Last night at 10:00 marked the one week mark since my last dip, and damn what a week it's been. I found this website on Friday, 8/17, and spent a couple of hours reading blog posts. I mentally prepared myself that I was going to finish up the roll I'd bought that morning over the weekend, but come Monday morning, I was done. Monday, I joined up here and posted this intro. I spent the first day or 2 after joining wondering why people were sending me their phone numbers on here. I wasn't looking for buddies, and didn't need some random guys calling or texting me. I responded with quick thanks for the welcome, but didn't send my # back. For whatever reason, on Wednesday, I actually sent my digits to a couple of people. In hindsight, I think it was because I was going to need some accountability over the next few days. Thursday, day 4, started off pretty good. A couple of hours into my work day, I get word that my 18 year old niece has been involved in a bad wreck and is being transported by lifeflight. The initial thoughts were that it was serious, but not life-threatening. So, I worked another hour or so, and then hit the road for the hour drive to go pickup my 72 year old mom, to then drive her another 2 hours up to the hospital. Not long after I picked her up, my brother called with the news that she didn't make it. Disbelief...shock...you name it...those were the emotions. Not that I was looking for excuses to quit my quit, but damn it there weren't plenty to choose from if I'd wanted. Just that morning on the forums, I read where someone had written about a problem being a problem...but a problem + a dip = 2 problems. I spent about 4 hours in the car on Thursday...prime dipping time. I was dealing with the shock that my brother's 18 year old daughter had just died. I ended up at his house...with a can of Grizzly right in front of me. The temptations were there, and so were the opportunities. I really wanted a dip...or so my addiction told me. I texted one of my quit bros, and told him I just wanted to be accountable. I came on here and posted about how I was struggling. I wasn't looking for sympathy, but was posting to help keep me accountable to myself and to the rest of my my Nov2018 crew. This weekend brought the visitation on Saturday and the funeral yesterday. I still posted roll every morning. I didn't do it for y'all...I did it so my promise to myself was in writing that day. Made it home last night and collapsed in the recliner. I think last night was the hardest time yet. I had damn near given in to the "just one". After all, I'd been a week, surely I could reward myself with one little dip. One dip wasn't going to hurt my wallet or my health. Just one. I was on the brink of doing it. I'd gone through all the scenarios in my head, and right was losing. But then it hit me...I quit. I quit because I don't need this stuff. I don't need 2 cans a day...and I don't need one dip a week. Day 4-7 were some of the hardest days I've ever faced in my life...and I made it without dip. Throughout the day, my phone would ding...and I'd look down and have a text from one of your quitters...and it'd remind me that I'm not quitting alone. I was surrounded by family and friends all weekend, so I certainly wasn't alone in that sense...but those texts from here really helped me with my quit. And the timing of one particular text last night was huge. Capital70 has been texting every day...normally each morning. Well, yesterday, his text came through after 9PM...right when I was sitting there about to give in to that "just one" bs. The rest of my life has started off rough...but I've also found a strength I didn't know I had. I've faltered...but I haven't caved or fallen. I told my brother that he couldn't change what had happened, and he couldn't change the hurt that was going to come. The only thing he could control was the right now. I learned that from this website, and I used it to comfort my brother in the most painful situation he's ever had to face. I also used it when I was stumbling with quitting. ODAAT...and right now. Just quit right now. Then quit again a few minutes later. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
