock. Proud of you... proud to quit with you!

This quit is special. You know why. Because your worth it. Your worth never letting a filthy disgusting piece of paper with poison in it come close to you again lhg. No more will poison steal years from your life. Your family, friends (ktc included) like having you around. Nafar lhg because your worth it. I quit with you today.

[AppleJack]

Said it earlier in chat... gonna say it here too.

You, my friend, rock. Proud of you... proud to quit with you!

[30yraddict]

19 days... Barely into my quit. This one is so different though. It's not difficult in the sense that I'm not fighting temptation. I gave my word. I'm keeping it. That's simple. So the cravings are annoyances but nothing against my web of support. I feel a little like I've built Fort Knox for a petty criminal but then I remember how many times I THOUGHT I had "finally quit for good this time" and I realize how cunning and destructive this adversary has actually been. So Fort Knox it is.

19 days in and I now understand "guard your quit". I'm guarding it with my life.

That's how it's done, LHG! You and only you are in control of your own quit. Shit happens and we move on, or at least for the sake of our quit we all should. You're a great support to many quitters and have a good heart. Don't let anyone tell you differently. When you forget why you're here is when you cave... I'm here to QLF and happen to meet some if the greatest people in the process. We support each other and have each others backs. So many people come and go from this place, mostly ones that weren't here to quit to begin with. Don't let them or their small group of admirers get in the way of why you are here.
I quit with you, D... Every damn day ODAAT!

'clap'

Happy to quit with you every damn day LHG!!!

Great attitude LHG, I know exactly what your saying. Just don't start thinking about forever just yet. Focus on today. I quit with you today, I am getting the impression that you are not messing around. You should guard it with your life, it is your very life that depends upon it. Remind me to tell you a story next time I see you in chat.

Nicely said, LHG. Fort Knox - I dig that. Outstanding attitude.

There's always talk about burning boats, bridges, and pilings. Pretty sure I smell smoke in here.

I quit with u today girl keep up the quit i got ur back!!!

digging the "quit sisterhood"! Showing us gents a thing or two about support!

LHG, that attitude will carry you far, keep up the good work. Proud of you.

[mrs.cdaniels]

19 days... Barely into my quit. This one is so different though. It's not difficult in the sense that I'm not fighting temptation. I gave my word. I'm keeping it. That's simple. So the cravings are annoyances but nothing against my web of support. I feel a little like I've built Fort Knox for a petty criminal but then I remember how many times I THOUGHT I had "finally quit for good this time" and I realize how cunning and destructive this adversary has actually been. So Fort Knox it is.

19 days in and I now understand "guard your quit". I'm guarding it with my life.

That's how it's done, LHG! You and only you are in control of your own quit. Shit happens and we move on, or at least for the sake of our quit we all should. You're a great support to many quitters and have a good heart. Don't let anyone tell you differently. When you forget why you're here is when you cave... I'm here to QLF and happen to meet some if the greatest people in the process. We support each other and have each others backs. So many people come and go from this place, mostly ones that weren't here to quit to begin with. Don't let them or their small group of admirers get in the way of why you are here.
I quit with you, D... Every damn day ODAAT!

'clap'

Happy to quit with you every damn day LHG!!!

Great attitude LHG, I know exactly what your saying. Just don't start thinking about forever just yet. Focus on today. I quit with you today, I am getting the impression that you are not messing around. You should guard it with your life, it is your very life that depends upon it. Remind me to tell you a story next time I see you in chat.

Nicely said, LHG. Fort Knox - I dig that. Outstanding attitude.

There's always talk about burning boats, bridges, and pilings. Pretty sure I smell smoke in here.

I quit with u today girl keep up the quit i got ur back!!!

[Radman]

19 days... Barely into my quit. This one is so different though. It's not difficult in the sense that I'm not fighting temptation. I gave my word. I'm keeping it. That's simple. So the cravings are annoyances but nothing against my web of support. I feel a little like I've built Fort Knox for a petty criminal but then I remember how many times I THOUGHT I had "finally quit for good this time" and I realize how cunning and destructive this adversary has actually been. So Fort Knox it is.

19 days in and I now understand "guard your quit". I'm guarding it with my life.

That's how it's done, LHG! You and only you are in control of your own quit. Shit happens and we move on, or at least for the sake of our quit we all should. You're a great support to many quitters and have a good heart. Don't let anyone tell you differently. When you forget why you're here is when you cave... I'm here to QLF and happen to meet some if the greatest people in the process. We support each other and have each others backs. So many people come and go from this place, mostly ones that weren't here to quit to begin with. Don't let them or their small group of admirers get in the way of why you are here.
I quit with you, D... Every damn day ODAAT!

'clap'

Happy to quit with you every damn day LHG!!!

Great attitude LHG, I know exactly what your saying. Just don't start thinking about forever just yet. Focus on today. I quit with you today, I am getting the impression that you are not messing around. You should guard it with your life, it is your very life that depends upon it. Remind me to tell you a story next time I see you in chat.

Nicely said, LHG. Fort Knox - I dig that. Outstanding attitude.

There's always talk about burning boats, bridges, and pilings. Pretty sure I smell smoke in here.

