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27 Sep 2016, 19:03
Hey, everyone.
As my username suggests, I'm obviously a female.
A female that just so happens to pack way 1.5 cans a day. I work for a large scale farming and custom harvesting company and chewing was less of a fire risk than smoking, so I had made the switch about 4 years ago to chew.
Yesterday I ended up having two teeth extracted at an emergency dentist (cracked back molars) and I'm not allowed tobacco products for 72 hours.
I figured that it was be a good way to get a jump start on quitting, but approx. 30 hours into this, I'm starting to go nuts.
Stranger999
Welcome! 72 hours will get the nicotine out of your system and then you enter "the suck". Drink plenty of water and get some exercise - do anything that you can to take your mind off using nicotine. It usually takes a few weeks to start feeling better. There are lots of good threads tor read here in the meantime and there is also Live Chat.
You can do this! If I can you can!
I quit with you today! Stranger999 - day 389.
FLLip
The old quit or risk dry socket argument? Ask me how I know. Scared me quit, too.
Read every darn thing you can find on this addiction, harvest. It will help understanding what you are up against. I encourage everyone quitting tobacco products to read Allen Carr's book on quitting smoking. Trust me, it applies becausd it is about nicotine, not the delivery method.
PM me if you need anything and go post roll in January 17 if you haven't already.
Check your inbox.
FLLip.
jswiss11
hang in there Harvest. that going crazy feeling is part of the process. I was a fucking looney tune for about 2 weeks... off and on. But feel phenomenal now a days. reach out for help. read as much as you can.
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28 Sep 2016, 12:43
So I've officially just hit day three and im back to work in my tractor. I miss it. I tossed all my spit bottles that I had left in the cab, there's no cans to where I can get to them (two other people on my current crew also chew, as well as my husband).
My mouth still hurts from the tooth extractions, eating is hard because of it, etc. So I'm in pain, hungry for food that's not soup, and just plain cranky. I know it'll get better, I have to make this get better but I'm pretty down in the dumps. Being bipolar isn't helping, but the meds I have to take do take the edge off.
doc2quit4good
You are doing the hard work right now and that is a good thing. I used to lose teeth to rot as well and I know it was because I was dipping. That stuff does a lot of damage to your teeth and gums. Since I have stopped dipping I don't get those extractions anymore. It is going to just suck for a while so you'll have to hang in for the ride. When you come out the other side you will feel much better about yourself. As your mouth heals get anything you can to keep the shit out of your mouth. I used seeds and gum to get me through. They seem to help a lot to stop the oral fixation that exists. Others here use the fake chews like Smoky Mountain and Jakes chew. There are tone of them out there. I think there is a review section here somewhere.
Don't equate being down in the dumps with quitting tobacco. It does not have the ability to pull you out of the dumps, and only the ability to put you back in them through the slavery of addiction to nicotine. In your situation with people dipping around you, you are going to have to develop a large amount of hatred of big tobacco and a mighty sense of humor thinking about all of the brown stained shirts, pants, and long strings of spit coming out of everybody's mouths... Look it all sucks for all of us to be addicts, but that is what we are. We have to learn to live with that and alter our lives to at least no longer be slaves to nicotine.. Hope this helps... doc2
RSNftw
I agree with what Doc says. Those first few days are going to suck but we all know you can do it because we've all done it. You really will feel much better knowing you are no longer a slave to that stuff. Think of all the time you're going to be able to enjoy things because you're not always thinking about dip. Think about no longer getting griped at by the dentist (if you even go, I know I didnt). Think about that money saved to spend on whatever else you want. There are lots of reasonstuff to stay quit and everyone's is different but always remember there is no reason to go back. Dip does nothing for you other than temporarily put off withdrawal. We can come up with lots of excuses as addicts but they're all terrible and completely unjustified. I quit with you today!
Sooner87
Welcome to Freedom, Harvestgirl. I'll tell you this much, the integrity of quitters on this site will burn into your own quit. It's powerful, that promise, everyday. It saved my butt many a time. One day at a time (ODAAT), I quit with you, Sister!
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29 Sep 2016, 07:54
The fog is creeping in today. I was great for the first hour and a half when I woke up, now i just want to crawl back into bed.
seVen44
I'm right behind you Harvestgirl. I quit last night at 7:44 PM. I'll keep an eye on your posts so that I know what I'm in for next. Hang in there.
deskbum
Day 11, 12 nights for me. Hang in there. I been using the fake stuff, it helps a lot once the nic is out of your system. Only probable with starting the fake is sometimes I question myself if I have really completely quit. Not to sure the fake stuff is any safer but everything I read on it says it is. When I get the urge or the craving my first resort is seeds, but after so many handfuls of that your mouth gets tore up. I find myself using the fake stuff more to stop myself from eating more seed. I have found Smokey mountain to be about the best so far. Good luck and both you guys hang in there.
I have chewed Skoal 30 to 35 years. I am only 42 so I really question how much I would have been chewing in first grade but know I was sneaking a few.
JB65
Welcome harvest girl! I am quitting with you today. Great advice above and all over this site.
HAve you exchanged digits with anyone in your quit group or anyone at all here on KTC? Please do so.
Take a look at the awesome win in October 2016 from earlier today, you NEED to exchange digits. PM me if you would like to exchange with me
Drink water, water, water. Long walks and exercise helped me get out o fthe fog. RAGE if you feel like it, that helps too.
One day at a time, you got this! JB
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29 Sep 2016, 22:09
Today wraps up day four and I feel like total shit, physically and mentally.
I'm still quit though, and that's what matters.
Rawls
4 Days Rocks!!!
It's a matter of why....not what.
Why did your teeth need to be pulled?
Why have you quit?
Why did you ever start?
Why do you think you need nicotine?
Why does anybody need drugs?
Why are you on KTC?
Why are we addicts?
Why do we need help to quit?
Truth.
This place reaks of Truth....
Let it.. and the people here...Set you free.
Your misfortune has detoxed you.
Harvest That!
I am quit.. and I'm Free with you today.
Rawls 682
Ginet
Hey girl.
This is winning. It does get better. I promise. But....you need to know this hell in order to never return to it. Keep going.
Chicks rule!
Lady G
ChickDip
Day 4 sucks, But not as much as a day 1!
You made your promise, you honored it , that's what counts.
Tomorrow, repeat.
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30 Sep 2016, 19:45
Thankfully this time of year my weekends are just the same as my weeks- not much changes from day to day.
I made it through today which was going to be my big challenge- 10 hours straight of roading a tractor from where we were harvesting all the way back home. I never chewed so much gum in my life.
Stranger999
Gum, seeds, toothpicks - use whatever you need to get through the day! 4 days is bad ass! B)B
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02 Oct 2016, 07:01
Day fucking seven guys! I honestly didn't know If I'd ever be able to do this, but I AM doing this. I am PROUD of myself so far.
And that's a pretty good feeling.
JB65
Im proud of you girl. Just keep piling those days up, the fog may be lifting for you. Beware of the tricky Nic trying to lure you back with all sorts of mind games.
I'll quit with you today! See yo on roll tomorrow
Dipbegone
Keep piling up +1's day at a time! Bad ass
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02 Oct 2016, 18:27
It's getting easier!
Bit foggy today, but manageable. Pretty tired though all day.
danojeno
Ups and downs are to be expected, but you've been kicking ass each and every day. Post that promise first thing, EDD, so no matter what, there's no turning back. Being around a husband and co-workers who dip doesn't make things easier, but many have done it before and you will succeed too. The strength you show is contagious and eventually they may come around. It's fun to read of your success, keep up the updates!
sooverit
Welcome and congrats on your quit! You've come to the right place. This site has just the right balance of genuine kindness and verbal @ss kicking! Great mix for success!
Check your inbox :) Swap digits with lots of people, post roll FIRST THING EDD, volunteer to help out, and get to know people. I was told to do those things, and while I thought it was weird at first (especially being female: stranger danger! lol), I was so desperate to be on my last quit I jumped in 100%... and it worked!!! The wise "old" quitters know what they're talking about.
You got this! Proud to be quit with you and looking forward to watching your success!
PMILS
Listen to this woman^^^^, Farmgirl! She's a badass and she gets it!!!
Proud to be quit with both of you!
rdad
Finally turning the corner and beginning to really believe you can do this is a great part of your quit. You are doing great. Just keep on doing what youre doing. Stay active. Well done Sister.
ChickDipProud of you.
Using your tools, and reaching out to others.
Best thing you can do is take your eyes of yourself at times and focussing on helping another quitter.
You sound like a Badass already. Love your determination HG.
AppleJack
Every little victory... celebrate.
You're winning and, sis, that's a beautiful thing.
Rock. On!
pab1964
Hey girl, it's not easy. Dipping was easy but also killing you. We got your back. When I first quit 10 days looked like no way possible. Then I bought into this quitting thing and took all this badass quitters advice: don't worry about tomorrow, don't worry about 50, 100 day's just worry about one dayat a time and believe in yourself and use your tools you have and before you know it you will be sharing victory stories with others and giving advice. I see alot of badass quitters helping you. Take there advice, after all they have walked where you're walking now! Damn proud to be quit with you my sister! Quit on!
brettlees
Keep checking with updates Harvest- it'll help all the supporters you are building know where you're at-- in the meantime, keep kicking this thing in the, well, you know!
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05 Oct 2016, 06:46
Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
JGlav
Good Wins. Great job using the KTC tools. Keep it going one day at a time. Proud to quit with you
AppleJack
Every +1 is huge.
Huge!
Don't downplay any victory at this point. You're setting your mind beyond your addiction... revel in it. It's badass!
rdad
10 days is Badass! Way to be!
brettlees
^^^ yep, congrats! those are the toughest 10 days, too! it keeps getting better, day by day. Glad you are finding what tools work for you right now. Chat is a great place for a lot of quitters. Building that network is key. You're really doing this good- just keep it up, keep being tough when needed and open to the new life you're building!
pab1964
Girl you should be damn proud! 10 day's can be all that was needed to get you over the hump. I've got to tell you these badass quitters above me will lead you to the promise land! Listen to them, ask for advice it not only will help your quit but there's also. Keep coming in here and sharing your victories it helps everyone that reads them. Tomorrow you smile real big and when someone finally ask just say, I FOUND KTC AND ITS GONNA HELP SAVE MY LIFE! Quit on
ChickDip
That is huge! Live chat was my lifeline. And, really still is. I dont hit it as much amy more, but for my first 250 days, YES! It was a staple. Great to see you use that and help others. Happy double digits girl!
See you in roll.
See you in chat.
Quit hard!
Thumblewort
Great intro here, I quit with you today!
Steakbomb18
I've been watching and reading this thread as updates are posted - and I tell you, I look forward to each update. 10 days (now 11) of pure badassery quit. A few guys with 1,000 plus days chiming in because its stuff like this that fuels, invigorates, and continues to inspire our quits. Thank you for sharing this, congratulations on earning that freedom, and please - keep leading the charge. I just love leaders and you've succeeded in grabbing the attention of some of the best leaders here.
Keep crushing it!
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06 Oct 2016, 14:17
Day 11: "Total Body Reset"
The first ten days were smooth(ish) sailing, until about 8pm last night.
Since then, my body has provided a wonderful karmic experience in the form of shakes, aches, chills, headaches, nausea, and one hell of a pissed off digestive system. An outsider would think it's the flu or something similar, but we all know better. My body is clinging on to the vestiges of the Nic Bitch like a high school girl that doesn't want to let go of her boyfriend to college.
As awful as I feel, the feeling of quit is 10x better.
Stranger999
This stuff is common. I had a lot of trouble sleeping and I would have cold sweats once or twice a day. Keep swatting away those triggers and keep winning! :)
Thumblewort
It's normal. Have you had that first "awesome" day yet? Was about day 20 or so for me, so quit day by day because it only gets better from here on out.
brettlees
^^^^ agreed, when that first awesome day hits-- even if not a full day.... Wow!
you have a great attitude and quit going. Feels like several of us are right there with you-- just keep slugging away when you need to, and use the breaks in the fight as a chance to breathe and recharge. You've got this!
All you have to do with the really tough times is ride through them. I think you get it, but nothing the nicbitch throws at you is gonna kill you- but she'll try all she has. All you have to do is get through whatever one is present, and when you do your mind is trained that that won't work anymore to get you to give in.
Keep it rolling !
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07 Oct 2016, 19:36 #198
I've been encouraged by a few vets to keep journaling during my quit- the highs, the lows, my personal "moments".
Today is day 12.
There's been some cavers in my quit group and I took some time to reflect on why it was bothering me so much, especially since it's only my Day 12. The vets in the chat were just as heated as I was in confronting some of the cavers and calling them out. I'm normally not a confrontational person, but for whatever reason, this was making my blood boil. And then I figured it out.
I have been non stop on the go for most of this year.
I got married in March. No time for a honeymoon- we came back home afterwards and a few days later we jumped right into field work and then planting approx 25k acres. The last week of May we bought our first real house. I packed, moved, and unpacked all by myself for four days straight, with a trip to OK to haul equipment thrown in the middle of that. The first few days of June, we loaded the rest of the equipment and left for wheat harvest. We didn't get home besides for a few days here and there until one week ago. Last Saturday (10/1/16) we jumped in on our own fall harvest. I'm still unpacking the house and our luggage, swamped with laundry, trying to get errands done, all while generally working 14+ hours a day. There hasn't been a break for us since our wedding day- March 5th. Unless it rains (or snows), we don't get to sleep in. We don't get a day off. We don't get a weekend free until our fall harvest is over with and in the bins. I farm. I get it, this is how life is for us and I love it, the majority of the time.
Why does this matter? I am tired. I am burnt out. I am running on fumes. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is no "recharge" until probably middle of November at the earliest. There's hardly any sleep, hardly any hot meals, and now there's no comfort and security blanket of having a can of chew in my pocket. And, this is just work. This doesn't include my personal health problems, my mental issues, the regular worries of day to day life that we all have.
This is why I'm proud of MY quit. If I can feel all this, and quit (prompted by having to have two teeth extracted while on the road), then I feel like I can pretty much do anything. There's not very many things in my life that I can truly be proud of. This, I can. And I am. This is something personal that can't be taken away from me.
That's why I get fired up at people who cave and don't own up to their mistakes. If I can stick with it, they can stick with it, no matter what they're going through. This post isn't meant to undermine what others are going through in their quit. This is just part of my own personal journey.
Stranger999
Agreed and well said! If I can you can - I have yet to see a caver post a legitimate reason to cave.
sooverit
Amen, sister. I feel the same way. We're all busy, some of us very much so. I help run the family commercial construction company. Overtime work load with part time hours because I'm also homeschooling my two oldest (5 and 6). Every single day is an up-hill battle of "how am I going to get as much done as possible." Always working (working now on this Friday night), never enough sleep, never enough time with my family, very little down time, always struggling to keep up on everything. Even so, I'm a 117 day EDD poster. You're totally right: if it's important, we find a way to make it work. No excuses. You're doing an awesome job on your quit! This is one thing that is for sure worth it! Keep killing it!
Rawls
Tractor folk....
Feels like we work harder than most.
Not true.
Feels like we need some help to do the job better.
Not true.
"Feels like"... is the caboose!
"Truth".... is the engine.
Truth is ... Nicotine has never helped you.
Truth is....Nicotine will never make things better.
Truth is....Nicotine will kill you.
You are learning, one problem plus nicotine = 2 problems.
You girl... Are working through the thorns and thistle.
You keep posting.
Your harvest will fill many a barn.
Proud of your 11 days.
Keep sharing.. Keep Chatting.
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 690
AppleJack
You... rock.
That's all there is to it.
You listen. You act. You invest. You care. You want this, and...
You. Own. This.
Rock on sis...
Stillamarine
Hot damn! Want to see the definition of a bad ass quitter?? This is it right here!! When you get invested in your quit, in your brother and sister quitters, you start to take every damn cave personal. It pisses you off. You want to kick their ass. Good! Take it out on the Nic-Bitch. Let it reinforce your quit. Let it make you in to the best damn quitter there is. This isn't the Jedi. You need to have emotion, passion. Exchange numbers, when your group gets a groupme get on it. Hopefully your husband will see the light and get on the quit train with you.
Remember you are a bad ass quitter. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Hollar if you need any help. We are all here for each other. We are Ohana.
Oh and to put it in perspective, I've had a total of 4 teeth (and two wisdom) pulled in the last couple years. 2 of those and 2 wisdom at the same time this time last year! It sucks!!!!!
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11 Oct 2016, 23:12
I'm crushing the fuck out of this quit.
Today wraps up Day 16 and the past few days I've finally started to feel more human. The "total body reset" seems to have gone away for now. This past Sunday was awful- cravings off and on all damn day. The fog is much better, and my regularly scheduled late afternoon rage fest has started to dissipate. 4pm doesn't hurt so much anymore.
I'm exhausted though. Every day I get up and I'm not sure how I make it through the day. I just do.
JB65
Fuck Yeah girl! 'oh yeah'
So proud of you. Stay strong, stay pissed, stay close to us here. Keep us up to date- love reading this shit man!
JB65
Yes!
Bravado gets you everywhere in your quit! Gots to own it and never give in to fear. You're in control... always! Rock it, sis.
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13 Oct 2016, 19:06
A notice to recent cavers, people who are currently tempted to cave,
and you idiots who think you're bigger than this and will cave:
Fuck you and your high horse you rode in on.
You made a promise, and we do not take promises lightly. You know what burns my ass? When I can't get on the forums and get notifications to take care of a problem in the form of a fucking caver.
Do yourself a favor and don't piss me off in that regard. I, along with others, will drag you to the front of the class and shine the spot light.
You are an adult. You have to make conscious decisions every damn day. You chose at one point to place a wad of chew in your mouth. I seriously doubt that someone forced you down to the ground and shoved a dip in your lip.
Because I sure as hell know I wasn't held at gunpoint. I made that stupid choice willingly. You also made that choice, and you then at some point made that choice to quit, just as I did.
I am not alone in this story. Every single person here wants the same goal- to quit and stay quit. With that said, YOU need to work for it.
When you cave, you disappoint every single other person here. When you cave, you disappoint an entire community. We therefore then care about your quit more than you care about your own quit. This ENTIRE community has the SAME thing in common. Why are you the exception? Why do you think you're above the willpower and inner strength that we have to pull daily. Some of us have only been quit for a few days, some of us on here have been for years.
Those three questions?
1. What happened?
2. Why did it happen?
3. How are you going to keep it from happening again?
Think about those questions every day, even if you haven't caved.
What happened?
I made a decision that affected my life in a negative way. I chanced my health, I wasted money, I was inconsiderate of my family and friends.
Why did it happen?
I was not thinking of the consequences. I did not think of cancer, disease, defects, debt, etc. I was young, stupid, but I have no one to blame but myself. I own this mistake.
How are you going to keep it from happening again?
I made a public promise and dedication to KTC, my friends, my family, that I was quitting all forms of nicotine; I was going to lead a healthier lifestyle, I was going to pay it forward. If I can help one other person quit, then my experience and pain of my quit not only saved me, it helped another.
So pull your head out of your ass.
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rdad
I love what you wrote here Harvest Girl. You have committed yourself to the highest standard of posting roll and keeping your word. Keep going girl! You are committed to this now.
FLLipOut
You are like the umpzillionth person who quit because of a tooth extraction. God is a funny cat - He helps us out of our messes in the craziest ways sometimes.
Anyway, stay strong and keep the faith, girl, you are doing great!
brettlees
Loving the fierceness! keep building! Hate the addiction, love the freedom!
Steakbomb18
There are a few girls here that have become synonymous with badassery when it comes to quitting. Samcat, 2mch2lv4, Sage, Ginet, and more recently, Chickdip ...just to name a few that jump to mind. I have no doubt if you continue down the path you're on, you too will be among these women who are so well respected in this community.
Moreover, and regardless of gender, the passion around quitting...and the anger towards nicotine you speak of is infectious. I appreciate that. And, I also appreciate your lack of tolerance for those who opt to stab their quit brethren in the back ...opting for the can over brotherhood and friendship. It's sad and pathetic that a cancerous weed can take precedent over something so much more meaningful and important. Yes, we're all addicts I get that, but not all addicts are created equal. Addicts who quit and stay quit, in my opinion, are the elite...and you need to work your ass off to be in this exclusive and most rewarding group.
See you on roll tomorrow HG.
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20 Oct 2016, 16:19
Thoughts from Day 25-
Today we finally had a rain day which meant I finally had a day off. Fifteen hour days are starting to drag on and I can't get on here as much as I'd like to. KTC isn't made for bouncing around in a tractor squinting at a phone. It makes it hard also to keep up on the forums besides writing my roll call in the morning. Chat is wonderful, but I can only use it sporadically. Harvest should be done in a few weeks and then I can be fully active on here.
I can't believe I've been quit for over three weeks now. The cravings lessen each day, and only in times of super stress (like a guy taking down a live power line with his grain cart auger, broken down equipment, dumbass truck drivers, etc) does it get really bad. There have been a few days were some people were definite quit savers.
But, I think I'm firmly to the point where I know and others know that I really did quit and am going to stay quit. I no longer feel like I'm forgetting something in my pockets. My skin is clearing up. The fog is starting to lessen a bit. Bonus: For the first time in four years I can put in contact lenses and not feel like the devil is pissing into my eyes. No matter how much I washed my hands, it always burned horribly. Now, I can put my contacts in, blink, and start my day instead of tearing up into a towel until the pain went away. My mouth is starting to heal too and that feels weird. I never have heartburn, but I've gone through Zantac like candy the past week. I feel good, but I think I'm going to call this part of the quit The Uncomfortable Times. I'm not really that sick, but just so much uncomfortableness in my body right now.
The biggest battle I've faced, I have debated about sharing but now know that maybe I can help someone by writing this.
I am bipolar and take two different medications three times a day to function normally (but, what is normal?). Quitting nic threw me for a loop and the nic bitch reared her ugly head. There were some bad days. Really bad. Scary bad. Not bad as in craving bad. Bad as in, there was no hope in the world, no happiness, just a dark violent hole. I used my digits and the chat and slowly, slowly got out of that Dark Place with some help.
Nic is a chemical and affects you so much more than one realizes. When you add legit medication to it, and remove the nic, the meds and your body take some time to adjust. It's brutal. Brutal, but worth it. Call your doctor or a nurse hotline. I promise you that your body will stabilize itself. It just takes time and sometimes a temporary dosage adjustment. I chewed for years, and the damage I did to myself will continue. This isn't a quick and easy quit. If you're in this postion, please please please reach out. You're not alone in your quit, and you are not alone at how low you feel.
On the bright side of things, my husband has also now decided to quit. His last dip was Saturday, Oct 15th at 10am. I did not (could not) ask him to or make him quit. His quit is exactly that- his quit. He is responsible for his decisions regarding this. I cannot do his quit for him; I can only be supportive and stand alongside of him- just like he has done with me the past few weeks during my quit.
ReWire
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm sure your story will help others along the way. Glad you're doing better; keep fighting the good fight.
JB65
Thanks for sharing is right. You are a bad ass quitter and your honesty and integrity is refreshing in this world of liars and shitbags.
Everyone here is cheering for you, keep these updates coming, love reading them
pab1964
Awesome read! You're definitely way ahead of the game in realizing that your body and mind is going to take time to heal. What is normal, good question. I dipped 38 years and 665 day's later I'm gonna say the way I'm feeling now is somewhat normal is supposed to feel like because I'm loving life more every day. You will definitely have plenty of more rough day's but the good will out weigh the bad three folds. As far as feeling depressed, hopeless those day's are gone for me but rest assured they're completely normal. As recently as two weeks ago i reall have just now let go of some or should say most of my anger issues! Probably gonna get pretty stressful in your house with both of you quitting, remember walk away and we're all here for you. Damn proud of you and proud to be quit with you!
brettlees
Excellent journaling- this record you are creating is going to help others a lot! Your insights are spot-on. Keep it rolling and great news re your husband too!
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23 Oct 2016, 15:57
Four weeks. 28 days = four weeks.
Why is it that certain numbers are seem to be milestones, when each day should be celebrated?
pab1964
Each day is celebrated, of not by you, by one of your loved ones. Continue on, I'm glad to see you and your husband haven't killed each other. Quit on!
FLLipOut
Harvestgirl...keep up the journal because it WILL help someone.
Crap, without nicotine in my system, my body's relationship with alcohol and caffeine have been completely turned inside-out. So if someone is taking medication for ANYTHING, they should consult their doctor when they quit nic!
Anyway, GREAT job girl!
suthern_gntlman
I've really enjoyed reading your thoughts. Keep up the good work!
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25 Oct 2016, 12:32
ChickDip
Happy 1 month quit HG!
very proud of you , and you should be too, keep it up.
brettlees
Woohoo! celebrate it! soak in the accomplishment, then do it again the next day!
pab1964
One month is huge! One month and a day even better! Quit on!
26 Oct 2016, 18:21
JGlav
kudos to you for getting back to woody when texted for help. You saved a quit there!!
DWEIRICK
Love seeing young quitters in Chat you don't know how much you help other people by being in there! Keep doing amazing stuff you're killing it!
JB65
Nice work girl! As said on here many times, keep putting up those days. The clouds begin to break, things begin to be seen clearer.
I've always said every day i post my name on that roll in Nov 2015 i feel a little less like a loser for letting tobacco control my life for so long. Eurekea moments happen for different people at different stages of the quit.
Man you seem way ahead of where i was at 30+ days, and Im so proud of you, keep the updates coming!
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29 Oct 2016, 16:50
Day 34
I was going to write on Day 30, but the motivation and time escaped me. Work has been constant; 15+ hours/day, some longer, some shorter, and most of them without decent phone reception.
So, day 30 came and went. When I got home that night I checked KTC quick. I was surprised at how many people either commented on roll that day or sent me a pm to congratulate me on 30 days, not to mention the texts I received throughout the day. To me, 30 days was a big achievement but for it to seem to matter and make other people proud as well, made me feel on top of the world.
The next day was Woody's roughest day, and she wrote a post on our Jan quit group that got pretty popular. I had no idea about the post until the next day- all I knew is that her and I were texting. Again, I got messages, pm's, etc. thanking me for helping her. This time I was confused- I was just doing what she had done for me, and what I had done for others. Everyone is in this with each other. This is a website with over 30k quitters.
A few people have stated that I make quitting look easy, I'm so positive, this is looking like a breeze.
I'm sorry, but no.
There is a very dark side to my quit.
One side of me is totally done with chewing- I know I will not cave at this point. When I am done with something, I. Am. Done.
The other side though, I do not like that side. I am angry. I'm angry at myself for chewing in the first place, angry with stupid little things at my job, angry at lack of sleep, etc. At the beginning, the rage was like fireworks- instantly lit, exploding, and then fizzling out. This is a slow, underground, fiercely hot rage that simmers beneath the surface like magma pocket. When it boils over, my hands get bruised and I lose my voice.
If I'm even half an hour late on my medications, the depression and anxiety are overwhelming- thick, hot, and choking. It is a dark place. It is a low place. It is fragile.
The nic bitch is starting to lose her last grasp on my reality and she's slowly realizing it. She's making it painful. She wants her revenge. She's clawing on with one last angry hope.
I'm outwardly positive because the phrase "fake it till you make it" rings true. Helping others helps myself.
If I make it look easy, maybe that will encourage people to keep at it.
If I write this, maybe someone will realize they aren't alone. That this isn't easy, one week in, thirty days in, 100 days in, 1,000 days in.
I thought the phrase "one day at a time" was sort of cheesy, until this past week it turned into "one field of corn at a time" then it turned into "one hour at a time" and then into "one load of corn at a time".
But, at the end of it all, I am still quit.
And this too shall lessen and pass.
pab1964
Very well put young lady! All you did is show others you're human! Damn proud to be quit with you. Quit on and keep building that web of quit. Like you, helping others in turn strengthens my quit!
siffy
Keep up the good fight, really enjoy reading your posts also!
FLLIPBe good to yourself, harvest. 30 days quit is such a great accomplishment but you are still young in your quit. Your brain is still trying to rewire and figure out what the new normal is. You are a strong young lady and I know you will see this through.
PM me if you need anything.
FLLIP
ChickDip
That all makes SO much sense to me.
I totally get you and where you're coming from.
You are aware, you are transparent, you are connected.
Stay that way.
Thumblewort
I had my "NAFAR" moment about 130 days in, and that is when I started to feel guilty of the nearly $30,000 I spent on the death weed that could have been used for my family. Long story short is that guilt over our shared addiction is fruitless as we can only be quit for today. It does take time, but like you said, all we can do is ODAAT.
I know sending a goofy ass text to fellow quitter always helped me, it may be time for another round of HMQ's and LBBQ's for the crew!
-
Nice little blast from the past! Contgratulations on your continued ass kicking in the face of adversity and success.
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ChickDip
Hey girl!
Happy HALF-A-HoF!
(but seriously proud of you!)
eyehatecope
50 days and continuing forward. Congrats!
pab1964
Wow 50 days congratulations!
brettlees
Soak the victories in! keep that quit rolling strong!
Nomore1959
Congrats on 50! That is a big win on your quit journey.
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16 Nov 2016, 01:06
Day 50 (ish)
Technically I'm posting this way freaking early on day 52.
Half a HoF, bitches.
The flood of texts, fb messages, pm's, chat messages, etc. flooded me all day with congrats about my 50 days.
I woke up early that morning with a crippling migraine. I sent a few texts out saying that I was sort of alive and planning on posting roll but I wanted to do it myself because, hey, you know 50 days.
FIFTY days. It's hard to believe that fifty days has come and gone since I joined KTC.
It seems like yesterday and it feels like years.
50 days and I feel like I've started to scratch the surface of my quit and myself. I've learned some good things, I've learned some maybe not so good things about myself.
I've learned more about my bipolar and anxiety- triggers, ideas, thought processes that I didn't know I didn't have figured out, if that makes sense.
I've made friends on here. Some in particular that I owe my quit to just as much as my stubbornness and self perseverance. Some of these people have made their mark on me and I will never be the same because of them- for good reasons.
The fog is pretty much done with. I get spacey sometimes, but the crushing fatigue isn't there anymore. Now it's just regular work related bullshit.
Cravings are manageable. Oddly enough, I want to smoke way more than I want to chew, which is a battle I didn't expect.
The medication and dosage battle is ongoing...somedays my meds are enough, somedays they aren't and I use my phone as a lifeline to text people and not stay buried under the covers.
This quit has definitely taught me how to suck up my feelings of pride and to ask for help when I need it. It took me a long time to not feel like sending a text to a fellow quitter was “weak”. Even now I feel like I'm burdening others when I need a boost, need the help. I'm stubborn. I was taught to keep my feelings in. This....has been an experience for sure.
Today was one of those days. Two hours into my day starting, it took a dive into the shitter. Sent me reeling into a panicked frenzy. I held it together. Got on chat. Had some laughs. Texted a few people privately. Kept it all in. Until I got home and probably broke Verizon with the flood of texts I shot out.
You know what? The world didn't shatter because I needed to talk and ask for help.
Late late tonight (really, early this morning) I received two different messages from two different people in my quit group (after I got shit faced drunk and went on chat), both telling me I was strong, that they looked up to me, and that they drew strength from my quit. That, my friends, means it all.
If there is someone that you looked up to in your quit, someone that you drew strength from, tell them. Please. I don't care if it makes you feel like a pussy. They need to know.
When I first joined, I didn't know what to expect from myself or KTC. Figured I'd give it a try, see how it went, and if it didn't work, I'd just fade away into invisibility in internet world.
How wrong I was.
JGlav
No fading into obscurity here. Not when the halls of accountability are all around you. Nice job on your quit!
Nolaq
You're not going anywhere. Drown yourself in accountability (as you have) and you will walk that road to success and freedom.
Proud of you, Gurl.
Viking
Thanks for posting this and congrats! I learned from it and have felt the same way - particularly about sucking up pride and ego.it really is one of the cornerstones to a successful quit. Thanks for quitting with all of us you are an inspiration
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05 Dec 2016, 23:58
Today was day 71.
I've been in the late term fog for the past few days. I'm not sure what was worse- the initial early fog when you didn't know what was happening and the quit and fog were fresh, or this later on bullshit where it just feels annoying as fuck.
Still feel legit crazy. Meds haven't stabilized like they should have with the higher dosages so I bit the bullet and made another dr appt for tomorrow. After years of med changes the thought of trying to find a new combination or upping drastically honestly scares me, but at this point I just want to feel some sort of normal. I want to feel okay again. I want to feel better.
Cravings come and go. Like with the fog, they're just fucking annoying. Actually, that's pretty much the theme of the quit right now. Annoying. I get what people say when around the 70 day mark it all becomes stagnant.
But, I'm quit. And I'm staying that way. And the friends I've made on here (so many days ago it seems) have been my leaning post.
Also, today we finally closed on our house, after almost seven months of living in the damn thing lol.
I'm tired, my brain is scattered beyond recognition, who knows if this entry even makes sense.
Nomore1959
You are a month from Hall of Fame, use that celebration to pull you through this flat spot. It will get better and good days will outnumber annoying ones.
ChickDip
Feels like forEVER, but it's only temporary, the bonds you've made will prove to save you and to keep you semi-sane. Rollercoaster of quit will be in play for a while. But you'll hang on.
you WILL feel okay again.
you WILL feel better.
IQWYT.
FLLipOut
I hated the 70s. I think annoyed was the best word for it. Everything you wrote is so familiar to me...when the eff am I going to feel NORMAL again. ^^^ Listen to this lady, it IS just a phase. You will be out of it shortly and just in time to start looking forward to your HOF!
Thumblewort
It's all a phase, just the last part of the nic bitch trying one last futile attempt. You're a quitter, you won.
pab1964
It took a little bit but I realized, fog is a helluva better than cancer! Doing great girlfriend! Don't change a thing. Damn proud to be quit with you today!
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16 Dec 2016, 20:46
Day 82
How did it get to be day 82 already? I was in chat tonight helping a fresh quit get set up with the forums. I don't even remember registering. Did I register on the forums first? Did I lurk on chat? I have no idea. All I know is I wake up in the morning (or if I'm still awake when new roll starts) I post my new day, each and every day.
I try to help the new quitters in chat. I guess if I can help one person, my time there is worth it, but I still wonder if I'm doing any good helping anyone out there.
The past few weeks have been a little rough. In my last update on here I talked about hitting the fog hard again. For the most part, the fog has lifted again. I went to the doctor and we played around with my medication again, and added a treatment on top of that, which has made life a little interesting. I do have to say though, I'm slowly feeling better. This is the first time in over ten years that I feel “okay” for the most part. It's been a long long time since I've felt that, and not going to sugarcoat it- it feels pretty damn good.
