Day 702 - Thanks everyone for the support on Day 700. I've had the chance to reflect on this quit over the past few weeks and my bitter hatred for nicotine which seems to grow for every day I am quit.
I spent some time with my mom who had radiation treatment a couple of weeks ago. She's a smoker like I've never seen before. She barely has one out and is lighting up another one. The treatments were about 3 hours away and I won't let her smoke in my truck so by the time I got to the cancer treatment center she was like a wild animal in a cage looking for every opportunity to jump out of the vehicle. I almost felt that I needed to make sure the child locks were engaged so she wouldn't jump out at any of the stop signs or red lights. I couldn't help to think if I had been like that going three hours without a dip. Surely, I couldn't have been that bad! We'll it's been 702 days, I've almost forgot what it was like the first few hours of my quit. Looking back, yes, a wild animal I was and it was for close to 50 days of being that wild animal chained to a post looking to bite into anything that came close.
I really hate nicotine. In that week my cloths had to be washed several times before the smoke smell was gone. I felt that it was in my pours of my skin my hair and just felt sick of how this weed had taken over the minds of my mom, sister and nephews, their eyes all glassy and their minds so slow to react to conversation because their first response was to take a drag or put in a dip. Again, I failed to recognize I had been like them. Damn it! That's how it was for 30+ years of my life. I was a zombie, nicotine was robbing me of social interactions with my own family. I've had this thought before but this time it really hit me square in the forehead. Time was fleeting and I had wasted so many years with this addiction. It's too bad because for many of us we don't see it until so much time has passed and we were too dumb or brain dead to want for anything better.
My mom, well, she won't stop smoking because the radiation treatment didn't even bother her. The treatments are so advanced now that no one gets sick anymore. It's a shame though, a lot of money and time goes into the treatment and IMHO is wasted on someone who won't quit despite the state of art treatment that will extend a persons life. The doctors won't even step up and say, "stop smoking". Nicotine wins out most of the time.
I am and most of us reading this or on this site are lucky to have the opportunity to put this addiction in the rear view mirror and have a second chance to make up for what we have missed while being addicted. I know as time goes on and the longer I am quit I see the results of nicotine addiction. I am so happy for the young guns that come in here and can kick the bitch to the curb because they have only missed a small fraction of time in their lives. I am also so happy for those who have had this addiction for 30+ years. They/we, now have the opportunity to live life the way it was suppose to have been lived with the added incentive that we may have escaped an early nic induced demise. I personally don't know any dippers or chewers over the age of 60. Nicotine does not win out this time. We do, as long as we make good choices everyday. That choice is to stay quit one day at a time.
Thanks again for all the support!
