Ever want to see all the drama and how a quit began? I've taken the morning to scour my best early posts (up until day 8) and what has got me here so I don't have to look further back in October for them (840 pages!).
After posting day 1, Loot had this to say to my then deaf ears:
Wastedtime ... It's nice to see you found your sack and posted Day 2. It's gonna suck and for your sake LOOT hopes it is brutal. Not because LOOT is a sadist...but because if it isn't, you may forget it. You forget, you die. Don't believe it? Go read the latest entry in Words of Wisdom.
The people in this board are not breaking you down for personal pleasure. It's because the care. They care About you, your family, and your quit. Show that respect in return and you'll be fine.
The biggest issue LOOT has with you is your reluctance to jump on the addict train. Grasp that concept. Embrace it. Understand it. OWN it. Until you do, you will never turn the corner
Never again...for any reason.
Here's my fog in full force:
GatorTom-180-quit with wastepanel-Dude, I think you are day 4 today. You were day 3 yesterday.
I think you're right. Besides, I've put on my underwear backwards for the last 2 days (only to discover it around noon).
That's wastepanel day 4 (72 hours as of 1:30)
I quit on the Wednesday before July 4th. After realizing that I was not being smart in this quit, I went looking for numbers:
Does anybody want to exchange cell phone numbers? I'm on day 5, but this will be my first true test of the quit and I'm starting to feel the anxiety. I'll be at a party (strike 1) with guys I first started chewing with (strike 2) and lots of alcohol (strike 3).
We could do a buddy system and check up on each other here.
My bud Eaf stepped up even though he was on day 3 with sound advice:
You have a PM WP...
Keep in mind that when you go to a barber shop you usually end up with a hair cut. Make sure you have a way out, and at least for tonight don't drink so you can drive your butt home when the urge is too much.
Another way to look at it is if you play with fire you get burned most of the time.
Here is my post on July 4th describing what I did to stay quit while watching 4 brothers post day 1s again:
I'd like to speak a little about the cavers, but please excuse my ramblings as I am still foggy.
First off, did you know you were going to cave before you went out last night? I thought about it, and I knew when it was going to happen. When I quit on Wednesday, I realized I had off work Thursday and Friday. I knew that Saturday was going to be a day of swimming at my dad's. And I knew I would be attending a party last night where I would be encouraged to drink by friends that I either taught how to chew or who always bummed from me.
I knew they were going to start talking. Friend A was going to look to bum one. I was going to explain to them I quit. They were all going to say good for you, but I'm not ready. They were going to refill any drink I emptied in their presence, and they would be there for me when I stumbled up at 11:30 and declared this whole quit thing sucked and rejoined their "brotherhood".
So, I manned up.
I promised my 6 year old we could sleep in a tent last night. That assured he would be pulling my arm off early into the evening. I alerted my wife I wasn't drinking, so that she wouldn't accuse me of being a "party-pooper" and not wanting to hang out with my friends until all hours of the night. I got 3 numbers from this board, and stayed in contact with them periodically through the night.
It was pretty fucking easy.
Yeah, I chewed some Smokey Mountain. Yeah, I had to disappear to the basement for 10 minutes to regroup myself after dinner. Yeah, the beer looked good after a day of yard work and 90 degree temps, but I resisted.
So did 15 of my brethren (according to my calculations) that are Octobers.
I don't have much room to speak. My first serious quit came in 2006 (in Franpro's group). That was on the "other site" (I'm still not sure why I am listed on both.). Anyways, I made it over 2 years, and almost to the third year.
Then I went to a Browns' game, got drunk, and thought "I can have 1...."
Looking back, I knew I was going to have a chew that day. I knew it.
I plunged back into the addiction within 4 months. It was not difficult. I liked it better than before. Hell, I could quit anytime I wanted to.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that I understand exactly why you caved. I understand what you went through last night, and what you're feeling tonight. Your resolve is strong. You can do it again.
Except you've now added ANOTHER day of fog. You've added ANOTHER day of dry mouth. You've added ANOTHER day of pissed off ranting. And you've given your mind a "get out of cravings free" card. They say that when your kid throws a temper tantrum, to ignore, him/her; otherwise, their behavior will get worse and worse.
