Thanks gentlemen I tried posting in the roll but don't I did it right, trying to watch the video on how to post but at work.
Also is there a test thread to practice roll call posts in? I will post when I get home.
I need help, it's day 4 and I feel like I am falling apart.
I am a lifelong athlete and bodybuilder for the last 25 years, I have always felt that the chew tore me down and poisoned me and my gains, but now it feels the exact opposite every muscle joint and bone hurts in my body, I exercised 2 of the last 4 days I have quit and I felt like I was dying, blasting water and vitamins etc.
Monday I had a headache so bad it lasted 18 hours. I guess it's the stupidity of me ignoring the with-drawl of nicotine.
I will never go back and this is just the beginning I know. I have learned a lot from reading this forum on and off for 3 years.
I felt guilty and shamed when reading the forum while still partaking in nicotine.
It's important for me to tell my story here as I think it may help answer my questions on how I did a complete 360 on pursuing health and exercise and adding the toxic nicotine tobacco to the mix and looking in the mirror everyday with shame.
I kept telling myself I was ok, I was down to one dip a day - M-F on the way to work. Sat/Sun I'd do 2 so I wasn't really on the path to stopping as some days I'd do a second dip after 5 pm on the way home which is a nightmare for me because that second dip would keep me up till 1 am. I found myself skipping work outs and stopping at the dollar store to get a can on the way home and start the cycle again. Just about every other week I'd toss a can and swear I'd quit, but find myself digging in my own trash to get it in the morning. pitiful I know. Each time I failed I'd fall into a deep sadness a disappointment in myself for being so weak. The last can 4 days ago I dumped in the toilet, flushed it and rinsed the residue out of the can and here I am. I started marking the day on my calendar and then day 4 got here and I knew I needed help. July 4th was the last time I quit, I thought choosing a memorable day would help but it didn't in less than a week I had that crap back in my mouth with tears in my eyes calling myself a coward.
I started in 1993 and it was the exact same way I'd start 20 years later. We were out celebrating X-mas at work and went to a buffet like GC, I rode with a co worker that did 3 tins of kodiak a day. I was complaining on how full I was and he said the kodiak would settle my stomach, I'll never forget it - I put it in and felt nothing till I got out of the jeep 10 minutes later I fell down very dizzy, but the the buzz hit and all that and I was hooked. Back then I only did kodiak about 3 times a week since I was so active in bodybuilding and my job was in a lab I could only fit it in on my non-work out days, I quit in 1996 and did not start back until 2013. I have tried since that day to figure out what made me quit, I think I was just tired of it and the combo of a new job and moving left me with no other tobacco influences.
In 2013 I'll never forget that day I was in sport's bar and had a huge meal appetizers burgers salads etc, one of my friends came at me with a can of skoal citrus and that was it. Since then I have "stopped" hundreds of times and switched everything I could to jolt out of it I went on a long binge of general snus pouches fooling myself that it was healthier. I look back at my behaviors which led to a lot of weight gain, I found myself forcing food into large meals so tat I could have an excuse to dip to settle my stomach, I gained 30 additional pounds from doing this and wasted 1,000's of $'s in food costs since most of the time we were out in sports bars. My wife is no help because she smokes, she pretends to care but I know it's not true, so no support there.
So here I lay in detox in both mind and spirit and in friendship, thanks for the forum, the patience and the understanding of all we have in common with this deadly drug.
