Starting now

[Tapout75]

Day 3.

just a quick note to get some feelings out. Tired as fuck. went to bed last night at 8:30pm slept till 7:30am. now it is 7pm and im tired as hell again. cravings are so-so. the SMC helps alot. dont fell like i want nic, just the feeling of a dip. i hope this tired part is over soon, i have to mow my yard and i dont have the energy.

I had a job interview today, seemed to go well, but i also thought some of the others went well, and they never called me back. the guy told me the ad was online for 2 days, and he had 174 people send resumes. i hope i get it though


fuck cope

[ScubaSteve]

Day 2

this is just a personal rant for myself.

after  i caved , i caught alot of shit on here. i was already depressed enough because i realized that cope had alot stronger hold on me than i had previously thought. So my depression plus the hard love on here cracked me. But i sat here for awhile and just thought about what i was doing, and why i was doing it. I read alot on here ppl say          * you can only quit for yourself* , but i dont think its true, I am quitting for my kids. Honestly,  my life  isnt as important as theirs, i have a had some pretty fucked up things happen, that have made me numb to life. 11 yrs ago my mom was a victim of a workplace shooting, her boss lost it one day and started killing people, my mom included. I was 26. I left for the army 4 days after i graduated high school, got back from basic and got married to the same girl i had been with since i was 12. we had a son in 1996. then in 1997 we divorced and i had to move back to indiana. i was broke, no job, no money, all i had was a ford ranger and a trash bag with clothes in. I didnt have the money to fight in the divorce. so she got custody. then i somehow got hit with 9 grand in child support. so i had no choice but to sign over my parental rights. so i have a 13 yr old boy i havent seen in 12 yrs. ...Anyways this isnt what i wanted to talk to myself about..

I feel so relieved after yesterday. I had like 20 ppl send me pm`s about not giving up. and i thought , these fucking people i dont even know, they know i should quit.

and to be tottaly honest with myself. i dont understand it, i have no craving now. i dont want to dip. i dont even think about it. i would love to keep going, until i forget what  quit day i am on. well, i should say dip cope, i have been dipping SMC. but it sooooo not the same thing, just something to spit i guess, plus i ran out of toothpicks..

I know i am not healed yet. I know it could get bad quick. But right now, for the first time in 18 years, i am happy with where i am with my quit. i have had 1 dip of cope in the last 7 days. usually it would have 7-8 cans.  Yeah i caved, im over it. shit happens once. mistakes happen twice.

My quit is for my kids. So i can play football with my son when he grows up, buy my daughter a car someday. Show them the love and protection that every kid deserves,

We all have dark places that we go where nothing else seems to matter and "fuckit" makes a lot more sense than soldiering on. These are the times that you need to swallow your fucking pride and reach out for help. You don't have to call a quit brother and pour your heart out, just call and say "how's it going?" - you will be amazed at how quickly you can come back from the darkness.

I cannot begin to imagine the losses that you have endured in your life, but that does not diminish the value of your life.

Your life is as important as your childrens - especially to THEM, and you should feel pride for everything you do for them whether they realize you are doing it or not.

This time in your quit will pass, I had a big case of the "Idontgiveashit's" earlier in my quit when I could have burst into flames and it wouldn't have phased me. Nothing seemed to have any value because subconciously I was mourning the loss of my 15year nicotine companion. Get through the grief and you will feel much better about things.

Stay Quit

Word up Tapout!! Great post, and thanks for opening up a bit with your life. This is what we're all about here: getting to know perfect strangers on a level some of your real life acquaintences don't even know! I've always agreed with your thought on who we're quit for. I know this site represents quitting for yourself and for yourself only. The only logic I've heard for this is that you will one day resent that other person you quit for and then cave. I don't buy that. I'm definitely quit for my wife and my future children. Sure, I DO NOT want cancer and I've had some major worries about it popping up before, and that's a big reason to quit too, but i bet imagining the face of your own children helps you out too. My wife does that for me. Keep up the good work and let us know how we can help.

[jaydisco]

Day 2

this is just a personal rant for myself.

after i caved , i caught alot of shit on here. i was already depressed enough because i realized that cope had alot stronger hold on me than i had previously thought. So my depression plus the hard love on here cracked me. But i sat here for awhile and just thought about what i was doing, and why i was doing it. I read alot on here ppl say * you can only quit for yourself* , but i dont think its true, I am quitting for my kids. Honestly, my life isnt as important as theirs, i have a had some pretty fucked up things happen, that have made me numb to life. 11 yrs ago my mom was a victim of a workplace shooting, her boss lost it one day and started killing people, my mom included. I was 26. I left for the army 4 days after i graduated high school, got back from basic and got married to the same girl i had been with since i was 12. we had a son in 1996. then in 1997 we divorced and i had to move back to indiana. i was broke, no job, no money, all i had was a ford ranger and a trash bag with clothes in. I didnt have the money to fight in the divorce. so she got custody. then i somehow got hit with 9 grand in child support. so i had no choice but to sign over my parental rights. so i have a 13 yr old boy i havent seen in 12 yrs. ...Anyways this isnt what i wanted to talk to myself about..