One of our stronger members in our quit group ended up caving. This was someone I had gotten fairly close to, leaned on each other for support, but they made up their mind. I got a text right after they caved and spoke to them later that night.
And it fucking hurt. It still hurts. Probably more than it should. I guess my cold frigid heart cares more about people and their quits than I thought. It scared me too; got rid of my half assed complacent feeling. If that person could cave while having such a seemingly strong quit, then what about the rest of us? It just goes to prove that if we all want to continue to stay quit, we really do have to fight every fucking day. And keep on fighting. And keep on leaning each other. This really isn't going to go away. Ever.
And that makes me angry and just plain sad that I ever started dipping in the first place. If I would have known all of this now when I started, I would have never touched a damn can.
The bright side of all this is that there are people on here that have turned into my quit rocks. Yes, I am doing this quit by myself, for myself, but there are a few people on here that I owe. I thought when I started this journey that the “brotherhood” thing was exaggerated. I didn't expect that 82 days later I would have a handful of people that probably know my moods, my thoughts, etc. better than I do some days. And I love those brothers.
In just a few weeks I'll hit my HOF, but what will I write then that I haven't written now? Because, fuck yeah, 82 days! 100 days! But those numbers are just another day. Sure, they're milestones, but is 100 any better than 82? When I first started? Day count is important to me, but being nic free outweighs that.
Stranger999
The day count is much less important than the quit web that we build for ourselves here. Each of us needs to succeed every day. We all need to be spiders tending to our quit webs. Connect and stay connected. Caring about someone else and having someone else care about you doubles the chance that you will be on roll tomorrow.
One day at a time. I'm almost at 500 days quit. I never imagined that I would get this far when I started but I listened to the vets and kept making my promise. :)
Law1358
powerful words and thoughts..I just want to let you know that you are helping more than you think. Ive chatted with you a couple times, but know that we havent really gotten to know each other, but I know that you are a respected member of this site. When I think about caving, over all the stuff with my family and what not, I imagine how awful it would be to make that phone call to WalterWhite, FISHFLORIDA, Viking, JeffW, and other brothers i have text back and forth with.. Your name pops in my mind too..If I were to cave, I know that you would tear me a new ass hole..and I would deserve it. To the people that are serious about their quit..it is nice to know and see someone like you on here ALL the Time helping others..So keep kicking nicotines ass and thank you for your help!!!Even strong people need help sometimes and we're here when you need it
Candoit
When you quit, truely quit, you end up ripping off more than a band aid. You end up exposing all of your vulnerability, insecurities and fears and are left a utter pile of confused clueless foggy quitter.
The successful put themselves togther into a new person that doesnt need a drug to hold themselves up. We are here to hold you up when you can't.
I am not here to get back to "normal" I am here to make my normal.
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18 Dec 2016, 15:41
Another update so soon I guess.
Sometimes this quit hurts so bad. Physically. Emotionally. This might have been one of the longest most drawn out hardest things I've done in a long time, maybe my whole life.
Things happened during this quit that I never even in my wildest dreams thought would happen. Quitting and the shockwaves from it just plain fucking hurt sometimes.
But, this pain. This pain is worth the quit. Because I'm better than this.
This quit is mine.
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29 Dec 2016, 16:25
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Stranger999
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
JB65
Such a great example of a quitter that has gained bad ass status. Love to see the growth and accountability and brother (sister)hood you are showing.
Keep it up, real proud of you girl! Quitting with you all day today! JB
Steakbomb18
"5 more days till HOF"
You type that at the end of a (fantastic) post about one of your biggest challenges yet, but you also sound like hitting the HOF (day 100) is going to be some sort of reprieve; like some huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and life will be easier from this point forward. Pretty sure you know this (and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean what I just typed), but you gotta keep that pedal to the metal. Day 100 - it's an awesome achievement, one of the best milestones in my short quit history, but day 101 was way better. And every day thereafter has been way better. Keep fighting.
pab1964
That's ktc and it works because people care! Hof bound girlfriend, it definitely feels good!
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01 Jan 2017, 19:53
Day 98.
Close to HOF.
Everyone has been asking, "are you excited?"
Sure, I'm excited. It's fun to start seeing my fellow group start reaching their 100 day milestones. Sure, I'm looking forward to it and to see what will be written about me lol.
But, it's just another day. Fighting this isn't going to ever stop. My addictions (not just nic) aren't ever going to stop, and I'll always be trying and going for 200, 300, my first year. This quit doesn't end at 100; it's not a magic number.
Bokie
The 100 days is a short term goal where you show as newbies what's possible. 100 days down, 1 to go. Not the end goal, but one you should be very proud to accomplish. I'm proud to quit with you, and will be with you on Day 98, 99, 100 and on. Lead the way!
dieselchick87
I am proud to be quit with you today and every day. You are an inspiration whether you know it or not.
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Hey skank, happy Sunday
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dieselchick87
Congratulations on reaching HOF!!!!
Nolaq
Awesome job!
MN_Ben
Congrats!!!
ChickDip
HG....gurl, Congrats on your 100.
Cheers to 101!
Law1358
I am extremely proud to be quit with you!! Congratulations on Hall of Fame!! You are definitely an inspiration to many
-
Hey skank, happy Sunday
goddamnit I'm transferring my Intro over asshole.
Thank you.
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07 Jan 2017, 14:08
Day 104-
Trying to write a HOF speech but keep getting writers block. I've been browsing through other speeches, but nothing is triggering me to write.
Something I can't force.
Everyone's quit is different, and everyone's speech is different, but it's still the same.
Someday it'll come to me.
ChickDip
Don't force it...you'll get inspired when the time is right.
brettlees
Agreed! ^^^^^^ Just let it come. It'll hit you. You've been a great contributor, just being your own quit self. You dont have to hit it out of the park on the HOF speech, either- you can always keep posting here!
Thumblewort
gRATZ ON THE hOf and being the Queen of chat!
Steakbomb18
Sorry for missing the big day, but I still wanted to give you a huge congrats for achieving ...for earning that HOF. Your passion for quitting and dedication to this is second to none. Congrats HG!
JB65
Agree. I've yet to write one. And dont plan to. I DO plan to set a good example for new quitters and fellow vet quitters alike. Surf the intros and help newbies get settled.
I had a quit for a couple years, some years ago... and i feel like if i write a HOF speech i may let my guard down. This helps keep me active. Works for me. HOF speeches work for others.
Do what is best for you!
Oh yeah, and keep being the bad ass quitter you are 'oh yeah' proud to be quit with you today
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11 Jan 2017, 18:11
Day 108-
Finally got my HOF Speech (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?topic=422.0) up.
JGlav
It's a beut. Well done. Guaranteed someone new gives it a read and becomes the reason they quit. Nice job!
Rawls
Well done HG.
Your HOF Helped me.....
Quit On!
Rawls 786
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22 Jan 2017, 12:56
Day 119-
I've spent the past week on the road- Eric Church concert weekend in Sioux Falls and then spent five days in Omaha for the US Custom Harvesters Convention.
It didn't leave me with a whole lot of time to pop on here- posting roll was definitely my bare minimum attempt these past few days.
Turns out, I miss this damn place. I miss posting the support for my friends. I miss screwing around in chat.
Damn it, you guys sucked me in.
SirDerek
easy answer. you have become a friend.
Law1358
I agree with this 100% HG, glad you are back home! I have never met you in person, but I consider you as good a friend as anyone!! Thank you for saving my quit on a couple occasions, and I'm proud to quit with you and call you a friend
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28 Jan 2017, 20:35
Day 125:
So today was a weird day for me.
I woke up way late (because I finally slept for the first time in like a week), which made me late to an interview that I was giving to a potential summer employee (thankfully only by like 10 minutes), and couldn't post (no reception/polite chance really).
So, I asked for a pick up. I text a good number of people on here every day with my promise. Group chats, personal texts, etc.
But today I didn't personally post roll.
And the whole rest of the day I felt like was missing something.
I hate not being able to post roll myself, especially when we're near the end of HOF month.
JB65
I think this is so cool. asking for pickup and feelin like something is missing. Take if from me, I'm the King of asking for pickup in my group. Travel soooo much leave sooooo early and posting from mobile just F's up roll..
Dont feel bad at all. You are such a great quitter and a great example to young and old quits alike. Love reading your updates. Keep em coming
pab1964
Now that is a true quitter. Definitely smells like a badass quit in here! Damn proud to be quitting with you today
Stranger999
I would so much rather get a text from a quitter than to see someone go missing on roll. There is no shame in texting or emailing or sending a smoke signal. There should be shame in missing roll. I'm glad that you care so much about posting HG. :)
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30 Jan 2017, 08:49
Day 127
Yesterday I got the news that a distant but very very dear family member passed away.
Ollie was just shy of his 90th birthday and was still called Junior until the day he died.
Jr. was one of the last of that rare old breed. Tough old farmer. Collection of Allis Chalmers.
The kind of man that was always sneaking out and tinkering on his farm until it was time to go into the nursing home.
I remember being very young and going to his farm and I remember him ever so patiently taking me by my hand and kneeling down in the rows of sprouting corn and explaining to me what corn was...what corn is used for....how they plant it. I had to have only been four years old. I remember him pulling up one seedling ever so gently and pointing out the young roots, the start of the leaves, then replanting it, packing the dirt around it. I swear his hands were the size of garbage cans lids.
I hear his name and I can smell the first cutting of hay.
Godspeed my Ollie. Have fun up there tinkering on God's tractors.
rdad
127 days ago you would have been trying to sooth this sorrow with dip. I'm so glad that's not the case now. You are doing great Harvestgirl. Sorry for your loss.
ChickDip
Thoughts are with you HG, and plus.
I hope you have a very happy birthday.
Nomore1959
Wonderful memories Harvest, thanks for sharing. I hope your birthday brings you happy thoughts.
JGlav
Sorry for your loss HG. Memories like that never fade though. HAppy Bday too
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07 Feb 2017, 05:28
Day 135
Maybe this post is a little deeper than what most would prefer. I don't care. I stand by the comment I've made numerous times- if this post helps just one person, then my fight is worth it.
The past few weeks have been hard. It's been like being back in the early days of the fog.
Just when I think my brain has adjusted to not having nic, and getting readjusted to a medication adjustment, etc., the nic bitch just fucking laughs in my face and rears her ugly head.
My insomnia has never been worse- it's like my brain has decided that sleep isn't required. My bipolar, while not "worse" has been creeping slowly towards the manic spectrum because of the lack of sleep- which turns it into a cyclic battle. I can't hold attention to anything. I eat right, I exercise, only coffee in the morning. It gets frustrating when people ask "oh, have you tried this?" "This worked great for my friend!" I love that people care, but this isn't a new thing for me; I've been like this since I was a teenager. Yes, I am under medical attention. No, I don't have any suicidal ideologies.
Every day it never fails to amaze me what I learn about my body and my brain now that I don't have the crutch of any nicotine stimulant to mask my brain. Bipolar/PTSD/depression/OCD, anxiety, etc. physically damages the neuro pathways of your brain. Nicotine is a brilliantly evil masquerade ball. The physical damage to my brain has been coming out in full force. Because I'm treatment resistant (meaning I don't respond well to many forms of medication), my doctor and I have opted for a fairly controversial treatment since early December. It involves injections of ketamine on a regular basis. Ketamine is thought to rebuild those damaged pathways. While it's showing promise for me, it's definitely revealing the extent of damage, and is also very case by case on the dosage and schedule of injections. The side effects are much more gentle than any SSRI/SARI/SNRI that I've been on, but each treatment can be exhausting and nauseating.
I'm not going to cave. I don't want to chew ever again. I LOVE not chewing anymore. I post my promise on here and have a great support of friends that I've made here that text me daily, an amazing GroupMe with my January family, etc. I refuse to cave.
But there's that one little last nic voice whispering in the back of my head, "You felt so much better while chewing.You didn't have these side effects. You felt normal and sane. You can use me as a security blanket."
And I say to her, "Fuck you."
JGlav
We are with you for all battles. Nic or others. Stay strong. THere will be a solution for you. Never stop fighting. Proud to quit with you today
Law1358
I know you have alot of support, but we are all here for any battle that you may face!! You know Im always praying, and I know that you'll kick whatever obstacle you face right in the Ass!!!
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09 Feb 2017, 05:21
Day 137
Life isn't fucking fair.
My cousin died on the night of my 135th. Details at first were sketchy. Work accident. Impalement. Bled to death. I was in total shock. Raymond was the funniest happiest hardest working kindest family man. He left a wife and four kids. It's not only devastating to my family, but to the whole community. I'm not sure if anyone in the area didn't know him.
I found out more tonight and it was let out it was a tractor accident.
A tractor accident. All that shock comes back at those words. It hits too close to home. My life boils down to tractors and combines and it's just a brutal reminder that shit can go horribly wrong terrifyingly fast.
Autopilot mode takes over during these times.
My "sleep" schedule has been so incredibly jacked that it's hard to remember what day of the week it is or what day things took place on. I think part of my new autopilot mode is my quit date. I can't tell you what the date is, but I can tell you the quit date. Sometimes it feels like I have BQ and AQ time: before quit and after quit.
In Albert Lea, MN right now so I can wait for my alarm to go off (not that I slept much anyways) and continue on my way home to WI for awhile.
Nomore1959
Such sad news. Prayers for you and your family.
backwoods901
I will be praying for your family harvest girl.
Steakbomb18
My condolences HG. I hope you know that in your short 137 days, you've built a legion of followers to fuel you with prayers and support. Something tells me that what you've built these past 4+ months will help your personal resolve and add some order to chaos. Keep holding the fort, its worth everything
rdad
Sorry for your loss Harvestgirl. You are such a badass quitter. Your involvement here has made my quit stronger. Prayers up for you and your family. Stay strong.
Viking
Sorry for your loss, HG. Hugs from the Twin Cities.
JB65
So sorry for your loss HG. We are here 20,000 + strong for you EDD.
My hardest days were post HOF 125-about 160.... I mean real tough, just like you are going through. I really dove back into the INTROS and started helping newbies get rolling.. rededicated myself to the quit. Started posting in random older and even newer groups.
Just hang tough girl, you will get through this and all other problems that may come your way - NIC FREE. Thinking about you and praying for you and the family as well
ChickDip
Prayers Going up for you and yours HG. ❤?❤
Stranger999
Nicotine really sucks. It tries to give us a built in excuse to keep using it. Life will be hard regardless of nicotine. Keep kicking it to the curb every day.
Stay with us HG and keep winning! :)
Rawls
In my prayers girl.
Your right....Life isn't fair.
At times, Its hard to Be Still.
But.
Truth is like cream,
You keep churning...
It will rise.
And in it... Is the power to set us all Free.
I quit with you.
Rawls 816
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Day 141
2/13/2017
Brasswhole
You guys never heard the story of HG and the BAQ?
Once upon a time there was a quitter, and she was the greatest quitter in all the land.
This quitter, you see, wasn't any ordinary quitter. She was what some would call a "bad ass quitter."
Across the world you would find normal ass quitters who didn't know what it really meant.
They would walk around and say, "Hey, I'm a normal ass quitter."
And to the world, they were above all others, for they, you see, had "quit."
As they plowed the fields, and harvested the grain, the wore their nifty-wifty patch which substantiated them. For they, you see, were "quit".
Then one day, a brave women stepped upon her bale of hay and yelled, "HEY".
"You poser ass, nic-licking douche mother f'ers! I'm about to show y'all what it means to quit!" and she spit the last brown spit the world would ever see down on the peasantry below.
As the rain of kitty-kat turd hit the ground, the thundering clouds above dispersed.
Suddenly, a brilliant ray of light pierced the overcast vale above.
There stood a brilliant maven of Quit. A shield maiden of righteousness. A true symbol of the Quit.
Atop her combine she yelled: "One Day At A Time."
(cmark: Don't forget her bitching out the shitty South African employees .....)
The wretched peons below replied: "We are your League of Extraordinary Quitters!"
The unanimous roar of the spit from the final cat turds fell from their mouths.
The ground shuddered as the Big Tobacco industry wept.
The dismal gray of the land before began to fade.
The world turned bright as the new future was faced by the almighty quit goddess brought forth the new reality
"We shall not fail today!" she yelled, as the legions of her glory took up arms.
For today, we, as the mighty quit army venture forth, are quit. As we shall forever be. So today, brothers and sisters, we go forth, and we yell .... "ODAAT, ODAAT, ODAAT."
HG wanted a bed time story ... So I pulled out my favorite story for her - brasswhole
Eventually narrated by DaveinMT from April 2017. Sound clip available upon request.
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26 Feb 2017, 18:46
Day 154
I should have written before.
Made it through being home in WI for Ray's funeral the best I could hope for. The 10 days I was fucking hell for the most part.
Life has its silver linings though, and one of my dearest closest friends had their first child, a little boy, the day I left for home. I got to spend a lot of time being Auntie Amanda, and oh, how I needed that. There's something just.... pure and innocent and okay with the world when you're holding a sleeping newborn. It puts things in perspective a little bit.
On the return trip home on my Day 145, I was asked by my boss to make a pit stop in Minneapolis to pick up an airplane propeller. I was able to coordinate a lunch/beer date with Viking, PMILS, and MNxE. This was my first time meeting any other quitters. We always hear "Go meet another quitter! It strengthens your quit! It helps you!" I thought I sort of understood the concept, but usually ignored at how emphatic people were over it.
Oh, how I was wrong on that. Meeting those three guys completely changed my perspective. It DID strengthen my quit. There's something that makes your quit totally different when you can put a legitimate name to a face, especially ones that have posted support for you, and ones that you've supported. It. was. amazing.
And then I made it home to Nebraska the next day.
So now I've been home for a little bit over a week- and it keeps on going.
More changes to the medication routine, hopefully for the better.
So I get to continue to play that game. No booze for the foreseeable future with the combination of stuff I have in my little pharmacy of post quit. I could make a hella wad of cash on the street with it all though.
I have never hated the nic bitch more.
I want my life back.
I hate the control I didn't know she had and the control she still has.
Because, fuck these lingering side effects.
And then there was today.
My mom let me know tonight that Ray's mom, Shirley, passed away today. Shirley also lost her brother last week. Shirley has been in a nursing home for quite awhile; this wasn't unexpected, and to be honest, I don't think anyone is surprised at her passing- especially now.
But I think of Ray's two remaining brothers. They buried the best brother anyone could have, their mother, and an uncle.
Ray's four kids lost their dad and grandmother.
All within 12 days.
I know everything happens for a reason. Everyone's time on this Earth doesn't have a guarantee. I could be gone tomorrow suddenly. But, why? What's the reason for all this happening that side of the family? What's the fucking purpose? The "silver lining"?
So I'm craving like a mother fucker right now. I give my promise that I will not cave. I've texted my "squad" and vented to my League in January.
The major side effect right now of the new medication is the worst cotton mouth and dehydration I've ever had. It's so bad that it's damn impossible to use my TeaZa. The cinnamon toothpicks I've grown to love just soak up anything, and gum turns into concrete. I just tried cough drops and they just stick to my tongue. I've resorted to chomping on ice chips. To be honest, even the thought of having any chew packed in with this horrible of cotton mouth makes me gag. Good news, I know that this side effect is pretty temporary- in a few days this will go away.
Maybe this was a super disjointed post to follow. Maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone but me.
But, here's to day 154 of being fucking QUIT.
Tonight, I am damn proud to call myself a quitter.
I am a Quitter.
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27 Feb 2017, 11:57
Day 155.
My mom just called. My aunt was airlifted from our hometown to Green Bay for a massive heart attack.
No real details yet.
Does this ever end?
This is my verbal promise. I quit today. I will stay quit today. One god damn moment at a time.
FLLipOut
Prayers going up...again. Damn, HG, I am so sorry!
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27 Feb 2017, 22:26
Day 155 Part 2
Aunt is in ICU after a surgery to place a stint. She very obviously needs to make drastic lifestyle/diet/exercise changes. She's known that for years but refuses to believe that her health problems are of her own fault. She's an extreme hoarder, has some mental issues, and to be a realist, she won't change. This is a pattern with her.
My aunt on my dad's side got in contact with me tonight.
My cousin and his wife adopted three years ago. This is Marysue's story. (https://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/story/news/2015/11/27/resilient-parents-embrace-adoption/76061756/) That article is over a year old now. Since that publishing they've been battling some other health issues, even though she was declared cancer free.
Today it was confirmed that she's in total irreversible liver rejection/failure.
I feel like no one on here is going to believe me with all this shit.
Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours. Sometimes there's a hurricane. Sometimes there's a tsunami.
Nomore1959
When it rains it pours... yes. so sorry to hear its raining on your family. Prayers all around.
Gas
Don't worry about who believes you. The ones that matter are standing behind you, here to support no matter how rough it gets.
pab1964
Wow HG I don't want to believe you but I do and I am so sorry. Hang in there, we're all with you. Prayers to you and family.
FISHFLORIDA
Keep the faith HG. Prayers with you.
FLLipOut
Damn, HG, your family is hitting quite a bad patch! Prayers going up for your family!! Hang tough.
Stranger999
You have one of the most bad ass quits I have ever seen going here HG. I know you will get through this and this thread has probably helped many others who are trying to quit. Thanks for sharing and prayers out to your family!
CavMan83
I don't know why things like this happen, but I do know that words right now, just don't make any sense. I hurt for you and your family, and my prayer is that somehow you can find peace through this tsunami...
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07 Mar 2017, 10:36
Day 163
ChickDip and I have a theory that female quitters get them less than male quitters. I still haven't had a dip specific dream. It's not uncommon for me to have um... *cough* illegal drug dream/flashbacks, but that's a little different.
I have had dreams where I go to "my" gas station and there's a bunch of KTC people lingering in the eating area watching me (you creepy ass mofos) to make sure I don't cave out over a stupid can or pack of smokes.
Last night I had a dream where I caved by smoking again.
The dream was about having to get up early in the morning- it was a cool crisp morning barely on the verge of sunset and the birds were just waking up. I was standing in the front yard with a mug of coffee and puffing on that smoke. No one around, just calm. There was that stupid thought of "There could be nothing better than this moment right now, hey?"
I woke up this morning and I swear to god I remember feeling packing the cigs against my thigh and the burn in my lungs, etc. I had to jump in the shower immediately because I was convinced I could smell it on my hands and hair. I seriously thought I had driven to the gas station and bought a pack of Reds and Smooths.
The pure guilt and just the stomach drop I felt when I woke up made me sick and break out instantly into a cold sweat. Fucking scary. I can't even drink coffee this morning because of that dream. I keep thinking this lineup of people from KTC that would be waiting their turn, chomping at the bit to chew my ass apart. I feel like I'd be a smeared bloody pulp in a back alley somewhere by the time it was over with.
How long does it take to shake this feeling of failure over something that didn't happen?
Law1358
Ive only had one dip dream and it was about 20 days or so into my quit. I felt everything you are saying except it was with a can of timberwolf wintergreen(not even my brand...lol). I felt absolutely awful, but I started feeling better that day when I talked about it on the site and realized it was something normal people go through.. You know you didn't cave, so don't beat yourself up over it. If you did, you know there would be several of us lined up to kick your ass..just as I know you would do the same to us. Keep fighting the good fight..you got it
Rawls
Nice...
That should be in your signature line.
"How long does it take to shake this feeling of failure over something that didn't happen?"
I Quit with you today....
Rawls 841
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30 Mar 2017, 09:38
Day 186
Been awhile since I've updated on here, and it's hard to recollect the time.
Spring is trying to arrive here, which means that spring fieldwork is trying to get started. Everyone at work is tired of being in the shop; they're chomping too early at the bit to start, which happens every year. In two short months approx 25-20k acres of ground will be worked and then planted. In two short months, I'll be back on the road doing the custom harvest.
We had a small house fire on 3/17. It was caused by a faulty fixture (not wiring; actual arcing of the connections on the fluorescent lights to the fixture. The subrogation dept of the insurance company is going after manufacturer; fingers crossed we get our deductible back). I was home and thankfully caught it quick enough that the damage was limited to just that closed off laundry room. The chemical extinguisher the FD used damn near coated half the house- a pro clean up crew had our house completely back in order in two days. It was amazing. For the past week I've been tackling the renovation of the laundry room by myself. New washer/dryer, floor, repair work on ceiling (scraping, sanding, patch, skim coat, primer, texture coat, primer, paint), all walls primed and repainted, new trim cut and stained, re-leveled concrete, new floor, new fixture. It's definitely been a fun/frustrating/exhausting/annoying/awesome learning experience for me, and I'm going to toot my own horn because I am a bad ass mofo doing this all by myself. (My trade off is that I get out of field work to reno the room.)
On the flip side, even though we were so freaking lucky (the fire could have been so so much worse) it's been mentally and physically exhausting to deal with. I leaned damn hard on my Quit Squad. There's always going to be events in life where we hit them and automatically just want a dip, pat for that can, whether be it stress and fear, or just craving because who the hell didn't dip during home improvement projects?
The day the fire happened and I sent out a text message to my main people on here (along with some GroupMe's) to let them know I wasn't going to be around much (especially guilt geared towards being a conductor for March's HOF).
I had instant offers ranging from "I can come this weekend if you need help. Just say the word" to "Let me know what you need" to "I know you don't need it and you'll say no, but if you need anything financial, the offer is there". I had people texting me with words of support, asking how I was doing, and reminding me that nic would never solve anything. I was floored- people I had never physically met in my life were reaching out, yet again (because seriously, this year has sucked), lifting me up and telling me that things were going to be okay. The PTSD I've dealt with over the years reared it's ugly head hard, playing the stupid "what if" games, the "wonderful world of nightmares and flashbacks", and the ever fun "terrified to leave the house because just in case" struggle. Some might scoff or shun the brotherhood part of the main concept of this site, but if it wasn't for the people on here, I'm not sure what I would have done. For me, it just concretes the fact that some of the people I've met on here are more than friends; they're family that knows me better than myself sometimes.
Day 186- and I've proven to myself that I can get through more than I ever thought I could without a cig or a packed lip.
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08 Apr 2017, 10:08
Day 195
Renovations and repairs to laundry room are completely finished. I know now I can kick ass at reno's like this in the future.
To make a long story shorter- I developed sudden acute adhesive capsulitis in my left shoulder- aka frozen shoulder. Decisions were made to attempt the fullest recovery possible- this is my "last chance" on this shoulder and I can't screw it up. Until the shoulder unfreezes, I can't operate the heavy machinery. No fieldwork, no planting, absolutely no lifting, etc. I went from very easily lifting a 100lb concave up over my head into the belly inside of a combine, to only being able to squeeze playdoh with my right hand down at my side for a few minutes a day. I've never been more thankful for the family company I work for that supports their employee's health and well being more than a body that can run equipment. I'll fill in at the office and do some odd jobs as needed... but my spring season at the very least is already over before it really began.
Another family member passed suddenly yesterday. Yet again- the husband of my dad's first cousin. Extremely quick battle with a cancer that was determined to destory yet again. Godspeed, Lee. Men like you don't often touch the face of this world anymore. Countless youth and community members have been touched by your over the years. RIP, you gentle gracious soul.
In Memory of Lee Martinez (https://county10.com/riverton-councilman-lee-martinez-dies-after-battle-with-cancer/)
Day 195- and still quit every damn day. Still. fucking. quit.
CleanFuel
Still. Fucking. Quit.
Just read your entire intro Harvest. Amazing. You are a badass fucking quitter.
Quit with you.
aaron2012
Fucking right you are.
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Hey skank, happy Sunday
goddamnit I'm transferring my Intro over asshole.
Thank you.
Proud to be quit with you
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200 Days Quit April 13th, 2017
ChickDip
HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
Nolaq
NICE! 200! Way to go, Gurl!
CavMan83
Awesome job by an awesomer quitter. Even though I'm don't stop by the League daily anymore, I am constantly amazed by the grit, determination, and tenacity you possess, and by the way you coach others to possess the same. Awesome is about the perfect adjective! Proud of you.
BrianG
Congrats on 200 days Harvest!! You are a great example to those of us coming behind you. Proud to quit with you!!
JB65
Congratulations HG! You're an awesome quitter
Rawls
Dang.... Go girl!
Sorry I'm late, Congrats on 202.
It all gets better.
Heat -Thornes - Cross - Fruit
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 880
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Hey skank, happy Sunday
goddamnit I'm transferring my Intro over asshole.
Thank you.
Proud to be quit with you
And also with you.
wait.... wrong Sunday thing.
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Hey skank, happy Sunday
goddamnit I'm transferring my Intro over asshole.
Thank you.
Proud to be quit with you
And also with you.
wait.... wrong Sunday thing.
Hahahahahaha
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15 Apr 2017, 21:25
Day 202
It might be 202, but this is more a reflection on day 200.
Sometimes the support on this site amazes me. The string of text messages, the messages on GroupMe's, pm's, the "party" that was thrown in chat, the comments on this intro, etc. where overwhelming. The amount of people that posted support across different groups blew me away. December '16 (my "adopted" group) had just finished their 200 day celebration with their last quitter three days before. I posted on my table spot like I do every day, and then as a group, those sneaky Ninjas told me to answer their 200 day questions, because I was just as much a part of their group than anyone in there. February dedicatd their Message of the Day to my 200. Quitters in March posted their support on their table. It was brought up in April- I was even loaned Samrs for the day to celebrate. ;)
Sometimes I wonder if my attempts to help (talking to new quitters on chat, trying to give outlooks and perspective to fellow quitters, in general supporting people, sending out my daily promise) are worth it. I wonder if it's enough or if my efforts do help anyone. If I help one person quit or stay quit or pull them from off the ledge, then my quit is worth 10x more to me. All the shit, all the pain, all the crap that my quit caused is worth it.
Maybe it sounds selfish or egotistical, but all that support, all those personal messages and thoughts that were given to me on my 200 was a hint of validation that maybe I am worth it on here.
Still quitting one day at a time, but still quitting like a bad ass mofo. ;)
Ryan.F
Sorry to hear about all the struggles that you've gone through during your quit. Being able to balance all that stress and still have the ability to stay quit is amazing and you must be incredibly strong willed! Keep it up and keep us all posted. We want to to help you as much as you have helped us!
SuccessThisTime
Proud to be quit with you Harvest.
"In my intro I've stated numerous times in the past that if my words and story can help just one other person have the courage to think about quitting, quit, or stay quit, then it's worth it."
^^^ I'm that guy. You, Gassy, CanTrap, Cmark, Jubs and a few others were there in chat my first week. I wouldn't have made it through those first days without you.
I hope you get well soon.
pab1964
In the end.....you're a badass quitter and a lot of people look up to you! Keep doing what you're doing ODAAT! Your a huge part of a bunch of quitters now, thanks for sharing your quit with me! Damn proud to be quitting with you Edd
Nolaq
I think I've heard that once or twice before. 'winker'
Know it's true, and understand HG, you are WINNING!
Keep your head down, moving forward, because every day is a victory. Reach out if you need to.
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22 Jun 2017, 15:27
Day 270.
Sucked it up and ordered some Hooch.
Nomore1959
I still reach for the Oregon Mint once in a while. Hang in there and keep winning!
ChickDip
do that.
we do whatever it takes to stay quit.
I am very happy you are here and still hitting it hard.
Making no joke about how difficult it is to stay quit at any given moment show everyone that we all need to stay vigilant in the fight daily.
We should never be sorry for our struggles, they are there for a reason.
You are strong, you will win.
dieselchick87
I have been leaning heavily on Oregon Mint the last couple of months so you are not alone keep hanging in there.
Rawls
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves..."
A grape can never be used as wine...
Until it is busted!
I quit with you today hg.
Rawls 952
Nolaq
This is in no way any type of failure. It's not even a side-step. In fact, it's an appropriate move forward. You're doing what you need to do to protect your Quit when shit has hit the fan.
I used Hooch religiously up until about Day 250. I'm Day 2,651 today, and I still have a can of Mint pouches on my desk.
We dipped for so many years, our bodies don't know what 'normal' is for a while. Well, for me, having some sort of substitute, whether it's pouches, toothpicks, seeds, peanuts or beef jerky....that is my new normal.
DonkeyMN
You are a hell of a quitter and an inspiration for my and many others quits.
I'm proud of you, for you.
Fake dip is just another tool, you aren't any worse for the wear with it. You will power through this!
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24 Jul 2017, 21:00
Day 302.
Still quit.
Rawls
Congrats on 300,301,302 Sister!
Every day is a better day.
Without poison.......
I quit with YOU.
Rawls 980
ChickDip
I thought I posted in here already...
Congrats on your 300++++
Badassery of quit girl.
tjschu
Congrats on the third floor!!!!
JB65
Nice 3rd floor!!! Proud of you girl, keep knocking them down!!!
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poof.
Nothing to see here.
Stay quit, boys and girls.
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365 Days/One Trip around the Sun
Sept 25th 2017
ChickDip
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
Jubs
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
Nolaq
The first trip around the sun!
Awesome job Gurl!
jeffw
congrats on 1 year
rdad
Way to be Girl. You've been through so much and preserved your quit through all of it. A great example of quit badassery for all of us. Congrats on your first revolution!
Steakbomb18
Congratulations Harvest! You've shown us all what a true badass quitter does in the face of many challenges. Happy to see you reach this achievement
PMILS
Way to go Farmgirl... proud to be quit with you!ODAAT ODAAT ODAAT!!!
MNxEngineer314
Congrats on ONE YEAR!!! Proud to be quit with you today!
Stranger999
Hey, congrats on 1 year Harvest! Great to see you all over the site spreading the quit! I quit with you today! B)B
JB65
Happy 1 year HG! Thanks for being an awesome quitter and spreading your mojo to quitters herein!!
CavMan83
DAMN!!!! One year and I MISSED IT! Still, I am so proud of you girl!! You are KILLIN' that damn can!!!
pab1964
Congratulations you badass! 1 years awesome
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Day 400
Oct 30th, 2017
ChickDip
4-0-0 HG!
Bzzzz bzzzzz?
Idaho Spuds
Great work, just another walk in the park ;)
MNxEngineer314
Congrats on 400!!
JB65
Great stuff HG! Thanks for your support to everyone on KTC! Congrats!!
pab1964
Sorry I missed this! Congratulations on the 4th floor
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Day 500
The Half-Dangle
Feb 7th, 2018
ChickDip
Happy Half Dangle day Gurl!
Proud to quit with you every day!
