day 1. No cigarettes, no cope, no nicotine

[KayakKurt]

This is a good sign though right?

It's a great sign. Well, specifically your reaction to the dream. I *still* have caving dreams, and I think they are awesome and humbling and a blessing. I get to experience how shitty it would be to cave without actually caving. I wake up even more proud of myself than I was when I went to sleep. It keeps my sorry ass in check.

You always got just the right things to say, Dean!

I posted this story on my may quit group's thread. I'm beginning to feel the sense of brotherhood on here and wanted to add this to the forum. I think this story definitely relates to our quits and the brotherhood on here.

My dad used to tell me and my 2 brothers this story when we would fight.

The Bundle of Sticks

A certain Father had a family of Sons, who were forever quarreling among themselves. No words he could say did the least good, so he cast about in his mind for some very striking example that should make them see that discord would lead them to misfortune.

One day when the quarreling had been much more violent than usual and each of the Sons was moping in a surly manner, he asked one of them to bring him a bundle of sticks. Then handing the bundle to each of his Sons in turn he told them to try to break it. But although each one tried his best, none was able to do so.

The Father then untied the bundle and gave the sticks to his Sons to break one by one. This they did very easily.

"My Sons," said the Father, "do you not see how certain it is that if you agree with each other and help each other, it will be impossible for your enemies to injure you? But if you are divided among yourselves, you will be no stronger than a single stick in that bundle."

In unity is strength.

This morning I had a wake-up call from the nic bitch.

I had a dip dream.

Rather a dip nightmare.

In my dream I caught my 11 year-old son with a dip in his mouth.

He called me a hypocrite and reminded me that I dipped until he was 10.

That's a wake-up call. I sat up breathing heavy. Pissed. At myself.

What an asshole I was all those years.

Dean's right about these dreams.

Stay quit Kurt

Leahy 273

That's powerful.

Good to know that even months into our quit the nic bitch will still be there. We can never let our guards down.

I might have a serious crave today as I'm gonna spend some time with my cousins. Both of them smoke. However todays is 2 weeks and I won't throw that away.

Also it's been over a month without a cigarette and my lungs and body feel better than ever.

[Leahy16]

This is a good sign though right?

It's a great sign. Well, specifically your reaction to the dream. I *still* have caving dreams, and I think they are awesome and humbling and a blessing. I get to experience how shitty it would be to cave without actually caving. I wake up even more proud of myself than I was when I went to sleep. It keeps my sorry ass in check.

You always got just the right things to say, Dean!

I posted this story on my may quit group's thread. I'm beginning to feel the sense of brotherhood on here and wanted to add this to the forum. I think this story definitely relates to our quits and the brotherhood on here.

My dad used to tell me and my 2 brothers this story when we would fight.

The Bundle of Sticks

A certain Father had a family of Sons, who were forever quarreling among themselves. No words he could say did the least good, so he cast about in his mind for some very striking example that should make them see that discord would lead them to misfortune.

One day when the quarreling had been much more violent than usual and each of the Sons was moping in a surly manner, he asked one of them to bring him a bundle of sticks. Then handing the bundle to each of his Sons in turn he told them to try to break it. But although each one tried his best, none was able to do so.

The Father then untied the bundle and gave the sticks to his Sons to break one by one. This they did very easily.

"My Sons," said the Father, "do you not see how certain it is that if you agree with each other and help each other, it will be impossible for your enemies to injure you? But if you are divided among yourselves, you will be no stronger than a single stick in that bundle."

In unity is strength.

This morning I had a wake-up call from the nic bitch.

I had a dip dream.

Rather a dip nightmare.

In my dream I caught my 11 year-old son with a dip in his mouth.

He called me a hypocrite and reminded me that I dipped until he was 10.

That's a wake-up call. I sat up breathing heavy. Pissed. At myself.

What an asshole I was all those years.

Dean's right about these dreams.

Stay quit Kurt

Leahy 273

[KayakKurt]

This is a good sign though right?

It's a great sign. Well, specifically your reaction to the dream. I *still* have caving dreams, and I think they are awesome and humbling and a blessing. I get to experience how shitty it would be to cave without actually caving. I wake up even more proud of myself than I was when I went to sleep. It keeps my sorry ass in check.

You always got just the right things to say, Dean!

I posted this story on my may quit group's thread. I'm beginning to feel the sense of brotherhood on here and wanted to add this to the forum. I think this story definitely relates to our quits and the brotherhood on here.

My dad used to tell me and my 2 brothers this story when we would fight.

The Bundle of Sticks

A certain Father had a family of Sons, who were forever quarreling among themselves. No words he could say did the least good, so he cast about in his mind for some very striking example that should make them see that discord would lead them to misfortune.