[Its_Got2Happen]

19 days... Barely into my quit. This one is so different though. It's not difficult in the sense that I'm not fighting temptation. I gave my word. I'm keeping it. That's simple. So the cravings are annoyances but nothing against my web of support. I feel a little like I've built Fort Knox for a petty criminal but then I remember how many times I THOUGHT I had "finally quit for good this time" and I realize how cunning and destructive this adversary has actually been. So Fort Knox it is.

19 days in and I now understand "guard your quit". I'm guarding it with my life.

That's how it's done, LHG! You and only you are in control of your own quit. Shit happens and we move on, or at least for the sake of our quit we all should. You're a great support to many quitters and have a good heart. Don't let anyone tell you differently. When you forget why you're here is when you cave... I'm here to QLF and happen to meet some if the greatest people in the process. We support each other and have each others backs. So many people come and go from this place, mostly ones that weren't here to quit to begin with. Don't let them or their small group of admirers get in the way of why you are here.
I quit with you, D... Every damn day ODAAT!

'clap'

Happy to quit with you every damn day LHG!!!

Great attitude LHG, I know exactly what your saying. Just don't start thinking about forever just yet. Focus on today. I quit with you today, I am getting the impression that you are not messing around. You should guard it with your life, it is your very life that depends upon it. Remind me to tell you a story next time I see you in chat.

[kkljinc]

19 days... Barely into my quit. This one is so different though. It's not difficult in the sense that I'm not fighting temptation. I gave my word. I'm keeping it. That's simple. So the cravings are annoyances but nothing against my web of support. I feel a little like I've built Fort Knox for a petty criminal but then I remember how many times I THOUGHT I had "finally quit for good this time" and I realize how cunning and destructive this adversary has actually been. So Fort Knox it is.

19 days in and I now understand "guard your quit". I'm guarding it with my life.

That's how it's done, LHG! You and only you are in control of your own quit. Shit happens and we move on, or at least for the sake of our quit we all should. You're a great support to many quitters and have a good heart. Don't let anyone tell you differently. When you forget why you're here is when you cave... I'm here to QLF and happen to meet some if the greatest people in the process. We support each other and have each others backs. So many people come and go from this place, mostly ones that weren't here to quit to begin with. Don't let them or their small group of admirers get in the way of why you are here.
I quit with you, D... Every damn day ODAAT!

'clap'

Happy to quit with you every damn day LHG!!!

[2mch2lv4]

19 days... Barely into my quit. This one is so different though. It's not difficult in the sense that I'm not fighting temptation. I gave my word. I'm keeping it. That's simple. So the cravings are annoyances but nothing against my web of support. I feel a little like I've built Fort Knox for a petty criminal but then I remember how many times I THOUGHT I had "finally quit for good this time" and I realize how cunning and destructive this adversary has actually been. So Fort Knox it is.

19 days in and I now understand "guard your quit". I'm guarding it with my life.

That's how it's done, LHG! You and only you are in control of your own quit. Shit happens and we move on, or at least for the sake of our quit we all should. You're a great support to many quitters and have a good heart. Don't let anyone tell you differently. When you forget why you're here is when you cave... I'm here to QLF and happen to meet some if the greatest people in the process. We support each other and have each others backs. So many people come and go from this place, mostly ones that weren't here to quit to begin with. Don't let them or their small group of admirers get in the way of why you are here.
I quit with you, D... Every damn day ODAAT!

'clap'

[G]

LHG, go on with your bad self.Ã,  Now there are three badass chick quitters I have a crunch on...

Sage
2mch
Lionheartedgirl

Hey, when's the wet T-shirt contest?Ã,  I think I wanna enter now!!!

'fireman'

Hose me down and call me "Philisha"

um did you forget racetrackcowgirl?

Take all your hormones and fantasies to your own thread boys! Lol

Appears that Phil thinks KTC is eharmony.com....Hope all is going well LHG

THANK YOU! Finally someone comes in and defends the honor of my thread!

OH MY GAWD, Gurl I KNOW you didn't jus go der! (snaps fingers, rolls eyes, AND twists neck).....

LHG is too classy to whore around on her thread boys... This is a nicotine quitting site and the women here (well, most of us) are here to QLF not flaunt our sexy asses 'arse' I would hate for my quit brothers to get in trouble with their wives because a female quitter requires a little extra attention so acts slutty to get it. You should all respect that and keep the fantasies off the intros... They are open to everyone not just members.


My .02
:wub: you LHG... Keep rocking the bad ass quit!!!

I adore this GORGEOUS and SEXY woman!

"Hate" THAT.

Geez, a guy trys to have a little fun to keep his weak mind focused on staying quit, and he gets shot down.... I'm crushed.....

Fine, I'll go back to the Wildcard room. At least LOOT and GMANN show some skin from time to time there.

:rolleyes:

LooT's a total slut. He's not even in the same league as me.

[LionHeartedGirl]

19 days... Barely into my quit. This one is so different though. It's not difficult in the sense that I'm not fighting temptation. I gave my word. I'm keeping it. That's simple. So the cravings are annoyances but nothing against my web of support. I feel a little like I've built Fort Knox for a petty criminal but then I remember how many times I THOUGHT I had "finally quit for good this time" and I realize how cunning and destructive this adversary has actually been. So Fort Knox it is.

19 days in and I now understand "guard your quit". I'm guarding it with my life.