Keep doing what you're doing.
Persevere like you anyways do ❤
Gas
The Half-Dangle of the Quitter formerly known as Gashauler502 HarvestGirl
Happy 500 to the quitter who saved my quit much more than a handful of times.
You letting me completely ream you in chat to let off rage, and the depressive funk started a friendship that solidified with uncanny parallels, the same view on life, sarcastic wit, and a sick sense of humor. I'm glad to know that you have my back, and I know dozens of other quitters feel the same.
I can't think of anyone else that sat for 8 hours in chat trying to talk a quitter off the edge, and then do it again the next night.
Thank you for being an example to follow, not only to me, but to the rest of the Ninja's League, and to so many others on this site.
You went from two packs of Red's and two cans of Cope a day to quitting cold turkey. Look how far you've come.
Not only have you stayed quit through so many ups and downs, stressful times and circumstances when most people would have thrown in the towel, you fought through and never hesitated to help a new quitter through the first few days, or the seasoned vet that needed a boost through a foggy patch. Actions like that don't go unnoticed.
And just so it doesn't get lost:
There once was a quitter named Gassy
He was known for the smells in his... chassis
But now he hauls cars
And still drives quite far
Let it be known his quit is bad-assy.
There once was a girl who could harvest
She had much bigger balls than the rest
She quits like a gurl
Which is bad-ass in this world
And kicking some quit ass on her quest
I told you I'd be nice on your 500. Tomorrow it's game on again, bitch.
...ditto
pab1964
Sorry I missed your half dangle! Congratulations and enjoy
PMILS
Congrats FarmGirl!! Proud to be quit with you!!
batdad
Congrats HG!!! Thanks for leading the way!!
DonkeyMN
You keep doing what you do... Thanks for being you!
Congrats HG!
Prohunter
Congratulations HG and thanks for your support and all the thing you do here. It’s a great pleasure to have gotten to meet and know you.
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08 Mar 2018, 03:12
Day 529.
And obviously still quit.
Over the past few days I've been reading through a lot of stuff that's happened on here since I decided to quit and find KTC.
i've gone back to key moments in my group and another group I'm heavily involved in. Both months were pretty tame, but still butted heads every once in awhile, usually to apologize pretty quick.
The funny thing? So much of it feels foreign now. Parts of my intro and some of my earliest posts seem like someone else typed those words.
The "fights" we had now seem so tame and laughable. I browsed through our HOF celebration and write-ups and was almost startled to see how many reach that milestone. The majority of the people I had forgotten about. I read how so many members of our month expressed excitement and vigor to be quit and how any conversations on the forum were filled with enthusiasm and support. We're down to 13 people posting in our month. Even though it's unrealistic to think everyone will stay on KTC, I still wonder about the people who faded off or made a public exit.
Now, people barely answer the question of the day to induce any conversation. It's quiet. It's more of a ghost town than anything. The rare conversation that gets started quickly dies.
Even though so many people in the two months I referenced before post nearly every day, posting roll has become so automatic. In all of our early days, posting roll in the morning provided a determination. Does posting roll lose effectiveness for some because of that? (Just laying out thoughts running through my head.)
Combing back through old posts was bittersweet. There were forgotten conversations that made me laugh.
There were conversations I came across that hurt like a knife in my back from quitters that decided to either cave or to make a selfish cowardly exit with no regard for friendships that were formed.
It was definitely a nostalgic reminder of where we all started at. We all had a day one. Now, some of us have much longer of a day count.
If you're a KTC member reading this- go back in your post history and see your old posts. Force yourself to remember your early days. I think you'll be surprised at how much you've forgotten.
If you're a guest browsing through intros and happen to read this, you can have a day one on this site and quit one day at a time just like the rest of us. 529 days just doesn't appear, and stretches of that aren't easy.
But it's worth it.
FLLipOut
Really timely post for me to read today, HG - I could have written it myself.
Strange to consider the first crave-ridden, foggy-headed, rage-filled days "the good old days," but in many ways they were.
Idaho Spuds
HG, yeah I think everyone's quit evolves and they use KTC in the best way that works for them. you rock keep it up!
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Day 600
Sixth Floor
May 18th, 2018
ChickDip
Vibratulations on your day 600 Gurl!
Stranger999
Hey - congrats on 600 days HG! Thanks for making a difference here and doing it one day at a time! :)
tjschu
Congrats on 600!
BrianG
Nice 600! Thanks for doing what you do!
Athan
six hundy! go have some fundy!
pab1964
Congratulations on the 600! I hope you get to feeling better soon! You’re definitely a badass quitter
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Here's a little compilation into one organized thread.
Weekends are some of the hardest times to remember and keep your quit.
Outside projects, some opening days of hunting season are starting, back to school, etc.
Protect your quit.
Hopefully some of these can help you or give you your own ideas.
If anyone wants to add anything cut/paste and enter in your suggestions into a quote.
Originally started in Dec 17
- Drink more water than you believe is humanly possible. It will help your body expel poisons, and you will have less time to think about craves if youre thinking about where the next bathroom is.
- Quit for today. You are strong enough to do anything for 24 hours right? Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. (Can be broken down into smaller increments if needed, post a promise every hour in rough patches).
- quitdip or other apps to show all the health and money benefits. (KTC does money here, but I liked the minute by minute health updates too when early craves hit).
- Write an Intro!! This is one of my biggest regrets. It lets others get to know you (and so support you) better. But you can also keep it as a chronicle of how you feel during your quit, something you wont remember in a few months, and it provides great motivation for you to stay quit and others to follow you.
- relatedly, read as much as you can. The Kern story is excellent quitting motivation. Others will provide humor or insight into what to expect. But youre going to be in the fog and professionally unproductive - might as well use whats here to stay entertained and possibly educated.
- laxatives. Nic helped regularity, and the absence is noticeable.
- Sleeping, and sleep aids. Nic is a stimulant. You will need to sleep more now that youre not taking it. But your body is used to crashing after the dip sugars, so you might not sleep as well. Plan to sleep more, and take what you need to get it.
- emotional awareness. Take that shit out here, or in chat, not on innocents. The five stages of grief apply to quitting too. Expect anger and depression, but also fucking freedom and happiness. Just be aware of your body for the first time in years.
- 7M workouts for craves. Soon you'll associate nicotine with Burpees..... relatedly stopwatch your hardest craves. They can feel like forever but I truly dont think Ive had one last longer than five minutes.
- No booze. At all. Not even a sip. A stupidly high percent of people who cave did it while drinking.
- Find some sort of substitute that works for you- seeds, gum, Altoids, atomic fireballs, Mike & Ike's, ginger slices, fake chew, Jolly Ranchers, etc. You'll find something that sort of does the trick.
- A big thing that helped me was switching flavors completely. I was 2+ cans a day of Grizzly Wintergreen. I stayed away from anything wintergreen, peppermint or spearmint flavored. I switched everything to cinnamon, even my toothpaste.
- Water. Drink water until all you feel like doing is pissing.
- Ibuprofen will help too. Nicotine works oddly as an inflammatory, so ibuprofen will help.
- Eat if eating helps. You can always ditch a few pounds later on.
- Sleep if sleeping helps.
- Caffeine if slamming coffee helps. (Coffee will also help you're uh... "bathroom habits".)
- If hard candy works for you, consider the sugar free or candy with sorbitol in it. It helps ^^^ that issue.
- You body is initially going through a sugar crash. Don't feel guilty about craving sugar or cramming down the Little Debbies.
- Keep your mind and body active. Go for walks, et . Punch a heavy bag every time you get a bad craving. Just 10 minutes of a distraction will help kick the crave- jumping jacks, pushups, sit ups.
- Texting other quitters helps so much. I know it sounds like we're beating a dead horse when we talk about swapping digits but I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the people I texted. Find a quit buddy and text each other. It's not weird. I promise.
- Read through some HOF speeches or intros. You can take quite a bit from other people before you. We've all been in your shoes.
- Come hang out in Dec 16. They're all about to hit their one year of quit and helping new quitters breathes some fresh air into them.
- You'll find things that work for you. Everyone's quit is different and everyone has their own little quirks.
- Do NOT keep a "trophy can" or a "memento" can. Damn near everyone I know that has been dumb enough to keep a full can around has ended up caving. If you were a recovering alcoholic, would you keep a stock of whiskey within reach? If the temptation is too much, ask your SO to flush it, throw it blindly out the window, etc.
- PM or ask for digits from fellow quitters in your month and vets who have been here awhile.
Great Job!! but don't get in the habit of having it around or "testing yourself" by looking in old cans seen a few guys fail like that. When I found an old can I would treat it like it was HAZMAT immediately dump it without even looking.. I have been quit a year now and I still don't think I'd want to open a full can not worth the temptation.
Just to make it clear... the safest course of action for those of you new in your quit is:
DO. NOT. FUCKING. DRINK.
You're not giving it up forever. Right now, though, you are almost certainly at a point where a little bit of alcohol can destroy whatever resolve you have to stay quit.
Just don't do it. Be the designated driver, all your friend will love you for it. Plus, when you're out at the bar, you'll be the only non-sloppy drunk fool and that cute girl (or guy, or goat - whatever you're into, dude) who just had one will end up talking to you instead of the idiots trying to keep from puking on themselves.
Stay sober (for now, at least) and stay quit.
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dieselchick87
Thats a great compilation and also a great reminder on the basics of staying quit.
FISHFLORIDA
Thanks for all you do HG!
Hutch18
I just copied and pasted the list in an email and sent it to myself. Going to print that and put it on my desk. I am a little dense and need the visual reminders.
Thanks for posting the information.
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Hey skank, happy Sunday
goddamnit I'm transferring my Intro over asshole.
Thank you.
Proud to be quit with you
And also with you.
wait.... wrong Sunday thing.
Hahahahahaha
but Happy Sunday too.
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Nice little blast from the past! Contgratulations on your continued ass kicking in the face of adversity and success.
Thanks, dano. I appreciate it man.
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The Great Copyover is now done.
Stay tuned for future updates.
-HG
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Happy 2 years asshole. Proud to know you.
Been nice to have a partner in crime around here
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Happy 2 years asshole. Proud to know you.
Been nice to have a partner in crime around here
Everyone needs a partner in crime and a person to take over the world with, and I'm glad it's you.
I mean.... I'm glad to have a quit accountability partner like you....
Now stop being nice and let's get back to our plan for world domination.
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Happy 2 years asshole. Proud to know you.
Been nice to have a partner in crime around here
Everyone needs a partner in crime and a person to take over the world with, and I'm glad it's you.
I mean.... I'm glad to have a quit accountability partner like you....
Now stop being nice and let's get back to our plan for world domination.
Huge congrats Harvest on you're 2 years quit! ❤
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Congratulations on 2 years! I remember when I was on day 6 or 7...I was in such a terrible fog I couldn't tell you what day count it was but you were in the live chat and you helped me. I am now on day 94. Thank you.
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Congratulations on 2 years! I remember when I was on day 6 or 7...I was in such a terrible fog I couldn't tell you what day count it was but you were in the live chat and you helped me. I am now on day 94. Thank you.
I remember my first exposure to HG. I was in a tussle with a tool named Frobozz when HG swooped down in wrath, laid down some righteous testimony and a stinging rebuke. Been indebted ever since....Thanks for paying it forward!
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817 and quit on the journey back to WI in a semi thauling a grain drill with my Jeep tossed on the back. Stopped at a Pilot and bought $30 worth of jerky to fight some cravings.
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817 and quit on the journey back to WI in a semi thauling a grain drill with my Jeep tossed on the back. Stopped at a Pilot and bought $30 worth of jerky to fight some cravings.
Those long hauls are killers sometimes. We all right here and got your back anytime.
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Hey, everyone.
As my username suggests, I'm obviously a female.
A female that just so happens to pack way 1.5 cans a day. I work for a large scale farming and custom harvesting company and chewing was less of a fire risk than smoking, so I had made the switch about 4 years ago to chew.
Yesterday I ended up having two teeth extracted at an emergency dentist (cracked back molars) and I'm not allowed tobacco products for 72 hours.
I figured that it was be a good way to get a jump start on quitting, but approx. 30 hours into this, I'm starting to go nuts.
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Hey, everyone.
As my username suggests, I'm obviously a female.
A female that just so happens to pack way 1.5 cans a day. I work for a large scale farming and custom harvesting company and chewing was less of a fire risk than chewing, so I had made the switch about 4 years ago to chew.
Yesterday I ended up having two teeth extracted at an emergency dentist (cracked back molars) and I'm not allowed tobacco products for 72 hours.
I figured that it was be a good way to get a jump start on quitting, but approx. 30 hours into this, I'm starting to go nuts.
Welcome! 72 hours will get the nicotine out of your system and then you enter "the suck". Drink plenty of water and get some exercise - do anything that you can to take your mind off using nicotine. It usually takes a few weeks to start feeling better. There are lots of good threads tor read here in the meantime and there is also Live Chat.
You can do this! If I can you can!
I quit with you today! Stranger999 - day 389.
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The old quit or risk dry socket argument? Ask me how I know. Scared me quit, too.
Read every darn thing you can find on this addiction, harvest. It will help understanding what you are up against. I encourage everyone quitting tobacco products to read Allen Carr's book on quitting smoking. Trust me, it applies becausd it is about nicotine, not the delivery method.
PM me if you need anything and go post roll in January 17 if you haven't already.
Check your inbox.
FLLip.
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hang in there Harvest. that going crazy feeling is part of the process. I was a fucking looney tune for about 2 weeks... off and on. But feel phenomenal now a days. reach out for help. read as much as you can.
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So I've officially just hit day three and im back to work in my tractor. I miss it. I tossed all my spit bottles that I had left in the cab, there's no cans to where I can get to them (two other people on my current crew also chew, as well as my husband).
My mouth still hurts from the tooth extractions, eating is hard because of it, etc. So I'm in pain, hungry for food that's not soup, and just plain cranky. I know it'll get better, I habe to make this get better but I'm pretty down in the dumps. Being bipolar isn't helping, but the meds I have to take do take the edge off.
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So I've officially just hit day three and im back to work in my tractor. I miss it. I tossed all my spit bottles that I had left in the cab, there's no cans to where I can get to them (two other people on my current crew also chew, as well as my husband).
My mouth still hurts from the tooth extractions, eating is hard because of it, etc. So I'm in pain, hungry for food that's not soup, and just plain cranky. I know it'll get better, I habe to make this get better but I'm pretty down in the dumps. Being bipolar isn't helping, but the meds I have to take do take the edge off.
You are doing the hard work right now and that is a good thing. I used to lose teeth to rot as well and I know it was because I was dipping. That stuff does a lot of damage to your teeth and gums. Since I have stopped dipping I don't get those extractions anymore. It is going to just suck for a while so you'll have to hang in for the ride. When you come out the other side you will feel much better about yourself. As your mouth heals get anything you can to keep the shit out of your mouth. I used seeds and gum to get me through. They seem to help a lot to stop the oral fixation that exists. Others here use the fake chews like Smoky Mountain and Jakes chew. There are tone of them out there. I think there is a review section here somewhere.
Don't equate being down in the dumps with quitting tobacco. It does not have the ability to pull you out of the dumps, and only the ability to put you back in them through the slavery of addiction to nicotine. In your situation with people dipping around you, you are going to have to develop a large amount of hatred of big tobacco and a mighty sense of humor thinking about all of the brown stained shirts, pants, and long strings of spit coming out of everybody's mouths... Look it all sucks for all of us to be addicts, but that is what we are. We have to learn to live with that and alter our lives to at least no longer be slaves to nicotine.. Hope this helps... doc2
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So I've officially just hit day three and im back to work in my tractor. I miss it. I tossed all my spit bottles that I had left in the cab, there's no cans to where I can get to them (two other people on my current crew also chew, as well as my husband).
My mouth still hurts from the tooth extractions, eating is hard because of it, etc. So I'm in pain, hungry for food that's not soup, and just plain cranky. I know it'll get better, I habe to make this get better but I'm pretty down in the dumps. Being bipolar isn't helping, but the meds I have to take do take the edge off.
You are doing the hard work right now and that is a good thing. I used to lose teeth to rot as well and I know it was because I was dipping. That stuff does a lot of damage to your teeth and gums. Since I have stopped dipping I don't get those extractions anymore. It is going to just suck for a while so you'll have to hang in for the ride. When you come out the other side you will feel much better about yourself. As your mouth heals get anything you can to keep the shit out of your mouth. I used seeds and gum to get me through. They seem to help a lot to stop the oral fixation that exists. Others here use the fake chews like Smoky Mountain and Jakes chew. There are tone of them out there. I think there is a review section here somewhere.
Don't equate being down in the dumps with quitting tobacco. It does not have the ability to pull you out of the dumps, and only the ability to put you back in them through the slavery of addiction to nicotine. In your situation with people dipping around you, you are going to have to develop a large amount of hatred of big tobacco and a mighty sense of humor thinking about all of the brown stained shirts, pants, and long strings of spit coming out of everybody's mouths... Look it all sucks for all of us to be addicts, but that is what we are. We have to learn to live with that and alter our lives to at least no longer be slaves to nicotine.. Hope this helps... doc2
I agree with what Doc says. Those first few days are going to suck but we all know you can do it because we've all done it. You really will feel much better knowing you are no longer a slave to that stuff. Think of all the time you're going to be able to enjoy things because you're not always thinking about dip. Think about no longer getting griped at by the dentist (if you even go, I know I didnt). Think about that money saved to spend on whatever else you want. There are lots of reasonstuff to stay quit and everyone's is different but always remember there is no reason to go back. Dip does nothing for you other than temporarily put off withdrawal. We can come up with lots of excuses as addicts but they're all terrible and completely unjustified. I quit with you today!
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So I've officially just hit day three and im back to work in my tractor. I miss it. I tossed all my spit bottles that I had left in the cab, there's no cans to where I can get to them (two other people on my current crew also chew, as well as my husband).
My mouth still hurts from the tooth extractions, eating is hard because of it, etc. So I'm in pain, hungry for food that's not soup, and just plain cranky. I know it'll get better, I habe to make this get better but I'm pretty down in the dumps. Being bipolar isn't helping, but the meds I have to take do take the edge off.
You are doing the hard work right now and that is a good thing. I used to lose teeth to rot as well and I know it was because I was dipping. That stuff does a lot of damage to your teeth and gums. Since I have stopped dipping I don't get those extractions anymore. It is going to just suck for a while so you'll have to hang in for the ride. When you come out the other side you will feel much better about yourself. As your mouth heals get anything you can to keep the shit out of your mouth. I used seeds and gum to get me through. They seem to help a lot to stop the oral fixation that exists. Others here use the fake chews like Smoky Mountain and Jakes chew. There are tone of them out there. I think there is a review section here somewhere.
Don't equate being down in the dumps with quitting tobacco. It does not have the ability to pull you out of the dumps, and only the ability to put you back in them through the slavery of addiction to nicotine. In your situation with people dipping around you, you are going to have to develop a large amount of hatred of big tobacco and a mighty sense of humor thinking about all of the brown stained shirts, pants, and long strings of spit coming out of everybody's mouths... Look it all sucks for all of us to be addicts, but that is what we are. We have to learn to live with that and alter our lives to at least no longer be slaves to nicotine.. Hope this helps... doc2
I agree with what Doc says. Those first few days are going to suck but we all know you can do it because we've all done it. You really will feel much better knowing you are no longer a slave to that stuff. Think of all the time you're going to be able to enjoy things because you're not always thinking about dip. Think about no longer getting griped at by the dentist (if you even go, I know I didnt). Think about that money saved to spend on whatever else you want. There are lots of reasonstuff to stay quit and everyone's is different but always remember there is no reason to go back. Dip does nothing for you other than temporarily put off withdrawal. We can come up with lots of excuses as addicts but they're all terrible and completely unjustified. I quit with you today!
Welcome to Freedom, Harvestgirl. I'll tell you this much, the integrity of quitters on this site will burn into your own quit. It's powerful, that promise, everyday. It saved my butt many a time. One day at a time (ODAAT), I quit with you, Sister!
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The fog is creeping in today. I was great for the first hour and a half when I woke up, now i just want to crawl back into bed.
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I'm right behind you Harvestgirl. I quit last night at 7:44 PM. I'll keep an eye on your posts so that I know what I'm in for next. Hang in there.
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I'm right behind you Harvestgirl. I quit last night at 7:44 PM. I'll keep an eye on your posts so that I know what I'm in for next. Hang in there.
Day 11, 12 nights for me. Hang in there. I been using the fake stuff, it helps a lot once the nic is out of your system. Only probable with starting the fake is sometimes I question myself if I have really completely quit. Not to sure the fake stuff is any safer but everything I read on it says it is. When I get the urge or the craving my first resort is seeds, but after so many handfuls of that your mouth gets tore up. I find myself using the fake stuff more to stop myself from eating more seed. I have found Smokey mountain to be about the best so far. Good luck and both you guys hang in there.
I have chewed Skoal 30 to 35 years. I am only 42 so I really question how much I would have been chewing in first grade but know I was sneaking a few.
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I'm right behind you Harvestgirl. I quit last night at 7:44 PM. I'll keep an eye on your posts so that I know what I'm in for next. Hang in there.
Day 11, 12 nights for me. Hang in there. I been using the fake stuff, it helps a lot once the nic is out of your system. Only probable with starting the fake is sometimes I question myself if I have really completely quit. Not to sure the fake stuff is any safer but everything I read on it says it is. When I get the urge or the craving my first resort is seeds, but after so many handfuls of that your mouth gets tore up. I find myself using the fake stuff more to stop myself from eating more seed. I have found Smokey mountain to be about the best so far. Good luck and both you guys hang in there.
I have chewed Skoal 30 to 35 years. I am only 42 so I really question how much I would have been chewing in first grade but know I was sneaking a few.
Welcome harvest girl! I am quitting with you today. Great advice above and all over this site.
HAve you exchanged digits with anyone in your quit group or anyone at all here on KTC? Please do so.
Take a look at the awesome win in October 2016 from earlier today, you NEED to exchange digits. PM me if you would like to exchange with me
Drink water, water, water. Long walks and exercise helped me get out o fthe fog. RAGE if you feel like it, that helps too.
One day at a time, you got this! JB
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Today wraps up day four and I feel like total shit, physically and mentally.
I'm still quit though, and that's what matters.
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Today wraps up day four and I feel like total shit, physically and mentally.
I'm still quit though, and that's what matters.
4 Days Rocks!!!
It's a matter of why....not what.
Why did your teeth need to be pulled?
Why have you quit?
Why did you ever start?
Why do you think you need nicotine?
Why does anybody need drugs?
Why are you on KTC?
Why are we addicts?
Why do we need help to quit?
Truth.
This place reaks of Truth....
Let it.. and the people here...Set you free.
Your misfortune has detoxed you.
Harvest That!
I am quit.. and I'm Free with you today.
Rawls 682
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Today wraps up day four and I feel like total shit, physically and mentally.
I'm still quit though, and that's what matters.
Hey girl.
This is winning. It does get better. I promise. But....you need to know this hell in order to never return to it. Keep going.
Chicks rule!
Lady G
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Today wraps up day four and I feel like total shit, physically and mentally.
I'm still quit though, and that's what matters.
Hey girl.
This is winning. It does get better. I promise. But....you need to know this hell in order to never return to it. Keep going.
Chicks rule!
Lady G
Day 4 sucks, But not as much as a day 1!
You made your promise, you honored it , that's what counts.
Tomorrow, repeat.
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Thankfully this time of year my weekends are just the same as my weeks- not much changes from day to day.
I made it through today which was going to be my big challenge- 10 hours straight of roading a tractor from where we were harvesting all the way back home. I never chewed so much gum in my life.
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Thankfully this time of year my weekends are just the same as my weeks- not much changes from day to day.
I made it through today which was going to be my big challenge- 10 hours straight of roading a tractor from where we were harvesting all the way back home. I never chewed so much gum in my life.
Gum, seeds, toothpicks - use whatever you need to get through the day! 4 days is bad ass! B)B
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Day fucking seven guys! I honestly didn't know If I'd ever be able to do this, but I AM doing this. I am PROUD of myself so far.
And that's a pretty good feeling.
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Day fucking seven guys! I honestly didn't know If I'd ever be able to do this, but I AM doing this. I am PROUD of myself so far.
And that's a pretty good feeling.
Im proud of you girl. Just keep piling those days up, the fog may be lifting for you. Beware of the tricky Nic trying to lure you back with all sorts of mind games.
I'll quit with you today! See yo on roll tomorrow
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Day fucking seven guys! I honestly didn't know If I'd ever be able to do this, but I AM doing this. I am PROUD of myself so far.
And that's a pretty good feeling.
Im proud of you girl. Just keep piling those days up, the fog may be lifting for you. Beware of the tricky Nic trying to lure you back with all sorts of mind games.
I'll quit with you today! See yo on roll tomorrow
Keep piling up +1's day at a time! Bad ass
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It's getting easier!
Bit foggy today, but manageable. Pretty tired though all day.
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It's getting easier!
Bit foggy today, but manageable. Pretty tired though all day.
Ups and downs are to be expected, but you've been kicking ass each and every day. Post that promise first thing, EDD, so no matter what, there's no turning back. Being around a husband and co-workers who dip doesn't make things easier, but many have done it before and you will succeed too. The strength you show is contagious and eventually they may come around. It's fun to read of your success, keep up the updates!
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Welcome and congrats on your quit! You've come to the right place. This site has just the right balance of genuine kindness and verbal @ss kicking! Great mix for success!
Check your inbox :) Swap digits with lots of people, post roll FIRST THING EDD, volunteer to help out, and get to know people. I was told to do those things, and while I thought it was weird at first (especially being female: stranger danger! lol), I was so desperate to be on my last quit I jumped in 100%... and it worked!!! The wise "old" quitters know what they're talking about.
You got this! Proud to be quit with you and looking forward to watching your success!
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Welcome and congrats on your quit! You've come to the right place. This site has just the right balance of genuine kindness and verbal @ss kicking! Great mix for success!
Check your inbox :) Swap digits with lots of people, post roll FIRST THING EDD, volunteer to help out, and get to know people. I was told to do those things, and while I thought it was weird at first (especially being female: stranger danger! lol), I was so desperate to be on my last quit I jumped in 100%... and it worked!!! The wise "old" quitters know what they're talking about.
You got this! Proud to be quit with you and looking forward to watching your success!
Listen to this woman^^^^, Farmgirl! She's a badass and she gets it!!!
Proud to be quit with both of you!
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It's getting easier!
Bit foggy today, but manageable. Pretty tired though all day.
Finally turning the corner and beginning to really believe you can do this is a great part of your quit. You are doing great. Just keep on doing what youre doing. Stay active. Well done Sister.
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It's getting easier!
Bit foggy today, but manageable. Pretty tired though all day.
Finally turning the corner and beginning to really believe you can do this is a great part of your quit. You are doing great. Just keep on doing what youre doing. Stay active. Well done Sister.
Proud of you.
Using your tools, and reaching out to others.
Best thing you can do is take your eyes of yourself at times and focussing on helping another quitter.
You sound like a Badass already. Love your determination HG.
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It's getting easier!
Bit foggy today, but manageable. Pretty tired though all day.
Finally turning the corner and beginning to really believe you can do this is a great part of your quit. You are doing great. Just keep on doing what youre doing. Stay active. Well done Sister.
Proud of you.
Using your tools, and reaching out to others.
Best thing you can do is take your eyes of yourself at times and focussing on helping another quitter.
You sound like a Badass already. Love your determination HG.
Every little victory... celebrate.
You're winning and, sis, that's a beautiful thing.
Rock. On!
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It's getting easier!
Bit foggy today, but manageable. Pretty tired though all day.
Finally turning the corner and beginning to really believe you can do this is a great part of your quit. You are doing great. Just keep on doing what youre doing. Stay active. Well done Sister.
Proud of you.
Using your tools, and reaching out to others.
Best thing you can do is take your eyes of yourself at times and focussing on helping another quitter.
You sound like a Badass already. Love your determination HG.
Every little victory... celebrate.
You're winning and, sis, that's a beautiful thing.
Rock. On!
Hey girl, it's not easy. Dipping was easy but also killing you. We got your back. When I first quit 10 days looked like no way possible. Then I bought into this quitting thing and took all this badass quitters advice: don't worry about tomorrow, don't worry about 50, 100 day's just worry about one dayat a time and believe in yourself and use your tools you have and before you know it you will be sharing victory stories with others and giving advice. I see alot of badass quitters helping you. Take there advice, after all they have walked where you're walking now! Damn proud to be quit with you my sister! Quit on!
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Keep checking with updates Harvest- it'll help all the supporters you are building know where you're at-- in the meantime, keep kicking this thing in the, well, you know!
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Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
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Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
Good Wins. Great job using the KTC tools. Keep it going one day at a time. Proud to quit with you
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Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
Every +1 is huge.
Huge!
Don't downplay any victory at this point. You're setting your mind beyond your addiction... revel in it. It's badass!
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Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
Every +1 is huge.
Huge!
Don't downplay any victory at this point. You're setting your mind beyond your addiction... revel in it. It's badass!
10 days is Badass! Way to be!
-
Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
Every +1 is huge.
Huge!
Don't downplay any victory at this point. You're setting your mind beyond your addiction... revel in it. It's badass!
10 days is Badass! Way to be!
^^^ yep, congrats! those are the toughest 10 days, too! it keeps getting better, day by day. Glad you are finding what tools work for you right now. Chat is a great place for a lot of quitters. Building that network is key. You're really doing this good- just keep it up, keep being tough when needed and open to the new life you're building!
-
Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
Every +1 is huge.
Huge!
Don't downplay any victory at this point. You're setting your mind beyond your addiction... revel in it. It's badass!
10 days is Badass! Way to be!
^^^ yep, congrats! those are the toughest 10 days, too! it keeps getting better, day by day. Glad you are finding what tools work for you right now. Chat is a great place for a lot of quitters. Building that network is key. You're really doing this good- just keep it up, keep being tough when needed and open to the new life you're building!
Girl you should be damn proud! 10 day's can be all that was needed to get you over the hump. I've got to tell you these badass quitters above me will lead you to the promise land! Listen to them, ask for advice it not only will help your quit but there's also. Keep coming in here and sharing your victories it helps everyone that reads them. Tomorrow you smile real big and when someone finally ask just say, I FOUND KTC AND ITS GONNA HELP SAVE MY LIFE! Quit on
-
Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
Every +1 is huge.
Huge!
Don't downplay any victory at this point. You're setting your mind beyond your addiction... revel in it. It's badass!
10 days is Badass! Way to be!
^^^ yep, congrats! those are the toughest 10 days, too! it keeps getting better, day by day. Glad you are finding what tools work for you right now. Chat is a great place for a lot of quitters. Building that network is key. You're really doing this good- just keep it up, keep being tough when needed and open to the new life you're building!
Girl you should be damn proud! 10 day's can be all that was needed to get you over the hump. I've got to tell you these badass quitters above me will lead you to the promise land! Listen to them, ask for advice it not only will help your quit but there's also. Keep coming in here and sharing your victories it helps everyone that reads them. Tomorrow you smile real big and when someone finally ask just say, I FOUND KTC AND ITS GONNA HELP SAVE MY LIFE! Quit on
That is huge! Live chat was my lifeline. And, really still is. I dont hit it as much amy more, but for my first 250 days, YES! It was a staple. Great to see you use that and help others. Happy double digits girl!
See you in roll.
See you in chat.
Quit hard!
-
Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
Every +1 is huge.
Huge!
Don't downplay any victory at this point. You're setting your mind beyond your addiction... revel in it. It's badass!
10 days is Badass! Way to be!
^^^ yep, congrats! those are the toughest 10 days, too! it keeps getting better, day by day. Glad you are finding what tools work for you right now. Chat is a great place for a lot of quitters. Building that network is key. You're really doing this good- just keep it up, keep being tough when needed and open to the new life you're building!
Girl you should be damn proud! 10 day's can be all that was needed to get you over the hump. I've got to tell you these badass quitters above me will lead you to the promise land! Listen to them, ask for advice it not only will help your quit but there's also. Keep coming in here and sharing your victories it helps everyone that reads them. Tomorrow you smile real big and when someone finally ask just say, I FOUND KTC AND ITS GONNA HELP SAVE MY LIFE! Quit on
That is huge! Live chat was my lifeline. And, really still is. I dont hit it as much amy more, but for my first 250 days, YES! It was a staple. Great to see you use that and help others. Happy double digits girl!
See you in roll.
See you in chat.
Quit hard!
Great intro here, I quit with you today!
-
Today. Today is day #10. I know day counts are just that- numbers. But, somehow, Day 10 feels like a personal milestone for me. That's TEN days in a row where I didn't even touch nicotine. The first 10 days of a quit that I will make last my lifetime. I made this promise to myself, and this is not one I will break.
The cravings don't happen as much as they used to, but the little habits are hard to drop-down patting my pockets to see if there's a can there, etc. I feel like the moodiness is definitely in full swing, but with my Dr's permission, I changed the timing of some of my meds to coincide when the intense pissiness settles in, usually late afternoon.
The chat has been the biggest help I've found so far. The guys and girls in there, definitely a few in particular keep me laughing, keep me strong, and keep me going. I owe them a lot.
So, I'm celebrating this day 10. It might be a small number, but it's big for me.
Every +1 is huge.
Huge!
Don't downplay any victory at this point. You're setting your mind beyond your addiction... revel in it. It's badass!
10 days is Badass! Way to be!
^^^ yep, congrats! those are the toughest 10 days, too! it keeps getting better, day by day. Glad you are finding what tools work for you right now. Chat is a great place for a lot of quitters. Building that network is key. You're really doing this good- just keep it up, keep being tough when needed and open to the new life you're building!
Girl you should be damn proud! 10 day's can be all that was needed to get you over the hump. I've got to tell you these badass quitters above me will lead you to the promise land! Listen to them, ask for advice it not only will help your quit but there's also. Keep coming in here and sharing your victories it helps everyone that reads them. Tomorrow you smile real big and when someone finally ask just say, I FOUND KTC AND ITS GONNA HELP SAVE MY LIFE! Quit on
That is huge! Live chat was my lifeline. And, really still is. I dont hit it as much amy more, but for my first 250 days, YES! It was a staple. Great to see you use that and help others. Happy double digits girl!
See you in roll.
See you in chat.
Quit hard!
I've been watching and reading this thread as updates are posted - and I tell you, I look forward to each update. 10 days (now 11) of pure badassery quit. A few guys with 1,000 plus days chiming in because its stuff like this that fuels, invigorates, and continues to inspire our quits. Thank you for sharing this, congratulations on earning that freedom, and please - keep leading the charge. I just love leaders and you've succeeded in grabbing the attention of some of the best leaders here.
