Hey Big. I remember being exactly where you are now. First you need to realize some things.
Nicotine cannot be used to quit nicotine. Gum and patches have never been approved for use to quit dipping. They don't work, only make it harder.
Nicotine never relaxed you, the relief you felt (calm) was simply relief from withdrawal. Nicotine doesn't fix anything but the problems it created in the first place. Stuff isn't a crutch t is an anchor.
Cutting back isn't going to help you either. Your only placing yourself in withdrawal for longer periods of time.
Your an addict. The only difference between you and a crack junkie is your choice of drug.
You need to harden the fuck up. Quit cold turkey and live with the decision. There are a million excuses you can use to go back to the can, they're all bs. Your far from the biggest addict to walk these halls, if we can quit so can you. It isn't that you can't quit, it is that you refuse to. It's actually a hell of a lot easier than you think. You deserve to walk your little girl down the aisle, you deserve to grow old, you deserve to live a life free from a can of cancer.
The only way out is thru. Is short term discomfort worth a lifetime of freedom? You betcha. Grab your balls, grit your teeth, strap on your helmet , and let's get this done.
I promise you this, it can be done. Its worth it. The people here will stand by your side.
Sm