I feel so relieved after yesterday. I had like 20 ppl send me pm`s about not giving up. and i thought , these fucking people i dont even know, they know i should quit.

and to be tottaly honest with myself. i dont understand it, i have no craving now. i dont want to dip. i dont even think about it. i would love to keep going, until i forget what quit day i am on. well, i should say dip cope, i have been dipping SMC. but it sooooo not the same thing, just something to spit i guess, plus i ran out of toothpicks..

I know i am not healed yet. I know it could get bad quick. But right now, for the first time in 18 years, i am happy with where i am with my quit. i have had 1 dip of cope in the last 7 days. usually it would have 7-8 cans. Yeah i caved, im over it. shit happens once. mistakes happen twice.

My quit is for my kids. So i can play football with my son when he grows up, buy my daughter a car someday. Show them the love and protection that every kid deserves,

We all have dark places that we go where nothing else seems to matter and "fuckit" makes a lot more sense than soldiering on. These are the times that you need to swallow your fucking pride and reach out for help. You don't have to call a quit brother and pour your heart out, just call and say "how's it going?" - you will be amazed at how quickly you can come back from the darkness.

I cannot begin to imagine the losses that you have endured in your life, but that does not diminish the value of your life.

Your life is as important as your childrens - especially to THEM, and you should feel pride for everything you do for them whether they realize you are doing it or not.

This time in your quit will pass, I had a big case of the "Idontgiveashit's" earlier in my quit when I could have burst into flames and it wouldn't have phased me. Nothing seemed to have any value because subconciously I was mourning the loss of my 15year nicotine companion. Get through the grief and you will feel much better about things.

Stay Quit

[Tapout75]

Day 2

this is just a personal rant for myself.

after i caved , i caught alot of shit on here. i was already depressed enough because i realized that cope had alot stronger hold on me than i had previously thought. So my depression plus the hard love on here cracked me. But i sat here for awhile and just thought about what i was doing, and why i was doing it. I read alot on here ppl say * you can only quit for yourself* , but i dont think its true, I am quitting for my kids. Honestly, my life isnt as important as theirs, i have a had some pretty fucked up things happen, that have made me numb to life. 11 yrs ago my mom was a victim of a workplace shooting, her boss lost it one day and started killing people, my mom included. I was 26. I left for the army 4 days after i graduated high school, got back from basic and got married to the same girl i had been with since i was 12. we had a son in 1996. then in 1997 we divorced and i had to move back to indiana. i was broke, no job, no money, all i had was a ford ranger and a trash bag with clothes in. I didnt have the money to fight in the divorce. so she got custody. then i somehow got hit with 9 grand in child support. so i had no choice but to sign over my parental rights. so i have a 13 yr old boy i havent seen in 12 yrs. ...Anyways this isnt what i wanted to talk to myself about..

I feel so relieved after yesterday. I had like 20 ppl send me pm`s about not giving up. and i thought , these fucking people i dont even know, they know i should quit.

and to be tottaly honest with myself. i dont understand it, i have no craving now. i dont want to dip. i dont even think about it. i would love to keep going, until i forget what quit day i am on. well, i should say dip cope, i have been dipping SMC. but it sooooo not the same thing, just something to spit i guess, plus i ran out of toothpicks..

I know i am not healed yet. I know it could get bad quick. But right now, for the first time in 18 years, i am happy with where i am with my quit. i have had 1 dip of cope in the last 7 days. usually it would have 7-8 cans. Yeah i caved, im over it. shit happens once. mistakes happen twice.

My quit is for my kids. So i can play football with my son when he grows up, buy my daughter a car someday. Show them the love and protection that every kid deserves,

[GlennFtheKodiak]

I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.

My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in.  I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak.  If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it.  I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.

If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.

So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses.  fuck my caving. fuck them all..

Tapout,

Sometimes taking a step backwards is the only way one can move forward. Lets hope that this is what you needed to move forward in your quit. Use the cave to make your quit stronger.

I found that my quit today is much harder in different ways than getting over the nicotine addition the first week. Be sure to use this cave to strengthen your resolve to get through some pretty tough shit as your quit progresses. Use your fuck up here wisely, because I suspect you won't get another chance with this crew.

Stay Quit!