Keep crushing it!
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Day 11: "Total Body Reset"
The first ten days were smooth(ish) sailing, until about 8pm last night.
Since then, my body has provided a wonderful karmic experience in the form of shakes, aches, chills, headaches, nausea, and one hell of a pissed off digestive system. An outsider would think it's the flu or something similar, but we all know better. My body is clinging on to the vestiges of the Nic Bitch like a high school girl that doesn't want to let go of her boyfriend to college.
As awful as I feel, the feeling of quit is 10x better.
-
Day 11: "Total Body Reset"
The first ten days were smooth(ish) sailing, until about 8pm last night.
Since then, my body has provided a wonderful karmic experience in the form of shakes, aches, chills, headaches, nausea, and one hell of a pissed off digestive system. An outsider would think it's the flu or something similar, but we all know better. My body is clinging on to the vestiges of the Nic Bitch like a high school girl that doesn't want to let go of her boyfriend to college.
As awful as I feel, the feeling of quit is 10x better.
This stuff is common. I had a lot of trouble sleeping and I would have cold sweats once or twice a day. Keep swatting away those triggers and keep winning! :)
-
Day 11: "Total Body Reset"
The first ten days were smooth(ish) sailing, until about 8pm last night.
Since then, my body has provided a wonderful karmic experience in the form of shakes, aches, chills, headaches, nausea, and one hell of a pissed off digestive system. An outsider would think it's the flu or something similar, but we all know better. My body is clinging on to the vestiges of the Nic Bitch like a high school girl that doesn't want to let go of her boyfriend to college.
As awful as I feel, the feeling of quit is 10x better.
This stuff is common. I had a lot of trouble sleeping and I would have cold sweats once or twice a day. Keep swatting away those triggers and keep winning! :)
It's normal. Have you had that first "awesome" day yet? Was about day 20 or so for me, so quit day by day because it only gets better from here on out.
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Day 11: "Total Body Reset"
The first ten days were smooth(ish) sailing, until about 8pm last night.
Since then, my body has provided a wonderful karmic experience in the form of shakes, aches, chills, headaches, nausea, and one hell of a pissed off digestive system. An outsider would think it's the flu or something similar, but we all know better. My body is clinging on to the vestiges of the Nic Bitch like a high school girl that doesn't want to let go of her boyfriend to college.
As awful as I feel, the feeling of quit is 10x better.
This stuff is common. I had a lot of trouble sleeping and I would have cold sweats once or twice a day. Keep swatting away those triggers and keep winning! :)
It's normal. Have you had that first "awesome" day yet? Was about day 20 or so for me, so quit day by day because it only gets better from here on out.
^^^^ agreed, when that first awesome day hits-- even if not a full day.... Wow!
you have a great attitude and quit going. Feels like several of us are right there with you-- just keep slugging away when you need to, and use the breaks in the fight as a chance to breathe and recharge. You've got this!
All you have to do with the really tough times is ride through them. I think you get it, but nothing the nicbitch throws at you is gonna kill you- but she'll try all she has. All you have to do is get through whatever one is present, and when you do your mind is trained that that won't work anymore to get you to give in.
Keep it rolling ! cowboy
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I've been encouraged by a few vets to keep journaling during my quit- the highs, the lows, my personal "moments".
Today is day 12.
There's been some cavers in my quit group and I took some time to reflect on why it was bothering me so much, especially since it's only my Day 12. The vets in the chat were just as heated as I was in confronting some of the cavers and calling them out. I'm normally not a confrontational person, but for whatever reason, this was making my blood boil. And then I figured it out.
I have been non stop on the go for most of this year.
I got married in March. No time for a honeymoon- we came back home afterwards and a few days later we jumped right into field work and then planting approx 25k acres. The last week of May we bought our first real house. I packed, moved, and unpacked all by myself for four days straight, with a trip to OK to haul equipment thrown in the middle of that. The first few days of June, we loaded the rest of the equipment and left for wheat harvest. We didn't get home besides for a few days here and there until one week ago. Last Saturday (10/1/16) we jumped in on our own fall harvest. I'm still unpacking the house and our luggage, swamped with laundry, trying to get errands done, all while generally working 14+ hours a day. There hasn't been a break for us since our wedding day- March 5th. Unless it rains (or snows), we don't get to sleep in. We don't get a day off. We don't get a weekend free until our fall harvest is over with and in the bins. I farm. I get it, this is how life is for us and I love it, the majority of the time.
Why does this matter? I am tired. I am burnt out. I am running on fumes. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is no "recharge" until probably middle of November at the earliest. There's hardly any sleep, hardly any hot meals, and now there's no comfort and security blanket of having a can of chew in my pocket. And, this is just work. This doesn't include my personal health problems, my mental issues, the regular worries of day to day life that we all have.
This is why I'm proud of MY quit. If I can feel all this, and quit (prompted by having to have two teeth extracted while on the road), then I feel like I can pretty much do anything. There's not very many things in my life that I can truly be proud of. This, I can. And I am. This is something personal that can't be taken away from me.
That's why I get fired up at people who cave and don't own up to their mistakes. If I can stick with it, they can stick with it, no matter what they're going through. This post isn't meant to undermine what others are going through in their quit. This is just part of my own personal journey.
-
I've been encouraged by a few vets to keep journaling during my quit- the highs, the lows, my personal "moments".
Today is day 12.
There's been some cavers in my quit group and I took some time to reflect on why it was bothering me so much, especially since it's only my Day 12. The vets in the chat were just as heated as I was in confronting some of the cavers and calling them out. I'm normally not a confrontational person, but for whatever reason, this was making my blood boil. And then I figured it out.
I have been non stop on the go for most of this year.
I got married in March. No time for a honeymoon- we came back home afterwards and a few days later we jumped right into field work and then planting approx 25k acres. The last week of May we bought our first real house. I packed, moved, and unpacked all by myself for four days straight, with a trip to OK to haul equipment thrown in the middle of that. The first few days of June, we loaded the rest of the equipment and left for wheat harvest. We didn't get home besides for a few days here and there until one week ago. Last Saturday (10/1/16) we jumped in on our own fall harvest. I'm still unpacking the house and our luggage, swamped with laundry, trying to get errands done, all while generally working 14+ hours a day. There hasn't been a break for us since our wedding day- March 5th. Unless it rains (or snows), we don't get to sleep in. We don't get a day off. We don't get a weekend free until our fall harvest is over with and in the bins. I farm. I get it, this is how life is for us and I love it, the majority of the time.
Why does this matter? I am tired. I am burnt out. I am running on fumes. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is no "recharge" until probably middle of November at the earliest. There's hardly any sleep, hardly any hot meals, and now there's no comfort and security blanket of having a can of chew in my pocket. And, this is just work. This doesn't include my personal health problems, my mental issues, the regular worries of day to day life that we all have.
This is why I'm proud of MY quit. If I can feel all this, and quit (prompted by having to have two teeth extracted while on the road), then I feel like I can pretty much do anything. There's not very many things in my life that I can truly be proud of. This, I can. And I am. This is something personal that can't be taken away from me.
That's why I get fired up at people who cave and don't own up to their mistakes. If I can stick with it, they can stick with it, no matter what they're going through. This post isn't meant to undermine what others are going through in their quit. This is just part of my own personal journey.
Agreed and well said! If I can you can - I have yet to see a caver post a legitimate reason to cave.
-
I've been encouraged by a few vets to keep journaling during my quit- the highs, the lows, my personal "moments".
Today is day 12.
There's been some cavers in my quit group and I took some time to reflect on why it was bothering me so much, especially since it's only my Day 12. The vets in the chat were just as heated as I was in confronting some of the cavers and calling them out. I'm normally not a confrontational person, but for whatever reason, this was making my blood boil. And then I figured it out.
I have been non stop on the go for most of this year.
I got married in March. No time for a honeymoon- we came back home afterwards and a few days later we jumped right into field work and then planting approx 25k acres. The last week of May we bought our first real house. I packed, moved, and unpacked all by myself for four days straight, with a trip to OK to haul equipment thrown in the middle of that. The first few days of June, we loaded the rest of the equipment and left for wheat harvest. We didn't get home besides for a few days here and there until one week ago. Last Saturday (10/1/16) we jumped in on our own fall harvest. I'm still unpacking the house and our luggage, swamped with laundry, trying to get errands done, all while generally working 14+ hours a day. There hasn't been a break for us since our wedding day- March 5th. Unless it rains (or snows), we don't get to sleep in. We don't get a day off. We don't get a weekend free until our fall harvest is over with and in the bins. I farm. I get it, this is how life is for us and I love it, the majority of the time.
Why does this matter? I am tired. I am burnt out. I am running on fumes. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is no "recharge" until probably middle of November at the earliest. There's hardly any sleep, hardly any hot meals, and now there's no comfort and security blanket of having a can of chew in my pocket. And, this is just work. This doesn't include my personal health problems, my mental issues, the regular worries of day to day life that we all have.
This is why I'm proud of MY quit. If I can feel all this, and quit (prompted by having to have two teeth extracted while on the road), then I feel like I can pretty much do anything. There's not very many things in my life that I can truly be proud of. This, I can. And I am. This is something personal that can't be taken away from me.
That's why I get fired up at people who cave and don't own up to their mistakes. If I can stick with it, they can stick with it, no matter what they're going through. This post isn't meant to undermine what others are going through in their quit. This is just part of my own personal journey.
Amen, sister. I feel the same way. We're all busy, some of us very much so. I help run the family commercial construction company. Overtime work load with part time hours because I'm also homeschooling my two oldest (5 and 6). Every single day is an up-hill battle of "how am I going to get as much done as possible." Always working (working now on this Friday night), never enough sleep, never enough time with my family, very little down time, always struggling to keep up on everything. Even so, I'm a 117 day EDD poster. You're totally right: if it's important, we find a way to make it work. No excuses. You're doing an awesome job on your quit! This is one thing that is for sure worth it! Keep killing it!
-
I've been encouraged by a few vets to keep journaling during my quit- the highs, the lows, my personal "moments".
Today is day 12.
There's been some cavers in my quit group and I took some time to reflect on why it was bothering me so much, especially since it's only my Day 12. The vets in the chat were just as heated as I was in confronting some of the cavers and calling them out. I'm normally not a confrontational person, but for whatever reason, this was making my blood boil. And then I figured it out.
I have been non stop on the go for most of this year.
I got married in March. No time for a honeymoon- we came back home afterwards and a few days later we jumped right into field work and then planting approx 25k acres. The last week of May we bought our first real house. I packed, moved, and unpacked all by myself for four days straight, with a trip to OK to haul equipment thrown in the middle of that. The first few days of June, we loaded the rest of the equipment and left for wheat harvest. We didn't get home besides for a few days here and there until one week ago. Last Saturday (10/1/16) we jumped in on our own fall harvest. I'm still unpacking the house and our luggage, swamped with laundry, trying to get errands done, all while generally working 14+ hours a day. There hasn't been a break for us since our wedding day- March 5th. Unless it rains (or snows), we don't get to sleep in. We don't get a day off. We don't get a weekend free until our fall harvest is over with and in the bins. I farm. I get it, this is how life is for us and I love it, the majority of the time.
Why does this matter? I am tired. I am burnt out. I am running on fumes. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is no "recharge" until probably middle of November at the earliest. There's hardly any sleep, hardly any hot meals, and now there's no comfort and security blanket of having a can of chew in my pocket. And, this is just work. This doesn't include my personal health problems, my mental issues, the regular worries of day to day life that we all have.
This is why I'm proud of MY quit. If I can feel all this, and quit (prompted by having to have two teeth extracted while on the road), then I feel like I can pretty much do anything. There's not very many things in my life that I can truly be proud of. This, I can. And I am. This is something personal that can't be taken away from me.
That's why I get fired up at people who cave and don't own up to their mistakes. If I can stick with it, they can stick with it, no matter what they're going through. This post isn't meant to undermine what others are going through in their quit. This is just part of my own personal journey.
Amen, sister. I feel the same way. We're all busy, some of us very much so. I help run the family commercial construction company. Overtime work load with part time hours because I'm also homeschooling my two oldest (5 and 6). Every single day is an up-hill battle of "how am I going to get as much done as possible." Always working (working now on this Friday night), never enough sleep, never enough time with my family, very little down time, always struggling to keep up on everything. Even so, I'm a 117 day EDD poster. You're totally right: if it's important, we find a way to make it work. No excuses. You're doing an awesome job on your quit! This is one thing that is for sure worth it! Keep killing it!
Tractor folk....
Feels like we work harder than most.
Not true.
Feels like we need some help to do the job better.
Not true.
"Feels like"... is the caboose!
"Truth".... is the engine.
Truth is ... Nicotine has never helped you.
Truth is....Nicotine will never make things better.
Truth is....Nicotine will kill you.
You are learning, one problem plus nicotine = 2 problems.
You girl... Are working through the thorns and thistle.
You keep posting.
Your harvest will fill many a barn.
Proud of your 11 days.
Keep sharing.. Keep Chatting.
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 690
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You... rock.
That's all there is to it.
You listen. You act. You invest. You care. You want this, and...
You. Own. This.
Rock on sis...
-
I've been encouraged by a few vets to keep journaling during my quit- the highs, the lows, my personal "moments".
Today is day 12.
There's been some cavers in my quit group and I took some time to reflect on why it was bothering me so much, especially since it's only my Day 12. The vets in the chat were just as heated as I was in confronting some of the cavers and calling them out. I'm normally not a confrontational person, but for whatever reason, this was making my blood boil. And then I figured it out.
I have been non stop on the go for most of this year.
I got married in March. No time for a honeymoon- we came back home afterwards and a few days later we jumped right into field work and then planting approx 25k acres. The last week of May we bought our first real house. I packed, moved, and unpacked all by myself for four days straight, with a trip to OK to haul equipment thrown in the middle of that. The first few days of June, we loaded the rest of the equipment and left for wheat harvest. We didn't get home besides for a few days here and there until one week ago. Last Saturday (10/1/16) we jumped in on our own fall harvest. I'm still unpacking the house and our luggage, swamped with laundry, trying to get errands done, all while generally working 14+ hours a day. There hasn't been a break for us since our wedding day- March 5th. Unless it rains (or snows), we don't get to sleep in. We don't get a day off. We don't get a weekend free until our fall harvest is over with and in the bins. I farm. I get it, this is how life is for us and I love it, the majority of the time.
Why does this matter? I am tired. I am burnt out. I am running on fumes. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. There is no "recharge" until probably middle of November at the earliest. There's hardly any sleep, hardly any hot meals, and now there's no comfort and security blanket of having a can of chew in my pocket. And, this is just work. This doesn't include my personal health problems, my mental issues, the regular worries of day to day life that we all have.
This is why I'm proud of MY quit. If I can feel all this, and quit (prompted by having to have two teeth extracted while on the road), then I feel like I can pretty much do anything. There's not very many things in my life that I can truly be proud of. This, I can. And I am. This is something personal that can't be taken away from me.
That's why I get fired up at people who cave and don't own up to their mistakes. If I can stick with it, they can stick with it, no matter what they're going through. This post isn't meant to undermine what others are going through in their quit. This is just part of my own personal journey.
Hot damn! Want to see the definition of a bad ass quitter?? This is it right here!! When you get invested in your quit, in your brother and sister quitters, you start to take every damn cave personal. It pisses you off. You want to kick their ass. Good! Take it out on the Nic-Bitch. Let it reinforce your quit. Let it make you in to the best damn quitter there is. This isn't the Jedi. You need to have emotion, passion. Exchange numbers, when your group gets a groupme get on it. Hopefully your husband will see the light and get on the quit train with you.
Remember you are a bad ass quitter. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Hollar if you need any help. We are all here for each other. We are Ohana.
Oh and to put it in perspective, I've had a total of 4 teeth (and two wisdom) pulled in the last couple years. 2 of those and 2 wisdom at the same time this time last year! It sucks!!!!!
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how's it going Harvest, any bright spots showing up yet? Still crushing it?
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I'm crushing the fuck out of this quit.
Today wraps up Day 16 and the past few days I've finally started to feel more human. The "total body reset" seems to have gone away for now. This past Sunday was awful- cravings off and on all damn day. The fog is much better, and my regularly scheduled late afternoon rage fest has started to dissipate. 4pm doesn't hurt so much anymore.
I'm exhausted though. Every day I get up and I'm not sure how I make it through the day. I just do.
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I'm crushing the fuck out of this quit.
Today wraps up Day 16 and the past few days I've finally started to feel more human. The "total body reset" seems to have gone away for now. This past Sunday was awful- cravings off and on all damn day. The fog is much better, and my regularly scheduled late afternoon rage fest has started to dissipate. 4pm doesn't hurt so much anymore.
I'm exhausted though. Every day I get up and I'm not sure how I make it through the day. I just do.
Fuck Yeah girl! 'oh yeah'
So proud of you. Stay strong, stay pissed, stay close to us here. Keep us up to date- love reading this shit man!
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I'm crushing the fuck out of this quit.
Today wraps up Day 16 and the past few days I've finally started to feel more human. The "total body reset" seems to have gone away for now. This past Sunday was awful- cravings off and on all damn day. The fog is much better, and my regularly scheduled late afternoon rage fest has started to dissipate. 4pm doesn't hurt so much anymore.
I'm exhausted though. Every day I get up and I'm not sure how I make it through the day. I just do.
Yes!
Bravado gets you everywhere in your quit! Gots to own it and never give in to fear. You're in control... always! Rock it, sis.
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A notice to recent cavers, people who are currently tempted to cave, and you idiots who think you're bigger than this and will cave:
Fuck you and your high horse you rode in on.
You made a promise, and we do not take promises lightly. You know what burns my ass? When I can't get on the forums and get notifications to take care of a problem in the form of a fucking caver.
Do yourself a favor and don't piss me off in that regard. I, along with others, will drag you to the front of the class and shine the spot light.
You are an adult. You have to make conscious decisions every damn day. You chose at one point to place a wad of chew in your mouth. I seriously doubt that someone forced you down to the ground and shoved a dip in your lip.
Because I sure as hell know I wasn't held at gunpoint. I made that stupid choice willingly. You also made that choice, and you then at some point made that choice to quit, just as I did.
I am not alone in this story. Every single person here wants the same goal- to quit and stay quit. With that said, YOU need to work for it.
When you cave, you disappoint every single other person here. When you cave, you disappoint an entire community. We therefore then care about your quit more than you care about your own quit. This ENTIRE community has the SAME thing in common. Why are you the exception? Why do you think you're above the willpower and inner strength that we have to pull daily. Some of us have only been quit for a few days, some of us on here have been for years.
Those three questions?
1. What happened?
2. Why did it happen?
3. How are you going to keep it from happening again?
Think about those questions every day, even if you haven't caved.
What happened? I made a decision that affected my life in a negative way. I chanced my health, I wasted money, I was inconsiderate of my family and friends.
Why did it happen? I was not thinking of the consequences. I did not think of cancer, disease, defects, debt, etc. I was young, stupid, but I have no one to blame but myself. I own this mistake.
How are you going to keep it from happening again? I made a public promise and dedication to KTC, my friends, my family, that I was quitting all forms of nicotine; I was going to lead a healthier lifestyle, I was going to pay it forward. If I can help one other person quit, then my experience and pain of my quit not only saved me, it helped another.
So pull your head out of your ass.
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I love what you wrote here Harvest Girl. You have committed yourself to the highest standard of posting roll and keeping your word. Keep going girl! You are committed to this now.
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I love what you wrote here Harvest Girl. You have committed yourself to the highest standard of posting roll and keeping your word. Keep going girl! You are committed to this now.
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You are like the umpzillionth person who quit because of a tooth extraction. God is a funny cat - He helps us out of our messes in the craziest ways sometimes.
Anyway, stay strong and keep the faith, girl, you are doing great!
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Loving the fierceness! keep building! Hate the addiction, love the freedom!
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There are a few girls here that have become synonymous with badassery when it comes to quitting. Samcat, 2mch2lv4, Sage, Ginet, and more recently, Chickdip ...just to name a few that jump to mind. I have no doubt if you continue down the path you're on, you too will be among these women who are so well respected in this community.
Moreover, and regardless of gender, the passion around quitting...and the anger towards nicotine you speak of is infectious. I appreciate that. And, I also appreciate your lack of tolerance for those who opt to stab their quit brethren in the back ...opting for the can over brotherhood and friendship. It's sad and pathetic that a cancerous weed can take precedent over something so much more meaningful and important. Yes, we're all addicts I get that, but not all addicts are created equal. Addicts who quit and stay quit, in my opinion, are the elite...and you need to work your ass off to be in this exclusive and most rewarding group.
See you on roll tomorrow HG.
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Thoughts from Day 25-
Today we finally had a rain day which meant I finally had a day off. Fifteen hour days are starting to drag on and I can't get on here as much as I'd like to. KTC isn't made for bouncing around in a tractor squinting at a phone. It makes it hard also to keep up on the forums besides writing my roll call in the morning. Chat is wonderful, but I can only use it sporadically. Harvest should be done in a few weeks and then I can be fully active on here.
I can't believe I've been quit for over three weeks now. The cravings lessen each day, and only in times of super stress (like a guy taking down a live power line with his grain cart auger, broken down equipment, dumbass truck drivers, etc) does it get really bad. There have been a few days were some people were definite quit savers.
But, I think I'm firmly to the point where I know and others know that I really did quit and am going to stay quit. I no longer feel like I'm forgetting something in my pockets. My skin is clearing up. The fog is starting to lessen a bit. Bonus: For the first time in four years I can put in contact lenses and not feel like the devil is pissing into my eyes. No matter how much I washed my hands, it always burned horribly. Now, I can put my contacts in, blink, and start my day instead of tearing up into a towel until the pain went away. My mouth is starting to heal too and that feels weird. I never have heartburn, but I've gone through Zantac like candy the past week. I feel good, but I think I'm going to call this part of the quit The Uncomfortable Times. I'm not really that sick, but just so much uncomfortableness in my body right now.
The biggest battle I've faced, I have debated about sharing but now know that maybe I can help someone by writing this.
I am bipolar and take two different medications three times a day to function normally (but, what is normal?). Quitting nic threw me for a loop and the nic bitch reared her ugly head. There were some bad days. Really bad. Scary bad. Not bad as in craving bad. Bad as in, there was no hope in the world, no happiness, just a dark violent hole. I used my digits and the chat and slowly, slowly got out of that Dark Place with some help.
Nic is a chemical and affects you so much more than one realizes. When you add legit medication to it, and remove the nic, the meds and your body take some time to adjust. It's brutal. Brutal, but worth it. Call your doctor or a nurse hotline. I promise you that your body will stabilize itself. It just takes time and sometimes a temporary dosage adjustment. I chewed for years, and the damage I did to myself will continue. This isn't a quick and easy quit. If you're in this postion, please please please reach out. You're not alone in your quit, and you are not alone at how low you feel.
On the bright side of things, my husband has also now decided to quit. His last dip was Saturday, Oct 15th at 10am. I did not (could not) ask him to or make him quit. His quit is exactly that- his quit. He is responsible for his decisions regarding this. I cannot “do” his quit for him; I can only be supportive and stand alongside of him- just like he has done with me the past few weeks during my quit.
-
Thoughts from Day 25-
Today we finally had a rain day which meant I finally had a day off. Fifteen hour days are starting to drag on and I can't get on here as much as I'd like to. KTC isn't made for bouncing around in a tractor squinting at a phone. It makes it hard also to keep up on the forums besides writing my roll call in the morning. Chat is wonderful, but I can only use it sporadically. Harvest should be done in a few weeks and then I can be fully active on here.
I can't believe I've been quit for over three weeks now. The cravings lessen each day, and only in times of super stress (like a guy taking down a live power line with his grain cart auger, broken down equipment, dumbass truck drivers, etc) does it get really bad. There have been a few days were some people were definite quit savers.
But, I think I'm firmly to the point where I know and others know that I really did quit and am going to stay quit. I no longer feel like I'm forgetting something in my pockets. My skin is clearing up. The fog is starting to lessen a bit. Bonus: For the first time in four years I can put in contact lenses and not feel like the devil is pissing into my eyes. No matter how much I washed my hands, it always burned horribly. Now, I can put my contacts in, blink, and start my day instead of tearing up into a towel until the pain went away. My mouth is starting to heal too and that feels weird. I never have heartburn, but I've gone through Zantac like candy the past week. I feel good, but I think I'm going to call this part of the quit The Uncomfortable Times. I'm not really that sick, but just so much uncomfortableness in my body right now.
The biggest battle I've faced, I have debated about sharing but now know that maybe I can help someone by writing this.
I am bipolar and take two different medications three times a day to function normally (but, what is normal?). Quitting nic threw me for a loop and the nic bitch reared her ugly head. There were some bad days. Really bad. Scary bad. Not bad as in craving bad. Bad as in, there was no hope in the world, no happiness, just a dark violent hole. I used my digits and the chat and slowly, slowly got out of that Dark Place with some help.
Nic is a chemical and affects you so much more than one realizes. When you add legit medication to it, and remove the nic, the meds and your body take some time to adjust. It's brutal. Brutal, but worth it. Call your doctor or a nurse hotline. I promise you that your body will stabilize itself. It just takes time and sometimes a temporary dosage adjustment. I chewed for years, and the damage I did to myself will continue. This isn't a quick and easy quit. If you're in this postion, please please please reach out. You're not alone in your quit, and you are not alone at how low you feel.
On the bright side of things, my husband has also now decided to quit. His last dip was Saturday, Oct 15th at 10am. I did not (could not) ask him to or make him quit. His quit is exactly that- his quit. He is responsible for his decisions regarding this. I cannot “do” his quit for him; I can only be supportive and stand alongside of him- just like he has done with me the past few weeks during my quit.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm sure your story will help others along the way. Glad you're doing better; keep fighting the good fight. cowboy
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Thoughts from Day 25-
Today we finally had a rain day which meant I finally had a day off. Fifteen hour days are starting to drag on and I can't get on here as much as I'd like to. KTC isn't made for bouncing around in a tractor squinting at a phone. It makes it hard also to keep up on the forums besides writing my roll call in the morning. Chat is wonderful, but I can only use it sporadically. Harvest should be done in a few weeks and then I can be fully active on here.
I can't believe I've been quit for over three weeks now. The cravings lessen each day, and only in times of super stress (like a guy taking down a live power line with his grain cart auger, broken down equipment, dumbass truck drivers, etc) does it get really bad. There have been a few days were some people were definite quit savers.
But, I think I'm firmly to the point where I know and others know that I really did quit and am going to stay quit. I no longer feel like I'm forgetting something in my pockets. My skin is clearing up. The fog is starting to lessen a bit. Bonus: For the first time in four years I can put in contact lenses and not feel like the devil is pissing into my eyes. No matter how much I washed my hands, it always burned horribly. Now, I can put my contacts in, blink, and start my day instead of tearing up into a towel until the pain went away. My mouth is starting to heal too and that feels weird. I never have heartburn, but I've gone through Zantac like candy the past week. I feel good, but I think I'm going to call this part of the quit The Uncomfortable Times. I'm not really that sick, but just so much uncomfortableness in my body right now.
The biggest battle I've faced, I have debated about sharing but now know that maybe I can help someone by writing this.
I am bipolar and take two different medications three times a day to function normally (but, what is normal?). Quitting nic threw me for a loop and the nic bitch reared her ugly head. There were some bad days. Really bad. Scary bad. Not bad as in craving bad. Bad as in, there was no hope in the world, no happiness, just a dark violent hole. I used my digits and the chat and slowly, slowly got out of that Dark Place with some help.
Nic is a chemical and affects you so much more than one realizes. When you add legit medication to it, and remove the nic, the meds and your body take some time to adjust. It's brutal. Brutal, but worth it. Call your doctor or a nurse hotline. I promise you that your body will stabilize itself. It just takes time and sometimes a temporary dosage adjustment. I chewed for years, and the damage I did to myself will continue. This isn't a quick and easy quit. If you're in this postion, please please please reach out. You're not alone in your quit, and you are not alone at how low you feel.
On the bright side of things, my husband has also now decided to quit. His last dip was Saturday, Oct 15th at 10am. I did not (could not) ask him to or make him quit. His quit is exactly that- his quit. He is responsible for his decisions regarding this. I cannot “do” his quit for him; I can only be supportive and stand alongside of him- just like he has done with me the past few weeks during my quit.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm sure your story will help others along the way. Glad you're doing better; keep fighting the good fight. cowboy
Thanks for sharing is right. You are a bad ass quitter and your honesty and integrity is refreshing in this world of liars and shitbags.
Everyone here is cheering for you, keep these updates coming, love reading them
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Thoughts from Day 25-
Today we finally had a rain day which meant I finally had a day off. Fifteen hour days are starting to drag on and I can't get on here as much as I'd like to. KTC isn't made for bouncing around in a tractor squinting at a phone. It makes it hard also to keep up on the forums besides writing my roll call in the morning. Chat is wonderful, but I can only use it sporadically. Harvest should be done in a few weeks and then I can be fully active on here.
I can't believe I've been quit for over three weeks now. The cravings lessen each day, and only in times of super stress (like a guy taking down a live power line with his grain cart auger, broken down equipment, dumbass truck drivers, etc) does it get really bad. There have been a few days were some people were definite quit savers.
But, I think I'm firmly to the point where I know and others know that I really did quit and am going to stay quit. I no longer feel like I'm forgetting something in my pockets. My skin is clearing up. The fog is starting to lessen a bit. Bonus: For the first time in four years I can put in contact lenses and not feel like the devil is pissing into my eyes. No matter how much I washed my hands, it always burned horribly. Now, I can put my contacts in, blink, and start my day instead of tearing up into a towel until the pain went away. My mouth is starting to heal too and that feels weird. I never have heartburn, but I've gone through Zantac like candy the past week. I feel good, but I think I'm going to call this part of the quit The Uncomfortable Times. I'm not really that sick, but just so much uncomfortableness in my body right now.
The biggest battle I've faced, I have debated about sharing but now know that maybe I can help someone by writing this.
I am bipolar and take two different medications three times a day to function normally (but, what is normal?). Quitting nic threw me for a loop and the nic bitch reared her ugly head. There were some bad days. Really bad. Scary bad. Not bad as in craving bad. Bad as in, there was no hope in the world, no happiness, just a dark violent hole. I used my digits and the chat and slowly, slowly got out of that Dark Place with some help.
Nic is a chemical and affects you so much more than one realizes. When you add legit medication to it, and remove the nic, the meds and your body take some time to adjust. It's brutal. Brutal, but worth it. Call your doctor or a nurse hotline. I promise you that your body will stabilize itself. It just takes time and sometimes a temporary dosage adjustment. I chewed for years, and the damage I did to myself will continue. This isn't a quick and easy quit. If you're in this postion, please please please reach out. You're not alone in your quit, and you are not alone at how low you feel.
On the bright side of things, my husband has also now decided to quit. His last dip was Saturday, Oct 15th at 10am. I did not (could not) ask him to or make him quit. His quit is exactly that- his quit. He is responsible for his decisions regarding this. I cannot “do” his quit for him; I can only be supportive and stand alongside of him- just like he has done with me the past few weeks during my quit.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm sure your story will help others along the way. Glad you're doing better; keep fighting the good fight. cowboy
Thanks for sharing is right. You are a bad ass quitter and your honesty and integrity is refreshing in this world of liars and shitbags.
Everyone here is cheering for you, keep these updates coming, love reading them
Awesome read! You're definitely way ahead of the game in realizing that your body and mind is going to take time to heal. What is normal, good question. I dipped 38 years and 665 day's later I'm gonna say the way I'm feeling now is somewhat normal is supposed to feel like because I'm loving life more every day. You will definitely have plenty of more rough day's but the good will out weigh the bad three folds. As far as feeling depressed, hopeless those day's are gone for me but rest assured they're completely normal. As recently as two weeks ago i reall have just now let go of some or should say most of my anger issues! Probably gonna get pretty stressful in your house with both of you quitting, remember walk away and we're all here for you. Damn proud of you and proud to be quit with you!
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Thoughts from Day 25-
Today we finally had a rain day which meant I finally had a day off. Fifteen hour days are starting to drag on and I can't get on here as much as I'd like to. KTC isn't made for bouncing around in a tractor squinting at a phone. It makes it hard also to keep up on the forums besides writing my roll call in the morning. Chat is wonderful, but I can only use it sporadically. Harvest should be done in a few weeks and then I can be fully active on here.
I can't believe I've been quit for over three weeks now. The cravings lessen each day, and only in times of super stress (like a guy taking down a live power line with his grain cart auger, broken down equipment, dumbass truck drivers, etc) does it get really bad. There have been a few days were some people were definite quit savers.
But, I think I'm firmly to the point where I know and others know that I really did quit and am going to stay quit. I no longer feel like I'm forgetting something in my pockets. My skin is clearing up. The fog is starting to lessen a bit. Bonus: For the first time in four years I can put in contact lenses and not feel like the devil is pissing into my eyes. No matter how much I washed my hands, it always burned horribly. Now, I can put my contacts in, blink, and start my day instead of tearing up into a towel until the pain went away. My mouth is starting to heal too and that feels weird. I never have heartburn, but I've gone through Zantac like candy the past week. I feel good, but I think I'm going to call this part of the quit The Uncomfortable Times. I'm not really that sick, but just so much uncomfortableness in my body right now.
The biggest battle I've faced, I have debated about sharing but now know that maybe I can help someone by writing this.
I am bipolar and take two different medications three times a day to function normally (but, what is normal?). Quitting nic threw me for a loop and the nic bitch reared her ugly head. There were some bad days. Really bad. Scary bad. Not bad as in craving bad. Bad as in, there was no hope in the world, no happiness, just a dark violent hole. I used my digits and the chat and slowly, slowly got out of that Dark Place with some help.
Nic is a chemical and affects you so much more than one realizes. When you add legit medication to it, and remove the nic, the meds and your body take some time to adjust. It's brutal. Brutal, but worth it. Call your doctor or a nurse hotline. I promise you that your body will stabilize itself. It just takes time and sometimes a temporary dosage adjustment. I chewed for years, and the damage I did to myself will continue. This isn't a quick and easy quit. If you're in this postion, please please please reach out. You're not alone in your quit, and you are not alone at how low you feel.
