Hello All.
My name is George and i'm not new to this group. In December of 2010 I decided to put that canned habit away for good. It was destryoing me on the inside and out. During this time I had been out of the military for about 3 years, my son was born in 2011 and thing were going great. For a little more than 3 years I put the habit in my rearview mirror. In July of 2013 I decided to re-join the military after many years away, I missed it. Once I went back to boot camp and got out, everythying was still normal. I had no urges of going back to my old and bad habits. Even being around my brother-in-law, best friend and others didn't bother me at all. Then came my rating school. My roommate who is a smokeless tobacco user was doing it all the time. Again, it did not bother me at all. I told him I had quit over 3 years ago, and he even asked me if I wanted him to do it outside or in another room away from me. I told him No, i'm fine...will not bother me. After a few weeks at our school, we were doing a lot of high risk and high intensity training. That started working on my nerves. Being in my late 30's, and out of the military life for a long time, it was hard for me to keep up (not impossible, just hard). My nerves and anxiety started getting the best of me. That's when I did the worst thing I could possibly do....I went to the exchange and bought a can of Grizzly Wintergreen Pouches...thinking...it's just pouches...i'll be done with school and i can quit it again..no problem....But the problem is, when I bought that can, I threw away over 3 years of hard work. The first dip was discusting and made me sick....and i should have stopped there, but I didn't. I'm ashamed to say it got worse. I told myself I would quit many times, on certain significant dates that stood out to me. Those have come and gone. When I rejoined the military I had to drop back down in rank and work my way back up again. When I was in before, I could never get past E4, I had a hard time with that test. I told myself this time, when I pass that E5 test, I will quit. I will make THAT my new date. This can be the date where something that I could never do and something that I had a problem doing, could be the date of a new me. Well, last Thursday on July 9th 2015, I took my E5 test for the 3rd time and I finally passed. So I will be putting on my 2nd Class Crows here in the next few months, which is a huge accomplishment for me. I want to be able to make it further in my career, so that's another reason I wanted to quit again. Like before, I am going to need the help and determination to do it. It's going to be hard., I haven't had a dip since Thursday night. So all the things that happened before when I quit, I am experiencing them again. Like I said in the title, It's like Deja Vu all over again. It's good to be back..but wish it wasn't because I fell off the wagon 2 years ago.
Thanks for letting me rant, and discuss my situation with you all....here we go again...
George