Another "Top-10 List"....this one is "An ex-dipper's WTF Top-10 List"
WTF moments...
1) I stop at a gas station, buy a gatorade, take one swig and dump the rest for an ideal spitter bottle. $2.69 wasted.
2)Â I buy 3 tins of Cope at a time so I can have 1 in the truck, 1 in my pocket, and 1 in my laptop bag.
3)Â I am "happy" that I get home before my wife because this means I can have some additional dip time before dinner.
4)Â I pop in a big Cope fatty right outside my dentists's office after my teeth-cleaning visit last summer.
5) I secretly rejoice that wife and daughter are going shopping for the afternoon. Uninterrupted dip time!
6)Â I always lick the inside of the tin to get the last few flakes.
7)Â I tuck in a ninja dip for my annual performance review with my boss at work.
8) I frantically search through our outside garbage can looking for the tin I threw away yesterday. It has a pinch left...kind of dry and stale....but it is a pinch that I need because I can't find the tin I bought this morning.
9)Â I put in a dip for my mother's 85th birthday celebration.
10)Â I would rather be alone with my dip than talk to anyone.
We were fucked up then. We are quit now.
ZC
Glad to be quit with you! I can relate to each and every one of these. It helps to rejoice in the freedom.
WTF indeed.
Heres mine Zillah
10. A mouth that doesn't feel like hamburger helper
9. Not having to buy 4 logs to get through a 10 day trip to Hawaii
8. Not having to turn around and go back a half hour to work to hide the spitter I left on my desk. (That happened a lot)
7. Not having to hear my wife walk by and plug her nose and make her little huffy sounds cuz she hated the smell.
6. My truck doesn't stink anymore
5. Not getting all the way home and have to say I am leaving cuz I forgot to gas up for tomorrow when I was really out of dip.
4. Not taking 40 min shits every morning
3. Not having to spit out my truck next to some poor lady cuz I didn't have bottle.
2. Being at social functions and not having my wife be embarrassed over her dumb ass husband
1. The other doors for self improvement quitting has opened for me
Both of you guys nailed it. Even more absurd may be the nic-addled justification that each of us would have come up with for each of those asinine actions.
Clean teeth and no signs of cancer from the dentist app't? That calls for a celebratory dip! Fuckin' jackasses (anointing myself Captain Jackass for this particular one).
Great post as always, ZC.
I'll add my top 10...with a special Ninja twist...
10. Locking you car while it's parked in your closed garage lest your wife or kids stumble upon your tins and spitter hidden in the center console
9. Having a panic attack when your wife has borrowed your car and you realize you forgot to remove your stash....praying to God she doesn't find it
8. Hoping that the excuse that you 'must have stepped in dog shit' holds up when your wife comments that your car smells horrible
7. Realizing you forgot to flush the guest bathroom toilet after a secret late night dipping session when you come upon it the next morning, and quickly cover your tracks
6. Having to make up an excuse that your 3 year old daughter must have had diarrhoea and forgotten to flush when you wife finds said evidence in toilet on another occassion
5. Encouraging your wife to take the kids out for a few hours with some bullshit excuse, but really only so that you can chain dip for the next few hours in peace
4. Getting 'mad' at your 2 year old son for throwing up on himself on said trip cause he was sick, which forced mom to return home within minutes while you were still packing a fatty in you lip.
3. Parking your kids in front of the TV instead of playing with them so that you can put in a dip while your wife is at the gym.
2. Nodding your head in shame 'uh huh' when you're 3 year old asks 'daddy, did you spit'? Her default question when hocking up a lugie.
1. Insisting your 3 year old daughter sit in the carseat behind your seat (even though the other is her favorite) so that you can dip for 5 minutes on the way to the store without detection
All I can say to this is....fucking pathetic. I can't believe that I was actually that big of an asshole to my family.