Unexpected Day #1

[harvestgirl]

24 Jul 2017, 21:00
Day 302.

Still quit.
Rawls
Congrats on 300,301,302 Sister!
Every day is a better day.
Without poison.......
I quit with YOU.
Rawls 980
ChickDip
I thought I posted in here already...
Congrats on your 300++++
Badassery of quit girl.
tjschu
Congrats on the third floor!!!!
JB65
Nice 3rd floor!!! Proud of you girl, keep knocking them down!!!

[harvestgirl]

22 Jun 2017, 15:27
Day 270.
Sucked it up and ordered some Hooch.
Nomore1959
I still reach for the Oregon Mint once in a while. Hang in there and keep winning!
ChickDip
do that.
we do whatever it takes to stay quit.
I am very happy you are here and still hitting it hard.
Making no joke about how difficult it is to stay quit at any given moment show everyone that we all need to stay vigilant in the fight daily.
We should never be sorry for our struggles, they are there for a reason.
You are strong, you will win.
dieselchick87
I have been leaning heavily on Oregon Mint the last couple of months so you are not alone keep hanging in there.
Rawls
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves..."

A grape can never be used as wine...
Until it is busted!

I quit with you today hg.
Rawls 952
Nolaq
This is in no way any type of failure. It's not even a side-step. In fact, it's an appropriate move forward. You're doing what you need to do to protect your Quit when shit has hit the fan.

I used Hooch religiously up until about Day 250. I'm Day 2,651 today, and I still have a can of Mint pouches on my desk.

We dipped for so many years, our bodies don't know what 'normal' is for a while. Well, for me, having some sort of substitute, whether it's pouches, toothpicks, seeds, peanuts or beef jerky....that is my new normal.
DonkeyMN
You are a hell of a quitter and an inspiration for my and many others quits.

I'm proud of you, for you.

Fake dip is just another tool, you aren't any worse for the wear with it. You will power through this!

[harvestgirl]

15 Apr 2017, 21:25
Day 202

It might be 202, but this is more a reflection on day 200.
Sometimes the support on this site amazes me. The string of text messages, the messages on GroupMe's, pm's, the "party" that was thrown in chat, the comments on this intro, etc. where overwhelming. The amount of people that posted support across different groups blew me away. December '16 (my "adopted" group) had just finished their 200 day celebration with their last quitter three days before. I posted on my table spot like I do every day, and then as a group, those sneaky Ninjas told me to answer their 200 day questions, because I was just as much a part of their group than anyone in there. February dedicatd their Message of the Day to my 200. Quitters in March posted their support on their table. It was brought up in April- I was even loaned Samrs for the day to celebrate.

Sometimes I wonder if my attempts to help (talking to new quitters on chat, trying to give outlooks and perspective to fellow quitters, in general supporting people, sending out my daily promise) are worth it. I wonder if it's enough or if my efforts do help anyone. If I help one person quit or stay quit or pull them from off the ledge, then my quit is worth 10x more to me. All the shit, all the pain, all the crap that my quit caused is worth it.

Maybe it sounds selfish or egotistical, but all that support, all those personal messages and thoughts that were given to me on my 200 was a hint of validation that maybe I am worth it on here.

Still quitting one day at a time, but still quitting like a bad ass mofo.
Ryan.F
Sorry to hear about all the struggles that you've gone through during your quit. Being able to balance all that stress and still have the ability to stay quit is amazing and you must be incredibly strong willed! Keep it up and keep us all posted. We want to to help you as much as you have helped us!
SuccessThisTime
Proud to be quit with you Harvest.

"In my intro I've stated numerous times in the past that if my words and story can help just one other person have the courage to think about quitting, quit, or stay quit, then it's worth it."

^^^ I'm that guy. You, Gassy, CanTrap, Cmark, Jubs and a few others were there in chat my first week. I wouldn't have made it through those first days without you.

I hope you get well soon.
pab1964
In the end.....you're a badass quitter and a lot of people look up to you! Keep doing what you're doing ODAAT! Your a huge part of a bunch of quitters now, thanks for sharing your quit with me! Damn proud to be quitting with you Edd
Nolaq
I think I've heard that once or twice before.

Know it's true, and understand HG, you are WINNING!

Keep your head down, moving forward, because every day is a victory. Reach out if you need to.

