So I was a dipper for 20 years. From the age of 14 to 34 I dipped all day every day. I promised to quit to myself, my mom, my wife, and my kids but never made it. Then one day I did. I joined this online group and used the fake stuff for awhile and made it. 10 years without a dip. The first few weeks were torture but after that it felt great, wonderful. I felt in control of my life and it was probably the proudest I have ever been that I beat the monster. Then a year ago I quit drinking for 30 days. It was a long 30 days. I was at a bbq and mad at my self and my wife for something stupid then a friend showed up with a can. I had a few dips that day and threw the can out. Told my wife and that was it. No big deal went back to life as normal as a non- dipper.
I dont know why or what made me start again this year. I was bored and wanted something to do and there was a voice in my head saying you dipped last year and were fine you can do it again. Just this one can...
Well that was months ago. Now I am back to square one. There are a 1000 reasons I did not want to stop. I recently lost a lot of weight and am in the best shape of my life things were great in my marriage and I was scared that if I quit again I would gain all the weight back. It helped me focus at work and all the other lies you tell yourself. When I tried to quit last week I realized just how far gone I was. Not only did I freak out about quitting, I felt the same sadness and remorse the same flashes of anger, shame that I felt 10 years ago. My gums are messed up again and I need to get a graft. So I realized it was time, but even after I had a mouth full of stitches I was not quite ready. Then my wife called me out on it finally and was very supportive. I was just so happy she found out because now I can stop hiding it and do what I need to do. Scared and sad but looking forward to being in control again from this horrible addiction. Will be in roll call tomorrow. Thank you all in advance for your help. You guys got me through the hump 10 years ago and I am ready to start the journey again.