You've just made that brat tougher to reign in.
Suck it up. You've earned it.
See you at 100.
The next day, I recieved some very bad news. My friend had passed away at the age of 34. These 2 posts were my rambling (from that day and the next):
midwestusa: "Is tobacco-free snuff worth it? Does it actually help?"
I never had much luck with it myself, but like many of these guys will tell you...
Every quit is different, and everyone is motivated by different things.
I caution you about one thing though: I hated that it kept the oral fixation alive, no it didn't feed the nic bitch, but it reminded me too much of the bad habit itself.
If you have the self-control to maintain that separation... try it and find out for yourself if its worth it.
Its not likely I would try the nic-free worm dirt again... I just don't trust myself anymore.
Keep us posted.
P.S. All things being said, I would advise against it though for the very reason I described above. Do you want to take that chance?
Thanks for the tip CNC. I was thinking the same thing about it just prolonging the side habits. I'll go without it for now.
I am with the both of you. I was debating trying to find some of the stuff yesterday but I think i will pass on it as well.
The first couple days I sucked on a tea bag which worked but it was rough. Find that a mint works pretty well today, and hopefully that won't be necessary too much longer. Will see as time moves forward, something to worry about tomorrow and not today.
Pretty stressful day today and I am still QUIT. Thanks for being here.
I wouldn't rule it out 100%.
I just got the call that my buddy I've known since high school just passed away at the ripe old age of 34.
I've got half a can of that corn stalk shit shoved into my lip right now.
It's going to be a long fucking day
I'm going to ramble here for just a moment...
I had a very bad day yesterday to quit. A friend of mine passed away (34).
Now, I don't know about any of you, but quitting is quite emotional. I got the call about 2:15, and was asked to call others so that Facebook wasn't going to inform his friends. I made a few calls, and requested that the others do the same thing.
It was during this time I had nobody to talk to except my 6 year old and 2 year old. I found myself in and out of coherent thought, and ran to this board.
My friends here gave me somebody to chat with until the initial shock wore off. Thinking back on my memories of this buddy, he was guy that chewed and gave me pointers when I started at 17. He was the guy that I knew I could turn too if I miscalculated how much chew I had in the can and ran out early in the evening. He was a good guy, but he helped in my habit.
My friends and I chew and drink like fiends when we are together. As sad as I was yesterday, I was terrified as to how easily this could ruin my quit. It is a horribly selfish thought to have, but it was true to me.
Until I realized this wouldn't ruin my quit. Only I could ruin my quit.
This wasn't an Afterschool Special where everybody was going to hold me down and force me to chew "for Tommy". They weren't going to kick me out for not doing it. These are addicts just like me. They're just not ready to make the commitment.
We all met out at the bar last night for some drinks. We did the usual guy thing and spoke of him in brief 2-5 minute periods, felt the emotions rage us, and changed the subject only to return back to it later.
I hit some SMC. My one friend ("the bummer"--Guy who smokes to quit chew, but bums chew everytime he sees you) asked for one, saw the can, and looked elsewhere. Another friend asked about my quit and I told him about it. A few others listened, and I gave one guy the address to this site.
I'm not afraid anymore. I'm going to miss ya Tommy, but I passed a major milestone in my quit last night. I'm smart enough to realize it can creep up on me at any instant, and that complacency is what ruined me last time.
I will stay in control. I'm still quit motherfuckers. Thanks.
That is some strong shit my friend...
My hats off to you for your control, and, most importantly, my deepest of sympathies as well.
I am terribly sorry for your loss.
God bless you Tommy.
If you need anything at all Wastepanel... I wish to be on your short list for assistance. Just ask.
Sorry about your buddy WP but your realization is right in line with where you need to be to really stay quit. Thanks for sharing.
You are getting a good crossroads lesson very early in your quit and are using tools you have garnered up until now.
You are a damn warrior and I am proud to quit with you.
Jody B
Damn fine WP. Thanks for sharing that. Very sorry about your loss.