Kevin

Fuck that Kmemeremm.....One step back is still one step back. You've still got to repeat that first step. You don't cave at day 5 and then magically appear back the next day on day 6. You've got to start back at day 1 every time you cave. Ya'll are being way too nice to this guy. Don't forget he LIED to you this morning by posting roll. He put his WORD down that he would not use dip today and then found a can and "instinctively" responded by dipping. He lied and then came up with BS excuses. What would you do if your friend did that to you, or your child, or your spouse? You'd bust their ass for it, at least figuratively speaking...maybe the child....you might literally bust their ass, I'm not condoning/advocating family violence, but you feel me....

So ya'll get off the panty-patting and get to ass kicking. This fool just shit on your word by not keeping his...

But it's cool, at least he's back on the bandwagon, right......? :wub:

I love you Tapout....HUGS AND KISSES!!!

I hear you ScubaSteve, however...

Sure, I could be one mean motherfucker and tell Tapout he's a no good lying fucker no better than that piece of shit I saw on the street this morning. But that's not me. I'll let other people handle that role, I'm better at building people up rather than tearing them apart.

I've only been a member for 17 days and believe me I'm not an expert on this stuff, not even close. But what I've come to realize here is that we all have different rolls to play and everyones roll is important.

My being more understanding for TAPOUT's sake isn't a sign of weakness its just another way to support him (like others are) and tell him to shape up or ship out.

Its just another way to look at things. I don't need to tell TAPOUT he's a stupid prick for lying to us. He already knows that.

Kevin

Kevin, show me where Steve said all that?

You know for 17 days, I've watched you rage against the machine, but most of the time you are taking things the wrong way. All Steve is saying really is that around here, a cave isn't like falling off your bike. We don't clean up your cuts and have you try again. Doesn't mean everyone, or anyone for that matter is a fucking loser if they cave but there has to be a certain way of dealing with it. And in 17 days, I'm not sure you get it.

Get it?

[kmemrm]

I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.

My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in.  I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak.  If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it.  I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.

If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.

So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses.  fuck my caving. fuck them all..

Tapout,

Sometimes taking a step backwards is the only way one can move forward. Lets hope that this is what you needed to move forward in your quit. Use the cave to make your quit stronger.

I found that my quit today is much harder in different ways than getting over the nicotine addition the first week. Be sure to use this cave to strengthen your resolve to get through some pretty tough shit as your quit progresses. Use your fuck up here wisely, because I suspect you won't get another chance with this crew.

Stay Quit!

Kevin

Fuck that Kmemeremm.....One step back is still one step back. You've still got to repeat that first step. You don't cave at day 5 and then magically appear back the next day on day 6. You've got to start back at day 1 every time you cave. Ya'll are being way too nice to this guy. Don't forget he LIED to you this morning by posting roll. He put his WORD down that he would not use dip today and then found a can and "instinctively" responded by dipping. He lied and then came up with BS excuses. What would you do if your friend did that to you, or your child, or your spouse? You'd bust their ass for it, at least figuratively speaking...maybe the child....you might literally bust their ass, I'm not condoning/advocating family violence, but you feel me....

So ya'll get off the panty-patting and get to ass kicking. This fool just shit on your word by not keeping his...

But it's cool, at least he's back on the bandwagon, right......? :wub:

I love you Tapout....HUGS AND KISSES!!!

I hear you ScubaSteve, however...

Sure, I could be one mean motherfucker and tell Tapout he's a no good lying fucker no better than that piece of shit I saw on the street this morning. But that's not me. I'll let other people handle that role, I'm better at building people up rather than tearing them apart.

I've only been a member for 17 days and believe me I'm not an expert on this stuff, not even close. But what I've come to realize here is that we all have different rolls to play and everyones roll is important.

My being more understanding for TAPOUT's sake isn't a sign of weakness its just another way to support him (like others are) and tell him to shape up or ship out.

Its just another way to look at things. I don't need to tell TAPOUT he's a stupid prick for lying to us. He already knows that.

Kevin

[GlennFtheKodiak]

I fucked up.

i know it.. Ya`ll know it.

It will not happen again. I will Quit.

Tomorrow I will post day 1. I fucked up today and do not deserve to count it.

I am sorry for acting like a little bitch. THe nic whore had my sack in her purse, but i have that fucker back now.


Peace the fuck out, and once again. fuck you copenhagen

'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap'

Tapout that's fucking awesome. I was reading up trying to get caught up and I'm saying, "fuck, another pussy that can't take the heat".

Then I read your last post.

Just remember, guys give you shit, cause they want you to do better and do it the right way. Never stop remembering that.

This site IS for you. and all that want to quit.

Day 1 will turn into day 10, 100, 200.

See you at roll tomorrow.

[Tapout75]

I fucked up.

i know it.. Ya`ll know it.

It will not happen again. I will Quit.

Tomorrow I will post day 1. I fucked up today and do not deserve to count it.

