quit it or get it.

[LMM]

Captain's log - day 6:

Better than yesterday. The fog was back, but it was patchy and short lived. I can sort of feel the fog come over me like a wave from head to toe (best analogy I can think of), so I know what it is going to be like for the next X amount of time. (Is the fog like this for anyone else?) It's not like I would suddenly realize "oh, I'm in the fog, no wonder I can't do shit!" Not at all. You know when it's coming on and you know when it's gone. Today, patches of fog would last for 10-30 minutes.

I also had a few minutes of cold sweats and dizziness, but then I ate a shit-ton of hoison beef stuffed pitas and was golden.

All the bodily tingly feelings (especially in legs/feet) have mostly disappeared, which is a pleasant sign of positive change. I'll take it. Also, craves were easy today. I know that will change.

Soap box time: there is a distinction that is proffered on KTC (often and everywhere), that I think is unhelpful and in fact dangerous. (If anyone actually reads this thread, please let me know your $.02 on the issue.) The distinction is that between 'physical' and 'mental' withdrawal symptoms. It usually goes like this: "nicotine leaves your system within 72 hours, and during that time you will experience physical withdrawal; after that, the mental game takes over..."

I thought this was bullshit even before I quit and merely stalked this site. I still do. Of course there are obvious physical symptoms of withdrawal early on: sweats, hot-flashes, constipation, shakes and jitters, and so on, that don't affect folks who are weeks or months into their quit. However, consider these symptoms: foggy brain, anxiety, depression, heart palpitations/tachycardia, fidgety, irritability, and so on. These are all physical; most of them concern how nic has changed the constitution and number of certain brain receptors and/or how that in turn affects the release of certain hormones into the bloodstream. *The brain is a physical thing.*

My worry about preaching this pseudo-distinction is that it might scare off potential (and early) quitters. If someone is a few weeks in and has heart palpitations, shaky hands, etc., they might think something is wrong ("i'm not supposed to have physical symptoms anymore; I'm just supposed to be fighting the mental fight: cravings!") It's not like that. Physical withdrawal is very prolonged in the case of nicotine, and we should own it and admit that. Doing otherwise is deception.

(PS - I've just finished beer #6, but I am eating chips/salsa 'Have a beer' )

[LMM]

Captain's log - day 5,

Worst day so far. First day back to the university, but first really foggy day also. It was absurd trying to read really difficult literature and prepare to lecture. I was reading sentences 5 times in a row with no retention. Horrible feeling, the fog is.

However, I had very few craves today. I think my brain was too occupied with keeping my conscious states as empty as possible.

As I was reaching the end of Traumagnet's intro thread tonight, with the overwhelming sense of sadness and loss that doing so brings, I found myself instinctively reach into the bag by my desk where my Grizz used to be. WTF? It's so surprising as I begin to realize how this subconscious willing for nic coincides with certain human emotions.

Despite a shitty day, I'm glad to have quit with all of you today, and I'll be back in the AM with the same promise.

[LMM]

Captain's log - day 4,

The seas are getting a bit choppier than the first three days of our journey. The ship is being knocked about, affecting balance and leading to brief spells of dizziness. There was also a bit of fog this morning, which made staying on course difficult at times. When there is fog on the open seas, it is best to slow down, carefully observe one's surroundings, and proceed with the confidence that fog is, by its very nature, ephemeral. Even if it seems impenetrable and endless, it will actually be short-lived and fleeting. Blue skies and a warm sun are in our future.

Tomorrow might require all hands on deck, but tonight I shall retire to my chambers with a jug of spiced rum.

[LMM]

The newbies here, like myself, really do stand on the shoulders of giants. When we know the wisdom proffered comes from experience, it makes it that much more likely to be soaked up and heeded. Thanks to all the vets who are behind us. You don't actually have any moral obligation to stick around to guide us, but you do it anyway. We philosophers call that supererogatory action, and it makes the world a better place.

