Unexpected Day #1

[69franx]

Wonderfully inspiring stuff right here ^^^^^ from a true badass quitter. Thanx for sharing HG and congrats on your 3 years of Being Quit!

[harvestgirl]

I don't necessarily have a lot of control in my life.
I can't control weather.
I can't control working conditions.
I can't control accidents, knocks in life, and the "shit happens" moments.
I can't control issues with my health in some ways.
I ultimately can't control other people's actions, reactions, and decisions.
I have other addictions, conditions, and predispositions that are hard to control and need to work on.

But what I can do is put forth the effort and control the one thing I can right now - and that's saying no to the almost daily temptations. I can say no to the thoughts of "just one won't hurt", "what's the point if we're all going to die anyways?", and "I'm a shitty person/partner/sibling/child/employee/boss/friend and I deserve the pain of addiction and destroying my mouth."

For three years I've said no. 
No to my friends.
No to my colleagues.
No to my employees.
No to the gas station clerk.
No to the all of the stress, pain, surgeries, physical therapy, endless medical appointments, my body falling apart, the financial crunch and trying to catch up with not working for two years, the pressure I put on myself, my husband caving, and all the other things that silently whispered in my ear to just succomb and buy a pack or can.

There comes a quiet power with saying no.
For three years I've said no to myself.
Today I say no.
Tomorrow I will tell myself no.
I would like to say that every day in the future I would say no, but we all know addiction is fickle thing woven into our being. It's an unwanted part of us, but a regardlessly a part of us.
I don't believe a person fully understands addiction until much later down the road. It's not the acute symptomatic first few weeks. Everyone knows it's going to suck. It's expected, the severity different between each individual. The depth of addiction threads deeper and tangled thicker than we would ever realize.
It's the buried and latent habits that lay dormant in waiting that are the most dangerous.

It's the two and a half years down the road when you're hauling equipment to Oklahoma the first time since June 2016.
It's when you pull into a field that you have chewed in every single other time you've pulled into that field.
It's when you have to deal with a someone fucking up equipment because they were fucking around on their phone while driving a new giant $500k combine down the road.
It's when you get a call in the middle of night that your 16 year old employee that just started his promising sophomore year, that always made you laugh, that you just saw three weeks before in the tractor you now drive was killed with his father in a plane crash.
It's in the middle of the night when weariness is settled deep in your bones at too young of an age.

It's also in nephew's birthday parties when the cake and ice cream is finished and you're on the couch reading them the new book you got them.
It's in the movie theater after you're full of popcorn and hey, look. A giant spitter bucket.
It's in the shower.
It's after sex. (Let's be real here.)
It's in a crisp fall morning with a thermos of coffee.

It's in good. It's in bad.

I can't control the side effects of addiction.
The only thing I can truly control is how I react.
Saying no isn't easy. Saying no to yourself is even harder.

We have to somehow remember and hold on to the idea that there's beauty in everything and everywhere. There's beauty in fighting, hard times, struggling.

There can be beauty in saying no.

Today for the 1096th day in a row I've told myself no.
No matter how low and dark, hard and evil things are, I choose to find beauty in that.

HG. 1096 & quit.

[chris2alaska]

  HAPPY THREE YEAR QUITERVERSARY!! 

[chris2alaska]

HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."

The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.

"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.

That shit cuts way worse.

I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.

He lied. He tried hiding it.

I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.

I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.

But it's his quit. It's his cave.

If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.

It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.

I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.

I know you know this, but it needs to be said.

In no way possible is this your fault.


As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.

You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.

Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.

I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤

Exactly what Steve and Chick said, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, I would be tore up.  We got your back all the way Harvest, you have helped me personally in my quit more than you know.  Stay strong, keep leading the way.

All in all...there IS no excuse good enough.
So many on ktc have proved that. Some are gone from the earth ❤

Just wanted to pop in and echo the replies above. Whatever you need, let us know

Hey Harvest,

I know there is nothing any of can say that will take the hurt away, but as everyone above me has said, we got your back.  You are a pillar in this community and I don't think there is anyone here that wouldn't be in your corner for the asking.

Stay strong, stay quit, lean on all of us and hopefully your man will see the errors of his ways sooner than later.

[69franx]

HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."

The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.

"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.

That shit cuts way worse.

I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.

He lied. He tried hiding it.

I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.

I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.

But it's his quit. It's his cave.

If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.

It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.

I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.

I know you know this, but it needs to be said.

In no way possible is this your fault.


As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.

You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.

Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.

I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤

Exactly what Steve and Chick said, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, I would be tore up.  We got your back all the way Harvest, you have helped me personally in my quit more than you know.  Stay strong, keep leading the way.