I always try to keep in the back of my mind that bad/tragic/stressful events occurred when I dipped. They will occur now too. However, I will not fool myself any longer into thinking the dip takes the pain or stress away. At this point in my life dip will only compound those feelings.
Moe entered his quit the next day, and I was bound and determined to stick up for my brothers (and loot realized I still hadn't quite come to the realizations I needed to survive this):
Well I have some explaining to do........ You will see that my start date was February 07. I have been to this site on several occasions and each time let the support I had on this site and myself down. This is not something I am proud of. Its been about 3 years since I have been back on the site and for all 3 years it was the same BS as all the years before. Im tired of trying to quit and not being able to, I am tired of being controlled by the need to have a dip. Its just time for me to quit, no more sneaking dip behind my wifes back after telling her that I was really going to quit this time, more thinking I can ever have just one, No more worrying about mouth cancer or when I can sneak away to have a chew. Im just ready to be done.... Im going to get it done this time.
You had me at "I'm going to get it done".
Get it done today, and we'll worry about tomorrow. We've all had these demons in our past. Learn from your mistakes.
Check your inbox shortly.
Moe...welcome aboard. Just so we're clear, the October group doesn't fuck around. We have crossed the Rubicon and burned the fucking boats, so there's no turning back for us. If you can make that same commitment this time, then I welcome you aboard. Don't let these fine people down the way you've let down your previous quit groups. I'm sure they invested a lot in you only to be pissed on. I hope you don't do the same to this group, but only time will tell whether you are serious this time. Good to be quit with you today.
I got his cell, and realized I am in driving distance to hunt him down.
It's up to him to use us, but now that he's posted roll, we help him today.
Moe-You've quit before for a time (10 months) and then again for a few weeks at a time. Going forward in your quit, remember how bad these first few days are. Remember how your skin hurts, and how your jaw goes numb. Remember those feelings, and embrace it.
When the physical stage passes, embrace these first few days and remember how much you do not want to relive them. Remember that you cannot have a chew on occasion. I've had that thought too. It landed me back here. It fucking sucks. I know.
The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and looking for a different response. Do it different than before. Post roll everyday. (If you don't post by noon, I'm hunting you down.) Read, and get others telephone numbers. Go to the Walmart at the corner of 21 and 30 and get some Smokey Mountain Snuff if you want. Hell, I only go to that Walmart to get that shit as that is the only place around here that sells it. In fact, I will fucking go there and get it for you and bring it to you.
Just don't put that nicotine shit in your lip today dude. I'm pulling for you.
We're all pulling for MOE, just perhaps in different ways. I'm pulling for MOE not to take a dump on these fine quitters who are here posting their word and living up to it everyday.
He roll called today. That's what counts.
He did post a day 1 like he's apparently done before on a few occasions. Now MOE just has to (1) keep his word and (2) repeat.
CLUE: These two little requirements have apparently been busting his ass since 2007.
I'm not hoping MOE fails. On the contrary, I will give MOE my number if he promises to call me and get my permission before he goes spelunking again.
I'll second that motion Gmann, call either of us and if we approve you can cave. I also agree with MikeA, I think moe needs to spit out a well thought out plan of quit attack. The skeleton should be 1) post roll early and every day 2) get numbers 3) use the goddamn numbers. Those three steps in themselves will get you through, but feel free to add more. Whatever it takes. One of these Oct badasses already said it, don't fuck with these guys, they are serious.
wastepanel - I get taking up for moe but gmann is right; until he proves he can post daily AND keep his word he will not have garnered much trust - sipport yes, trust no. He has shit all over himself, this site and the people who have supported him. He needs to keep his head down and keep his word. My word means a lot as I hope your word means a lot to you. He has looked a lot of people in the face and then broke his promise. This is not that he won't be supported he just won't be believed for a long ass time.
All I have to offer is support, and I will support my brother like I support every other October brother.
UNCONDITIONALLY
And I will lead the charge on moe IF he fucks up (which he won't).
October Spelunkers
Sounds good huh?
Spineless lot you are....
ShOct and Awe-ctober
Or we could stay simple and go with "Those fucking October bastards".
Speaking of longevity, wastepanel, what's your story? You really joined this place 5 years ago?