On the bright side of things, my husband has also now decided to quit. His last dip was Saturday, Oct 15th at 10am. I did not (could not) ask him to or make him quit. His quit is exactly that- his quit. He is responsible for his decisions regarding this. I cannot “do” his quit for him; I can only be supportive and stand alongside of him- just like he has done with me the past few weeks during my quit.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm sure your story will help others along the way. Glad you're doing better; keep fighting the good fight. cowboy
Thanks for sharing is right. You are a bad ass quitter and your honesty and integrity is refreshing in this world of liars and shitbags.
Everyone here is cheering for you, keep these updates coming, love reading them
Awesome read! You're definitely way ahead of the game in realizing that your body and mind is going to take time to heal. What is normal, good question. I dipped 38 years and 665 day's later I'm gonna say the way I'm feeling now is somewhat normal is supposed to feel like because I'm loving life more every day. You will definitely have plenty of more rough day's but the good will out weigh the bad three folds. As far as feeling depressed, hopeless those day's are gone for me but rest assured they're completely normal. As recently as two weeks ago i reall have just now let go of some or should say most of my anger issues! Probably gonna get pretty stressful in your house with both of you quitting, remember walk away and we're all here for you. Damn proud of you and proud to be quit with you!
Excellent journaling- this record you are creating is going to help others a lot! Your insights are spot-on. Keep it rolling and great news re your husband too!
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Four weeks. 28 days = four weeks.
Why is it that certain numbers are seem to be milestones, when each day should be celebrated?
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Each day is celebrated, of not by you, by one of your loved ones. Continue on, I'm glad to see you and your husband haven't killed each other. Quit on!
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Harvestgirl...keep up the journal because it WILL help someone.
Crap, without nicotine in my system, my body's relationship with alcohol and caffeine have been completely turned inside-out. So if someone is taking medication for ANYTHING, they should consult their doctor when they quit nic!
Anyway, GREAT job girl!
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I've really enjoyed reading your thoughts. Keep up the good work!
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Happy 1 month quit HG!
very proud of you , and you should be too, keep it up.
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Happy 1 month quit HG!
very proud of you , and you should be too, keep it up.
Woohoo! celebrate it! soak in the accomplishment, then do it again the next day!
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Happy 1 month quit HG!
very proud of you , and you should be too, keep it up.
Woohoo! celebrate it! soak in the accomplishment, then do it again the next day!
One month is huge! One month and a day even better! Quit on!
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kudos to you for getting back to woody when texted for help. You saved a quit there!!
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Love seeing young quitters in Chat you don't know how much you help other people by being in there! Keep doing amazing stuff you're killing it!
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Nice work girl! As said on here many times, keep putting up those days. The clouds begin to break, things begin to be seen clearer.
I've always said every day i post my name on that roll in Nov 2015 i feel a little less like a loser for letting tobacco control my life for so long. Eurekea moments happen for different people at different stages of the quit.
Man you seem way ahead of where i was at 30+ days, and Im so proud of you, keep the updates coming!
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Day 34-
I was going to write on Day 30, but the motivation and time escaped me. Work has been constant; 15+ hours/day, some longer, some shorter, and most of them without decent phone reception.
So, day 30 came and went. When I got home that night I checked KTC quick. I was surprised at how many people either commented on roll that day or sent me a pm to congratulate me on 30 days, not to mention the texts I received throughout the day. To me, 30 days was a big achievement but for it to seem to matter and make other people proud as well, made me feel on top of the world.
The next day was Woody's roughest day, and she wrote a post on our Jan quit group that got pretty popular. I had no idea about the post until the next day- all I knew is that her and I were texting. Again, I got messages, pm's, etc. thanking me for helping her. This time I was confused- I was just doing what she had done for me, and what I had done for others. Everyone is in this with each other. This is a website with over 30k quitters.
A few people have stated that I make quitting look easy, I'm so positive, this is looking like a breeze.
I'm sorry, but no.
There is a very dark side to my quit.
One side of me is totally done with chewing- I know I will not cave at this point. When I am done with something, I. Am. Done.
The other side though, I do not like that side. I am angry. I'm angry at myself for chewing in the first place, angry with stupid little things at my job, angry at lack of sleep, etc. At the beginning, the rage was like fireworks- instantly lit, exploding, and then fizzling out. This is a slow, underground, fiercely hot rage that simmers beneath the surface like magma pocket. When it boils over, my hands get bruised and I lose my voice.
If I'm even half an hour late on my medications, the depression and anxiety are overwhelming- thick, hot, and choking. It is a dark place. It is a low place. It is fragile.
The nic bitch is starting to lose her last grasp on my reality and she's slowly realizing it. She's making it painful. She wants her revenge. She's clawing on with one last angry hope.
I'm outwardly positive because the phrase "fake it till you make it" rings true. Helping others helps myself.
If I make it look easy, maybe that will encourage people to keep at it.
If I write this, maybe someone will realize they aren't alone. That this isn't easy, one week in, thirty days in, 100 days in, 1,000 days in.
I thought the phrase "one day at a time" was sort of cheesy, until this past week it turned into "one field of corn at a time" then it turned into "one hour at a time" and then into "one load of corn at a time".
But, at the end of it all, I am still quit.
And this too shall lessen and pass.
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Day 34-
I was going to write on Day 30, but the motivation and time escaped me. Work has been constant; 15+ hours/day, some longer, some shorter, and most of them without decent phone reception.
So, day 30 came and went. When I got home that night I checked KTC quick. I was surprised at how many people either commented on roll that day or sent me a pm to congratulate me on 30 days, not to mention the texts I received throughout the day. To me, 30 days was a big achievement but for it to seem to matter and make other people proud as well, made me feel on top of the world.
The next day was Woody's roughest day, and she wrote a post on our Jan quit group that got pretty popular. I had no idea about the post until the next day- all I knew is that her and I were texting. Again, I got messages, pm's, etc. thanking me for helping her. This time I was confused- I was just doing what she had done for me, and what I had done for others. Everyone is in this with each other. This is a website with over 30k quitters.
A few people have stated that I make quitting look easy, I'm so positive, this is looking like a breeze.
I'm sorry, but no.
There is a very dark side to my quit.
One side of me is totally done with chewing- I know I will not cave at this point. When I am done with something, I. Am. Done.
The other side though, I do not like that side. I am angry. I'm angry at myself for chewing in the first place, angry with stupid little things at my job, angry at lack of sleep, etc. At the beginning, the rage was like fireworks- instantly lit, exploding, and then fizzling out. This is a slow, underground, fiercely hot rage that simmers beneath the surface like magma pocket. When it boils over, my hands get bruised and I lose my voice.
If I'm even half an hour late on my medications, the depression and anxiety are overwhelming- thick, hot, and choking. It is a dark place. It is a low place. It is fragile.
The nic bitch is starting to lose her last grasp on my reality and she's slowly realizing it. She's making it painful. She wants her revenge. She's clawing on with one last angry hope.
I'm outwardly positive because the phrase "fake it till you make it" rings true. Helping others helps myself.
If I make it look easy, maybe that will encourage people to keep at it.
If I write this, maybe someone will realize they aren't alone. That this isn't easy, one week in, thirty days in, 100 days in, 1,000 days in.
I thought the phrase "one day at a time" was sort of cheesy, until this past week it turned into "one field of corn at a time" then it turned into "one hour at a time" and then into "one load of corn at a time".
But, at the end of it all, I am still quit.
And this too shall lessen and pass.
Very well put young lady! All you did is show others you're human! Damn proud to be quit with you. Quit on and keep building that web of quit. Like you, helping others in turn strengthens my quit!
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Keep up the good fight, really enjoy reading your posts also!
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Be good to yourself, harvest. 30 days quit is such a great accomplishment but you are still young in your quit. Your brain is still trying to rewire and figure out what the new normal is. You are a strong young lady and I know you will see this through.
PM me if you need anything.
FLLIP
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Day 34-
I was going to write on Day 30, but the motivation and time escaped me. Work has been constant; 15+ hours/day, some longer, some shorter, and most of them without decent phone reception.
So, day 30 came and went. When I got home that night I checked KTC quick. I was surprised at how many people either commented on roll that day or sent me a pm to congratulate me on 30 days, not to mention the texts I received throughout the day. To me, 30 days was a big achievement but for it to seem to matter and make other people proud as well, made me feel on top of the world.
The next day was Woody's roughest day, and she wrote a post on our Jan quit group that got pretty popular. I had no idea about the post until the next day- all I knew is that her and I were texting. Again, I got messages, pm's, etc. thanking me for helping her. This time I was confused- I was just doing what she had done for me, and what I had done for others. Everyone is in this with each other. This is a website with over 30k quitters.
A few people have stated that I make quitting look easy, I'm so positive, this is looking like a breeze.
I'm sorry, but no.
There is a very dark side to my quit.
One side of me is totally done with chewing- I know I will not cave at this point. When I am done with something, I. Am. Done.
The other side though, I do not like that side. I am angry. I'm angry at myself for chewing in the first place, angry with stupid little things at my job, angry at lack of sleep, etc. At the beginning, the rage was like fireworks- instantly lit, exploding, and then fizzling out. This is a slow, underground, fiercely hot rage that simmers beneath the surface like magma pocket. When it boils over, my hands get bruised and I lose my voice.
If I'm even half an hour late on my medications, the depression and anxiety are overwhelming- thick, hot, and choking. It is a dark place. It is a low place. It is fragile.
The nic bitch is starting to lose her last grasp on my reality and she's slowly realizing it. She's making it painful. She wants her revenge. She's clawing on with one last angry hope.
I'm outwardly positive because the phrase "fake it till you make it" rings true. Helping others helps myself.
If I make it look easy, maybe that will encourage people to keep at it.
If I write this, maybe someone will realize they aren't alone. That this isn't easy, one week in, thirty days in, 100 days in, 1,000 days in.
I thought the phrase "one day at a time" was sort of cheesy, until this past week it turned into "one field of corn at a time" then it turned into "one hour at a time" and then into "one load of corn at a time".
But, at the end of it all, I am still quit.
And this too shall lessen and pass.
Very well put young lady! All you did is show others you're human! Damn proud to be quit with you. Quit on and keep building that web of quit. Like you, helping others in turn strengthens my quit!
That all makes SO much sense to me.
I totally get you and where you're coming from.
You are aware, you are transparent, you are connected.
Stay that way.
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Day 34-
I was going to write on Day 30, but the motivation and time escaped me. Work has been constant; 15+ hours/day, some longer, some shorter, and most of them without decent phone reception.
So, day 30 came and went. When I got home that night I checked KTC quick. I was surprised at how many people either commented on roll that day or sent me a pm to congratulate me on 30 days, not to mention the texts I received throughout the day. To me, 30 days was a big achievement but for it to seem to matter and make other people proud as well, made me feel on top of the world.
The next day was Woody's roughest day, and she wrote a post on our Jan quit group that got pretty popular. I had no idea about the post until the next day- all I knew is that her and I were texting. Again, I got messages, pm's, etc. thanking me for helping her. This time I was confused- I was just doing what she had done for me, and what I had done for others. Everyone is in this with each other. This is a website with over 30k quitters.
A few people have stated that I make quitting look easy, I'm so positive, this is looking like a breeze.
I'm sorry, but no.
There is a very dark side to my quit.
One side of me is totally done with chewing- I know I will not cave at this point. When I am done with something, I. Am. Done.
The other side though, I do not like that side. I am angry. I'm angry at myself for chewing in the first place, angry with stupid little things at my job, angry at lack of sleep, etc. At the beginning, the rage was like fireworks- instantly lit, exploding, and then fizzling out. This is a slow, underground, fiercely hot rage that simmers beneath the surface like magma pocket. When it boils over, my hands get bruised and I lose my voice.
If I'm even half an hour late on my medications, the depression and anxiety are overwhelming- thick, hot, and choking. It is a dark place. It is a low place. It is fragile.
The nic bitch is starting to lose her last grasp on my reality and she's slowly realizing it. She's making it painful. She wants her revenge. She's clawing on with one last angry hope.
I'm outwardly positive because the phrase "fake it till you make it" rings true. Helping others helps myself.
If I make it look easy, maybe that will encourage people to keep at it.
If I write this, maybe someone will realize they aren't alone. That this isn't easy, one week in, thirty days in, 100 days in, 1,000 days in.
I thought the phrase "one day at a time" was sort of cheesy, until this past week it turned into "one field of corn at a time" then it turned into "one hour at a time" and then into "one load of corn at a time".
But, at the end of it all, I am still quit.
And this too shall lessen and pass.
Very well put young lady! All you did is show others you're human! Damn proud to be quit with you. Quit on and keep building that web of quit. Like you, helping others in turn strengthens my quit!
That all makes SO much sense to me.
I totally get you and where you're coming from.
You are aware, you are transparent, you are connected.
Stay that way.
I had my "NAFAR" moment about 130 days in, and that is when I started to feel guilty of the nearly $30,000 I spent on the death weed that could have been used for my family. Long story short is that guilt over our shared addiction is fruitless as we can only be quit for today. It does take time, but like you said, all we can do is ODAAT.
I know sending a goofy ass text to fellow quitter always helped me, it may be time for another round of HMQ's and LBBQ's for the crew!
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Hey girl!
Happy HALF-A-HoF! (http://imgur.com/ulb52PU)
roflmao
(but seriously proud of you!)
-
50 days and continuing forward. Congrats!
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50 days and continuing forward. Congrats!
Wow 50 days congratulations!
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50 days and continuing forward. Congrats!
Wow 50 days congratulations!
Soak the victories in! keep that quit rolling strong!
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50 days and continuing forward. Congrats!
Wow 50 days congratulations!
Soak the victories in! keep that quit rolling strong!
Congrats on 50! That is a big win on your quit journey.
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Day 50 (ish)
Technically I'm posting this way freaking early on day 52.
Half a HoF, bitches.
The flood of texts, fb messages, pm's, chat messages, etc. flooded me all day with congrats about my 50 days.
I woke up early that morning with a crippling migraine. I sent a few texts out saying that I was sort of alive and planning on posting roll but I wanted to do it myself because, hey, you know 50 days.
FIFTY days. It's hard to believe that fifty days has come and gone since I joined KTC.
It seems like yesterday and it feels like years.
50 days and I feel like I've started to scratch the surface of my quit and myself. I've learned some good things, I've learned some maybe not so good things about myself.
I've learned more about my bipolar and anxiety- triggers, ideas, thought processes that I didn't know I didn't have figured out, if that makes sense.
I've made friends on here. Some in particular that I owe my quit to just as much as my stubbornness and self perseverance. Some of these people have made their mark on me and I will never be the same because of them- for good reasons.
The fog is pretty much done with. I get spacey sometimes, but the crushing fatigue isn't there anymore. Now it's just regular work related bullshit.
Cravings are manageable. Oddly enough, I want to smoke way more than I want to chew, which is a battle I didn't expect.
The medication and dosage battle is ongoing...somedays my meds are enough, somedays they aren't and I use my phone as a lifeline to text people and not stay buried under the covers.
This quit has definitely taught me how to suck up my feelings of pride and to ask for help when I need it. It took me a long time to not feel like sending a text to a fellow quitter was “weak”. Even now I feel like I'm burdening others when I need a boost, need the help. I'm stubborn. I was taught to keep my feelings in. This....has been an experience for sure.
Today was one of those days. Two hours into my day starting, it took a dive into the shitter. Sent me reeling into a panicked frenzy. I held it together. Got on chat. Had some laughs. Texted a few people privately. Kept it all in. Until I got home and probably broke Verizon with the flood of texts I shot out.
You know what? The world didn't shatter because I needed to talk and ask for help.
Late late tonight (really, early this morning) I received two different messages from two different people in my quit group (after I got shit faced drunk and went on chat), both telling me I was strong, that they looked up to me, and that they drew strength from my quit. That, my friends, means it all.
If there is someone that you looked up to in your quit, someone that you drew strength from, tell them. Please. I don't care if it makes you feel like a pussy. They need to know.
When I first joined, I didn't know what to expect from myself or KTC. Figured I'd give it a try, see how it went, and if it didn't work, I'd just fade away into invisibility in internet world.
How wrong I was.
-
Day 50 (ish)
Technically I'm posting this way freaking early on day 52.
Half a HoF, bitches.
The flood of texts, fb messages, pm's, chat messages, etc. flooded me all day with congrats about my 50 days.
I woke up early that morning with a crippling migraine. I sent a few texts out saying that I was sort of alive and planning on posting roll but I wanted to do it myself because, hey, you know 50 days.
FIFTY days. It's hard to believe that fifty days has come and gone since I joined KTC.
It seems like yesterday and it feels like years.
50 days and I feel like I've started to scratch the surface of my quit and myself. I've learned some good things, I've learned some maybe not so good things about myself.
I've learned more about my bipolar and anxiety- triggers, ideas, thought processes that I didn't know I didn't have figured out, if that makes sense.
I've made friends on here. Some in particular that I owe my quit to just as much as my stubbornness and self perseverance. Some of these people have made their mark on me and I will never be the same because of them- for good reasons.
The fog is pretty much done with. I get spacey sometimes, but the crushing fatigue isn't there anymore. Now it's just regular work related bullshit.
Cravings are manageable. Oddly enough, I want to smoke way more than I want to chew, which is a battle I didn't expect.
The medication and dosage battle is ongoing...somedays my meds are enough, somedays they aren't and I use my phone as a lifeline to text people and not stay buried under the covers.
This quit has definitely taught me how to suck up my feelings of pride and to ask for help when I need it. It took me a long time to not feel like sending a text to a fellow quitter was “weak”. Even now I feel like I'm burdening others when I need a boost, need the help. I'm stubborn. I was taught to keep my feelings in. This....has been an experience for sure.
Today was one of those days. Two hours into my day starting, it took a dive into the shitter. Sent me reeling into a panicked frenzy. I held it together. Got on chat. Had some laughs. Texted a few people privately. Kept it all in. Until I got home and probably broke Verizon with the flood of texts I shot out.
You know what? The world didn't shatter because I needed to talk and ask for help.
Late late tonight (really, early this morning) I received two different messages from two different people in my quit group (after I got shit faced drunk and went on chat), both telling me I was strong, that they looked up to me, and that they drew strength from my quit. That, my friends, means it all.
If there is someone that you looked up to in your quit, someone that you drew strength from, tell them. Please. I don't care if it makes you feel like a pussy. They need to know.
When I first joined, I didn't know what to expect from myself or KTC. Figured I'd give it a try, see how it went, and if it didn't work, I'd just fade away into invisibility in internet world.
How wrong I was.
No fading into obscurity here. Not when the halls of accountability are all around you. Nice job on your quit!
-
Day 50 (ish)
Technically I'm posting this way freaking early on day 52.
Half a HoF, bitches.
The flood of texts, fb messages, pm's, chat messages, etc. flooded me all day with congrats about my 50 days.
I woke up early that morning with a crippling migraine. I sent a few texts out saying that I was sort of alive and planning on posting roll but I wanted to do it myself because, hey, you know 50 days.
FIFTY days. It's hard to believe that fifty days has come and gone since I joined KTC.
It seems like yesterday and it feels like years.
50 days and I feel like I've started to scratch the surface of my quit and myself. I've learned some good things, I've learned some maybe not so good things about myself.
I've learned more about my bipolar and anxiety- triggers, ideas, thought processes that I didn't know I didn't have figured out, if that makes sense.
I've made friends on here. Some in particular that I owe my quit to just as much as my stubbornness and self perseverance. Some of these people have made their mark on me and I will never be the same because of them- for good reasons.
The fog is pretty much done with. I get spacey sometimes, but the crushing fatigue isn't there anymore. Now it's just regular work related bullshit.
Cravings are manageable. Oddly enough, I want to smoke way more than I want to chew, which is a battle I didn't expect.
The medication and dosage battle is ongoing...somedays my meds are enough, somedays they aren't and I use my phone as a lifeline to text people and not stay buried under the covers.
This quit has definitely taught me how to suck up my feelings of pride and to ask for help when I need it. It took me a long time to not feel like sending a text to a fellow quitter was “weak”. Even now I feel like I'm burdening others when I need a boost, need the help. I'm stubborn. I was taught to keep my feelings in. This....has been an experience for sure.
Today was one of those days. Two hours into my day starting, it took a dive into the shitter. Sent me reeling into a panicked frenzy. I held it together. Got on chat. Had some laughs. Texted a few people privately. Kept it all in. Until I got home and probably broke Verizon with the flood of texts I shot out.
You know what? The world didn't shatter because I needed to talk and ask for help.
Late late tonight (really, early this morning) I received two different messages from two different people in my quit group (after I got shit faced drunk and went on chat), both telling me I was strong, that they looked up to me, and that they drew strength from my quit. That, my friends, means it all.
If there is someone that you looked up to in your quit, someone that you drew strength from, tell them. Please. I don't care if it makes you feel like a pussy. They need to know.
When I first joined, I didn't know what to expect from myself or KTC. Figured I'd give it a try, see how it went, and if it didn't work, I'd just fade away into invisibility in internet world.
How wrong I was.
No fading into obscurity here. Not when the halls of accountability are all around you. Nice job on your quit!
You're not going anywhere. Drown yourself in accountability (as you have) and you will walk that road to success and freedom.
Proud of you, Gurl.
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Thanks for posting this and congrats! I learned from it and have felt the same way - particularly about sucking up pride and ego.it really is one of the cornerstones to a successful quit. Thanks for quitting with all of us you are an inspiration
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Today was day 71.
I've been in the late term fog for the past few days. I'm not sure what was worse- the initial early fog when you didn't know what was happening and the quit and fog were fresh, or this later on bullshit where it just feels annoying as fuck.
Still feel legit crazy. Meds haven't stabilized like they should have with the higher dosages so I bit the bullet and made another dr appt for tomorrow. After years of med changes the thought of trying to find a new combination or upping drastically honestly scares me, but at this point I just want to feel some sort of normal. I want to feel okay again. I want to feel better.
Cravings come and go. Like with the fog, they're just fucking annoying. Actually, that's pretty much the theme of the quit right now. Annoying. I get what people say when around the 70 day mark it all becomes stagnant.
But, I'm quit. And I'm staying that way. And the friends I've made on here (so many days ago it seems) have been my leaning post.
Also, today we finally closed on our house, after almost seven months of living in the damn thing lol.
I'm tired, my brain is scattered beyond recognition, who knows if this entry even makes sense.
-
Today was day 71.
I've been in the late term fog for the past few days. I'm not sure what was worse- the initial early fog when you didn't know what was happening and the quit and fog were fresh, or this later on bullshit where it just feels annoying as fuck.
Still feel legit crazy. Meds haven't stabilized like they should have with the higher dosages so I bit the bullet and made another dr appt for tomorrow. After years of med changes the thought of trying to find a new combination or upping drastically honestly scares me, but at this point I just want to feel some sort of normal. I want to feel okay again. I want to feel better.
Cravings come and go. Like with the fog, they're just fucking annoying. Actually, that's pretty much the theme of the quit right now. Annoying. I get what people say when around the 70 day mark it all becomes stagnant.
But, I'm quit. And I'm staying that way. And the friends I've made on here (so many days ago it seems) have been my leaning post.
Also, today we finally closed on our house, after almost seven months of living in the damn thing lol.
I'm tired, my brain is scattered beyond recognition, who knows if this entry even makes sense.
You are a month from Hall of Fame, use that celebration to pull you through this flat spot. It will get better and good days will outnumber annoying ones.
-
Today was day 71.
I've been in the late term fog for the past few days. I'm not sure what was worse- the initial early fog when you didn't know what was happening and the quit and fog were fresh, or this later on bullshit where it just feels annoying as fuck.
Still feel legit crazy. Meds haven't stabilized like they should have with the higher dosages so I bit the bullet and made another dr appt for tomorrow. After years of med changes the thought of trying to find a new combination or upping drastically honestly scares me, but at this point I just want to feel some sort of normal. I want to feel okay again. I want to feel better.
Cravings come and go. Like with the fog, they're just fucking annoying. Actually, that's pretty much the theme of the quit right now. Annoying. I get what people say when around the 70 day mark it all becomes stagnant.
But, I'm quit. And I'm staying that way. And the friends I've made on here (so many days ago it seems) have been my leaning post.
Also, today we finally closed on our house, after almost seven months of living in the damn thing lol.
I'm tired, my brain is scattered beyond recognition, who knows if this entry even makes sense.
You are a month from Hall of Fame, use that celebration to pull you through this flat spot. It will get better and good days will outnumber annoying ones.
Feels like forEVER, but it's only temporary, the bonds you've made will prove to save you and to keep you semi-sane. Rollercoaster of quit will be in play for a while. But you'll hang on.
you WILL feel okay again.
you WILL feel better.
IQWYT.
-
Today was day 71.
I've been in the late term fog for the past few days. I'm not sure what was worse- the initial early fog when you didn't know what was happening and the quit and fog were fresh, or this later on bullshit where it just feels annoying as fuck.
Still feel legit crazy. Meds haven't stabilized like they should have with the higher dosages so I bit the bullet and made another dr appt for tomorrow. After years of med changes the thought of trying to find a new combination or upping drastically honestly scares me, but at this point I just want to feel some sort of normal. I want to feel okay again. I want to feel better.
Cravings come and go. Like with the fog, they're just fucking annoying. Actually, that's pretty much the theme of the quit right now. Annoying. I get what people say when around the 70 day mark it all becomes stagnant.
But, I'm quit. And I'm staying that way. And the friends I've made on here (so many days ago it seems) have been my leaning post.
Also, today we finally closed on our house, after almost seven months of living in the damn thing lol.
I'm tired, my brain is scattered beyond recognition, who knows if this entry even makes sense.
You are a month from Hall of Fame, use that celebration to pull you through this flat spot. It will get better and good days will outnumber annoying ones.
Feels like forEVER, but it's only temporary, the bonds you've made will prove to save you and to keep you semi-sane. Rollercoaster of quit will be in play for a while. But you'll hang on.
you WILL feel okay again.
you WILL feel better.
IQWYT.
I hated the 70s. I think annoyed was the best word for it. Everything you wrote is so familiar to me...when the eff am I going to feel NORMAL again. ^^^ Listen to this lady, it IS just a phase. You will be out of it shortly and just in time to start looking forward to your HOF! 'party'
-
Today was day 71.
I've been in the late term fog for the past few days. I'm not sure what was worse- the initial early fog when you didn't know what was happening and the quit and fog were fresh, or this later on bullshit where it just feels annoying as fuck.
Still feel legit crazy. Meds haven't stabilized like they should have with the higher dosages so I bit the bullet and made another dr appt for tomorrow. After years of med changes the thought of trying to find a new combination or upping drastically honestly scares me, but at this point I just want to feel some sort of normal. I want to feel okay again. I want to feel better.
Cravings come and go. Like with the fog, they're just fucking annoying. Actually, that's pretty much the theme of the quit right now. Annoying. I get what people say when around the 70 day mark it all becomes stagnant.
But, I'm quit. And I'm staying that way. And the friends I've made on here (so many days ago it seems) have been my leaning post.
Also, today we finally closed on our house, after almost seven months of living in the damn thing lol.
I'm tired, my brain is scattered beyond recognition, who knows if this entry even makes sense.
You are a month from Hall of Fame, use that celebration to pull you through this flat spot. It will get better and good days will outnumber annoying ones.
Feels like forEVER, but it's only temporary, the bonds you've made will prove to save you and to keep you semi-sane. Rollercoaster of quit will be in play for a while. But you'll hang on.
you WILL feel okay again.
you WILL feel better.
IQWYT.
I hated the 70s. I think annoyed was the best word for it. Everything you wrote is so familiar to me...when the eff am I going to feel NORMAL again. ^^^ Listen to this lady, it IS just a phase. You will be out of it shortly and just in time to start looking forward to your HOF! 'party'
It's all a phase, just the last part of the nic bitch trying one last futile attempt. You're a quitter, you won.
-
Today was day 71.
I've been in the late term fog for the past few days. I'm not sure what was worse- the initial early fog when you didn't know what was happening and the quit and fog were fresh, or this later on bullshit where it just feels annoying as fuck.
Still feel legit crazy. Meds haven't stabilized like they should have with the higher dosages so I bit the bullet and made another dr appt for tomorrow. After years of med changes the thought of trying to find a new combination or upping drastically honestly scares me, but at this point I just want to feel some sort of normal. I want to feel okay again. I want to feel better.
Cravings come and go. Like with the fog, they're just fucking annoying. Actually, that's pretty much the theme of the quit right now. Annoying. I get what people say when around the 70 day mark it all becomes stagnant.
But, I'm quit. And I'm staying that way. And the friends I've made on here (so many days ago it seems) have been my leaning post.
Also, today we finally closed on our house, after almost seven months of living in the damn thing lol.
I'm tired, my brain is scattered beyond recognition, who knows if this entry even makes sense.
You are a month from Hall of Fame, use that celebration to pull you through this flat spot. It will get better and good days will outnumber annoying ones.
Feels like forEVER, but it's only temporary, the bonds you've made will prove to save you and to keep you semi-sane. Rollercoaster of quit will be in play for a while. But you'll hang on.
you WILL feel okay again.
you WILL feel better.
IQWYT.
I hated the 70s. I think annoyed was the best word for it. Everything you wrote is so familiar to me...when the eff am I going to feel NORMAL again. ^^^ Listen to this lady, it IS just a phase. You will be out of it shortly and just in time to start looking forward to your HOF! 'party'
It's all a phase, just the last part of the nic bitch trying one last futile attempt. You're a quitter, you won.
It took a little bit but I realized, fog is a helluva better than cancer! Doing great girlfriend! Don't change a thing. Damn proud to be quit with you today!
-
Day 82
How did it get to be day 82 already? I was in chat tonight helping a fresh quit get set up with the forums. I don't even remember registering. Did I register on the forums first? Did I lurk on chat? I have no idea. All I know is I wake up in the morning (or if I'm still awake when new roll starts) I post my new day, each and every day.
I try to help the new quitters in chat. I guess if I can help one person, my time there is worth it, but I still wonder if I'm doing any good helping anyone out there.
The past few weeks have been a little rough. In my last update on here I talked about hitting the fog hard again. For the most part, the fog has lifted again. I went to the doctor and we played around with my medication again, and added a treatment on top of that, which has made life a little interesting. I do have to say though, I'm slowly feeling better. This is the first time in over ten years that I feel “okay” for the most part. It's been a long long time since I've felt that, and not going to sugarcoat it- it feels pretty damn good.
One of our stronger members in our quit group ended up caving. This was someone I had gotten fairly close to, leaned on each other for support, but they made up their mind. I got a text right after they caved and spoke to them later that night.
And it fucking hurt. It still hurts. Probably more than it should. I guess my cold frigid heart cares more about people and their quits than I thought. It scared me too; got rid of my half assed complacent feeling. If that person could cave while having such a seemingly strong quit, then what about the rest of us? It just goes to prove that if we all want to continue to stay quit, we really do have to fight every fucking day. And keep on fighting. And keep on leaning each other. This really isn't going to go away. Ever.
And that makes me angry and just plain sad that I ever started dipping in the first place. If I would have known all of this now when I started, I would have never touched a damn can.
The bright side of all this is that there are people on here that have turned into my quit rocks. Yes, I am doing this quit by myself, for myself, but there are a few people on here that I owe. I thought when I started this journey that the “brotherhood” thing was exaggerated. I didn't expect that 82 days later I would have a handful of people that probably know my moods, my thoughts, etc. better than I do some days. And I love those brothers.
In just a few weeks I'll hit my HOF, but what will I write then that I haven't written now? Because, fuck yeah, 82 days! 100 days! But those numbers are just another day. Sure, they're milestones, but is 100 any better than 82? When I first started? Day count is important to me, but being nic free outweighs that.
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Day 82
How did it get to be day 82 already? I was in chat tonight helping a fresh quit get set up with the forums. I don't even remember registering. Did I register on the forums first? Did I lurk on chat? I have no idea. All I know is I wake up in the morning (or if I'm still awake when new roll starts) I post my new day, each and every day.
I try to help the new quitters in chat. I guess if I can help one person, my time there is worth it, but I still wonder if I'm doing any good helping anyone out there.
The past few weeks have been a little rough. In my last update on here I talked about hitting the fog hard again. For the most part, the fog has lifted again. I went to the doctor and we played around with my medication again, and added a treatment on top of that, which has made life a little interesting. I do have to say though, I'm slowly feeling better. This is the first time in over ten years that I feel “okay” for the most part. It's been a long long time since I've felt that, and not going to sugarcoat it- it feels pretty damn good.
One of our stronger members in our quit group ended up caving. This was someone I had gotten fairly close to, leaned on each other for support, but they made up their mind. I got a text right after they caved and spoke to them later that night.
And it fucking hurt. It still hurts. Probably more than it should. I guess my cold frigid heart cares more about people and their quits than I thought. It scared me too; got rid of my half assed complacent feeling. If that person could cave while having such a seemingly strong quit, then what about the rest of us? It just goes to prove that if we all want to continue to stay quit, we really do have to fight every fucking day. And keep on fighting. And keep on leaning each other. This really isn't going to go away. Ever.
And that makes me angry and just plain sad that I ever started dipping in the first place. If I would have known all of this now when I started, I would have never touched a damn can.
The bright side of all this is that there are people on here that have turned into my quit rocks. Yes, I am doing this quit by myself, for myself, but there are a few people on here that I owe. I thought when I started this journey that the “brotherhood” thing was exaggerated. I didn't expect that 82 days later I would have a handful of people that probably know my moods, my thoughts, etc. better than I do some days. And I love those brothers.
In just a few weeks I'll hit my HOF, but what will I write then that I haven't written now? Because, fuck yeah, 82 days! 100 days! But those numbers are just another day. Sure, they're milestones, but is 100 any better than 82? When I first started? Day count is important to me, but being nic free outweighs that.
The day count is much less important than the quit web that we build for ourselves here. Each of us needs to succeed every day. We all need to be spiders tending to our quit webs. Connect and stay connected. Caring about someone else and having someone else care about you doubles the chance that you will be on roll tomorrow.
One day at a time. I'm almost at 500 days quit. I never imagined that I would get this far when I started but I listened to the vets and kept making my promise. :)
-
Another update so soon I guess.
Sometimes this quit hurts so bad. Physically. Emotionally. This might have been one of the longest most drawn out hardest things I've done in a long time, maybe my whole life.
Things happened during this quit that I never even in my wildest dreams thought would happen. Quitting and the shockwaves from it just plain fucking hurt sometimes.
But, this pain. This pain is worth the quit. Because I'm better than this.
This quit is mine.
-
I had to save this gem.
So what victories do we have today?