All in all...there IS no excuse good enough.
So many on ktc have proved that. Some are gone from the earth ❤

Just wanted to pop in and echo the replies above. Whatever you need, let us know

[ChickDip]

HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."

The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.

"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.

That shit cuts way worse.

I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.

He lied. He tried hiding it.

I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.

I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.

But it's his quit. It's his cave.

If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.

It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.

I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.

I know you know this, but it needs to be said.

In no way possible is this your fault.


As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.

You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.

Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.

I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤

Exactly what Steve and Chick said, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, I would be tore up.  We got your back all the way Harvest, you have helped me personally in my quit more than you know.  Stay strong, keep leading the way.

All in all...there IS no excuse good enough.
So many on ktc have proved that. Some are gone from the earth ❤

[ChickDip]

Poof

[Skolvikings]

HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."

The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.

"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.

That shit cuts way worse.

I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.

He lied. He tried hiding it.

I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.

I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.

But it's his quit. It's his cave.

If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.

It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.

I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.

I know you know this, but it needs to be said.

In no way possible is this your fault.


As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.

You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.

Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.

I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤

Exactly what Steve and Chick said, I couldn't imagine what you are going through, I would be tore up.  We got your back all the way Harvest, you have helped me personally in my quit more than you know.  Stay strong, keep leading the way.

[ChickDip]

HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."

The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.

"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.

That shit cuts way worse.

I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.

He lied. He tried hiding it.

I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.

I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.

But it's his quit. It's his cave.

If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.

It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.

I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.

I know you know this, but it needs to be said.

In no way possible is this your fault.


As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.

You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.

Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.

I told you @Harvest. It's his quit as well as his cave . doesn't make it any easier on you or less hurtful. But you are only responsible for you. ❤❤

All in all...there IS no excuse good enough.
So many on ktc have proved that. Some are gone from the earth ❤

[SRains918]

HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."

The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.

"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.

That shit cuts way worse.

I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.

He lied. He tried hiding it.

I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.

I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.

But it's his quit. It's his cave.

If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.

It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.

I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.

I know you know this, but it needs to be said.

In no way possible is this your fault.


As addicts we understand how difficult it can be to keep that addiction at bay. We're hard on people here because we KNOW that's what it takes to be quit. This quitting thing? It's definitely not for everyone.

You don't have to have the energy for this. What you do have to do is exactly what you've done - reach out for support. We're all here to provide that. You've supported the SHIT out of me over the last 638 days. I'd love to be able to repay that a little. That's the great thing about KTC. YOU don't have to do this alone. WE'RE all here to help. It's not up to you to have the energy to fight this alone, it's up to US as a community to step up and provide the support you need to work through this.

Anything you need. Anytime you need it. You let us know. We have your back.

[harvestgirl]

HG 1006.
Yesterday, just a few days after I hit my comma, I found out that my husband bought a can of pouches a few days before. It would have been on or around his own day 985 of being quit. I never asked him to quit 20 days after I did. He did it on his own.
On my day 1,000 he congratulated me and told me he was proud of me all while having a can hidden from me in a stupid spot in the underseat storage of our pickup. I don't know if he thought I wouldn't catch it, but it was a really stupid place.
And it's the bull shit excuses we rip on.
"I wasn't thinking."
"I've been stressed."

The past two years have been nothing but stress. I've been stressed to the max. I haven't caved.

"It's just two or three a day and I'm not going to make a habit of it."
THAT'S HOW IT STARTS.

That shit cuts way worse.

I asked if he was going to keep buying cans or if he was going to quit again. That's when he fed the excuses and avoided the question because we got busy with work again.

He lied. He tried hiding it.

I want to bash my head against the wall. This is so stereotypical cave.
I've completely ripped apart cavers before.
Now it's Matt.

I'm so tired. Numb. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. Sad. I'm trying not to think things like "If I hadn't bought a bunch of Smokey Mountain this spring, maybe he wouldn't have started on that and eventually this.

But it's his quit. It's his cave.

If caving ever crosses your mind, and your partner is a big part of your quit... just don't.

It really hurts.
And it really hurts bad.

I don't have the energy for this.
Failure isn't an option. To me at least.

[Hutch18]

I just copied and pasted the list in an email and sent it to myself. Going to print that and put it on my desk. I am a little dense and need the visual reminders.

Thanks for posting the information.

[harvestgirl]

Thats a great compilation and also a great reminder on the basics of staying quit.

Thanks for all you do HG!

Awwww thanks Feeeeeeshyyyy

[FISHFLORIDA]

Thats a great compilation and also a great reminder on the basics of staying quit.

Thanks for all you do HG!

[Dieselchick87]

Thats a great compilation and also a great reminder on the basics of staying quit.