VENT TIME:
As my 23rd day of quit draws to a close IÂ’m going to take advantage of this space to blow off some steam and get real honest.
Weekends have been the toughest times for me by far during my quit. I’ve got more free time on my hands so there’s more time to pursue hobbies or just work on mindless tasks, which in the past I used as justification to throw a dip in. “It’ll help me focus”, “it’ll be more fun with a little buzz (never mind that getting a buzz is wishful thinking when you’re an addict), etc. etc.
So this weekend I got to spend quality time with friends and family, and during those times I never felt tempted to dip, even when some of my friends were doing so while we were together (I was a master at hiding my addiction from these folks, so me not wanting a dip in these situations is nothing new). It has been the ‘afterwards’ that’s the toughest part for me. As an introvert, when I’m done spending time in groups of mostly-extroverted folks I used to look forward to getting back to my place and taking the edge off with a beer and a dip.
Now, I only have the beer (and the occasional bourbon). And if IÂ’m being brutally honest, I do sometimes miss the can as twisted as that may sound. I donÂ’t miss the health risk or the nasty optics or the shame or the cost, but I do miss that false sense of security I got from it. It pisses me off that I let it get to that point, but I did and now IÂ’m dealing with the consequences. So I sit here at the end of day 23 extremely proud of the progress IÂ’ve made during this time, but also intensely aware of how much growing up I still have to do.
Thanks for letting me vent, and if anyone wants to do me a favor please post or PM your best/favorite arguments against any nicotine in any form. Because there were several times over the course of this weekend where I wanted to explore some of that Black Buffalo dip (tobacco free, contains nicotine - thereÂ’s a part of me that wants that buzz again!) but I never pulled the trigger.