I don't know about victories, Mr. C.... but I do know that there are a butt-load of
:scowick: :scowick: :scowick: :scowick: :scowick:
in this particular quit group.
I'm sorry only a female would say this..but those butteflies are adorable....lol
Oh they're fucking beautiful. Each in his or her own special way. Some have super dooper important reasons why they can't post every day. Some have super important jobs which makes it extra hard to quit. Some have super stressful home lives which make it real hard to quit. Some are real tough and can't take it when a brother or sister calls em out on their addict BS. Some just are special little learners who need a different system. All fail to recognize that every damn one of us could come up with the same lame excuses to not work the program, but we don't. We're not special. We're addicts who need accountability.
-
Day 82
How did it get to be day 82 already? I was in chat tonight helping a fresh quit get set up with the forums. I don't even remember registering. Did I register on the forums first? Did I lurk on chat? I have no idea. All I know is I wake up in the morning (or if I'm still awake when new roll starts) I post my new day, each and every day.
I try to help the new quitters in chat. I guess if I can help one person, my time there is worth it, but I still wonder if I'm doing any good helping anyone out there.
The past few weeks have been a little rough. In my last update on here I talked about hitting the fog hard again. For the most part, the fog has lifted again. I went to the doctor and we played around with my medication again, and added a treatment on top of that, which has made life a little interesting. I do have to say though, I'm slowly feeling better. This is the first time in over ten years that I feel “okay” for the most part. It's been a long long time since I've felt that, and not going to sugarcoat it- it feels pretty damn good.
One of our stronger members in our quit group ended up caving. This was someone I had gotten fairly close to, leaned on each other for support, but they made up their mind. I got a text right after they caved and spoke to them later that night.
And it fucking hurt. It still hurts. Probably more than it should. I guess my cold frigid heart cares more about people and their quits than I thought. It scared me too; got rid of my half assed complacent feeling. If that person could cave while having such a seemingly strong quit, then what about the rest of us? It just goes to prove that if we all want to continue to stay quit, we really do have to fight every fucking day. And keep on fighting. And keep on leaning each other. This really isn't going to go away. Ever.
And that makes me angry and just plain sad that I ever started dipping in the first place. If I would have known all of this now when I started, I would have never touched a damn can.
The bright side of all this is that there are people on here that have turned into my quit rocks. Yes, I am doing this quit by myself, for myself, but there are a few people on here that I owe. I thought when I started this journey that the “brotherhood” thing was exaggerated. I didn't expect that 82 days later I would have a handful of people that probably know my moods, my thoughts, etc. better than I do some days. And I love those brothers.
In just a few weeks I'll hit my HOF, but what will I write then that I haven't written now? Because, fuck yeah, 82 days! 100 days! But those numbers are just another day. Sure, they're milestones, but is 100 any better than 82? When I first started? Day count is important to me, but being nic free outweighs that.
powerful words and thoughts..I just want to let you know that you are helping more than you think. Ive chatted with you a couple times, but know that we havent really gotten to know each other, but I know that you are a respected member of this site. When I think about caving, over all the stuff with my family and what not, I imagine how awful it would be to make that phone call to WalterWhite, FISHFLORIDA, Viking, JeffW, and other brothers i have text back and forth with.. Your name pops in my mind too..If I were to cave, I know that you would tear me a new ass hole..and I would deserve it. To the people that are serious about their quit..it is nice to know and see someone like you on here ALL the Time helping others..So keep kicking nicotines ass and thank you for your help!!!Even strong people need help sometimes and we're here when you need it
-
Nothing about any of this is easy. Who ever tells you different is so full of crap their eyes are brown.
However to relish in the highs, you must experinces the lows. If you aren't experincing this then your not living.
When you quit, truely quit, you end up ripping off more than a band aid. You end up exposing all of your vulnerability, insecurities and fears and are left a utter pile of confused clueless foggy quitter.
The successful put themselves togther into a new person that doesnt need a drug to hold themselves up. We are here to hold you up when you can't.
I am not here to get back to "normal" I am here to make my normal.
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
Such a great example of a quitter that has gained bad ass status. Love to see the growth and accountability and brother (sister)hood you are showing.
Keep it up, real proud of you girl! Quitting with you all day today! JB
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
Such a great example of a quitter that has gained bad ass status. Love to see the growth and accountability and brother (sister)hood you are showing.
Keep it up, real proud of you girl! Quitting with you all day today! JB
"5 more days till HOF"
You type that at the end of a (fantastic) post about one of your biggest challenges yet, but you also sound like hitting the HOF (day 100) is going to be some sort of reprieve; like some huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and life will be easier from this point forward. Pretty sure you know this (and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean what I just typed), but you gotta keep that pedal to the metal. Day 100 - it's an awesome achievement, one of the best milestones in my short quit history, but day 101 was way better. And every day thereafter has been way better. Keep fighting.
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
Such a great example of a quitter that has gained bad ass status. Love to see the growth and accountability and brother (sister)hood you are showing.
Keep it up, real proud of you girl! Quitting with you all day today! JB
"5 more days till HOF"
You type that at the end of a (fantastic) post about one of your biggest challenges yet, but you also sound like hitting the HOF (day 100) is going to be some sort of reprieve; like some huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and life will be easier from this point forward. Pretty sure you know this (and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean what I just typed), but you gotta keep that pedal to the metal. Day 100 - it's an awesome achievement, one of the best milestones in my short quit history, but day 101 was way better. And every day thereafter has been way better. Keep fighting.
That's ktc and it works because people care! Hof bound girlfriend, it definitely feels good!
-
Day 98.
Close to HOF.
Everyone has been asking, "are you excited?"
Sure, I'm excited. It's fun to start seeing my fellow group start reaching their 100 day milestones. Sure, I'm looking forward to it and to see what will be written about me lol.
But, it's just another day. Fighting this isn't going to ever stop. My addictions (not just nic) aren't ever going to stop, and I'll always be trying and going for 200, 300, my first year. This quit doesn't end at 100; it's not a magic number.
-
Day 98.
Close to HOF.
Everyone has been asking, "are you excited?"
Sure, I'm excited. It's fun to start seeing my fellow group start reaching their 100 day milestones. Sure, I'm looking forward to it and to see what will be written about me lol.
But, it's just another day. Fighting this isn't going to ever stop. My addictions (not just nic) aren't ever going to stop, and I'll always be trying and going for 200, 300, my first year. This quit doesn't end at 100; it's not a magic number.
The 100 days is a short term goal where you show as newbies what's possible. 100 days down, 1 to go. Not the end goal, but one you should be very proud to accomplish. I'm proud to quit with you, and will be with you on Day 98, 99, 100 and on. Lead the way!
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
Such a great example of a quitter that has gained bad ass status. Love to see the growth and accountability and brother (sister)hood you are showing.
Keep it up, real proud of you girl! Quitting with you all day today! JB
"5 more days till HOF"
You type that at the end of a (fantastic) post about one of your biggest challenges yet, but you also sound like hitting the HOF (day 100) is going to be some sort of reprieve; like some huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and life will be easier from this point forward. Pretty sure you know this (and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean what I just typed), but you gotta keep that pedal to the metal. Day 100 - it's an awesome achievement, one of the best milestones in my short quit history, but day 101 was way better. And every day thereafter has been way better. Keep fighting.
That's ktc and it works because people care! Hof bound girlfriend, it definitely feels good!
I am proud to be quit with you today and every day. You are an inspiration whether you know it or not.
-
'oh yeah' Congratulations on reaching HOF!!!! 'oh yeah'
-
'oh yeah' Congratulations on reaching HOF!!!! 'oh yeah'
Awesome job!
-
'oh yeah' Congratulations on reaching HOF!!!! 'oh yeah'
Awesome job!
Congrats!!!
-
'oh yeah' Congratulations on reaching HOF!!!! 'oh yeah'
Awesome job!
Congrats!!!
HG....gurl, Congrats on your 100.
Cheers to 101!
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
Such a great example of a quitter that has gained bad ass status. Love to see the growth and accountability and brother (sister)hood you are showing.
Keep it up, real proud of you girl! Quitting with you all day today! JB
"5 more days till HOF"
You type that at the end of a (fantastic) post about one of your biggest challenges yet, but you also sound like hitting the HOF (day 100) is going to be some sort of reprieve; like some huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and life will be easier from this point forward. Pretty sure you know this (and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean what I just typed), but you gotta keep that pedal to the metal. Day 100 - it's an awesome achievement, one of the best milestones in my short quit history, but day 101 was way better. And every day thereafter has been way better. Keep fighting.
That's ktc and it works because people care! Hof bound girlfriend, it definitely feels good!
I am proud to be quit with you today and every day. You are an inspiration whether you know it or not.
I am extremely proud to be quit with you!! Congratulations on Hall of Fame!! You are definitely an inspiration to many
-
Day 104-
Trying to write a HOF speech but keep getting writers block. I've been browsing through other speeches, but nothing is triggering me to write.
Something I can't force.
Everyone's quit is different, and everyone's speech is different, but it's still the same.
Someday it'll come to me.
-
Day 104-
Trying to write a HOF speech but keep getting writers block. I've been browsing through other speeches, but nothing is triggering me to write.
Something I can't force.
Everyone's quit is different, and everyone's speech is different, but it's still the same.
Someday it'll come to me.
Don't force it...you'll get inspired when the time is right.
:wub:
-
Day 104-
Trying to write a HOF speech but keep getting writers block. I've been browsing through other speeches, but nothing is triggering me to write.
Something I can't force.
Everyone's quit is different, and everyone's speech is different, but it's still the same.
Someday it'll come to me.
Don't force it...you'll get inspired when the time is right.
:wub:
Agreed! ^^^^^^ Just let it come. It'll hit you. You've been a great contributor, just being your own quit self. You dont have to hit it out of the park on the HOF speech, either- you can always keep posting here!
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
Such a great example of a quitter that has gained bad ass status. Love to see the growth and accountability and brother (sister)hood you are showing.
Keep it up, real proud of you girl! Quitting with you all day today! JB
"5 more days till HOF"
You type that at the end of a (fantastic) post about one of your biggest challenges yet, but you also sound like hitting the HOF (day 100) is going to be some sort of reprieve; like some huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and life will be easier from this point forward. Pretty sure you know this (and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean what I just typed), but you gotta keep that pedal to the metal. Day 100 - it's an awesome achievement, one of the best milestones in my short quit history, but day 101 was way better. And every day thereafter has been way better. Keep fighting.
That's ktc and it works because people care! Hof bound girlfriend, it definitely feels good!
I am proud to be quit with you today and every day. You are an inspiration whether you know it or not.
I am extremely proud to be quit with you!! Congratulations on Hall of Fame!! You are definitely an inspiration to many
gRATZ ON THE hOf and being the Queen of chat!
-
95 and Christmas
One of the things that we tell fresh quits is to avoid their triggers when they can- don't drink, don't hang out with shitty friends that act like assholes and try to get you to dip again, etc.
We tell them that if they can't avoid that trigger, to learn how to deal with it. Taking a shit? After a meal? Obviously those are little things that with repetitively working through it, get better.
What happens when you find out that your biggest trigger is your parents home, especially your own mother? I haven't been home to WI in 9 months, and I haven't been clean in my parents house from nic in over 8 years, completely sober and clean from anything in much much longer than that.
I knew the drive back to WI was going to be rough- it was, but I dealt decently, even with the added time, making it a 15 hour straight shot.
But I didn't expect to be 100% blindsided at how hard being in my childhood home was. At one point, I was in the bathroom trying not to cry hysterically or hyperventilate. I sent out an SOS text to a few different people.
I asked one specific person what to do. His response, simply, was “Fight.”
And I fought. And I'm still fighting. And, I will always be fighting this.
That night was one of the hardest of my quit. I was drained and in a dark place. I was craving, but not caving. I was just...low.
The next morning I way overslept. By hours. Usually I post crazy early. I slept till 11. I woke up to a missed phone call, dozens of texts, FB messages, emails, KTC pms, and one very panicked and concerned chat room.
It was overwhelming and humbling. I knew people cared, but I didn't fully realize how many people truly were worried when I didn't respond for 5 hours (I missed a “good morning” text).
Five more days til HOF.
Making connections is so key - I wish others here would understand. Every arm we lift means several arms lifting us. You've earned your HOF and I just know that you will push onwards and keep helping others. Well done! :)
Such a great example of a quitter that has gained bad ass status. Love to see the growth and accountability and brother (sister)hood you are showing.
Keep it up, real proud of you girl! Quitting with you all day today! JB
"5 more days till HOF"
You type that at the end of a (fantastic) post about one of your biggest challenges yet, but you also sound like hitting the HOF (day 100) is going to be some sort of reprieve; like some huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and life will be easier from this point forward. Pretty sure you know this (and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean what I just typed), but you gotta keep that pedal to the metal. Day 100 - it's an awesome achievement, one of the best milestones in my short quit history, but day 101 was way better. And every day thereafter has been way better. Keep fighting.
That's ktc and it works because people care! Hof bound girlfriend, it definitely feels good!
I am proud to be quit with you today and every day. You are an inspiration whether you know it or not.
I am extremely proud to be quit with you!! Congratulations on Hall of Fame!! You are definitely an inspiration to many
gRATZ ON THE hOf and being the Queen of chat!
Thanks, Wort!
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Sorry for missing the big day, but I still wanted to give you a huge congrats for achieving ...for earning that HOF. Your passion for quitting and dedication to this is second to none. Congrats HG!
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Day 104-
Trying to write a HOF speech but keep getting writers block. I've been browsing through other speeches, but nothing is triggering me to write.
Something I can't force.
Everyone's quit is different, and everyone's speech is different, but it's still the same.
Someday it'll come to me.
Don't force it...you'll get inspired when the time is right.
:wub:
Agreed! ^^^^^^ Just let it come. It'll hit you. You've been a great contributor, just being your own quit self. You dont have to hit it out of the park on the HOF speech, either- you can always keep posting here!
Agree. I've yet to write one. And dont plan to. I DO plan to set a good example for new quitters and fellow vet quitters alike. Surf the intros and help newbies get settled.
I had a quit for a couple years, some years ago... and i feel like if i write a HOF speech i may let my guard down. This helps keep me active. Works for me. HOF speeches work for others.
Do what is best for you!
Oh yeah, and keep being the bad ass quitter you are 'oh yeah' proud to be quit with you today
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Day 108-
Finally got my HOF Speech (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/30128463/1/#new) up.
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Day 108-
Finally got my HOF Speech (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/30128463/1/#new) up.
It's a beut. Well done. Guaranteed someone new gives it a read and becomes the reason they quit. Nice job!
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Day 108-
Finally got my HOF Speech (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/30128463/1/#new) up.
It's a beut. Well done. Guaranteed someone new gives it a read and becomes the reason they quit. Nice job!
Well done HG.
Your HOF Helped me.....
Quit On!
Rawls 786
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Day 119-
I've spent the past week on the road- Eric Church concert weekend in Sioux Falls and then spent five days in Omaha for the US Custom Harvesters Convention.
It didn't leave me with a whole lot of time to pop on here- posting roll was definitely my bare minimum attempt these past few days.
Turns out, I miss this damn place. I miss posting the support for my friends. I miss screwing around in chat.
Damn it, you guys sucked me in.
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Day 119-
I've spent the past week on the road- Eric Church concert weekend in Sioux Falls and then spent five days in Omaha for the US Custom Harvesters Convention.
It didn't leave me with a whole lot of time to pop on here- posting roll was definitely my bare minimum attempt these past few days.
Turns out, I miss this damn place. I miss posting the support for my friends. I miss screwing around in chat.
Damn it, you guys sucked me in.
easy answer. you have become a friend.
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Day 119-
I've spent the past week on the road- Eric Church concert weekend in Sioux Falls and then spent five days in Omaha for the US Custom Harvesters Convention.
It didn't leave me with a whole lot of time to pop on here- posting roll was definitely my bare minimum attempt these past few days.
Turns out, I miss this damn place. I miss posting the support for my friends. I miss screwing around in chat.
Damn it, you guys sucked me in.
easy answer. you have become a friend.
I agree with this 100% HG, glad you are back home! I have never met you in person, but I consider you as good a friend as anyone!! Thank you for saving my quit on a couple occasions, and I'm proud to quit with you and call you a friend
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Day 119-
I've spent the past week on the road- Eric Church concert weekend in Sioux Falls and then spent five days in Omaha for the US Custom Harvesters Convention.
It didn't leave me with a whole lot of time to pop on here- posting roll was definitely my bare minimum attempt these past few days.
Turns out, I miss this damn place. I miss posting the support for my friends. I miss screwing around in chat.
Damn it, you guys sucked me in.
easy answer. you have become a friend.
I agree with this 100% HG, glad you are back home! I have never met you in person, but I consider you as good a friend as anyone!! Thank you for saving my quit on a couple occasions, and I'm proud to quit with you and call you a friend
Thanks, buddy!
Proud to be quit with you too, and I'm honored to be called your friend.
-
Day 125:
So today was a weird day for me.
I woke up way late (because I finally slept for the first time in like a week), which made me late to an interview that I was giving to a potential summer employee (thankfully only by like 10 minutes), and couldn't post (no reception/polite chance really).
So, I asked for a pick up. I text a good number of people on here every day with my promise. Group chats, personal texts, etc.
But today I didn't personally post roll.
And the whole rest of the day I felt like was missing something.
I hate not being able to post roll myself, especially when we're near the end of HOF month.
-
Day 125:
So today was a weird day for me.
I woke up way late (because I finally slept for the first time in like a week), which made me late to an interview that I was giving to a potential summer employee (thankfully only by like 10 minutes), and couldn't post (no reception/polite chance really).
So, I asked for a pick up. I text a good number of people on here every day with my promise. Group chats, personal texts, etc.
But today I didn't personally post roll.
And the whole rest of the day I felt like was missing something.
I hate not being able to post roll myself, especially when we're near the end of HOF month.
I think this is so cool. asking for pickup and feelin like something is missing. Take if from me, I'm the King of asking for pickup in my group. Travel soooo much leave sooooo early and posting from mobile just F's up roll..
Dont feel bad at all. You are such a great quitter and a great example to young and old quits alike. Love reading your updates. Keep em coming
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Day 125:
So today was a weird day for me.
I woke up way late (because I finally slept for the first time in like a week), which made me late to an interview that I was giving to a potential summer employee (thankfully only by like 10 minutes), and couldn't post (no reception/polite chance really).
So, I asked for a pick up. I text a good number of people on here every day with my promise. Group chats, personal texts, etc.
But today I didn't personally post roll.
And the whole rest of the day I felt like was missing something.
I hate not being able to post roll myself, especially when we're near the end of HOF month.
I think this is so cool. asking for pickup and feelin like something is missing. Take if from me, I'm the King of asking for pickup in my group. Travel soooo much leave sooooo early and posting from mobile just F's up roll..
Dont feel bad at all. You are such a great quitter and a great example to young and old quits alike. Love reading your updates. Keep em coming
Now that is a true quitter. Definitely smells like a badass quit in here! Damn proud to be quitting with you today
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Day 125:
So today was a weird day for me.
I woke up way late (because I finally slept for the first time in like a week), which made me late to an interview that I was giving to a potential summer employee (thankfully only by like 10 minutes), and couldn't post (no reception/polite chance really).
So, I asked for a pick up. I text a good number of people on here every day with my promise. Group chats, personal texts, etc.
But today I didn't personally post roll.
And the whole rest of the day I felt like was missing something.
I hate not being able to post roll myself, especially when we're near the end of HOF month.
I think this is so cool. asking for pickup and feelin like something is missing. Take if from me, I'm the King of asking for pickup in my group. Travel soooo much leave sooooo early and posting from mobile just F's up roll..
Dont feel bad at all. You are such a great quitter and a great example to young and old quits alike. Love reading your updates. Keep em coming
Now that is a true quitter. Definitely smells like a badass quit in here! Damn proud to be quitting with you today
I would so much rather get a text from a quitter than to see someone go missing on roll. There is no shame in texting or emailing or sending a smoke signal. There should be shame in missing roll. I'm glad that you care so much about posting HG. :)
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Day 127
Yesterday I got the news that a distant but very very dear family member passed away.
Ollie was just shy of his 90th birthday and was still called Junior until the day he died.
Jr. was one of the last of that rare old breed. Tough old farmer. Collection of Allis Chalmers.
The kind of man that was always sneaking out and tinkering on his farm until it was time to go into the nursing home.
I remember being very young and going to his farm and I remember him ever so patiently taking me by my hand and kneeling down in the rows of sprouting corn and explaining to me what corn was...what corn is used for....how they plant it. I had to have only been four years old. I remember him pulling up one seedling ever so gently and pointing out the young roots, the start of the leaves, then replanting it, packing the dirt around it. I swear his hands were the size of garbage cans lids.
I hear his name and I can smell the first cutting of hay.
Godspeed my Ollie. Have fun up there tinkering on God's tractors.
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127 days ago you would have been trying to sooth this sorrow with dip. I'm so glad that's not the case now. You are doing great Harvestgirl. Sorry for your loss.
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Thoughts are with you HG, and plus.
I hope you have a very happy birthday.
:wub:
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Wonderful memories Harvest, thanks for sharing. I hope your birthday brings you happy thoughts.
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Sorry for your loss HG. Memories like that never fade though. HAppy Bday too
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I'm right behind you Harvestgirl. I quit last night at 7:44 PM. I'll keep an eye on your posts so that I know what I'm in for next. Hang in there.
Day 3 for me bro. stay strong both of yall we are in this to quit dipping not to quit trying
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Day 135
Maybe this post is a little deeper than what most would prefer. I don't care. I stand by the comment I've made numerous times- if this post helps just one person, then my fight is worth it.
The past few weeks have been hard. It's been like being back in the early days of the fog.
Just when I think my brain has adjusted to not having nic, and getting readjusted to a medication adjustment, etc., the nic bitch just fucking laughs in my face and rears her ugly head.
My insomnia has never been worse- it's like my brain has decided that sleep isn't required. My bipolar, while not "worse" has been creeping slowly towards the manic spectrum because of the lack of sleep- which turns it into a cyclic battle. I can't hold attention to anything. I eat right, I exercise, only coffee in the morning. It gets frustrating when people ask "oh, have you tried this?" "This worked great for my friend!" I love that people care, but this isn't a new thing for me; I've been like this since I was a teenager. Yes, I am under medical attention. No, I don't have any suicidal ideologies.
Every day it never fails to amaze me what I learn about my body and my brain now that I don't have the crutch of any nicotine stimulant to mask my brain. Bipolar/PTSD/depression/OCD, anxiety, etc. physically damages the neuro pathways of your brain. Nicotine is a brilliantly evil masquerade ball. The physical damage to my brain has been coming out in full force. Because I'm treatment resistant (meaning I don't respond well to many forms of medication), my doctor and I have opted for a fairly controversial treatment since early December. It involves injections of ketamine on a regular basis. Ketamine is thought to rebuild those damaged pathways. While it's showing promise for me, it's definitely revealing the extent of damage, and is also very case by case on the dosage and schedule of injections. The side effects are much more gentle than any SSRI/SARI/SNRI that I've been on, but each treatment can be exhausting and nauseating.
I'm not going to cave. I don't want to chew ever again. I LOVE not chewing anymore. I post my promise on here and have a great support of friends that I've made here that text me daily, an amazing GroupMe with my January family, etc. I refuse to cave.
But there's that one little last nic voice whispering in the back of my head, "You felt so much better while chewing.You didn't have these side effects. You felt normal and sane. You can use me as a security blanket."
And I say to her, "Fuck you."
-
We are with you for all battles. Nic or others. Stay strong. THere will be a solution for you. Never stop fighting. Proud to quit with you today
-
Day 135
Maybe this post is a little deeper than what most would prefer. I don't care. I stand by the comment I've made numerous times- if this post helps just one person, then my fight is worth it.
The past few weeks have been hard. It's been like being back in the early days of the fog.
Just when I think my brain has adjusted to not having nic, and getting readjusted to a medication adjustment, etc., the nic bitch just fucking laughs in my face and rears her ugly head.
My insomnia has never been worse- it's like my brain has decided that sleep isn't required. My bipolar, while not "worse" has been creeping slowly towards the manic spectrum because of the lack of sleep- which turns it into a cyclic battle. I can't hold attention to anything. I eat right, I exercise, only coffee in the morning. It gets frustrating when people ask "oh, have you tried this?" "This worked great for my friend!" I love that people care, but this isn't a new thing for me; I've been like this since I was a teenager. Yes, I am under medical attention. No, I don't have any suicidal ideologies.
Every day it never fails to amaze me what I learn about my body and my brain now that I don't have the crutch of any nicotine stimulant to mask my brain. Bipolar/PTSD/depression/OCD, anxiety, etc. physically damages the neuro pathways of your brain. Nicotine is a brilliantly evil masquerade ball. The physical damage to my brain has been coming out in full force. Because I'm treatment resistant (meaning I don't respond well to many forms of medication), my doctor and I have opted for a fairly controversial treatment since early December. It involves injections of ketamine on a regular basis. Ketamine is thought to rebuild those damaged pathways. While it's showing promise for me, it's definitely revealing the extent of damage, and is also very case by case on the dosage and schedule of injections. The side effects are much more gentle than any SSRI/SARI/SNRI that I've been on, but each treatment can be exhausting and nauseating.
I'm not going to cave. I don't want to chew ever again. I LOVE not chewing anymore. I post my promise on here and have a great support of friends that I've made here that text me daily, an amazing GroupMe with my January family, etc. I refuse to cave.
But there's that one little last nic voice whispering in the back of my head, "You felt so much better while chewing.You didn't have these side effects. You felt normal and sane. You can use me as a security blanket."
And I say to her, "Fuck you."
I know you have alot of support, but we are all here for any battle that you may face!! You know Im always praying, and I know that you'll kick whatever obstacle you face right in the Ass!!!
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Day 137
Life isn't fucking fair.
My cousin died on the night of my 135th. Details at first were sketchy. Work accident. Impalement. Bled to death. I was in total shock. Raymond was the funniest happiest hardest working kindest family man. He left a wife and four kids. It's not only devastating to my family, but to the whole community. I'm not sure if anyone in the area didn't know him.
I found out more tonight and it was let out it was a tractor accident.
A tractor accident. All that shock comes back at those words. It hits too close to home. My life boils down to tractors and combines and it's just a brutal reminder that shit can go horribly wrong terrifyingly fast.
Autopilot mode takes over during these times.
My "sleep" schedule has been so incredibly jacked that it's hard to remember what day of the week it is or what day things took place on. I think part of my new autopilot mode is my quit date. I can't tell you what the date is, but I can tell you the quit date. Sometimes it feels like I have BQ and AQ time: before quit and after quit.
In Albert Lea, MN right now so I can wait for my alarm to go off (not that I slept much anyways) and continue on my way home to WI for awhile.
-
Such sad news. Prayers for you and your family.
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I will be praying for your family harvest girl.
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My condolences HG. I hope you know that in your short 137 days, you've built a legion of followers to fuel you with prayers and support. Something tells me that what you've built these past 4+ months will help your personal resolve and add some order to chaos. Keep holding the fort, its worth everything
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Sorry for your loss Harvestgirl. You are such a badass quitter. Your involvement here has made my quit stronger. Prayers up for you and your family. Stay strong.
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Sorry for your loss, HG. Hugs from the Twin Cities.
-
But there's that one little last nic voice whispering in the back of my head, "You felt so much better while chewing.You didn't have these side effects. You felt normal and sane. You can use me as a security blanket."
And I say to her, "Fuck you."
Yeah, fuck her. She doesn't care about you, your quit, your health, your family....
She isn't taking time from her day to say - "I'm sorry for your loss" or "Please know that it will get better"
We stand with you, behind you.
-
So sorry for your loss HG. We are here 20,000 + strong for you EDD.
My hardest days were post HOF 125-about 160.... I mean real tough, just like you are going through. I really dove back into the INTROS and started helping newbies get rolling.. rededicated myself to the quit. Started posting in random older and even newer groups.
Just hang tough girl, you will get through this and all other problems that may come your way - NIC FREE. Thinking about you and praying for you and the family as well
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So sorry for your loss HG. We are here 20,000 + strong for you EDD.
My hardest days were post HOF 125-about 160.... I mean real tough, just like you are going through. I really dove back into the INTROS and started helping newbies get rolling.. rededicated myself to the quit. Started posting in random older and even newer groups.
Just hang tough girl, you will get through this and all other problems that may come your way - NIC FREE. Thinking about you and praying for you and the family as well
Prayers Going up for you and yours HG. â¤?â¤
-
So sorry for your loss HG. We are here 20,000 + strong for you EDD.
My hardest days were post HOF 125-about 160.... I mean real tough, just like you are going through. I really dove back into the INTROS and started helping newbies get rolling.. rededicated myself to the quit. Started posting in random older and even newer groups.
Just hang tough girl, you will get through this and all other problems that may come your way - NIC FREE. Thinking about you and praying for you and the family as well
Prayers Going up for you and yours HG. â¤?â¤
Nicotine really sucks. It tries to give us a built in excuse to keep using it. Life will be hard regardless of nicotine. Keep kicking it to the curb every day.
Stay with us HG and keep winning! :)
-
In my prayers girl.
Your right....Life isn't fair.
At times, Its hard to Be Still.
But.
Truth is like cream,
You keep churning...
It will rise.
And in it... Is the power to set us all Free.
I quit with you.
Rawls 816
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Day 141
2/13/2017
Brasswhole (http://forum.killthecan.org/profile/6023906/)
You guys never heard the story of HG and the BAQ?
Once upon a time there was a quitter, and she was the greatest quitter in all the land.
This quitter, you see, wasn't any ordinary quitter. She was what some would call a "bad ass quitter."
Across the world you would find normal ass quitters who didn't know what it really meant.
They would walk around and say, "Hey, I'm a normal ass quitter."
And to the world, they were above all others, for they, you see, had "quit."
As they plowed the fields, and harvested the grain, the wore their nifty-wifty patch which substantiated them. For they, you see, were "quit".
Then one day, a brave women stepped upon her bale of hay and yelled, "HEY".
"You poser ass, nic-licking douche mother f'ers! I'm about to show y'all what it means to quit!" and she spit the last brown spit the world would ever see down on the peasantry below.
As the rain of kitty-kat turd hit the ground, the thundering clouds above dispersed.
Suddenly, a brilliant ray of light pierced the overcast vale above.
There stood a brilliant maven of Quit. A shield maiden of righteousness. A true symbol of the Quit.
Atop her combine she yelled: "One Day At A Time."
(cmark: Don't forget her bitching out the shitty South African employees .....)
The wretched peons below replied: "We are your League of Extraordinary Quitters!"
The unanimous roar of the spit from the final cat turds fell from their mouths.
The ground shuddered as the Big Tobacco industry wept.
The dismal gray of the land before began to fade.
The world turned bright as the new future was faced by the almighty quit goddess brought forth the new reality
"We shall not fail today!" she yelled, as the legions of her glory took up arms.
For today, we, as the mighty quit army venture forth, are quit. As we shall forever be. So today, brothers and sisters, we go forth, and we yell .... "ODAAT, ODAAT, ODAAT."
HG wanted a bed time story ... So I pulled out my favorite story for her - brasswhole
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Day 141
2/13/2017
Brasswhole (http://forum.killthecan.org/profile/6023906/)
You guys never heard the story of HG and the BAQ?
Once upon a time there was a quitter, and she was the greatest quitter in all the land.
This quitter, you see, wasn't any ordinary quitter. She was what some would call a "bad ass quitter."
Across the world you would find normal ass quitters who didn't know what it really meant.
They would walk around and say, "Hey, I'm a normal ass quitter."
And to the world, they were above all others, for they, you see, had "quit."
As they plowed the fields, and harvested the grain, the wore their nifty-wifty patch which substantiated them. For they, you see, were "quit".
Then one day, a brave women stepped upon her bale of hay and yelled, "HEY".
"You poser ass, nic-licking douche mother f'ers! I'm about to show y'all what it means to quit!" and she spit the last brown spit the world would ever see down on the peasantry below.
As the rain of kitty-kat turd hit the ground, the thundering clouds above dispersed.
Suddenly, a brilliant ray of light pierced the overcast vale above.
There stood a brilliant maven of Quit. A shield maiden of righteousness. A true symbol of the Quit.
Atop her combine she yelled: "One Day At A Time."
(cmark: Don't forget her bitching out the shitty South African employees .....)
The wretched peons below replied: "We are your League of Extraordinary Quitters!"
The unanimous roar of the spit from the final cat turds fell from their mouths.
The ground shuddered as the Big Tobacco industry wept.
The dismal gray of the land before began to fade.
The world turned bright as the new future was faced by the almighty quit goddess brought forth the new reality
"We shall not fail today!" she yelled, as the legions of her glory took up arms.
For today, we, as the mighty quit army venture forth, are quit. As we shall forever be. So today, brothers and sisters, we go forth, and we yell .... "ODAAT, ODAAT, ODAAT."
HG wanted a bed time story ... So I pulled out my favorite story for her - brasswhole
ODAAT.
-
Day 154
I should have written before.
Made it through being home in WI for Ray's funeral the best I could hope for. The 10 days I was fucking hell for the most part.
Life has its silver linings though, and one of my dearest closest friends had their first child, a little boy, the day I left for home. I got to spend a lot of time being Auntie Amanda, and oh, how I needed that. There's something just.... pure and innocent and okay with the world when you're holding a sleeping newborn. It puts things in perspective a little bit.
On the return trip home on my Day 145, I was asked by my boss to make a pit stop in Minneapolis to pick up an airplane propeller. I was able to coordinate a lunch/beer date with Viking, PMILS, and MNxE. (https://www.killthecan.org/minnesota-meet-buffalo-wild-wings-in-crystal-mn/) This was my first time meeting any other quitters. We always hear "Go meet another quitter! It strengthens your quit! It helps you!" I thought I sort of understood the concept, but usually ignored at how emphatic people were over it.
Oh, how I was wrong on that. Meeting those three guys completely changed my perspective. It DID strengthen my quit. There's something that makes your quit totally different when you can put a legitimate name to a face, especially ones that have posted support for you, and ones that you've supported. It. was. amazing.
And then I made it home to Nebraska the next day.
So now I've been home for a little bit over a week- and it keeps on going.
More changes to the medication routine, hopefully for the better.
So I get to continue to play that game. No booze for the foreseeable future with the combination of stuff I have in my little pharmacy of post quit. I could make a hella wad of cash on the street with it all though.
I have never hated the nic bitch more.