One day when the quarreling had been much more violent than usual and each of the Sons was moping in a surly manner, he asked one of them to bring him a bundle of sticks. Then handing the bundle to each of his Sons in turn he told them to try to break it. But although each one tried his best, none was able to do so.

The Father then untied the bundle and gave the sticks to his Sons to break one by one. This they did very easily.

"My Sons," said the Father, "do you not see how certain it is that if you agree with each other and help each other, it will be impossible for your enemies to injure you? But if you are divided among yourselves, you will be no stronger than a single stick in that bundle."

In unity is strength.

[DeanTheCoot]

This is a good sign though right?

It's a great sign. Well, specifically your reaction to the dream. I *still* have caving dreams, and I think they are awesome and humbling and a blessing. I get to experience how shitty it would be to cave without actually caving. I wake up even more proud of myself than I was when I went to sleep. It keeps my sorry ass in check.

[KayakKurt]

Morning 12
Wow guys, I appreciate all this support!!

Bruce I took your advice last night, and just now again in the morning ;)

Russ thanks for texting me this morning because you didn't see my name on roll call. Even if it was 8am and my lazy ass was still in bed. I'm glad to know I've got people checking in on me and making sure I'm posting. That's what this site is about. Accountability.

Next, I'd like to thank Soul, Dean, Leahy, Bruce, Russ and NOLAQ for all your guys support.

So last night I had my first dip dream. I've had a few cigarette dreams but this was my first dip dream. I dreamt that not only had I bought a can, but that someone gave me a can that same day too. So there I am in dreamland with 2 cans of dip and it hits me. What will I tell the guys in the forum??

In my dream I have two thoughts.
First though just cave. Dip these two cans then go back as a retread. Whats the big deal, everyone does it!
No, I can't do that to my support team. To all the guys that spent their time on me that would have been a waste for all of them.

My next thought was well why do you have to tell them? Just dip, and keep posting roll they won't know..

I woke up feeling ashamed and worthless.

Thank god it was only a dream. There is no way I could come on to this forum with a dip in my lip and act like everything was normal.

This is a good sign though right?

So the ladyfriend left for college, and she made coffee before she left. Damn good woman if I say so myself. I'm feeling better today. I've got some errands I have to run so I'll get out of the house today.

Day 12, prepare to have your ass kicked nic free style.

[Leahy16]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

Kurt,

I wrote the following on my April 13, 2009, roll call:

"Dean - 21. I hate what this drug has done to me."

You're in that place now, too. Make no mistake about it: You feel like shit because you didn't get up and throw a dip in your mouth. The void left by quitting is harrowing. Never mind those assholes who focus on the "physical" addiction...the guys who think it's easy street after 72 hours. Maybe it is, for some. I wasn't one of them. I found myself on an emotional roller-coaster for MONTHS. I was quit for hundreds of days and would fall into funks. Lots of us did.

But so what? Even at 21 days quit, I was full of BALLS and RESOLVE. I could have woken up every day with a fucking knife sticking out of my head, and the cure could have been packing a dip, and I STILL would have rather endured that knife wound than caved.

Are you there? If not, get there. You make it so.

Obviously, this site is working again. There are lots of guys who feel the same way Kurt.

You're getting great advice here. All I will say is, weather this storm, it too shall pass.

Life on the other side is so fucking worth it Kurt, trust me.

Head down, power through. You can do this.

I'm with you Kurt. I also know you can do this.

The funky days can really wreak havoc on the spirit. Those are the days that this site was built for. these people, these 'strangers', these heroes will help you to be stronger than you think you can be.

Try to get moving. Literally. Get up out of the chair and get moving. Go for a walk around the block. Yes, even in the rain. You won't melt, I promise. Move your ass. Getting the blood flowing will boost your endorphins and make you feel better. Do 25 push-ups.

Do anything.

You got this brother.

I'm quit with you.

[Nolaq]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

Kurt,

I wrote the following on my April 13, 2009, roll call:

"Dean - 21. I hate what this drug has done to me."

You're in that place now, too. Make no mistake about it: You feel like shit because you didn't get up and throw a dip in your mouth. The void left by quitting is harrowing. Never mind those assholes who focus on the "physical" addiction...the guys who think it's easy street after 72 hours. Maybe it is, for some. I wasn't one of them. I found myself on an emotional roller-coaster for MONTHS. I was quit for hundreds of days and would fall into funks. Lots of us did.

But so what? Even at 21 days quit, I was full of BALLS and RESOLVE. I could have woken up every day with a fucking knife sticking out of my head, and the cure could have been packing a dip, and I STILL would have rather endured that knife wound than caved.