[Gas]

Hey skank, happy Sunday

goddamnit I'm transferring my Intro over asshole.
Thank you.

Proud to be quit with you

And also with you.

wait.... wrong Sunday thing.

Hahahahahaha

[harvestgirl]

Hey skank, happy Sunday

goddamnit I'm transferring my Intro over asshole.
Thank you.

Proud to be quit with you

And also with you.

wait.... wrong Sunday thing.

[harvestgirl]

200 Days Quit April 13th, 2017
ChickDip
HG. Congrats on 200 days quit. (Autoed to vibrates)
Through the trials and successes there are huge rewards.
Keep up the great fight.
IQWYT.
Nolaq
NICE! 200! Way to go, Gurl!
CavMan83
Awesome job by an awesomer quitter. Even though I'm don't stop by the League daily anymore, I am constantly amazed by the grit, determination, and tenacity you possess, and by the way you coach others to possess the same. Awesome is about the perfect adjective! Proud of you.
BrianG
Congrats on 200 days Harvest!! You are a great example to those of us coming behind you. Proud to quit with you!!
JB65
Congratulations HG! You're an awesome quitter
Rawls
Dang.... Go girl!
Sorry I'm late, Congrats on 202.
It all gets better.
Heat -Thornes - Cross - Fruit
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 880

[Gas]

Hey skank, happy Sunday

goddamnit I'm transferring my Intro over asshole.
Thank you.

Proud to be quit with you

[harvestgirl]

08 Apr 2017, 10:08
Day 195

Renovations and repairs to laundry room are completely finished. I know now I can kick ass at reno's like this in the future.

To make a long story shorter- I developed sudden acute adhesive capsulitis in my left shoulder- aka frozen shoulder. Decisions were made to attempt the fullest recovery possible- this is my "last chance" on this shoulder and I can't screw it up. Until the shoulder unfreezes, I can't operate the heavy machinery. No fieldwork, no planting, absolutely no lifting, etc. I went from very easily lifting a 100lb concave up over my head into the belly inside of a combine, to only being able to squeeze playdoh with my right hand down at my side for a few minutes a day. I've never been more thankful for the family company I work for that supports their employee's health and well being more than a body that can run equipment. I'll fill in at the office and do some odd jobs as needed... but my spring season at the very least is already over before it really began.

Another family member passed suddenly yesterday. Yet again- the husband of my dad's first cousin. Extremely quick battle with a cancer that was determined to destory yet again. Godspeed, Lee. Men like you don't often touch the face of this world anymore. Countless youth and community members have been touched by your over the years. RIP, you gentle gracious soul.
In Memory of Lee Martinez

Day 195- and still quit every damn day. Still. fucking. quit.
CleanFuel
Still. Fucking. Quit.

Just read your entire intro Harvest. Amazing. You are a badass fucking quitter.

Quit with you.
aaron2012
Fucking right you are.

[harvestgirl]

30 Mar 2017, 09:38
Day 186
Been awhile since I've updated on here, and it's hard to recollect the time.

Spring is trying to arrive here, which means that spring fieldwork is trying to get started. Everyone at work is tired of being in the shop; they're chomping too early at the bit to start, which happens every year. In two short months approx 25-20k acres of ground will be worked and then planted. In two short months, I'll be back on the road doing the custom harvest.

We had a small house fire on 3/17. It was caused by a faulty fixture (not wiring; actual arcing of the connections on the fluorescent lights to the fixture. The subrogation dept of the insurance company is going after manufacturer; fingers crossed we get our deductible back). I was home and thankfully caught it quick enough that the damage was limited to just that closed off laundry room. The chemical extinguisher the FD used damn near coated half the house- a pro clean up crew had our house completely back in order in two days. It was amazing. For the past week I've been tackling the renovation of the laundry room by myself. New washer/dryer, floor, repair work on ceiling (scraping, sanding, patch, skim coat, primer, texture coat, primer, paint), all walls primed and repainted, new trim cut and stained, re-leveled concrete, new floor, new fixture. It's definitely been a fun/frustrating/exhausting/annoying/awesome learning experience for me, and I'm going to toot my own horn because I am a bad ass mofo doing this all by myself. (My trade off is that I get out of field work to reno the room.)

