88 days
The lying addict
That's me. Besides my wife and kids, I waited until a few days ago to even say anything about what I call my "recovery" to anyone.
My mother has for the life of her trying to get her boys to quit chewing for God knows how long. Every-time I "tried" to quit in the past, I would always tell my mother I was quitting. Basically lying to her face. Something about the joy that would come over her face hearing that would make me feel like I was a good son.
Then I would fail and show up to her home on Thanksgiving or Christmas with a face full of shit.
I really don't know how many times I did that to her and the rest of my family, but it was enough that I knew damn well no one believed me. Why the hell should they, I was a lying addict.
So I was really reluctant about telling my Mom this time. When I did, I did not tell her I quit. I told her that I had not chewed for X amount of days. Each time I see her I add to that number, but I do not tell her I quit.
I know when I'm in a hurry to post roll in the mornings, I will just post "quit", and I wish I would not do that.
Still makes me feel like a liar to say that word.
I consider a better term for what I am doing as "recovering".
When they throw that last shovel full of dirt on my casket, and I have been true to my word and have not put any chew in my mouth, then they I will consider myself quit.
Sorry to ramble, but that's how it is in Gunner75's Ville.
On a side note and really a much more important note, Please say a prayer for the Children and Staff that lost their lives and their families in Newtown Ct.
What a tragedy.
Still struggling with that, as I am sure many others are as well.