Captain's Log - day 3,

Not bad. I had a quick bout of anxiety (in a church pew again, WTF?) that was enough to elevate my heart rate and cause me to sweat and get the shakes, etc., but Jedi mind tricks were employed to keep that episode short. I had issues with anxiety during my early weaning this past Summer, as my first intro post implied, and I slowly learned to keep it at bay, lesson its duration, and the like. But every new bout of anxiety is a chance to continue working on that. I'll have many more opportunities, I'm sure. This is the symptom of quitting that I dread the most.

I had a number of minor craves today that were quick and easy to dismiss. I also had 2-3 really powerful craves, like "i've got to run to the Shell right now or the world is going to end." They come at the most random times. If I throw in a Smokey Mtn fake dip, and pull up my tagged KTC "crave pages" (right now I'm digging through Traumagnet's epoch), I can get through them.

Many have noted above, implicitly or explicitly, that I'm all too complacent about my quit or that I am rushing to get through it. I certainly would love to get to a more comfortable position down the road, but today I just thought about today. I'm not complacent. It has not been a difficult three days on the whole, but I'm not about to say "this is a breeze; I can quit any time, so I can go out for a can without any real consequences." In fact, I think about my quit incessantly...what is my body telling me? How was this little crave triggered? How did eating X amount of sugar at time T impact my mood?

In short, I'm not fucking around here. I'm just doing my best to prepare myself for the hurdles that come tomorrow. Some will be expected; some will be from left field. Some hurdles will be easily bitch-slapped away; others will take out my knees. Thank you all, again, for your sage advice and commentary.

(PS - for those thinking my roll post times are problematic: I have a wacky schedule. Some days I wake at 5.30; some days I wake at 11.30. I will try my best to get to roll shortly after waking, just as I used to try my best to get in a fat lipper as soon as I was conscious each morn.

[nodipinthislip]

LMM just keep that positive attitude.....i truly believe we all have the ability to have some control of how bad the suck sucks....we all experience the suck at different levels..expect the best and get some digits off people and post roll and your thoughts( good or bad) everyday.....definitely posting thoughts during a crave really helps and it also helps others.....from reading your intro i think you really have a lot to offer your group

[pab1964]

Look this quit will not happen over night. You're an addict and guess what, you always will be. Don't worry about the suck it will definitely come. Remember the family, didn't stick that shit in your mouth, be a man fill the tension and walk your ass off. Like it or not, everything you read on here is not gonna be to your likings but take what you need and leave the rest! That same little girl with that pooched out lip , is gonna need her daddy, so sack it up and do whatever it takes to beat this horrible addiction! I quit with you today!

[JB65]

Nice job on your quit thus far.

A few words of advice - be careful brother, don't get complacent. The mental mind games have been harder for me than the nic body addiction.

Stay close to this site. Some of my hardest days were 100-150. You can do this. Dont keep thinking it is easy, because that is the NIC talking, trying to get you back into its icy grip

I'm almost 400 days and I'm still and always will be just one moment of weakness away from the abyss.

Always an addict, always ready, keeping an eye out, and always close to my KTC brothers

[Gdubya]

LMM, congrats on 2 days quit. Today will be day 3. Great job. And yes you did post roll correctly. Bit of a learning curve with posting but once you have it down you can just about do it in your sleep.

Lets touch on a couple things. Yes your correct, your intro is your intro and it is indeed a log to chronical your quit. And if you do things correctly, meaning post roll for 100 days you will earn the right to post your own HOF ( Hall of Fame speech ). There will be discussions going on in your HOF group pages but your intro is where you can come personally to write your own journal of Quit. It will be a reflection of your journey. Which brings me to the next point.

This is a journey. A journey of 1 Days. Your two intro posts spoke of how easy its been going. Well grab a jock strap and a cup because your going to get kicked in the nuts. Soon and hard. Addiction is like another person that your battling against. And that addiction has a strategy to defeat you. Its laying low right now. Waiting to catch you off guard. Like in the movies when someone slips up from behind and hits someone in the head with a bottle and knocks them out. Addiction will throw everything at you that it can.