On the flip side, even though we were so freaking lucky (the fire could have been so so much worse) it's been mentally and physically exhausting to deal with. I leaned damn hard on my Quit Squad. There's always going to be events in life where we hit them and automatically just want a dip, pat for that can, whether be it stress and fear, or just craving because who the hell didn't dip during home improvement projects?

The day the fire happened and I sent out a text message to my main people on here (along with some GroupMe's) to let them know I wasn't going to be around much (especially guilt geared towards being a conductor for March's HOF).
I had instant offers ranging from "I can come this weekend if you need help. Just say the word" to "Let me know what you need" to "I know you don't need it and you'll say no, but if you need anything financial, the offer is there". I had people texting me with words of support, asking how I was doing, and reminding me that nic would never solve anything. I was floored- people I had never physically met in my life were reaching out, yet again (because seriously, this year has sucked), lifting me up and telling me that things were going to be okay. The PTSD I've dealt with over the years reared it's ugly head hard, playing the stupid "what if" games, the "wonderful world of nightmares and flashbacks", and the ever fun "terrified to leave the house because just in case" struggle. Some might scoff or shun the brotherhood part of the main concept of this site, but if it wasn't for the people on here, I'm not sure what I would have done. For me, it just concretes the fact that some of the people I've met on here are more than friends; they're family that knows me better than myself sometimes.

Day 186- and I've proven to myself that I can get through more than I ever thought I could without a cig or a packed lip.

[harvestgirl]

07 Mar 2017, 10:36
Day 163

ChickDip and I have a theory that female quitters get them less than male quitters. I still haven't had a dip specific dream. It's not uncommon for me to have um... *cough* illegal drug dream/flashbacks, but that's a little different.

I have had dreams where I go to "my" gas station and there's a bunch of KTC people lingering in the eating area watching me (you creepy ass mofos) to make sure I don't cave out over a stupid can or pack of smokes.

Last night I had a dream where I caved by smoking again.
The dream was about having to get up early in the morning- it was a cool crisp morning barely on the verge of sunset and the birds were just waking up. I was standing in the front yard with a mug of coffee and puffing on that smoke. No one around, just calm. There was that stupid thought of "There could be nothing better than this moment right now, hey?"

I woke up this morning and I swear to god I remember feeling packing the cigs against my thigh and the burn in my lungs, etc. I had to jump in the shower immediately because I was convinced I could smell it on my hands and hair. I seriously thought I had driven to the gas station and bought a pack of Reds and Smooths.

The pure guilt and just the stomach drop I felt when I woke up made me sick and break out instantly into a cold sweat. Fucking scary. I can't even drink coffee this morning because of that dream. I keep thinking this lineup of people from KTC that would be waiting their turn, chomping at the bit to chew my ass apart. I feel like I'd be a smeared bloody pulp in a back alley somewhere by the time it was over with.

How long does it take to shake this feeling of failure over something that didn't happen?
Law1358
Ive only had one dip dream and it was about 20 days or so into my quit. I felt everything you are saying except it was with a can of timberwolf wintergreen(not even my brand...lol). I felt absolutely awful, but I started feeling better that day when I talked about it on the site and realized it was something normal people go through.. You know you didn't cave, so don't beat yourself up over it. If you did, you know there would be several of us lined up to kick your ass..just as I know you would do the same to us. Keep fighting the good fight..you got it
Rawls
Nice...
That should be in your signature line.

"How long does it take to shake this feeling of failure over something that didn't happen?"

I Quit with you today....
Rawls 841

[harvestgirl]

27 Feb 2017, 22:26
Day 155 Part 2

Aunt is in ICU after a surgery to place a stint. She very obviously needs to make drastic lifestyle/diet/exercise changes. She's known that for years but refuses to believe that her health problems are of her own fault. She's an extreme hoarder, has some mental issues, and to be a realist, she won't change. This is a pattern with her.


My aunt on my dad's side got in contact with me tonight.
My cousin and his wife adopted three years ago. This is Marysue's story. That article is over a year old now. Since that publishing they've been battling some other health issues, even though she was declared cancer free.

Today it was confirmed that she's in total irreversible liver rejection/failure.

I feel like no one on here is going to believe me with all this shit.

Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours. Sometimes there's a hurricane. Sometimes there's a tsunami.
Nomore1959
When it rains it pours... yes. so sorry to hear its raining on your family. Prayers all around.
Gas
Don't worry about who believes you. The ones that matter are standing behind you, here to support no matter how rough it gets.
pab1964
Wow HG I don't want to believe you but I do and I am so sorry. Hang in there, we're all with you. Prayers to you and family.
FISHFLORIDA
Keep the faith HG. Prayers with you.
FLLipOut
Damn, HG, your family is hitting quite a bad patch! Prayers going up for your family!! Hang tough.
Stranger999
You have one of the most bad ass quits I have ever seen going here HG. I know you will get through this and this thread has probably helped many others who are trying to quit. Thanks for sharing and prayers out to your family!
CavMan83
I don't know why things like this happen, but I do know that words right now, just don't make any sense. I hurt for you and your family, and my prayer is that somehow you can find peace through this tsunami...

[harvestgirl]

27 Feb 2017, 11:57
Day 155.

My mom just called. My aunt was airlifted from our hometown to Green Bay for a massive heart attack.

No real details yet.

Does this ever end?

This is my verbal promise. I quit today. I will stay quit today. One god damn moment at a time.

FLLipOut
Prayers going up...again. Damn, HG, I am so sorry!

[harvestgirl]

26 Feb 2017, 18:46
Day 154

I should have written before.

Made it through being home in WI for Ray's funeral the best I could hope for. The 10 days I was fucking hell for the most part.
Life has its silver linings though, and one of my dearest closest friends had their first child, a little boy, the day I left for home. I got to spend a lot of time being Auntie Amanda, and oh, how I needed that. There's something just.... pure and innocent and okay with the world when you're holding a sleeping newborn. It puts things in perspective a little bit.

On the return trip home on my Day 145, I was asked by my boss to make a pit stop in Minneapolis to pick up an airplane propeller. I was able to coordinate a lunch/beer date with Viking, PMILS, and MNxE. This was my first time meeting any other quitters. We always hear "Go meet another quitter! It strengthens your quit! It helps you!" I thought I sort of understood the concept, but usually ignored at how emphatic people were over it.

Oh, how I was wrong on that. Meeting those three guys completely changed my perspective. It DID strengthen my quit. There's something that makes your quit totally different when you can put a legitimate name to a face, especially ones that have posted support for you, and ones that you've supported. It. was. amazing.

And then I made it home to Nebraska the next day.

So now I've been home for a little bit over a week- and it keeps on going.
More changes to the medication routine, hopefully for the better.
So I get to continue to play that game. No booze for the foreseeable future with the combination of stuff I have in my little pharmacy of post quit. I could make a hella wad of cash on the street with it all though.

I have never hated the nic bitch more.
I want my life back.
I hate the control I didn't know she had and the control she still has.
Because, fuck these lingering side effects.

And then there was today.
My mom let me know tonight that Ray's mom, Shirley, passed away today. Shirley also lost her brother last week. Shirley has been in a nursing home for quite awhile; this wasn't unexpected, and to be honest, I don't think anyone is surprised at her passing- especially now.

But I think of Ray's two remaining brothers. They buried the best brother anyone could have, their mother, and an uncle.
Ray's four kids lost their dad and grandmother.
All within 12 days.
I know everything happens for a reason. Everyone's time on this Earth doesn't have a guarantee. I could be gone tomorrow suddenly. But, why? What's the reason for all this happening that side of the family? What's the fucking purpose? The "silver lining"?

So I'm craving like a mother fucker right now. I give my promise that I will not cave. I've texted my "squad" and vented to my League in January.
The major side effect right now of the new medication is the worst cotton mouth and dehydration I've ever had. It's so bad that it's damn impossible to use my TeaZa. The cinnamon toothpicks I've grown to love just soak up anything, and gum turns into concrete. I just tried cough drops and they just stick to my tongue. I've resorted to chomping on ice chips. To be honest, even the thought of having any chew packed in with this horrible of cotton mouth makes me gag. Good news, I know that this side effect is pretty temporary- in a few days this will go away.

Maybe this was a super disjointed post to follow. Maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone but me.

But, here's to day 154 of being fucking QUIT.
Tonight, I am damn proud to call myself a quitter.
I am a Quitter.

[harvestgirl]

Day 141
2/13/2017
Brasswhole

You guys never heard the story of HG and the BAQ?

Once upon a time there was a quitter, and she was the greatest quitter in all the land.
This quitter, you see, wasn't any ordinary quitter. She was what some would call a "bad ass quitter."