I want my life back.
I hate the control I didn't know she had and the control she still has.
Because, fuck these lingering side effects.
And then there was today.
My mom let me know tonight that Ray's mom, Shirley, passed away today. Shirley also lost her brother last week. Shirley has been in a nursing home for quite awhile; this wasn't unexpected, and to be honest, I don't think anyone is surprised at her passing- especially now.
But I think of Ray's two remaining brothers. They buried the best brother anyone could have, their mother, and an uncle.
Ray's four kids lost their dad and grandmother.
All within 12 days.
I know everything happens for a reason. Everyone's time on this Earth doesn't have a guarantee. I could be gone tomorrow suddenly. But, why? What's the reason for all this happening that side of the family? What's the fucking purpose? The "silver lining"?
So I'm craving like a mother fucker right now. I give my promise that I will not cave. I've texted my "squad" and vented to my League in January.
The major side effect right now of the new medication is the worst cotton mouth and dehydration I've ever had. It's so bad that it's damn impossible to use my TeaZa. The cinnamon toothpicks I've grown to love just soak up anything, and gum turns into concrete. I just tried cough drops and they just stick to my tongue. I've resorted to chomping on ice chips. To be honest, even the thought of having any chew packed in with this horrible of cotton mouth makes me gag. Good news, I know that this side effect is pretty temporary- in a few days this will go away.
Maybe this was a super disjointed post to follow. Maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone but me.
But, here's to day 154 of being fucking QUIT.
Tonight, I am damn proud to call myself a quitter.
I am a Quitter.
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Day 155.
My mom just called. My aunt was airlifted from our hometown to Green Bay for a massive heart attack.
No real details yet.
Does this ever end?
This is my verbal promise. I quit today. I will stay quit today. One god damn moment at a time.
-
Prayers going up...again. Damn, HG, I am so sorry!
-
Day 155 Part 2
Aunt is in ICU after a surgery to place a stint. She very obviously needs to make drastic lifestyle/diet/exercise changes. She's known that for years but refuses to believe that her health problems are of her own fault. She's an extreme hoarder, has some mental issues, and to be a realist, she won't change. This is a pattern with her.
My aunt on my dad's side got in contact with me tonight.
My cousin and his wife adopted three years ago. This is Marysue's story. (http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/story/news/2015/11/27/resilient-parents-embrace-adoption/76061756/) That article is over a year old now. Since that publishing they've been battling some other health issues, even though she was declared cancer free.
Today it was confirmed that she's in total irreversible liver rejection/failure.
I feel like no one on here is going to believe me with all this shit.
Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours. Sometimes there's a hurricane. Sometimes there's a tsunami.
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Day 155 Part 2
Aunt is in ICU after a surgery to place a stint. She very obviously needs to make drastic lifestyle/diet/exercise changes. She's known that for years but refuses to believe that her health problems are of her own fault. She's an extreme hoarder, has some mental issues, and to be a realist, she won't change. This is a pattern with her.
My aunt on my dad's side got in contact with me tonight.
My cousin and his wife adopted three years ago. This is Marysue's story. (http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/story/news/2015/11/27/resilient-parents-embrace-adoption/76061756/) That article is over a year old now. Since that publishing they've been battling some other health issues, even though she was declared cancer free.
Today it was confirmed that she's in total irreversible liver rejection/failure.
I feel like no one on here is going to believe me with all this shit.
Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours. Sometimes there's a hurricane. Sometimes there's a tsunami.
When it rains it pours... yes. so sorry to hear its raining on your family. Prayers all around.
-
Day 155 Part 2
Aunt is in ICU after a surgery to place a stint. She very obviously needs to make drastic lifestyle/diet/exercise changes. She's known that for years but refuses to believe that her health problems are of her own fault. She's an extreme hoarder, has some mental issues, and to be a realist, she won't change. This is a pattern with her.
My aunt on my dad's side got in contact with me tonight.
My cousin and his wife adopted three years ago. This is Marysue's story. (http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/story/news/2015/11/27/resilient-parents-embrace-adoption/76061756/) That article is over a year old now. Since that publishing they've been battling some other health issues, even though she was declared cancer free.
Today it was confirmed that she's in total irreversible liver rejection/failure.
I feel like no one on here is going to believe me with all this shit.
Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours. Sometimes there's a hurricane. Sometimes there's a tsunami.
When it rains it pours... yes. so sorry to hear its raining on your family. Prayers all around.
Don't worry about who believes you. The ones that matter are standing behind you, here to support no matter how rough it gets.
-
Day 155 Part 2
Aunt is in ICU after a surgery to place a stint. She very obviously needs to make drastic lifestyle/diet/exercise changes. She's known that for years but refuses to believe that her health problems are of her own fault. She's an extreme hoarder, has some mental issues, and to be a realist, she won't change. This is a pattern with her.
My aunt on my dad's side got in contact with me tonight.
My cousin and his wife adopted three years ago. This is Marysue's story. (http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/story/news/2015/11/27/resilient-parents-embrace-adoption/76061756/) That article is over a year old now. Since that publishing they've been battling some other health issues, even though she was declared cancer free.
Today it was confirmed that she's in total irreversible liver rejection/failure.
I feel like no one on here is going to believe me with all this shit.
Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours. Sometimes there's a hurricane. Sometimes there's a tsunami.
When it rains it pours... yes. so sorry to hear its raining on your family. Prayers all around.
Don't worry about who believes you. The ones that matter are standing behind you, here to support no matter how rough it gets.
Wow HG I don't want to believe you but I do and I am so sorry. Hang in there, we're all with you. Prayers to you and family.
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Keep the faith HG. Prayers with you.
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Damn, HG, your family is hitting quite a bad patch! Prayers going up for your family!! Hang tough.
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Damn, HG, your family is hitting quite a bad patch! Prayers going up for your family!! Hang tough.
You have one of the most bad ass quits I have ever seen going here HG. I know you will get through this and this thread has probably helped many others who are trying to quit. Thanks for sharing and prayers out to your family!
-
I don't know why things like this happen, but I do know that words right now, just don't make any sense. I hurt for you and your family, and my prayer is that somehow you can find peace through this tsunami...
-
Day 163
ChickDip and I have a theory that female quitters get them less than male quitters. I still haven't had a dip specific dream. It's not uncommon for me to have um... *cough* illegal drug dream/flashbacks, but that's a little different.
I have had dreams where I go to "my" gas station and there's a bunch of KTC people lingering in the eating area watching me (you creepy ass mofos) to make sure I don't cave out over a stupid can or pack of smokes.
Last night I had a dream where I caved by smoking again.
The dream was about having to get up early in the morning- it was a cool crisp morning barely on the verge of sunset and the birds were just waking up. I was standing in the front yard with a mug of coffee and puffing on that smoke. No one around, just calm. There was that stupid thought of "There could be nothing better than this moment right now, hey?"
I woke up this morning and I swear to god I remember feeling packing the cigs against my thigh and the burn in my lungs, etc. I had to jump in the shower immediately because I was convinced I could smell it on my hands and hair. I seriously thought I had driven to the gas station and bought a pack of Reds and Smooths.
The pure guilt and just the stomach drop I felt when I woke up made me sick and break out instantly into a cold sweat. Fucking scary. I can't even drink coffee this morning because of that dream. I keep thinking this lineup of people from KTC that would be waiting their turn, chomping at the bit to chew my ass apart. I feel like I'd be a smeared bloody pulp in a back alley somewhere by the time it was over with.
How long does it take to shake this feeling of failure over something that didn't happen?
-
Ive only had one dip dream and it was about 20 days or so into my quit. I felt everything you are saying except it was with a can of timberwolf wintergreen(not even my brand...lol). I felt absolutely awful, but I started feeling better that day when I talked about it on the site and realized it was something normal people go through.. You know you didn't cave, so don't beat yourself up over it. If you did, you know there would be several of us lined up to kick your ass..just as I know you would do the same to us. Keep fighting the good fight..you got it
-
Nice...
That should be in your signature line.
"How long does it take to shake this feeling of failure over something that didn't happen?"
I Quit with you today....
Rawls 841
-
Nice...
That should be in your signature line.
"How long does it take to shake this feeling of failure over something that didn't happen?"
I Quit with you today....
Rawls 841
You might be on to something with that....
-
I quit with you today, too. Day 7.
-
Day 186
Been awhile since I've updated on here, and it's hard to recollect the time.
Spring is trying to arrive here, which means that spring fieldwork is trying to get started. Everyone at work is tired of being in the shop; they're chomping too early at the bit to start, which happens every year. In two short months approx 25-20k acres of ground will be worked and then planted. In two short months, I'll be back on the road doing the custom harvest.
We had a small house fire on 3/17. It was caused by a faulty fixture (not wiring; actual arcing of the connections on the fluorescent lights to the fixture. The subrogation dept of the insurance company is going after manufacturer; fingers crossed we get our deductible back). I was home and thankfully caught it quick enough that the damage was limited to just that closed off laundry room. The chemical extinguisher the FD used damn near coated half the house- a pro clean up crew had our house completely back in order in two days. It was amazing. For the past week I've been tackling the renovation of the laundry room by myself. New washer/dryer, floor, repair work on ceiling (scraping, sanding, patch, skim coat, primer, texture coat, primer, paint), all walls primed and repainted, new trim cut and stained, re-leveled concrete, new floor, new fixture. It's definitely been a fun/frustrating/exhausting/annoying/awesome learning experience for me, and I'm going to toot my own horn because I am a bad ass mofo doing this all by myself. (My trade off is that I get out of field work to reno the room.)
On the flip side, even though we were so freaking lucky (the fire could have been so so much worse) it's been mentally and physically exhausting to deal with. I leaned damn hard on my Quit Squad. There's always going to be events in life where we hit them and automatically just want a dip, pat for that can, whether be it stress and fear, or just craving because who the hell didn't dip during home improvement projects?
The day the fire happened and I sent out a text message to my main people on here (along with some GroupMe's) to let them know I wasn't going to be around much (especially guilt geared towards being a conductor for March's HOF).
I had instant offers ranging from "I can come this weekend if you need help. Just say the word" to "Let me know what you need" to "I know you don't need it and you'll say no, but if you need anything financial, the offer is there". I had people texting me with words of support, asking how I was doing, and reminding me that nic would never solve anything. I was floored- people I had never physically met in my life were reaching out, yet again (because seriously, this year has sucked), lifting me up and telling me that things were going to be okay. The PTSD I've dealt with over the years reared it's ugly head hard, playing the stupid "what if" games, the "wonderful world of nightmares and flashbacks", and the ever fun "terrified to leave the house because just in case" struggle. Some might scoff or shun the brotherhood part of the main concept of this site, but if it wasn't for the people on here, I'm not sure what I would have done. For me, it just concretes the fact that some of the people I've met on here are more than friends; they're family that knows me better than myself sometimes.
Day 186- and I've proven to myself that I can get through more than I ever thought I could without a cig or a packed lip.
-
Day 195
Renovations and repairs to laundry room are completely finished. I know now I can kick ass at reno's like this in the future.
To make a long story shorter- I developed sudden acute adhesive capsulitis in my left shoulder- aka frozen shoulder. Decisions were made to attempt the fullest recovery possible- this is my "last chance" on this shoulder and I can't screw it up. Until the shoulder unfreezes, I can't operate the heavy machinery. No fieldwork, no planting, absolutely no lifting, etc. I went from very easily lifting a 100lb concave up over my head into the belly inside of a combine, to only being able to squeeze playdoh with my right hand down at my side for a few minutes a day. I've never been more thankful for the family company I work for that supports their employee's health and well being more than a body that can run equipment. I'll fill in at the office and do some odd jobs as needed... but my spring season at the very least is already over before it really began.
Another family member passed suddenly yesterday. Yet again- the husband of my dad's first cousin. Extremely quick battle with a cancer that was determined to destory yet again. Godspeed, Lee. Men like you don't often touch the face of this world anymore. Countless youth and community members have been touched by your over the years. RIP, you gentle gracious soul.
In Memory of Lee Martinez (http://county10.com/riverton-councilman-lee-martinez-dies-after-battle-with-cancer/)
Day 195- and still quit every damn day. Still. fucking. quit.
-
Day 195
Renovations and repairs to laundry room are completely finished. I know now I can kick ass at reno's like this in the future.
To make a long story shorter- I developed sudden acute adhesive capsulitis in my left shoulder- aka frozen shoulder. Decisions were made to attempt the fullest recovery possible- this is my "last chance" on this shoulder and I can't screw it up. Until the shoulder unfreezes, I can't operate the heavy machinery. No fieldwork, no planting, absolutely no lifting, etc. I went from very easily lifting a 100lb concave up over my head into the belly inside of a combine, to only being able to squeeze playdoh with my right hand down at my side for a few minutes a day. I've never been more thankful for the family company I work for that supports their employee's health and well being more than a body that can run equipment. I'll fill in at the office and do some odd jobs as needed... but my spring season at the very least is already over before it really began.
Another family member passed suddenly yesterday. Yet again- the husband of my dad's first cousin. Extremely quick battle with a cancer that was determined to destory yet again. Godspeed, Lee. Men like you don't often touch the face of this world anymore. Countless youth and community members have been touched by your over the years. RIP, you gentle gracious soul.
In Memory of Lee Martinez (http://county10.com/riverton-councilman-lee-martinez-dies-after-battle-with-cancer/)
Day 195- and still quit every damn day. Still. fucking. quit.
Still. Fucking. Quit.
Just read your entire intro Harvest. Amazing. You are a badass fucking quitter.
Quit with you.
-
Day 195
Renovations and repairs to laundry room are completely finished. I know now I can kick ass at reno's like this in the future.
To make a long story shorter- I developed sudden acute adhesive capsulitis in my left shoulder- aka frozen shoulder. Decisions were made to attempt the fullest recovery possible- this is my "last chance" on this shoulder and I can't screw it up. Until the shoulder unfreezes, I can't operate the heavy machinery. No fieldwork, no planting, absolutely no lifting, etc. I went from very easily lifting a 100lb concave up over my head into the belly inside of a combine, to only being able to squeeze playdoh with my right hand down at my side for a few minutes a day. I've never been more thankful for the family company I work for that supports their employee's health and well being more than a body that can run equipment. I'll fill in at the office and do some odd jobs as needed... but my spring season at the very least is already over before it really began.
Another family member passed suddenly yesterday. Yet again- the husband of my dad's first cousin. Extremely quick battle with a cancer that was determined to destory yet again. Godspeed, Lee. Men like you don't often touch the face of this world anymore. Countless youth and community members have been touched by your over the years. RIP, you gentle gracious soul.
In Memory of Lee Martinez (http://county10.com/riverton-councilman-lee-martinez-dies-after-battle-with-cancer/)
Day 195- and still quit every damn day. Still. fucking. quit.
Still. Fucking. Quit.
Just read your entire intro Harvest. Amazing. You are a badass fucking quitter.
Quit with you.
Fucking right you are.
-
HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
-
HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
NICE! 200! Way to go, Gurl!
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HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
NICE! 200! Way to go, Gurl!
Awesome job by an awesomer quitter. Even though I'm don't stop by the League daily anymore, I am constantly amazed by the grit, determination, and tenacity you possess, and by the way you coach others to possess the same. Awesome is about the perfect adjective! Proud of you.
-
HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
NICE! 200! Way to go, Gurl!
Awesome job by an awesomer quitter. Even though I'm don't stop by the League daily anymore, I am constantly amazed by the grit, determination, and tenacity you possess, and by the way you coach others to possess the same. Awesome is about the perfect adjective! Proud of you.
Congrats on 200 days Harvest!! You are a great example to those of us coming behind you. Proud to quit with you!!
-
HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
NICE! 200! Way to go, Gurl!
Awesome job by an awesomer quitter. Even though I'm don't stop by the League daily anymore, I am constantly amazed by the grit, determination, and tenacity you possess, and by the way you coach others to possess the same. Awesome is about the perfect adjective! Proud of you.
Congrats on 200 days Harvest!! You are a great example to those of us coming behind you. Proud to quit with you!!
Congratulations HG! You're an awesome quitter
-
HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
NICE! 200! Way to go, Gurl!
Awesome job by an awesomer quitter. Even though I'm don't stop by the League daily anymore, I am constantly amazed by the grit, determination, and tenacity you possess, and by the way you coach others to possess the same. Awesome is about the perfect adjective! Proud of you.
Congrats on 200 days Harvest!! You are a great example to those of us coming behind you. Proud to quit with you!!
Congratulations HG! You're an awesome quitter
Dang.... Go girl!
Sorry I'm late, Congrats on 202.
It all gets better.
Heat -Thornes - Cross - Fruit
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 880
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Day 202
It might be 202, but this is more a reflection on day 200.
Sometimes the support on this site amazes me. The string of text messages, the messages on GroupMe's, pm's, the "party" that was thrown in chat, the comments on this intro, etc. where overwhelming. The amount of people that posted support across different groups blew me away. December '16 (my "adopted" group) had just finished their 200 day celebration with their last quitter three days before. I posted on my table spot like I do every day, and then as a group, those sneaky Ninjas told me to answer their 200 day questions, because I was just as much a part of their group than anyone in there. February dedicatd their Message of the Day to my 200. Quitters in March posted their support on their table. It was brought up in April- I was even loaned Samrs for the day to celebrate. ;)
Sometimes I wonder if my attempts to help (talking to new quitters on chat, trying to give outlooks and perspective to fellow quitters, in general supporting people, sending out my daily promise) are worth it. I wonder if it's enough or if my efforts do help anyone. If I help one person quit or stay quit or pull them from off the ledge, then my quit is worth 10x more to me. All the shit, all the pain, all the crap that my quit caused is worth it.
Maybe it sounds selfish or egotistical, but all that support, all those personal messages and thoughts that were given to me on my 200 was a hint of validation that maybe I am worth it on here.
Still quitting one day at a time, but still quitting like a bad ass mofo. ;)
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Day 202
It might be 202, but this is more a reflection on day 200.
Sometimes the support on this site amazes me. The string of text messages, the messages on GroupMe's, pm's, the "party" that was thrown in chat, the comments on this intro, etc. where overwhelming. The amount of people that posted support across different groups blew me away. December '16 (my "adopted" group) had just finished their 200 day celebration with their last quitter three days before. I posted on my table spot like I do every day, and then as a group, those sneaky Ninjas told me to answer their 200 day questions, because I was just as much a part of their group than anyone in there. February dedicatd their Message of the Day to my 200. Quitters in March posted their support on their table. It was brought up in April- I was even loaned Samrs for the day to celebrate. ;)
Sometimes I wonder if my attempts to help (talking to new quitters on chat, trying to give outlooks and perspective to fellow quitters, in general supporting people, sending out my daily promise) are worth it. I wonder if it's enough or if my efforts do help anyone. If I help one person quit or stay quit or pull them from off the ledge, then my quit is worth 10x more to me. All the shit, all the pain, all the crap that my quit caused is worth it.
Maybe it sounds selfish or egotistical, but all that support, all those personal messages and thoughts that were given to me on my 200 was a hint of validation that maybe I am worth it on here.
Still quitting one day at a time, but still quitting like a bad ass mofo. ;)
Girl you have turned into one bad ass quitter! Keep on it!
-
Day 269:
We've been celebrating March '17s quitters hitting their 2nd Floors this month. For today's roll, I asked this question:
"How many times have you tried to quit before this time?
Do you think KTC or a quit support site would have helped you earlier on?"
It spurred a conversation later on in the day, and while typing out a response in notepad to gather my thoughts, I ended up writing soemthing much more involved and not being able to stop.
It doesn't pay to think about "what ifs", but all I know is that if I did indeed had made it this far into my quit without KTC- I sure as hell wouldn't still be quit now.
I also was a combo dipper/smoker. I "quit" smoking but still smoked socially, if it was "a really bad day" as almost a treat, or if I was home alone. 269 days ago I quit all of it for good and while yes, I owe my quit first and foremost to myself, I could NOT have done it without KTC and the people I met on here.
In my intro I've stated numerous times in the past that if my words and story can help just one other person have the courage to think about quitting, quit, or stay quit, then it's worth it. The past few months have been a struggle and I really haven't been open enough about it. Part of me feels like it makes me look like I'm just begging for sympathy or some sort of applaud for staying quit. What justice does that provide for a quit? It doesn't, and that's not what I want.
What I want is to still let people know you can quit and stay quit through damn near anything if you keep your word, get involved, and ASK FOR HELP when you need it. Addiction doesn't make you weak. Events that happen out of your control don't make you weak.
Life has a funny way of working out- I was asked to conduct March right after my cousin died in a horrific tractor accident in February, along with some other family/personal events. Being a Conductor provided something for me to focus on and use as an outlet. While conducting March, we had our house fire on March 17th. My already jacked stress level sky rocketed. A week and a half later I hurt my shoulder, a week after that I was in the orthopedic's office, and the diagnoses and treatment since then has flipped my life 180 degrees.
Everything about the past few months has been a struggle. From being in near constant pain from my shoulder, to being on multiple opiate painkillers oral steroids multiple times a day, to not being able to work, getting my CDL pulled because my damn med card was up and the DOT (rightfully so) couldn't accept any more waivers for medications. I can't even drive our pickup with a commercial insurance policy on it. I'm too much of a legal liability and I refuse to put that on the company I work for. I haven't even been in a tractor, combine, or even done anything at the shop hardly at all this year. I've been alone during most of this. I'm bored as all hell. Concentration is damn near impossible along with any type of regular sleep. My days are a haze of painful physical therapy, trying to "ration" out household chores so I'll have something to do later, working on sections of my yard (and by doing so KNOWING I'm overdoing and am going to be paying dearly for it within hours), and little projects like photography, coloring books, art, reading, Netflix, etc.
Nothing can be done to speed up the shoulder healing; there's no end date to this, no timeline of expected progress. I'm on an extended "vacation" that's making me stressed, anxious, and about to go fucking crazy. I'm facing months of physical therapy yet. I used to be able to bench press 175+lbs. Attempting to bench press a simple broomstick sends me into a sweaty, shaking, exhausted mess. The mental adaption is much worse than the physical pain.
I'm craving a pack of smokes way worse than I have in my entire life. I could care less about a can of dip. I want a cool crisp morning with a cup of coffee and a glorified cancer stick dangling from my mouth while a Percocet starts to kick in. Addict brain + addictive personality + old habits creeping up and dying hard.
But I can't.
And I wont.
Caving is not an option.
Lean on your group.
Lean on a different group.
Go on chat.
Laugh in the middle of the night at a month's GroupMe antics.
Call up people from another group that have somehow become your best friends.
Scream at them. Get fucking angry at the world for awhile. Cry.
Find a vet that's been here for awhile.
Find a new quitter that's still asking those "Is this normal?" questions.
ODAAT doesn't apply just to quitting- sometimes it applies to just life in general too.
Because all of that is much more worth it than failing yourself and quit. 100 days, 200 days, etc. are all great milestones.
The worst days of my quit happened after my Hall of Fame.
It sounds daunting and hopeless, but but you're not cured at any of them. You're never cured. You learn how to deal and cope with the cravings.
You learn how to shut up the little whispers of "just one won't hurt, right?".
It's a struggle, no doubt. No one on here will lie to you about it. They shouldn't. They can't.
It gets easier, I promise.
Because as messed up as this sounds, even with the absolute shit streak I'm going through, how bad my cravings are, and how low I can get, it's easier to say "never again" today than it was at days 1, 2, 3, etc.
-
Day 269:
We've been celebrating March '17s quitters hitting their 2nd Floors this month. For today's roll, I asked this question:
"How many times have you tried to quit before this time?
Do you think KTC or a quit support site would have helped you earlier on?"
It spurred a conversation later on in the day, and while typing out a response in notepad to gather my thoughts, I ended up writing soemthing much more involved and not being able to stop.
It doesn't pay to think about "what ifs", but all I know is that if I did indeed had made it this far into my quit without KTC- I sure as hell wouldn't still be quit now.
I also was a combo dipper/smoker. I "quit" smoking but still smoked socially, if it was "a really bad day" as almost a treat, or if I was home alone. 269 days ago I quit all of it for good and while yes, I owe my quit first and foremost to myself, I could NOT have done it without KTC and the people I met on here.
In my intro I've stated numerous times in the past that if my words and story can help just one other person have the courage to think about quitting, quit, or stay quit, then it's worth it. The past few months have been a struggle and I really haven't been open enough about it. Part of me feels like it makes me look like I'm just begging for sympathy or some sort of applaud for staying quit. What justice does that provide for a quit? It doesn't, and that's not what I want.
What I want is to still let people know you can quit and stay quit through damn near anything if you keep your word, get involved, and ASK FOR HELP when you need it. Addiction doesn't make you weak. Events that happen out of your control don't make you weak.
Life has a funny way of working out- I was asked to conduct March right after my cousin died in a horrific tractor accident in February, along with some other family/personal events. Being a Conductor provided something for me to focus on and use as an outlet. While conducting March, we had our house fire on March 17th. My already jacked stress level sky rocketed. A week and a half later I hurt my shoulder, a week after that I was in the orthopedic's office, and the diagnoses and treatment since then has flipped my life 180 degrees.
Everything about the past few months has been a struggle. From being in near constant pain from my shoulder, to being on multiple opiate painkillers oral steroids multiple times a day, to not being able to work, getting my CDL pulled because my damn med card was up and the DOT (rightfully so) couldn't accept any more waivers for medications. I can't even drive our pickup with a commercial insurance policy on it. I'm too much of a legal liability and I refuse to put that on the company I work for. I haven't even been in a tractor, combine, or even done anything at the shop hardly at all this year. I've been alone during most of this. I'm bored as all hell. Concentration is damn near impossible along with any type of regular sleep. My days are a haze of painful physical therapy, trying to "ration" out household chores so I'll have something to do later, working on sections of my yard (and by doing so KNOWING I'm overdoing and am going to be paying dearly for it within hours), and little projects like photography, coloring books, art, reading, Netflix, etc.
Nothing can be done to speed up the shoulder healing; there's no end date to this, no timeline of expected progress. I'm on an extended "vacation" that's making me stressed, anxious, and about to go fucking crazy. I'm facing months of physical therapy yet. I used to be able to bench press 175+lbs. Attempting to bench press a simple broomstick sends me into a sweaty, shaking, exhausted mess. The mental adaption is much worse than the physical pain.
I'm craving a pack of smokes way worse than I have in my entire life. I could care less about a can of dip. I want a cool crisp morning with a cup of coffee and a glorified cancer stick dangling from my mouth while a Percocet starts to kick in. Addict brain + addictive personality + old habits creeping up and dying hard.
But I can't.
And I wont.
Caving is not an option.
Lean on your group.
Lean on a different group.
Go on chat.
Laugh in the middle of the night at a month's GroupMe antics.
Call up people from another group that have somehow become your best friends.
Scream at them. Get fucking angry at the world for awhile. Cry.
Find a vet that's been here for awhile.
Find a new quitter that's still asking those "Is this normal?" questions.
ODAAT doesn't apply just to quitting- sometimes it applies to just life in general too.
Because all of that is much more worth it than failing yourself and quit. 100 days, 200 days, etc. are all great milestones.
The worst days of my quit happened after my Hall of Fame.
It sounds daunting and hopeless, but but you're not cured at any of them. You're never cured. You learn how to deal and cope with the cravings.
You learn how to shut up the little whispers of "just one won't hurt, right?".
It's a struggle, no doubt. No one on here will lie to you about it. They shouldn't. They can't.
It gets easier, I promise.
Because as messed up as this sounds, even with the absolute shit streak I'm going through, how bad my cravings are, and how low I can get, it's easier to say "never again" today than it was at days 1, 2, 3, etc.
Sorry to hear about all the struggles that you've gone through during your quit. Being able to balance all that stress and still have the ability to stay quit is amazing and you must be incredibly strong willed! Keep it up and keep us all posted. We want to to help you as much as you have helped us!
-
Proud to be quit with you Harvest.
"In my intro I've stated numerous times in the past that if my words and story can help just one other person have the courage to think about quitting, quit, or stay quit, then it's worth it."
^^^ I'm that guy. You, Gassy, CanTrap, Cmark, Jubs and a few others were there in chat my first week. I wouldn't have made it through those first days without you.
I hope you get well soon.
-
Day 269:
We've been celebrating March '17s quitters hitting their 2nd Floors this month. For today's roll, I asked this question:
"How many times have you tried to quit before this time?
Do you think KTC or a quit support site would have helped you earlier on?"
It spurred a conversation later on in the day, and while typing out a response in notepad to gather my thoughts, I ended up writing soemthing much more involved and not being able to stop.
It doesn't pay to think about "what ifs", but all I know is that if I did indeed had made it this far into my quit without KTC- I sure as hell wouldn't still be quit now.
I also was a combo dipper/smoker. I "quit" smoking but still smoked socially, if it was "a really bad day" as almost a treat, or if I was home alone. 269 days ago I quit all of it for good and while yes, I owe my quit first and foremost to myself, I could NOT have done it without KTC and the people I met on here.
In my intro I've stated numerous times in the past that if my words and story can help just one other person have the courage to think about quitting, quit, or stay quit, then it's worth it. The past few months have been a struggle and I really haven't been open enough about it. Part of me feels like it makes me look like I'm just begging for sympathy or some sort of applaud for staying quit. What justice does that provide for a quit? It doesn't, and that's not what I want.
What I want is to still let people know you can quit and stay quit through damn near anything if you keep your word, get involved, and ASK FOR HELP when you need it. Addiction doesn't make you weak. Events that happen out of your control don't make you weak.
Life has a funny way of working out- I was asked to conduct March right after my cousin died in a horrific tractor accident in February, along with some other family/personal events. Being a Conductor provided something for me to focus on and use as an outlet. While conducting March, we had our house fire on March 17th. My already jacked stress level sky rocketed. A week and a half later I hurt my shoulder, a week after that I was in the orthopedic's office, and the diagnoses and treatment since then has flipped my life 180 degrees.
Everything about the past few months has been a struggle. From being in near constant pain from my shoulder, to being on multiple opiate painkillers oral steroids multiple times a day, to not being able to work, getting my CDL pulled because my damn med card was up and the DOT (rightfully so) couldn't accept any more waivers for medications. I can't even drive our pickup with a commercial insurance policy on it. I'm too much of a legal liability and I refuse to put that on the company I work for. I haven't even been in a tractor, combine, or even done anything at the shop hardly at all this year. I've been alone during most of this. I'm bored as all hell. Concentration is damn near impossible along with any type of regular sleep. My days are a haze of painful physical therapy, trying to "ration" out household chores so I'll have something to do later, working on sections of my yard (and by doing so KNOWING I'm overdoing and am going to be paying dearly for it within hours), and little projects like photography, coloring books, art, reading, Netflix, etc.
Nothing can be done to speed up the shoulder healing; there's no end date to this, no timeline of expected progress. I'm on an extended "vacation" that's making me stressed, anxious, and about to go fucking crazy. I'm facing months of physical therapy yet. I used to be able to bench press 175+lbs. Attempting to bench press a simple broomstick sends me into a sweaty, shaking, exhausted mess. The mental adaption is much worse than the physical pain.
I'm craving a pack of smokes way worse than I have in my entire life. I could care less about a can of dip. I want a cool crisp morning with a cup of coffee and a glorified cancer stick dangling from my mouth while a Percocet starts to kick in. Addict brain + addictive personality + old habits creeping up and dying hard.
But I can't.
And I wont.
Caving is not an option.
Lean on your group.
Lean on a different group.
Go on chat.
Laugh in the middle of the night at a month's GroupMe antics.
Call up people from another group that have somehow become your best friends.
Scream at them. Get fucking angry at the world for awhile. Cry.
Find a vet that's been here for awhile.
Find a new quitter that's still asking those "Is this normal?" questions.
ODAAT doesn't apply just to quitting- sometimes it applies to just life in general too.
Because all of that is much more worth it than failing yourself and quit. 100 days, 200 days, etc. are all great milestones.
The worst days of my quit happened after my Hall of Fame.
It sounds daunting and hopeless, but but you're not cured at any of them. You're never cured. You learn how to deal and cope with the cravings.
You learn how to shut up the little whispers of "just one won't hurt, right?".
It's a struggle, no doubt. No one on here will lie to you about it. They shouldn't. They can't.
It gets easier, I promise.
Because as messed up as this sounds, even with the absolute shit streak I'm going through, how bad my cravings are, and how low I can get, it's easier to say "never again" today than it was at days 1, 2, 3, etc.
Sorry to hear about all the struggles that you've gone through during your quit. Being able to balance all that stress and still have the ability to stay quit is amazing and you must be incredibly strong willed! Keep it up and keep us all posted. We want to to help you as much as you have helped us!
In the end.....you're a badass quitter and a lot of people look up to you! Keep doing what you're doing ODAAT! Your a huge part of a bunch of quitters now, thanks for sharing your quit with me! Damn proud to be quitting with you Edd!
-
It gets easier, I promise.
I think I've heard that once or twice before. 'winker'
Know it's true, and understand HG, you are WINNING!
Keep your head down, moving forward, because every day is a victory. Reach out if you need to.
-
Day 270.
Sucked it up and ordered some Hooch.
-
Day 270.
Sucked it up and ordered some Hooch.
I still reach for the Oregon Mint once in a while. Hang in there and keep winning!
-
Day 270.
Sucked it up and ordered some Hooch.
I still reach for the Oregon Mint once in a while. Hang in there and keep winning!
do that.
we do whatever it takes to stay quit.
I am very happy you are here and still hitting it hard.
Making no joke about how difficult it is to stay quit at any given moment show everyone that we all need to stay vigilant in the fight daily.
We should never be sorry for our struggles, they are there for a reason.
You are strong, you will win.
-
Day 270.
Sucked it up and ordered some Hooch.
I still reach for the Oregon Mint once in a while. Hang in there and keep winning!
do that.
we do whatever it takes to stay quit.
I am very happy you are here and still hitting it hard.
Making no joke about how difficult it is to stay quit at any given moment show everyone that we all need to stay vigilant in the fight daily.
We should never be sorry for our struggles, they are there for a reason.
You are strong, you will win.
I have been leaning heavily on Oregon Mint the last couple of months so you are not alone keep hanging in there.
-
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves..."
A grape can never be used as wine...
Until it is busted!
I quit with you today hg.
Rawls 952
-
Day 270.
Sucked it up and ordered some Hooch.
I still reach for the Oregon Mint once in a while. Hang in there and keep winning!
do that.
we do whatever it takes to stay quit.
I am very happy you are here and still hitting it hard.