Are you there? If not, get there. You make it so.

Obviously, this site is working again. There are lots of guys who feel the same way Kurt.

You're getting great advice here. All I will say is, weather this storm, it too shall pass.

Life on the other side is so fucking worth it Kurt, trust me.

Head down, power through. You can do this.

[DeanTheCoot]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

Kurt,

I wrote the following on my April 13, 2009, roll call:

"Dean - 21. I hate what this drug has done to me."

You're in that place now, too. Make no mistake about it: You feel like shit because you didn't get up and throw a dip in your mouth. The void left by quitting is harrowing. Never mind those assholes who focus on the "physical" addiction...the guys who think it's easy street after 72 hours. Maybe it is, for some. I wasn't one of them. I found myself on an emotional roller-coaster for MONTHS. I was quit for hundreds of days and would fall into funks. Lots of us did.

But so what? Even at 21 days quit, I was full of BALLS and RESOLVE. I could have woken up every day with a fucking knife sticking out of my head, and the cure could have been packing a dip, and I STILL would have rather endured that knife wound than caved.

Are you there? If not, get there. You make it so.

[rgross298]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

Kurt,
Hang in there brother. You and I are on the same day. I had a terribly shitty day yesterday (day 10). Just depressed and shit. Today was kickass; much better. It's up and down. You will have a great day tomorrow (or the next day), it's no bullshit, dude. I can't believe how much better I feel today than yesterday.
Need you back in the game tomorrow and feeling great, dude.

---Russ

[rgross298]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

Read the post before this. You have done a tremendous thing here bud. You believe in yourself strong enough to tell you body and mind to "do the right thing". To stop putting poison in body. To stop being chained to a chemical. To stop playing Russian roulette with cancer.

This is bold brother. Without a doubt. Is this easy? Hell no. But fuck, you knowingly put poison in your body...you paid to put poison in your body. Think you body and mind were happy about that? Heck no. Don't take this thing lightly. Give yourself so props. I often feel like a lunatic 'round this point but here it goes: you've been living in the framework of an addict...a using addict. That framework created all these patterns that forced you to do things that truly wasn't you. Things that just don't make sense (see the above paragraph). Realizing this you made this bold step. You've said "I quit" You've given the proverbial "number one" to UST. You realize you got more to offer the world. Fuck. I'm proud that you're here. Just as I am the rest of the steel balled fuckers that live on this site day in and day out. This ain't easy. It takes guts and determination and a true sense of belief in yourself. You can do this. I know it.

This Souliman vet is a class act.

--Russ

[Souliman]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

When I felt like that two things helped. First, sex...seriously. second, exercise, I usually walked the dogs and if I still felt like shit it was off to the gym

Sex and exercise...OUTFUCKINGSTANDING BRUCE.

Bet that old fucker with the fruit smoothies infomercial wishes he knew our secret to success.

[Souliman]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

Read the post before this. You have done a tremendous thing here bud. You believe in yourself strong enough to tell you body and mind to "do the right thing". To stop putting poison in body. To stop being chained to a chemical. To stop playing Russian roulette with cancer.

This is bold brother. Without a doubt. Is this easy? Hell no. But fuck, you knowingly put poison in your body...you paid to put poison in your body. Think your body and mind were happy about that? Heck no. Don't take this thing lightly. Give yourself some props. I often feel like a lunatic 'round this point but here it goes: you've been living in the framework of an addict...a using addict. That framework created all these patterns that forced you to do things that truly wasn't you. Things that just don't make sense (see the above paragraph). Realizing this you made this bold step. You've said "I quit" You've given the proverbial "number one" to UST. You realize you got more to offer the world. Fuck. I'm proud that you're here. Just as I am the rest of the steel balled fuckers that live on this site day in and day out. This ain't easy. It takes guts and determination and a true sense of belief in yourself. You can do this. I know it.

[Bruce]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

When I felt like that two things helped. First, sex...seriously. second, exercise, I usually walked the dogs and if I still felt like shit it was off to the gym

[KayakKurt]

Day 11 has been a very depressed day.
Not sure why I just feel like I don't have any energy. Don't want to leave the house (which may be a good thing).
I just feel very lethargic...
I don't know what else to write, but I'm in a very dark place today.. Not sure what to do to change that. I know a dip won't change that. A cigarette won't change that.

I think I'll make dinner. Hamburger helper with deer burger and (pig) bacon.
Fuck I am depressed.
The weather doesn't help either...

[Souliman]

Here's a guy protecting his quit. Getting involved. Giving support. Pulling folks through the fog. Good stuff Kurt. Keep it up bud. When you get through to the other side of this, you'll be a different man.

One day at a time.