I am sorry for acting like a little bitch. THe nic whore had my sack in her purse, but i have that fucker back now.


Peace the fuck out, and once again. fuck you copenhagen

[cdforecheck]

Well I honestly didnt know where to put my confession. Thats why it went into my introduction.

I am glad i found this site, but i believe i will quit on my own now. i fucked up and i admitted it, and a few people said they understood fuck ups happen. and a few people pretty much called me a fuck up. I started this shit on my own, I will end it on my own. I was really hoping this site would be for me. but the more i think about it, the more i find it hard to make a daily promise to people that who will stand by you through thick and thin when things are going good, but turn their backs when you make a mistake.

Thanks though, your idea here is awesome and i am glad it has helped so many people,i can not just be one of them.

dude it's not about turning our backs, you turned yours. the whole point is to never dip again and it is freaking hard when the people you are promising with don't keep their word. you promised all of us that you wouldn't put the shit in your mouth today and you did. man up and start over, prove you're a quitter, but don't ever give your word unless you plan to keep it; that's called honor

[Tapout75]

Well I honestly didnt know where to put my confession. Thats why it went into my introduction.

I am glad i found this site, but i believe i will quit on my own now. i fucked up and i admitted it, and a few people said they understood fuck ups happen. and a few people pretty much called me a fuck up. I started this shit on my own, I will end it on my own. I was really hoping this site would be for me. but the more i think about it, the more i find it hard to make a daily promise to people that who will stand by you through thick and thin when things are going good, but turn their backs when you make a mistake.

Thanks though, your idea here is awesome and i am glad it has helped so many people,i can not just be one of them.

[cdforecheck]

maybe this should be titled starting now, no, now, not yet, ok, now

[ScubaSteve]

I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.

My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in.  I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak.  If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it.  I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.

If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.

So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses.  fuck my caving. fuck them all..

Tapout,

Sometimes taking a step backwards is the only way one can move forward. Lets hope that this is what you needed to move forward in your quit. Use the cave to make your quit stronger.

I found that my quit today is much harder in different ways than getting over the nicotine addition the first week. Be sure to use this cave to strengthen your resolve to get through some pretty tough shit as your quit progresses. Use your fuck up here wisely, because I suspect you won't get another chance with this crew.

Stay Quit!

Kevin

Fuck that Kmemeremm.....One step back is still one step back. You've still got to repeat that first step. You don't cave at day 5 and then magically appear back the next day on day 6. You've got to start back at day 1 every time you cave. Ya'll are being way too nice to this guy. Don't forget he LIED to you this morning by posting roll. He put his WORD down that he would not use dip today and then found a can and "instinctively" responded by dipping. He lied and then came up with BS excuses. What would you do if your friend did that to you, or your child, or your spouse? You'd bust their ass for it, at least figuratively speaking...maybe the child....you might literally bust their ass, I'm not condoning/advocating family violence, but you feel me....

So ya'll get off the panty-patting and get to ass kicking. This fool just shit on your word by not keeping his...

But it's cool, at least he's back on the bandwagon, right......? :wub:

I love you Tapout....HUGS AND KISSES!!!

[kmemrm]

I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.

My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.

If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.

So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..

Tapout,

Sometimes taking a step backwards is the only way one can move forward. Lets hope that this is what you needed to move forward in your quit. Use the cave to make your quit stronger.

I found that my quit today is much harder in different ways than getting over the nicotine addition the first week. Be sure to use this cave to strengthen your resolve to get through some pretty tough shit as your quit progresses. Use your fuck up here wisely, because I suspect you won't get another chance with this crew.

Stay Quit!

Kevin

[Snoopy]

I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.

My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.

If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.

So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..

Tapout, I'm new here and have seen varied approaches to people who cave. My 2 cents, just keep the quit up. You made the mistake, realized it, and move on. Certainly don't want to see a pattern there but I know 5 days into it I've more than once thought, dreamt, hoped that I would find a stray can around. So maybe that is the key to next steps. Be sure to go out and look through the cars, house, garage, anywhere you had it stashed before and get rid of it. Do it now while you are mad and get someone to go with you if you don't trust yourself!

Welcome back to the quit!!!!

Jack

[daddioof5]

I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.

My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.

If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.

So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..

The shit isnt easy and the brain is powerful. Catching yourself and realizing your mistake is important. But 5 days out bro come on -- your mental shit took over not the physical withdrawal. I have caved in the past as well so I am not one to get on you as much as others. You appear to beating yourself up real good which to means you do take this seriously!

We have a strong group in November so get your shit in order and dont screw it up. We count on each other every day to get out of this crap. We are here as a team to get this done and you are a part of it.

So for me anyhow you got my support and I will offer any support I can to you!

Wayne