Making no joke about how difficult it is to stay quit at any given moment show everyone that we all need to stay vigilant in the fight daily.
We should never be sorry for our struggles, they are there for a reason.
You are strong, you will win.
I have been leaning heavily on Oregon Mint the last couple of months so you are not alone keep hanging in there.
This is in no way any type of failure. It's not even a side-step. In fact, it's an appropriate move forward. You're doing what you need to do to protect your Quit when shit has hit the fan.
I used Hooch religiously up until about Day 250. I'm Day 2,651 today, and I still have a can of Mint pouches on my desk.
We dipped for so many years, our bodies don't know what 'normal' is for a while. Well, for me, having some sort of substitute, whether it's pouches, toothpicks, seeds, peanuts or beef jerky....that is my new normal.
-
Day 270.
Sucked it up and ordered some Hooch.
I still reach for the Oregon Mint once in a while. Hang in there and keep winning!
do that.
we do whatever it takes to stay quit.
I am very happy you are here and still hitting it hard.
Making no joke about how difficult it is to stay quit at any given moment show everyone that we all need to stay vigilant in the fight daily.
We should never be sorry for our struggles, they are there for a reason.
You are strong, you will win.
I have been leaning heavily on Oregon Mint the last couple of months so you are not alone keep hanging in there.
This is in no way any type of failure. It's not even a side-step. In fact, it's an appropriate move forward. You're doing what you need to do to protect your Quit when shit has hit the fan.
I used Hooch religiously up until about Day 250. I'm Day 2,651 today, and I still have a can of Mint pouches on my desk.
We dipped for so many years, our bodies don't know what 'normal' is for a while. Well, for me, having some sort of substitute, whether it's pouches, toothpicks, seeds, peanuts or beef jerky....that is my new normal.
You are a hell of a quitter and an inspiration for my and many others quits.
I'm proud of you, for you.
Fake dip is just another tool, you aren't any worse for the wear with it. You will power through this!
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Day 302.
Still quit.
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Day 302.
Still quit.
Congrats on 300,301,302 Sister!
Every day is a better day.
Without poison.......
I quit with YOU.
Rawls 980
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Day 302.
Still quit.
Congrats on 300,301,302 Sister!
Every day is a better day.
Without poison.......
I quit with YOU.
Rawls 980
I thought I posted in here already...
Congrats on your 300++++
Badassery of quit girl.
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Day 302.
Still quit.
Congrats on 300,301,302 Sister!
Every day is a better day.
Without poison.......
I quit with YOU.
Rawls 980
I thought I posted in here already...
Congrats on your 300++++
Badassery of quit girl.
Congrats on the third floor!!!!
-
Day 302.
Still quit.
Congrats on 300,301,302 Sister!
Every day is a better day.
Without poison.......
I quit with YOU.
Rawls 980
I thought I posted in here already...
Congrats on your 300++++
Badassery of quit girl.
Congrats on the third floor!!!!
Nice 3rd floor!!! Proud of you girl, keep knocking them down!!!
-
Here's a little compilation into one organized thread.
Weekends are some of the hardest times to remember and keep your quit.
Outside projects, some opening days of hunting season are starting, back to school, etc.
Protect your quit.
Hopefully some of these can help you or give you your own ideas.
If anyone wants to add anything cut/paste and enter in your suggestions into a quote.
Originally started in Dec 17
- Drink more water than you believe is humanly possible. It will help your body expel poisons, and you will have less time to think about craves if youre thinking about where the next bathroom is.
- Quit for today. You are strong enough to do anything for 24 hours right? Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. (Can be broken down into smaller increments if needed, post a promise every hour in rough patches).
- quitdip or other apps to show all the health and money benefits. (KTC does money here (https://www.killthecan.org/calculators/), but I liked the minute by minute health updates too when early craves hit).
- Write an Intro!! (http://forum.killthecan.org/post/?type=1&mode=1&f=55574) This is one of my biggest regrets. It lets others get to know you (and so support you) better. But you can also keep it as a chronicle of how you feel during your quit, something you wont remember in a few months, and it provides great motivation for you to stay quit and others to follow you.
- relatedly, read as much as you can. The Kern story is excellent quitting motivation. Others will provide humor or insight into what to expect. But youre going to be in the fog and professionally unproductive - might as well use whats here to stay entertained and possibly educated.
- laxatives. Nic helped regularity, and the absence is noticeable.
- Sleeping, and sleep aids. Nic is a stimulant. You will need to sleep more now that youre not taking it. But your body is used to crashing after the dip sugars, so you might not sleep as well. Plan to sleep more, and take what you need to get it.
- emotional awareness. Take that shit out here, or in chat, not on innocents. The five stages of grief apply to quitting too. Expect anger and depression, but also fucking freedom and happiness. Just be aware of your body for the first time in years.
- 7M workouts for craves. Soon you'll associate nicotine with Burpees..... relatedly stopwatch your hardest craves. They can feel like forever but I truly dont think Ive had one last longer than five minutes.
I look forward to quitting with you and please PM for digits or with any questions!
- No booze. At all. Not even a sip. A stupidly high percent of people who cave did it while drinking.
- Find some sort of substitute that works for you- seeds, gum, Altoids, atomic fireballs, Mike Ike's, ginger slices, fake chew, Jolly Ranchers, etc. You'll find something that sort of does the trick.
- A big thing that helped me was switching flavors completely. I was 2+ cans a day of Grizzly Wintergreen. I stayed away from anything wintergreen, peppermint or spearmint flavored. I switched everything to cinnamon, even my toothpaste.
- Water. Drink water until all you feel like doing is pissing.
- Ibuprofen will help too. Nicotine works oddly as an inflammatory, so ibuprofen will help.
- Eat if eating helps. You can always ditch a few pounds later on.
- Sleep if sleeping helps.
- Caffeine if slamming coffee helps. (Coffee will also help you're uh... "bathroom habits".)
- If hard candy works for you, consider the sugar free or candy with sorbitol in it. It helps ^^^ that issue.
- You body is initially going through a sugar crash. Don't feel guilty about craving sugar or cramming down the Little Debbies.
- Keep your mind and body active. Go for walks, et . Punch a heavy bag every time you get a bad craving. Just 10 minutes of a distraction will help kick the crave- jumping jacks, pushups, sit ups.
- Texting other quitters helps so much. I know it sounds like we're beating a dead horse when we talk about swapping digits but I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the people I texted. Find a quit buddy and text each other. It's not weird. I promise.
- Read through some HOF speeches or intros. You can take quite a bit from other people before you. We've all been in your shoes.
- Come hang out in Dec 16. They're all about to hit their one year of quit and helping new quitters breathes some fresh air into them.
- You'll find things that work for you. Everyone's quit is different and everyone has their own little quirks.
- Do NOT keep a "trophy can" or a "memento" can. Damn near everyone I know that has been dumb enough to keep a full can around has ended up caving. If you were a recovering alcoholic, would you keep a stock of whiskey within reach? If the temptation is too much, ask your SO to flush it, throw it blindly out the window, etc.
PM or ask for digits from fellow quitters in your month and vets who have been here awhile.
Great Job!! but don't get in the habit of having it around or "testing yourself" by looking in old cans seen a few guys fail like that. When I found an old can I would treat it like it was HAZMAT immediately dump it without even looking.. I have been quit a year now and I still don't think I'd want to open a full can not worth the temptation.
Just to make it clear... the safest course of action for those of you new in your quit is:
DO. NOT. FUCKING. DRINK.
You're not giving it up forever. Right now, though, you are almost certainly at a point where a little bit of alcohol can destroy whatever resolve you have to stay quit.
Just don't do it. Be the designated driver, all your friend will love you for it. Plus, when you're out at the bar, you'll be the only non-sloppy drunk fool and that cute girl (or guy, or goat - whatever you're into, dude) who just had one will end up talking to you instead of the idiots trying to keep from puking on themselves.
Stay sober (for now, at least) and stay quit.
-
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
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Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
-
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
The first trip around the sun!
Awesome job Gurl!
-
congrats on 1 year
-
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
The first trip around the sun!
Awesome job Gurl!
Way to be Girl. You've been through so much and preserved your quit through all of it. A great example of quit badassery for all of us. Congrats on your first revolution!
-
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
The first trip around the sun!
Awesome job Gurl!
Way to be Girl. You've been through so much and preserved your quit through all of it. A great example of quit badassery for all of us. Congrats on your first revolution!
Congratulations Harvest! You've shown us all what a true badass quitter does in the face of many challenges. Happy to see you reach this achievement
-
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
The first trip around the sun!
Awesome job Gurl!
Way to be Girl. You've been through so much and preserved your quit through all of it. A great example of quit badassery for all of us. Congrats on your first revolution!
Congratulations Harvest! You've shown us all what a true badass quitter does in the face of many challenges. Happy to see you reach this achievement
Way to go Farmgirl... proud to be quit with you!ODAAT ODAAT ODAAT!!!
-
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
The first trip around the sun!
Awesome job Gurl!
Way to be Girl. You've been through so much and preserved your quit through all of it. A great example of quit badassery for all of us. Congrats on your first revolution!
Congratulations Harvest! You've shown us all what a true badass quitter does in the face of many challenges. Happy to see you reach this achievement
Way to go Farmgirl... proud to be quit with you!ODAAT ODAAT ODAAT!!!
Congrats on ONE YEAR!!! Proud to be quit with you today! 'party' 'party'
-
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
The first trip around the sun!
Awesome job Gurl!
Way to be Girl. You've been through so much and preserved your quit through all of it. A great example of quit badassery for all of us. Congrats on your first revolution!
Congratulations Harvest! You've shown us all what a true badass quitter does in the face of many challenges. Happy to see you reach this achievement
Way to go Farmgirl... proud to be quit with you!ODAAT ODAAT ODAAT!!!
Congrats on ONE YEAR!!! Proud to be quit with you today! 'party' 'party'
Hey, congrats on 1 year Harvest! Great to see you all over the site spreading the quit! I quit with you today! B)B
-
Vibratulations on your 1 trip around the sun.
Gurl you really jumped in and did what you had to do to stay quit. Overcoming...persevering... Paying forward.
I am proud to walk with you.
The woman, the myth, the legend! Congrats on a year, sailor! Probably the not the easiest year, but you showed every person on this site what it means to be a solid quitter.
Proud to quit with you, friend.
The first trip around the sun!
Awesome job Gurl!
Way to be Girl. You've been through so much and preserved your quit through all of it. A great example of quit badassery for all of us. Congrats on your first revolution!
Congratulations Harvest! You've shown us all what a true badass quitter does in the face of many challenges. Happy to see you reach this achievement
Way to go Farmgirl... proud to be quit with you!ODAAT ODAAT ODAAT!!!
Congrats on ONE YEAR!!! Proud to be quit with you today! 'party' 'party'
Hey, congrats on 1 year Harvest! Great to see you all over the site spreading the quit! I quit with you today! B)B
Happy 1 year HG! Thanks for being an awesome quitter and spreading your mojo to quitters herein!!
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DAMN!!!! One year and I MISSED IT! Still, I am so proud of you girl!! You are KILLIN' that damn can!!! :wub:
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DAMN!!!! One year and I MISSED IT! Still, I am so proud of you girl!! You are KILLIN' that damn can!!! :wub:
Congratulations you badass! 1 years awesome
-
4-0-0 HG!
Bzzzz bzzzzz?
-
4-0-0 HG!
Bzzzz bzzzzz?
Great work, just another walk in the park ;)
-
4-0-0 HG!
Bzzzz bzzzzz?
Great work, just another walk in the park ;)
Congrats on 400!! 'party' 'party' 'party'
-
4-0-0 HG!
Bzzzz bzzzzz?
Great work, just another walk in the park ;)
Congrats on 400!! 'party' 'party' 'party'
Great stuff HG! Thanks for your support to everyone on KTC! Congrats!!
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4-0-0 HG!
Bzzzz bzzzzz?
Great work, just another walk in the park ;)
Congrats on 400!! 'party' 'party' 'party'
Great stuff HG! Thanks for your support to everyone on KTC! Congrats!!
Sorry I missed this! Congratulations on the 4th floor
-
Very inspirational! So what's going on with your quit these days? What do us junior quitters have to look forward to? The nic bitch has been sneakily trying to seduce me the past week or so...but I look up to the folks 200 days or so ahead of me for guidance! Hope all is well!
-
HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
NICE! 200! Way to go, Gurl!
Awesome job by an awesomer quitter. Even though I'm don't stop by the League daily anymore, I am constantly amazed by the grit, determination, and tenacity you possess, and by the way you coach others to possess the same. Awesome is about the perfect adjective! Proud of you.
Congrats on 200 days Harvest!! You are a great example to those of us coming behind you. Proud to quit with you!!
Congratulations HG! You're an awesome quitter
Dang.... Go girl!
Sorry I'm late, Congrats on 202.
It all gets better.
Heat -Thornes - Cross - Fruit
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 880
'oh yeah' 'oh yeah'
-
'Birthday' Gurl!
Hope your day was great â¤
-
Happy Half Dangle day Gurl!
Proud to quit with you every day!
Keep doing what you're doing.
Persevere like you anyways do â¤
-
The Half-Dangle of the Quitter formerly known as Gashauler502 HarvestGirl
Happy 500 to the quitter who saved my quit much more than a handful of times.
You letting me completely ream you in chat to let off rage, and the depressive funk started a friendship that solidified with uncanny parallels, the same view on life, sarcastic wit, and a sick sense of humor. I'm glad to know that you have my back, and I know dozens of other quitters feel the same.
I can't think of anyone else that sat for 8 hours in chat trying to talk a quitter off the edge, and then do it again the next night.
Thank you for being an example to follow, not only to me, but to the rest of the Ninja'sLeague, and to so many others on this site.
You went from two packs of Red's and two cans of Cope a day to quitting cold turkey. Look how far you've come.
Not only have you stayed quit through so many ups and downs, stressful times and circumstances when most people would have thrown in the towel, you fought through and never hesitated to help a new quitter through the first few days, or the seasoned vet that needed a boost through a foggy patch. Actions like that don't go unnoticed.
And just so it doesn't get lost:There once was a quitter named Gassy
He was known for the smells in his... chassis
But now he hauls cars
And still drives quite far
Let it be known his quit is bad-assy.
There once was a girl who could harvest
She had much bigger balls than the rest
She quits like a gurl
Which is bad-ass in this world
And kicking some quit ass on her quest
I told you I'd be nice on your 500. Tomorrow it's game on again, bitch.
...ditto
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Happy Half Dangle day Gurl!
Proud to quit with you every day!
Keep doing what you're doing.
Persevere like you anyways do â¤
Sorry I missed your half dangle! Congratulations and enjoy
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Happy Half Dangle day Gurl!
Proud to quit with you every day!
Keep doing what you're doing.
Persevere like you anyways do â¤
Sorry I missed your half dangle! Congratulations and enjoy
Congrats FarmGirl!! Proud to be quit with you!!
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Happy Half Dangle day Gurl!
Proud to quit with you every day!
Keep doing what you're doing.
Persevere like you anyways do â¤
Sorry I missed your half dangle! Congratulations and enjoy
Congrats FarmGirl!! Proud to be quit with you!!
Congrats HG!!! Thanks for leading the way!!
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Happy Half Dangle day Gurl!
Proud to quit with you every day!
Keep doing what you're doing.
Persevere like you anyways do â¤
Sorry I missed your half dangle! Congratulations and enjoy
Congrats FarmGirl!! Proud to be quit with you!!
Congrats HG!!! Thanks for leading the way!!
You keep doing what you do... Thanks for being you!
Congrats HG!
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Happy Half Dangle day Gurl!
Proud to quit with you every day!
Keep doing what you're doing.
Persevere like you anyways do â¤
Sorry I missed your half dangle! Congratulations and enjoy
Congrats FarmGirl!! Proud to be quit with you!!
Congrats HG!!! Thanks for leading the way!!
You keep doing what you do... Thanks for being you!
Congrats HG!
Congratulations HG and thanks for your support and all the thing you do here. ItÂ’s a great pleasure to have gotten to meet and know you.
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Day 529.
And obviously still quit.
Over the past few days I've been reading through a lot of stuff that's happened on here since I decided to quit and find KTC.
i've gone back to key moments in my group and another group I'm heavily involved in. Both months were pretty tame, but still butted heads every once in awhile, usually to apologize pretty quick.
The funny thing? So much of it feels foreign now. Parts of my intro and some of my earliest posts seem like someone else typed those words.
The "fights" we had now seem so tame and laughable. I browsed through our HOF celebration and write-ups and was almost startled to see how many reach that milestone. The majority of the people I had forgotten about. I read how so many members of our month expressed excitement and vigor to be quit and how any conversations on the forum were filled with enthusiasm and support. We're down to 13 people posting in our month. Even though it's unrealistic to think everyone will stay on KTC, I still wonder about the people who faded off or made a public exit.
Now, people barely answer the question of the day to induce any conversation. It's quiet. It's more of a ghost town than anything. The rare conversation that gets started quickly dies.
Even though so many people in the two months I referenced before post nearly every day, posting roll has become so automatic. In all of our early days, posting roll in the morning provided a determination. Does posting roll lose effectiveness for some because of that? (Just laying out thoughts running through my head.)
Combing back through old posts was bittersweet. There were forgotten conversations that made me laugh.
There were conversations I came across that hurt like a knife in my back from quitters that decided to either cave or to make a selfish cowardly exit with no regard for friendships that were formed.
It was definitely a nostalgic reminder of where we all started at. We all had a day one. Now, some of us have much longer of a day count.
If you're a KTC member reading this- go back in your post history and see your old posts. Force yourself to remember your early days. I think you'll be surprised at how much you've forgotten.
If you're a guest browsing through intros and happen to read this, you can have a day one on this site and quit one day at a time just like the rest of us. 529 days just doesn't appear, and stretches of that aren't easy.
But it's worth it.
-
Day 529.
And obviously still quit.
Over the past few days I've been reading through a lot of stuff that's happened on here since I decided to quit and find KTC.
i've gone back to key moments in my group and another group I'm heavily involved in. Both months were pretty tame, but still butted heads every once in awhile, usually to apologize pretty quick.
The funny thing? So much of it feels foreign now. Parts of my intro and some of my earliest posts seem like someone else typed those words.
The "fights" we had now seem so tame and laughable. I browsed through our HOF celebration and write-ups and was almost startled to see how many reach that milestone. The majority of the people I had forgotten about. I read how so many members of our month expressed excitement and vigor to be quit and how any conversations on the forum were filled with enthusiasm and support. We're down to 13 people posting in our month. Even though it's unrealistic to think everyone will stay on KTC, I still wonder about the people who faded off or made a public exit.
Now, people barely answer the question of the day to induce any conversation. It's quiet. It's more of a ghost town than anything. The rare conversation that gets started quickly dies.
Even though so many people in the two months I referenced before post nearly every day, posting roll has become so automatic. In all of our early days, posting roll in the morning provided a determination. Does posting roll lose effectiveness for some because of that? (Just laying out thoughts running through my head.)
Combing back through old posts was bittersweet. There were forgotten conversations that made me laugh.
There were conversations I came across that hurt like a knife in my back from quitters that decided to either cave or to make a selfish cowardly exit with no regard for friendships that were formed.
It was definitely a nostalgic reminder of where we all started at. We all had a day one. Now, some of us have much longer of a day count.
If you're a KTC member reading this- go back in your post history and see your old posts. Force yourself to remember your early days. I think you'll be surprised at how much you've forgotten.
If you're a guest browsing through intros and happen to read this, you can have a day one on this site and quit one day at a time just like the rest of us. 529 days just doesn't appear, and stretches of that aren't easy.
But it's worth it.
Really timely post for me to read today, HG - I could have written it myself.
Strange to consider the first crave-ridden, foggy-headed, rage-filled days "the good old days," but in many ways they were.
-
Day 529.
And obviously still quit.
Over the past few days I've been reading through a lot of stuff that's happened on here since I decided to quit and find KTC.
i've gone back to key moments in my group and another group I'm heavily involved in. Both months were pretty tame, but still butted heads every once in awhile, usually to apologize pretty quick.
The funny thing? So much of it feels foreign now. Parts of my intro and some of my earliest posts seem like someone else typed those words.
The "fights" we had now seem so tame and laughable. I browsed through our HOF celebration and write-ups and was almost startled to see how many reach that milestone. The majority of the people I had forgotten about. I read how so many members of our month expressed excitement and vigor to be quit and how any conversations on the forum were filled with enthusiasm and support. We're down to 13 people posting in our month. Even though it's unrealistic to think everyone will stay on KTC, I still wonder about the people who faded off or made a public exit.
Now, people barely answer the question of the day to induce any conversation. It's quiet. It's more of a ghost town than anything. The rare conversation that gets started quickly dies.
Even though so many people in the two months I referenced before post nearly every day, posting roll has become so automatic. In all of our early days, posting roll in the morning provided a determination. Does posting roll lose effectiveness for some because of that? (Just laying out thoughts running through my head.)
Combing back through old posts was bittersweet. There were forgotten conversations that made me laugh.
There were conversations I came across that hurt like a knife in my back from quitters that decided to either cave or to make a selfish cowardly exit with no regard for friendships that were formed.
It was definitely a nostalgic reminder of where we all started at. We all had a day one. Now, some of us have much longer of a day count.
If you're a KTC member reading this- go back in your post history and see your old posts. Force yourself to remember your early days. I think you'll be surprised at how much you've forgotten.
If you're a guest browsing through intros and happen to read this, you can have a day one on this site and quit one day at a time just like the rest of us. 529 days just doesn't appear, and stretches of that aren't easy.
But it's worth it.
Really timely post for me to read today, HG - I could have written it myself.
Strange to consider the first crave-ridden, foggy-headed, rage-filled days "the good old days," but in many ways they were.
HG, yeah I think everyone's quit evolves and they use KTC in the best way that works for them. you rock keep it up!
-
Vibratulations on your day 600 Gurl!
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Vibratulations on your day 600 Gurl!
â¤â¤
Hey - congrats on 600 days HG! Thanks for making a difference here and doing it one day at a time! :)
-
Vibratulations on your day 600 Gurl!
â¤â¤
Hey - congrats on 600 days HG! Thanks for making a difference here and doing it one day at a time! :)
Congrats on 600!
-
Vibratulations on your day 600 Gurl!
â¤â¤
Hey - congrats on 600 days HG! Thanks for making a difference here and doing it one day at a time! :)
Congrats on 600!
Nice 600! Thanks for doing what you do!
-
six hundy! go have some fundy!
-
Vibratulations on your day 600 Gurl!
â¤â¤
Hey - congrats on 600 days HG! Thanks for making a difference here and doing it one day at a time! :)
Congrats on 600!
Nice 600! Thanks for doing what you do!
Congratulations on the 600! I hope you get to feeling better soon! YouÂ’re definitely a badass quitter
-
Here's a little compilation into one organized thread.
Weekends are some of the hardest times to remember and keep your quit.
Outside projects, some opening days of hunting season are starting, back to school, etc.
Protect your quit.
Hopefully some of these can help you or give you your own ideas.
If anyone wants to add anything cut/paste and enter in your suggestions into a quote.
Compiled and originally posted in Dec '17
- Drink more water than you believe is humanly possible. It will help your body expel poisons, and you will have less time to think about craves if youre thinking about where the next bathroom is.
- Quit for today. You are strong enough to do anything for 24 hours right? Worry about tomorrow tomorrow. (Can be broken down into smaller increments if needed, post a promise every hour in rough patches).
- quitdip or other apps to show all the health and money benefits. (KTC does money here (https://www.killthecan.org/calculators/), but I liked the minute by minute health updates too when early craves hit).
- Write an Intro!! (http://forum.killthecan.org/post/?type=1&mode=1&f=55574) This is one of my biggest regrets. It lets others get to know you (and so support you) better. But you can also keep it as a chronicle of how you feel during your quit, something you wont remember in a few months, and it provides great motivation for you to stay quit and others to follow you.
- relatedly, read as much as you can. The Kern story is excellent quitting motivation. Others will provide humor or insight into what to expect. But youre going to be in the fog and professionally unproductive - might as well use whats here to stay entertained and possibly educated.
- laxatives. Nic helped regularity, and the absence is noticeable.
- Sleeping, and sleep aids. Nic is a stimulant. You will need to sleep more now that youre not taking it. But your body is used to crashing after the dip sugars, so you might not sleep as well. Plan to sleep more, and take what you need to get it.
- emotional awareness. Take that shit out here, or in chat, not on innocents. The five stages of grief apply to quitting too. Expect anger and depression, but also fucking freedom and happiness. Just be aware of your body for the first time in years.
- 7M workouts for craves. Soon you'll associate nicotine with Burpees..... relatedly stopwatch your hardest craves. They can feel like forever but I truly dont think Ive had one last longer than five minutes.
I look forward to quitting with you and please PM for digits or with any questions!
- No booze. At all. Not even a sip. A stupidly high percent of people who cave did it while drinking.
- Find some sort of substitute that works for you- seeds, gum, Altoids, atomic fireballs, Mike Ike's, ginger slices, fake chew, Jolly Ranchers, etc. You'll find something that sort of does the trick.
- A big thing that helped me was switching flavors completely. I was 2+ cans a day of Grizzly Wintergreen. I stayed away from anything wintergreen, peppermint or spearmint flavored. I switched everything to cinnamon, even my toothpaste.
- Water. Drink water until all you feel like doing is pissing.
- Ibuprofen will help too. Nicotine works oddly as an inflammatory, so ibuprofen will help.
- Eat if eating helps. You can always ditch a few pounds later on.
- Sleep if sleeping helps.
- Caffeine if slamming coffee helps. (Coffee will also help you're uh... "bathroom habits".)
- If hard candy works for you, consider the sugar free or candy with sorbitol in it. It helps ^^^ that issue.
- You body is initially going through a sugar crash. Don't feel guilty about craving sugar or cramming down the Little Debbies.
- Keep your mind and body active. Go for walks, et . Punch a heavy bag every time you get a bad craving. Just 10 minutes of a distraction will help kick the crave- jumping jacks, pushups, sit ups.
- Texting other quitters helps so much. I know it sounds like we're beating a dead horse when we talk about swapping digits but I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the people I texted. Find a quit buddy and text each other. It's not weird. I promise.
- Read through some HOF speeches or intros. You can take quite a bit from other people before you. We've all been in your shoes.
- Come hang out in Dec 16. They're all about to hit their one year of quit and helping new quitters breathes some fresh air into them.
- You'll find things that work for you. Everyone's quit is different and everyone has their own little quirks.
- Do NOT keep a "trophy can" or a "memento" can. Damn near everyone I know that has been dumb enough to keep a full can around has ended up caving. If you were a recovering alcoholic, would you keep a stock of whiskey within reach? If the temptation is too much, ask your SO to flush it, throw it blindly out the window, etc.
PM or ask for digits from fellow quitters in your month and vets who have been here awhile.
Great Job!! but don't get in the habit of having it around or "testing yourself" by looking in old cans seen a few guys fail like that. When I found an old can I would treat it like it was HAZMAT immediately dump it without even looking.. I have been quit a year now and I still don't think I'd want to open a full can not worth the temptation.
Just to make it clear... the safest course of action for those of you new in your quit is:
DO. NOT. FUCKING. DRINK.
You're not giving it up forever. Right now, though, you are almost certainly at a point where a little bit of alcohol can destroy whatever resolve you have to stay quit.
Just don't do it. Be the designated driver, all your friend will love you for it. Plus, when you're out at the bar, you'll be the only non-sloppy drunk fool and that cute girl (or guy, or goat - whatever you're into, dude) who just had one will end up talking to you instead of the idiots trying to keep from puking on themselves.
Stay sober (for now, at least) and stay quit.
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Thats a great compilation and also a great reminder on the basics of staying quit.
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Thats a great compilation and also a great reminder on the basics of staying quit.
Thanks for all you do HG!
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Thats a great compilation and also a great reminder on the basics of staying quit.
Thanks for all you do HG!
Awwww thanks Feeeeeeshyyyy
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I just copied and pasted the list in an email and sent it to myself. Going to print that and put it on my desk. I am a little dense and need the visual reminders.
Thanks for posting the information.
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HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."
The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.
"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.
That shit cuts way worse.
I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.
He lied. He tried hiding it.
I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.
I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.
But it's his quit. It's his cave.
If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.
It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.
I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.
-
HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."
The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.
"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.
That shit cuts way worse.
I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.
He lied. He tried hiding it.
I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.
I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.
But it's his quit. It's his cave.
If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.
It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.
I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.
I know you know this, but it needs to be said.
In no way possible is this your fault.
As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.
You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.
Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.
-
HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."
The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.
"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.
That shit cuts way worse.
I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.
He lied. He tried hiding it.
I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.
I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.
But it's his quit. It's his cave.
If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.
It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.
I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.
I know you know this, but it needs to be said.
In no way possible is this your fault.
As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.
You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.
Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.
I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤
All in all...there IS no excuse good enough.
So many on ktc have proved that. Some are gone from the earth ❤
-
HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."
The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.
"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.
That shit cuts way worse.
I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.
He lied. He tried hiding it.
I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.
I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.
But it's his quit. It's his cave.
If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.
It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.
I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.
I know you know this, but it needs to be said.
In no way possible is this your fault.
As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.
You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.
Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.
I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤
Exactly what Steve and Chick said, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, I would be tore up. We got your back all the way Harvest, you have helped me personally in my quit more than you know. Stay strong, keep leading the way.
-
Poof
-
HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."
The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.
"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.
That shit cuts way worse.
I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.
He lied. He tried hiding it.
I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.
I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.
But it's his quit. It's his cave.
If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.
It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.
I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.
I know you know this, but it needs to be said.
In no way possible is this your fault.
As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.
You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.
Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.
I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤
Exactly what Steve and Chick said, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, I would be tore up. We got your back all the way Harvest, you have helped me personally in my quit more than you know. Stay strong, keep leading the way.
All in all...there IS no excuse good enough.
So many on ktc have proved that. Some are gone from the earth ❤
-
HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."
The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.
"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.
That shit cuts way worse.
I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.
He lied. He tried hiding it.
I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.
I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.
But it's his quit. It's his cave.
If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.
It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.
I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.
I know you know this, but it needs to be said.
In no way possible is this your fault.
As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.
You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.
Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.
I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤
Exactly what Steve and Chick said, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, I would be tore up. We got your back all the way Harvest, you have helped me personally in my quit more than you know. Stay strong, keep leading the way.
All in all...there IS no excuse good enough.
So many on ktc have proved that. Some are gone from the earth ❤
Just wanted to pop in and echo the replies above. Whatever you need, let us know
-
HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."
The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.
"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.
That shit cuts way worse.
I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.
He lied. He tried hiding it.
I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.
I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.
But it's his quit. It's his cave.
If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.
It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.
I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.
I know you know this, but it needs to be said.
In no way possible is this your fault.
As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.
You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.
Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.
I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤
Exactly what Steve and Chick said, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, I would be tore up. We got your back all the way Harvest, you have helped me personally in my quit more than you know. Stay strong, keep leading the way.
All in all...there IS no excuse good enough.
So many on ktc have proved that. Some are gone from the earth ❤
Just wanted to pop in and echo the replies above. Whatever you need, let us know
Hey Harvest,
I know there is nothing any of can say that will take the hurt away, but as everyone above me has said, we got your back. You are a pillar in this community and I don't think there is anyone here that wouldn't be in your corner for the asking.
Stay strong, stay quit, lean on all of us and hopefully your man will see the errors of his ways sooner than later.
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'party2' HAPPY THREE YEAR QUITERVERSARY!! 'party2'
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I don't necessarily have a lot of control in my life.
I can't control weather.
I can't control working conditions.
I can't control accidents, knocks in life, and the "shit happens" moments.
I can't control issues with my health in some ways.
I ultimately can't control other people's actions, reactions, and decisions.
I have other addictions, conditions, and predispositions that are hard to control and need to work on.
But what I can do is put forth the effort and control the one thing I can right now - and that's saying no to the almost daily temptations. I can say no to the thoughts of "just one won't hurt", "what's the point if we're all going to die anyways?", and "I'm a shitty person/partner/sibling/child/employee/boss/friend and I deserve the pain of addiction and destroying my mouth."
For three years I've said no.
No to my friends.
No to my colleagues.
No to my employees.
No to the gas station clerk.
No to the all of the stress, pain, surgeries, physical therapy, endless medical appointments, my body falling apart, the financial crunch and trying to catch up with not working for two years, the pressure I put on myself, my husband caving, and all the other things that silently whispered in my ear to just succomb and buy a pack or can.
There comes a quiet power with saying no.
For three years I've said no to myself.
Today I say no.
Tomorrow I will tell myself no.
I would like to say that every day in the future I would say no, but we all know addiction is fickle thing woven into our being. It's an unwanted part of us, but a regardlessly a part of us.
I don't believe a person fully understands addiction until much later down the road. It's not the acute symptomatic first few weeks. Everyone knows it's going to suck. It's expected, the severity different between each individual. The depth of addiction threads deeper and tangled thicker than we would ever realize.
It's the buried and latent habits that lay dormant in waiting that are the most dangerous.
It's the two and a half years down the road when you're hauling equipment to Oklahoma the first time since June 2016.
It's when you pull into a field that you have chewed in every single other time you've pulled into that field.
It's when you have to deal with a someone fucking up equipment because they were fucking around on their phone while driving a new giant $500k combine down the road.
It's when you get a call in the middle of night that your 16 year old employee that just started his promising sophomore year, that always made you laugh, that you just saw three weeks before in the tractor you now drive was killed with his father in a plane crash.
It's in the middle of the night when weariness is settled deep in your bones at too young of an age.
It's also in nephew's birthday parties when the cake and ice cream is finished and you're on the couch reading them the new book you got them.
It's in the movie theater after you're full of popcorn and hey, look. A giant spitter bucket.
It's in the shower.
It's after sex. (Let's be real here.)
It's in a crisp fall morning with a thermos of coffee.
It's in good. It's in bad.
I can't control the side effects of addiction.
The only thing I can truly control is how I react.
Saying no isn't easy. Saying no to yourself is even harder.
We have to somehow remember and hold on to the idea that there's beauty in everything and everywhere. There's beauty in fighting, hard times, struggling.
There can be beauty in saying no.
Today for the 1096th day in a row I've told myself no.
No matter how low and dark, hard and evil things are, I choose to find beauty in that.
HG. 1096 & quit.
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Wonderfully inspiring stuff right here ^^^^^ from a true badass quitter. Thanx for sharing HG and congrats on your 3 years of Being Quit!