I quit a week ago today, and I know this one will stick. Until I found this site my previous quits were half-assed. I had no idea the D was gripping so many people who wanted to stop. The most significant part of this community has been the attitude adjustment. I used to feel this level of comraderie with other chewers, like I have a friend in the world because I see a guy pulling out a can of Grizz. What a joke, like finding friends on a slave ship or becoming pals in a holding cell. I knew I enjoyed chew, but I didn't realize the grip this shit had on so many good people. And I used to find enjoyment and comraderie in this terrible habit?
"Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly." - Proverbs 26:11
This week I've gone from a dog happily lapping up his smelly disgusting addiction to a man who realized its must be done, forever. Some might call this process of making decisions with a long-term view becoming more mature, which you wish would happen earlier in your life, but at least it comes now. Being a man asks a bit more of us than being a boy who can shave, as our pastor says.
To help get this point seared into my dome, I wrote my future-self a letter. The younger self has been a real selfish arrogant d-bag in many areas, especially this one, and I decided it was time to write the future regarding this daily decision to be quit.
October 2009
Dear Older Kyle,
I needed to write you a letter to tell you I’m sorry for being a fool, for risking your well-being, and for being so selfish. I’ve valued my temporary pleasure or satisfaction over your health and life during a 7-year nicotine addiction, where first clove cigarettes then chewing tobacco were a “needed” part of my day. I quit these addictions on Monday, October 19th, 2009, and I will stay quit because your life and your family is way more important to me than the temporary feeling I get from tobacco in any form.
IÂ’ve justified tobacco use in the following ways:
- “Every man has a vice.” I even heard that an older man say “You can’t trust a man without a vice”. What he should’ve said is, “You can’t trust a man. Vices are slavery and foolish.”
- “It’s not THAT harmful, the cancer statistics aren’t 100%.” As if rolling these dice is a smart game to play.
- “I’m allowed this one pleasure.” I’m allowed nothing, I’m charged with making wise decisions and becoming a great husband and a great father who puts others before himself and makes great use of what he’s been given on this earth.
- “My use isn’t that frequent.” 2-3 dips every day and 2-3 cans per week is very frequent.
- “It isn’t that expensive.” 2.5 cans per week is over $6,000 over the next 10 years. The extra life insurance premium for a tobacco user is over $12,000 over 10 years. It is expensive.
- “My wife is okay with it.” My wife tolerates it because she’s patient, but really she hates how it smells, and hates even more that her husband is enslaved to something.
- “It’s not a big deal.” It can ruin your mouth, your face, and kill you. Proverbs is filled with verses about the fool laughing at his own folly, like a criminal mocking his executioners. It is a big deal.
- “I’ll quit when…” When what? When I get married, when I have kids? There is no quitting except today, and I’ve finally found that out.
- “So and so chews and they’re okay with it.” So and so is a fool trapped in their own folly. I can stop encouraging them to mangle their face for fleeting relief and actually be a good friend.
So enough lying to myself about my addiction not impacting you. The truth is this addiction can ruin your life, devastate the people you love most, and leave you a shadow of the man you were supposed to be. Life is too short to be enslaved to anything, and I have decided to make choices now that benefit you and me rather than those that just benefit me. It is because I believe in your purpose, your ability to do great things, and I no longer want to fumble my responsibility to be a worthy steward of what weÂ’ve been given.
ItÂ’s your potential that made this addiction tragic , and this QUIT possible, thanks for being worth it.
Regards,
Younger Kyle
My friend called this too dramatic, and I suppose it can be, but I needed all the ammo I could get to fight this bitch and this angle helped me.
Thanks for the help of so many of you already, I never expected to find a community of people who instantly cared about my quit enough to take my call over the weekend or shoot me some words of encouragement. I'm going to post roll every day and try to be the same strength to all of you.