*LOOT pulls up a chair next to the fire and gets prepared to read this novel... Again*
'Popcorn'
How about some accountability this time wastedtime?
Good luck getting a decent Answer MWU.
I stopped chewing in September 2006 on the lite site (with guys such Franpro, chewie, and even loot). I was in the September 2006 group (The St. Nic O Frees) and hit my hof date in December 2006.
I'm not quite sure how I got signed up to this site, but I made 1 post prior to 8 days ago.
Fast forward some....
It was October 25, 2009 (I've been thinking a lot about my nic addiction lately, and I can pinpoint it to this date as my cave.). I went to a Browns game (against Green Bay) with my friend, got drunk, and thought "It's only one...".
I was no longer posting roll at that point. Hell, I convinced myself I could do it just once DESPITE MY HOF SPEECH SAYING OTHERWISE.
I had a chew. 1 chew.
It was out of my mouth within 45 minutes (It was gross, I reverted back to the spit everything I've ever had in my mouth out, got the hiccups, etc.)
"That wasn't so bad" I thought.
So, a few weeks later I had another. And another. And another....
By February 2010, I was back into a full blown habit (addiction). I was going through 3 cans a weeks of Skoal, and my wife realized I was chewing again.
I will repeat this: I never came to this board nor the other board during this time period. I never posted roll and went back on it.
I returned to this board last week by googling "quit chewing website" (which is how I found the lite board in 2006). I held my crutches strong, but ended up tossing my shit, and I've now been quit for 8 days.
Roll is important. Roll keeps you honest. Roll makes you realize you are an addict, and won't let your addict brain fool you into thinking otherwise.
I posted roll through 100 days religiously in 2006. I got lazy after I accomplished my goal.
I never truly embraced being involved with other people from the website. I posted my roll, and I ranted every now and then. But I didn't PM people, or text them, or call them. I did it alone.
Because I did it alone, I failed.
I'm changing that this time.
I've learned from my mistakes, but I have never posted roll and gone back on it. I became complacent and I fooled myself. That will not happen again.
Sad story WastedTime. Sad indeed. And the sad for LOOT has little to do with your friend's passing but mostly, and more importantly with your mindset. LOOT'd pick the post apart and point it out to you but in the end, just like this post, it would be little more than WastedTime.
Make sure you understand #4 before you start pointing it out to others. Especially those that have employed it. Without fail.
Ok, I'm new to the site so maybe there is something I'm missing.
A guy that is on here quitting and whose buddy died yesterday and he stayed quit, is being ridiculed by the Site Administrator who refers to himself in the 3rd person. Is that normal?
It depends on what your definition of normal is.
Fact is that I'm an addict like Loot, and he could sway just as easy as I could without this place. Fact is that Loot never forgot he was an addict, and I did.
Thanks for both of those posts. LOOT needed both. You could have done it a few days ago when asked. Maybe you did and LOOT missed? Doesn't matter now really.
The day you forget is the day you die.
All LOOT wanted from you was the admission that you were an addict. It's tough to type. It's is sobering. It is liberating. Grasp it WT. OWN it...or it will own you. Just like it has these past 5 years.
Here is a sorta secret. LOOT blew an 18 month quit once because he forgot. Just like you it took 5 very long years before LOOT had the balls to quit again. We are the same. We are addicts. However, now we realize we are addicts and...with Roll Call...we can quit stepping on our dicks. Every day. Every fucking day you post roll.
You are on LOOTs radar. LOOT would like for you to take 30 seconds a day to post in Old Timers so LOOT don't gotta track you down. You willing to up the accountability ante big boy?
The Colonal and his early quit drama were during all this, but I had avoided him until here. It was when we both realized how much we could give to this group:
Okay 'Tobers,
The weekend cometh whether you're ready or not.
The Nico-Bitch lurks. Do you have a plan?
List your plan here: _____________________________________________________.
Keep it between the ditches, straight on 'til Monday.
Save your life, save a friend's; keep the shit outa your head.
No tobacco.