Across the world you would find normal ass quitters who didn't know what it really meant.
They would walk around and say, "Hey, I'm a normal ass quitter."

And to the world, they were above all others, for they, you see, had "quit."

As they plowed the fields, and harvested the grain, the wore their nifty-wifty patch which substantiated them. For they, you see, were "quit".

Then one day, a brave women stepped upon her bale of hay and yelled, "HEY".

"You poser ass, nic-licking douche mother f'ers! I'm about to show y'all what it means to quit!" and she spit the last brown spit the world would ever see down on the peasantry below.

As the rain of kitty-kat turd hit the ground, the thundering clouds above dispersed.

Suddenly, a brilliant ray of light pierced the overcast vale above.

There stood a brilliant maven of Quit. A shield maiden of righteousness. A true symbol of the Quit.

Atop her combine she yelled: "One Day At A Time."

(cmark: Don't forget her bitching out the shitty South African employees .....)

The wretched peons below replied: "We are your League of Extraordinary Quitters!"

The unanimous roar of the spit from the final cat turds fell from their mouths.

The ground shuddered as the Big Tobacco industry wept.

The dismal gray of the land before began to fade.

The world turned bright as the new future was faced by the almighty quit goddess brought forth the new reality

"We shall not fail today!" she yelled, as the legions of her glory took up arms.

For today, we, as the mighty quit army venture forth, are quit. As we shall forever be. So today, brothers and sisters, we go forth, and we yell .... "ODAAT, ODAAT, ODAAT."

HG wanted a bed time story ... So I pulled out my favorite story for her - brasswhole
Eventually narrated by DaveinMT from April 2017. Sound clip available upon request.

[harvestgirl]

09 Feb 2017, 05:21
Day 137

Life isn't fucking fair.

My cousin died on the night of my 135th. Details at first were sketchy. Work accident. Impalement. Bled to death. I was in total shock. Raymond was the funniest happiest hardest working kindest family man. He left a wife and four kids. It's not only devastating to my family, but to the whole community. I'm not sure if anyone in the area didn't know him.

I found out more tonight and it was let out it was a tractor accident.

A tractor accident. All that shock comes back at those words. It hits too close to home. My life boils down to tractors and combines and it's just a brutal reminder that shit can go horribly wrong terrifyingly fast.

Autopilot mode takes over during these times.

My "sleep" schedule has been so incredibly jacked that it's hard to remember what day of the week it is or what day things took place on. I think part of my new autopilot mode is my quit date. I can't tell you what the date is, but I can tell you the quit date. Sometimes it feels like I have BQ and AQ time: before quit and after quit.

In Albert Lea, MN right now so I can wait for my alarm to go off (not that I slept much anyways) and continue on my way home to WI for awhile.
Nomore1959
Such sad news. Prayers for you and your family.
backwoods901
I will be praying for your family harvest girl.
Steakbomb18
My condolences HG. I hope you know that in your short 137 days, you've built a legion of followers to fuel you with prayers and support. Something tells me that what you've built these past 4+ months will help your personal resolve and add some order to chaos. Keep holding the fort, its worth everything
rdad
Sorry for your loss Harvestgirl. You are such a badass quitter. Your involvement here has made my quit stronger. Prayers up for you and your family. Stay strong.
Viking
Sorry for your loss, HG. Hugs from the Twin Cities.
JB65
So sorry for your loss HG. We are here 20,000 + strong for you EDD.

My hardest days were post HOF 125-about 160.... I mean real tough, just like you are going through. I really dove back into the INTROS and started helping newbies get rolling.. rededicated myself to the quit. Started posting in random older and even newer groups.

Just hang tough girl, you will get through this and all other problems that may come your way - NIC FREE. Thinking about you and praying for you and the family as well
ChickDip
Prayers Going up for you and yours HG. ❤?❤
Stranger999
Nicotine really sucks. It tries to give us a built in excuse to keep using it. Life will be hard regardless of nicotine. Keep kicking it to the curb every day.

Stay with us HG and keep winning!
Rawls
In my prayers girl.
Your right....Life isn't fair.
At times, Its hard to Be Still.
But.
Truth is like cream,
You keep churning...
It will rise.
And in it... Is the power to set us all Free.
I quit with you.
Rawls 816