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Hall of Fame Speeches / My Hall of Fame Speech 10 years late
« Last post by Nittany Ryan on Today at 03:12:15 PM »My name is Ryan and I'm addicted to tobacco. Miraculously, today is my 3,867th straight day without a dip.
If you're doing the math I am 10 years and some change late with this speech for which I have not real explanation. When I came to this site back in 2014 I was dipping 1 - 2 cans a day of Rooster Wintergreen and had been doing so for the better part of 24 years. Like many, I told myself I could quit anytime and made the declaration that I had quit several times - when my first son was born and then again when my second son was born, for example. They didn't stick and I was covertly dipping within days of my declaration until I would inevitably get caught and have to admit that I was, indeed, dipping again. Somehow spitting out blood every time I brushed my teeth didn't seem to phase me too much or maybe I was just good at putting it out of my mind. I mean I did everything with a turd in my lip, how would I do anything without it? I even told myself I enjoyed it even though I knew that at some point I clearly passed the point of enjoyment and was doing it mostly to avoid feeling like shit if I didn't do it. Yeah, when I pulled that can out I felt a surge of anticipatory joy only to pop it in my mouth and realize the now familiar and deepening disappointment that hit with every dip. You would think this disappointment would be enough to eventually get me to quit but it wasn't, I was bound and determined to regain the fleeting enjoyment I felt with my first dip.
It was when I saw my dad, who was a smoker quit for about 5 years, lose all his teeth that a sudden conviction hit me. Cancer? Meh, I don't think that's likely. Wife and kids constantly telling me how gross it was? Not my problem. Losing my teeth though somehow struck a deeper cord and if smoking did this then how much easier would my bleeding gums give up their pearly whites? So, I proclaimed - once again - that I was done with chewing, threw away my stash and was 100% confident I was really done. Anyone reading this knows how that ended... with me digging through the trash cans a day and a half later hoping I could find a can I didn't completely empty. That sad ass act is what finally brought me to KTC 3,867 days ago and from that day forward the impossible became reality. Was it easy? Hell no! It was was like losing your best friend and dog at the same time but logging in and posting roll EDD was huge for me. My class started with about 100 of us, all convinced we were done with our addiction. Some of our most vocal members were the first to drop and it didn't take long. Within a week 100 was down to 50 but for the first time ever I didn't take that as an excuse to go back and dip again, I saw it as a blessing that I remained. If I'm not mistaken, of our original 100+ member March 2015 class, 5 of us made the HOF. Quitting is definitely the road less taken and not something that I am ever willing to give back which is why I continue to post roll every day 10 years later.
I am grateful for KTC and if you are reading this contemplating quitting, maybe just maybe, you can relate to my story in some way and if you do know this - you can't do it alone, you need the support of other addicts. As much as your wife and mom love you they cannot help you with this, you need people like me and the thousands of others that have kicked the shit out of this addiction or are currently working their way out of it to get it done. Commit now, be accountable and demand accountability from others and you have a chance just like I did 3,867 days ago.
Nittany Ryan
If you're doing the math I am 10 years and some change late with this speech for which I have not real explanation. When I came to this site back in 2014 I was dipping 1 - 2 cans a day of Rooster Wintergreen and had been doing so for the better part of 24 years. Like many, I told myself I could quit anytime and made the declaration that I had quit several times - when my first son was born and then again when my second son was born, for example. They didn't stick and I was covertly dipping within days of my declaration until I would inevitably get caught and have to admit that I was, indeed, dipping again. Somehow spitting out blood every time I brushed my teeth didn't seem to phase me too much or maybe I was just good at putting it out of my mind. I mean I did everything with a turd in my lip, how would I do anything without it? I even told myself I enjoyed it even though I knew that at some point I clearly passed the point of enjoyment and was doing it mostly to avoid feeling like shit if I didn't do it. Yeah, when I pulled that can out I felt a surge of anticipatory joy only to pop it in my mouth and realize the now familiar and deepening disappointment that hit with every dip. You would think this disappointment would be enough to eventually get me to quit but it wasn't, I was bound and determined to regain the fleeting enjoyment I felt with my first dip.
It was when I saw my dad, who was a smoker quit for about 5 years, lose all his teeth that a sudden conviction hit me. Cancer? Meh, I don't think that's likely. Wife and kids constantly telling me how gross it was? Not my problem. Losing my teeth though somehow struck a deeper cord and if smoking did this then how much easier would my bleeding gums give up their pearly whites? So, I proclaimed - once again - that I was done with chewing, threw away my stash and was 100% confident I was really done. Anyone reading this knows how that ended... with me digging through the trash cans a day and a half later hoping I could find a can I didn't completely empty. That sad ass act is what finally brought me to KTC 3,867 days ago and from that day forward the impossible became reality. Was it easy? Hell no! It was was like losing your best friend and dog at the same time but logging in and posting roll EDD was huge for me. My class started with about 100 of us, all convinced we were done with our addiction. Some of our most vocal members were the first to drop and it didn't take long. Within a week 100 was down to 50 but for the first time ever I didn't take that as an excuse to go back and dip again, I saw it as a blessing that I remained. If I'm not mistaken, of our original 100+ member March 2015 class, 5 of us made the HOF. Quitting is definitely the road less taken and not something that I am ever willing to give back which is why I continue to post roll every day 10 years later.
I am grateful for KTC and if you are reading this contemplating quitting, maybe just maybe, you can relate to my story in some way and if you do know this - you can't do it alone, you need the support of other addicts. As much as your wife and mom love you they cannot help you with this, you need people like me and the thousands of others that have kicked the shit out of this addiction or are currently working their way out of it to get it done. Commit now, be accountable and demand accountability from others and you have a chance just like I did 3,867 days ago.
Nittany Ryan