10 days ago, I quit dip. Not gave up dip or stopped dip or ran out of dip. QUIT.
To help all of you, (and me), understand how I finally came to this place, I offer an introduction and my story up to now.
My name is Jim and I used Skoal Original Fine Cut for the better part of 30 years. On May 2, 2013, I had triple bypass heart surgery because obviously my arteries were full of plaque. The blockage seemed odd since I ate a healthy diet and even exercised 5 days a week. I have since learned that nicotine changes the artery walls to allow plaque to form even in "healthy" people. And lord knows I got my fill of nicotine during those 30 years leading up to my surgery. I always thought if I could dodge some kind of oral cancer, I would be home free and able to dip happily into my old age. Apparently not. This shit WILL kill you eventually and without mercy and reduce your quality of life a million different, insidious ways.
Anyway, I did not dip for 3 months after the surgery. I was in too much pain and discomfort to notice the withdrawal symptoms. Once I began to feel a little better and on the day I was cleared to drive by the doctor, youÂ’ll never guess where my first stop was. AM/PM market always had my brand. And so, the addict idiot (me) thought it would be a good idea to once again start self-administering the poison that got me here in the first place. This was a very good idea since I now had smaller arteries that clog up quicker and the jolt of nicotine could simply stop my heart cold or cause cardiac arrest.
Apparently instant death was not a compelling enough reason to not dip so I fed the beast for another 3 years. I remember thinking on the day that that I put that pinch in my mouth that I could easily only do it 2 or 3 times a day. After all, I have to look after my health. Yeah, right. You all know how that turns out.
So that kinda brings me to now. My heartbeat has become arrhythmic but is less so now that I have quit. I am hoping that I have not done any more serious damage.
Several things have happened recently that gave me the guts, the reasons, the inspiration and the motivation to quit:
1. I realized in an epiphany-like moment that I have likely run out of times to start over and that there may be few "I will quit tomorrow" opportunities left. Something told me that NOW is the time to QUIT nicotine.
2. I understand more fully what KTC is about and the importance of the connections and support found here. I will embrace that and post roll each day. I have always been the lone ranger and have failed miserably.
3. I got phone calls on consecutive days from friends and family asking me if I was OK because I was looking like shit and acting like an old man.
4. With tears in her eyes my 23 year-old daughter came to me and pleaded that I divorce the Nic-Bitch because she wants so much for her future kids to meet and know their grandfather.
5. Once the rage phase of the withdrawals subsided I realized how grateful I am to have decent health, which I am working hard each day to improve, an unbreakable support system (if I do not break it) here at KTC, a job I like and a truly loving and supportive family. I would like to enjoy that for a bunch more years without dip-drool running down my chin.
6. I expect the fight to be a bitch and to the death. I will win that fight today.
I QUIT nicotine today with every one of you committed to their quit, mind, body and soul.
Thanks for listening.