And this takes us to posting roll. You did a great job getting that done but............ Looks like you posted roll after 12 pm. As an addict, what time did you normally begin your day with a nic fix? Well, posting roll has a couple of goals. It is behavior modification and also a promise. Replace that daily first thing in the morning habit with posting roll. Second, its your promise to the entire KTC community that you will not use for today. Takes the pressure off. Your not promising forever. Your promising that today you will give it all you got. Also, posting first thing each day leaves none of your waking hours uncovered by that promise. Its a safe guard for when that nic bitch comes around. If YOU plan your day the the nic bitch cant slip in and plan it for you.

Welcome to KTC. This place will change your life. PM me your number and Ill walk out this quit with you.

[LMM]

Thanks for the support and encouragement, gents. I really appreciate you investing valuable time to serve as sherpas to the new quitters.

Captain's Log, day 2:

Day two was easy, again. Some craves, but nothing too overwhelming, and very few physical symptoms. I had that same vague tingly feeling mostly in my legs, some irritability, and I got dizzy in line at Wal-mart when I was picking up some Smokey Mountain, but that's about it. (By the way, I guess it makes sense, but it is horrible that they sell fake dip only in the access-only checkout lane with all the real stuff. I had to sit there and look over every can of dip on the rack to see if they actually had Smokey at this particular store. Surprisingly, this wasn't much of a trigger for me, and I did get to mention KTC to a guy after he recommended some new Cope flavor and I told him I was there for the real shit - Smokey Mtn Herbal Snuff.)

At any rate, I'm worried and baffled that it's been so easy thus far. I guess it will hit me at some point, and I'll be ready, but I just want to get started with the suck so I can also get started making it through to the other side. But I'll take whatever comes my way tomorrow.

One thing did happen today that I'm not proud of. I was outside while my 3 year old was playing in her kiddie pool. She came and wiped her wet hands and arms on my pants, and I immediately said "why would you do that?" with some edge in my voice. I walked 10 feet to get her a towel, and when I turned back I saw this little naked 3-year-old girl with her head down and her bottom lip pooched out and quivering. she was so hurt; I was crushed and instantly felt like shit. I am always sure to remain even-keeled and level-headed with my kids; I don't have much of a temper to speak of, and I *never* yell at my kids. I didn't yell at her this time, but it was enough to really shock her. Poor thing. I am going to have to work hard on the irritability thing around the fam. The thing is, I haven't felt especially irritable until i say (or want to say) something stupid and over-the-top in a given scenario. Whoops.

[Backwoods901]

Welcome Brother! Alot of good support on this site, PM me if you need anything!

-Dan

^^ like Dan said reach out to whoever and we are here to help in whatever you need or want advice on

[Armydan13]

Welcome Brother! Alot of good support on this site, PM me if you need anything!

-Dan

[Richard K]

^^^^^^ like they said.. Do it one day, hour, min at a time if you have to. Just make sure you are doing it for you all the time. Like caveman said. Numbers, numbers, numbers!!! You won't go wrong with the numbers of your fellow quitters... the family I have gained on this sight is one of the many reasons I have gotten through some tough times. Congratulations on getting rid of that evil nic. Here is to quitting with you today..

[CavMan83]

Welcome...

Like PKY said, use that hatred for nic to your advantage! Fully expect to see you on roll at some point before the day runs out. Just remember, even though it may seem like it, nicotine withdrawal has NEVER actually killed anyone (at least I can't find any examples on the interwebs).

Build a network of accountability with your fellow quitters. Over time, if you stick close to this place, they'll become extended family. The more numbers you have in your "quit rolodex", the more likely it is you'll be secure in your quit. This place works....learn how, and then use the system. Countless thousands of others have done it....you can make it countless thousands of others plus one!

[pky1520]

Welcome to the quit.

It sounds like you've read a bit and know what to expect. My advice is that you need to slow it down a bit. You sound like you want to beat this thing into the ground, but that isn't how this fight is won. It isn't shock and awe blitzkreig, it is a day to day hearts and minds battle. You have to focus directly in what is in front of you. Make a promise, keep it for today.