QT
B)
My plan is as follows:
1) post everyday... early... post right after waking up... make my promise
2) upon a crave, hit October and do some reading and post as necessary
3) if still craving, PM s4s, eafman, Romandog, CopeFiend, Skoal Monster, Bert, NMC, brian, etc. Hit every resource from October '11 and May '09.
4) if still craving, go to Wildcard section and hit some One, Two, Three word post action... its fun...
5) if unsuccessful, hit live chat... ask for assistance
6) if unsuccessful, call CopeFiend... at home... then try cell... then try his wife's cell
7) if unavailable, go thru all collected numbers...
8) if still unsuccessful, go on a raging rant on site... better to make an ass of myself, than to cave...
9) do not leave home... do NOT rage at family... retry steps 2-8 until stress is relieved...
10) if still not satisfied, calmly talk to wife... maybe get some crave relieving sex out of it (Mrs. Colonel approves)
Steps 2-9 can be done concurrently!!!
Straight on 'til Monday.
I usually try step 10 first, Mrs Colonel usually is in the mood ;)
'finger point'
Thanks for the input cheesedick!!! B)
Mrs. Colonel helped ME through more than one crave. She's a TRUE supporter.
:o
Does Mrs Colonel do outcall? Her and Mrs MikeA should hook up for some 3 way support!!
Hmmm... if its for the good of both our QUITS??? 'winker'
Hey guys... I just went into Live Chat due to a minor crave.
Well, Klark was there and read me the fucking riot act after asking about why I "think" I caved. I was honest.
Next thing you know, he is telling me all manner of things about stuff I never said... it didn't help me any, but have I been honest to you guys over the last handful of days?
Have I provided a plan? Have I contacted folks? Have I tried to justify or excuse my cave???
Be honest guys... I am in here to help myself... to help others... to fucking quit.
But if a war is starting, I would prefer to be on the right side.
The war is ongoing. It's us versus nicotine. As far a I can tell, during the last couple of days, you've been on the right side. I'll assume until proven wrong that you will stay there this time around. I'll also be supporting.
There are other wars, but that is the only one that really matters to me.
Jim: Did you post a cave story somewhere? Might be here, but I can't find anything in this thread.
I'm just interested to hear your tale.
- Dean +1
No, I did not post an official cave story... I ranted on Day 1... made a total ass of myself,... then I thought I did a fair job explaining things from then up until now... I guess I was wrong.
Honestly, if I thought it wouldn't help a soul I would just assume not do it again. But I know it will help... it will help me too.
Just gimme a little time... I'll conjure up the energy to type it out again... I just got back inside from more Anti-Crave Yard Work.
Too bad I can't copy paste from previous Live Chat sessions. I think I was finally on to something... meaning, I still cannot fully explain it but I was close to understanding it myself.
Weak sauce... fucking pussy... all that stuff aside, I am feeling pretty smoked right now.
Colonel,
I don't care what you've done in the past. You promised us that you would be nicotine free last Thursday. You have kept your word. Continue to post roll call every morning, continue to keep your word, and the rest is moot.
I came back here under similar circumstances. I had my crutches, and came in here boisterous. After a few days, I looked into my old groups. I saw guys at nearly 1800. I should have been there.
These guys never forgot they were addicts. They remembered everyday. They post roll every day.
Think about your cave. I bet you can remember the specific moment it happened. I bet you didn't post roll that morning. Or hadn't all week prior to it.
Read your HOF speech. Read about how vigilant you were that you were not going to cave. You had it under control. The secret is that we can not control this addiction. We can merely control our actions.
You have kept your promise so far. You're going to continue to keep your word as long as you give it. Don't forget.
You're doing a great job, brother.
Team...I have no idea how you have avoided the drama here. But I'm looking for some posts!!!
New guys...We've been through the bullshit. It's fucking hard. But it is FUCKING FUNNY 128 days laters. Find a group (October is fun. Read through it) and read from the beginning. You are not the first to go through this shit. We all have battled the fog. We all have had to come to realizations. The vets have prevailed. Even though my group is now unpinned, I bet I could go to any group and find similar stories all the way through, and there's most likely drama my group hasn't encountered as well.
Post roll.
Stay quit.
Repeat.
