I am really going to try and give this a real shot this time.
LOOT was all in with you ...until right here.
Let's get a couple of things strait.
1. You are an addict. Write it 100 times. Sign your name to it. Put it under your pillow. Understand it's an addiction, not a habit, an addiction that the best you can do is be in "recovery" from.
2. There is no "try". You "tried" 5 other times and you failed miserably. It's OK, you are in good company. LOOT tried a buncha times too. However, "try" is not a word that has any place in your vocabulary. We don't "try"...we don't "give it a shot"...those are chickenshit approaches to a very, very serious situation. No try...only do. DO...AM...WILL...those are empowering words. Those are words you need to use.
So. With that in mind, let's fix your sentence.
"I am really gonna gut punch this muthafucka this time". You try it.
Get your mind right bro. Get mad. Get ready. Get it done.
Post Roll Call everyday and then, be a man of your word.
One last thing....you don't need prayers. They are nice, but not a requirement. You...are ultimately in control of YOU. We can help you. We can show you how. We can support you when you really want to use those chickenshit words again. We can listen when you need to yell. We can comfort when the depression kicks in. But best of all...we can be living, breathing, unselfish examples of how to own an addiction. But it will do you little good if you are unwilling to drink the kool-aid.
Welcome to the site. Congrats on that badass Day 1. Don't ever forget Day 1. You forget...you die.
No pressure.
Shout if you need anything.