There is no shortcut. You can't fast forward the pain, because the pain is the easy part. It's the realization that you need to win every single day that drags you down. You may be worried about giving a lecture, but don't worry about that until it's in front of you. Win the current battle and fight that one when it comes.

If you've figured out the intro, you know how to post roll. If you know that folks will give you a hard time about it, then you know it's an expectation. Stop stalling and post up. If you want to be quit and if you want to use this site, you know that you will be joining a quit group, so just sack up and do it.

You have a chip on your shoulder, that's good. Use that, keep it going. But realize that there is no shortcut to quit, there is only one day at a time, every damn day.

[LMM]

Periodic (but recent) KTC stalker, long-time ninja dipper. 34, married for 12 yrs, kids 3 and 1, professor, skier, climber. For 6-8 years, I've used roughly 1 can/day of skoal LC then Grizz LC straight, sometimes more. Lots more before that. I'm sure I'll discuss my dipping journey in much greater detail later, but I'm just noting now that I'm going to use this intro thread as my quit journal. It may not be daily, but it will be often. As I've read through dozens and dozens of intro threads, the most helpful are those that attempt to chronicle the journey.

So this is...

Captain's log, day ?,

Not sure. It's 12.30 AM, I just went through my first full 24 hrs without nic, and I dipped my last the night before that. So it could be 1,2, or 3 depending how one counts. More importantly - I'm afraid. I'll tell you why. You see, I spent the Summer weaning from my 6-8 daily dips to, well, I got to 2-3 per day. The point was to eliminate dip by the time Fall semester began, which was a few weeks ago. I cut my intake by half, but couldn't get to zero. Believe me, I've read enough intro threads, HOF speeches, etc. to know how weaning is generally perceived in these parts. I tend to agree. At any rate, during my wean period, I got withdrawal symptoms in droves. I had a panic attack (in a church pew!!) and developed insane anxiety. This is important because I've never been anxious about a thing in my life. This was out of the blue and scary as hell. It was so bad that I drug my wife and kids to urgent care one day because my heart was racing and I was trembling like a weed; WTF was wrong with me?; I thought I was going insane, really. Two EKGs and everything is textbook. I get a full physical the next week, with a full blood panel; everything comes back perfect. It's the nic. That bitch (more on this later).

I then find KTC. Explanation given. (Note: i'm not claiming that your tachycardia or bradycardia, etc., are caused by nicotine. If you are worried about your heart, Good God, drag your ass to the hospital no matter what.) But I realized that my withdrawal symptoms are normal. How pathetic was I that I was *still dipping*, yet I was experiencing the fog, the blurred vision, slight dizziness, heart palpitations, cold sweats etc?

OK. Fast-forward to yesterday (or was it two days ago?). I took my last dip, flushed my stash, and woke up in the AM expecting 1-4 days of pure hell ( I timed it for a four day wkend; stfu if you don't agree with quit dates). But actually, I had a great day. No anxiety or anything related to it, no cold sweats, etc. What I did have all day is that general and vague kind of tingly feeling through the extremities; nothing that uncomfortable, more like the nic bitch is going inch by inch looking for the fix your dumb ass is about to deliver. I had a few strong craves at expected times (post-eating). I handled those with Smokey Mtn. I have never had fake dip until today (yesterday?), but that shit was like pure magic. I'd crave so hard (PS - I live 150 yards from a Shell station), put in a Smokey Mtn, and be just fine for the next few hours. I always hated corn silk, but now I love it.

So, my first day was amazing, and this makes me kind of sad in a way. I was sort of hoping for the 'quickening', pure hell for a few days, before light at the end of the tunnel is seen. I think I can deal with craves, irritability, etc., but I am really worried about the anxiety. I have to lecture in front of college students for 4 hours each Tues/Thurs. Imagine doing that if you can't breath, your heart is racing, you're sweating like a whore in church, and you aren't sure if you are about to fall over at any given moment. It's only Friday (Saturday?), but this next week is gonna suck donkey balls. I want the hell to begin ASAP!

(Postscript: Yes, I will at some point figure out how to post roll. First I just need to get an advanced degree in how the internet functioned in 1997. I should have that by tomorrow.)