End of the lurk

[Chaotique]

Day 4...argument over dinner last night over absolutely nothing.  This morning double class at the gym.  Usually have my morning hit of nic and considered the noontime hit a reward for Saturday morning workout.  Tucked a fresh box of good ‘n plenty in the gym bag.  Need something to look forward to at the end of the workout. 

Oh...and woke up to a migraine.

Still...ain’t gonna use today.

Make sure you are drinking a ton of water and get your body some extra rest. It no longer has the energy from the nicotine to keep you going. Keep doing what you are doing one day at a time and let the days add up. It really does get much better.

Thanks Keith, lower weights, fewer reps .. but suited up, showed up and every rep was my own. 
Mike

[Keith0617]

Day 4...argument over dinner last night over absolutely nothing.  This morning double class at the gym.  Usually have my morning hit of nic and considered the noontime hit a reward for Saturday morning workout.  Tucked a fresh box of good ‘n plenty in the gym bag.  Need something to look forward to at the end of the workout. 

Oh...and woke up to a migraine.

Still...ain’t gonna use today.

Make sure you are drinking a ton of water and get your body some extra rest. It no longer has the energy from the nicotine to keep you going. Keep doing what you are doing one day at a time and let the days add up. It really does get much better.

[Chaotique]

Day 4...argument over dinner last night over absolutely nothing.  This morning double class at the gym.  Usually have my morning hit of nic and considered the noontime hit a reward for Saturday morning workout.  Tucked a fresh box of good ‘n plenty in the gym bag.  Need something to look forward to at the end of the workout. 

Oh...and woke up to a migraine.

Still...ain’t gonna use today.

[Keith0617]

Day 3...mostly hanging out at home, listening to audio book, (had been working the the yard earlier in the week, but it’s a little cold and wet out.)  Cravings have hit in cycles, sometimes a very strong urge, sometimes a gentle pull and sometimes I forget that everything is a little different for the last three days. 

Drank a lot of water.  Snacked too much. 

I guess the gratitude for today is this:

Thank you for the Quit.  If I was simply out of product I would be hella anxious.  As it is, yes, the are moments of anxiety and and discomfort, but with a support group behind me and a plan, it feels manageable. 

As the spouse is about to return home, I can feed the cats,  tidy up, but I don’t have to squeeze in that last big hit of nic, then stress on cleaning that up and hiding any evidence....then still worrying that I missed a nasty brown splash on my face or shirt or toilet bowl or shower......

Last September when I was just lurking and had put down the nic for maybe a week, there was a feeling of inevitability that I would use again.  Today I can stay clean and know I can choose to repeat staying clean tomorrow.

Shoot me a pm if  you want support.

[Chaotique]

Day 3...mostly hanging out at home, listening to audio book, (had been working the the yard earlier in the week, but it’s a little cold and wet out.)  Cravings have hit in cycles, sometimes a very strong urge, sometimes a gentle pull and sometimes I forget that everything is a little different for the last three days. 

Drank a lot of water.  Snacked too much. 

I guess the gratitude for today is this:

Thank you for the Quit.  If I was simply out of product I would be hella anxious.  As it is, yes, the are moments of anxiety and and discomfort, but with a support group behind me and a plan, it feels manageable. 

As the spouse is about to return home, I can feed the cats,  tidy up, but I don’t have to squeeze in that last big hit of nic, then stress on cleaning that up and hiding any evidence....then still worrying that I missed a nasty brown splash on my face or shirt or toilet bowl or shower......

Last September when I was just lurking and had put down the nic for maybe a week, there was a feeling of inevitability that I would use again.  Today I can stay clean and know I can choose to repeat staying clean tomorrow.

[AndyCan]

Day 2 continued...At the end of tonight's exercise class class I would normally rush out and try and get that nic hit on the drive home.... but tonight had time to give a few tips to someone new.  Sure... still fuzzy... still foggy, but even in the fog I can find gratitude.  Can just take a shower and not worry about anyone walking in on brown goop slushing toward the drain.

Hell yeah!  Love all the positives you’re recognizing that come with quitting.  And you writing them down here will hopefully help you remember that when you have bad days in your quit. 

[Chaotique]

Day 2 continued...At the end of tonight's exercise class class I would normally rush out and try and get that nic hit on the drive home.... but tonight had time to give a few tips to someone new.  Sure... still fuzzy... still foggy, but even in the fog I can find gratitude.  Can just take a shower and not worry about anyone walking in on brown goop slushing toward the drain.

[Chaotique]

Day 2 continued.... on the way to the gym I had a sneezing fit....must have been 20 in a row.  Gratitude —- when a sneeze is just a sneeze—-no ropy brown drool hanging from my nose or dripping into my mouth,  no brown spatter on the windshield, no need to check my shirt for nasty stains down the front. 

I am in a day 2 fog, but the windshield, mirror and shirt are all clear.

I am grateful.

[Chaotique]

Great suggestion, Keith--to create a list.  Thing is....I didn't really need anything... except to get out of the house where I was alone with a crazy person.  So now I am back home alone with a crazy person, but this crazy person now has a stash of "Good 'n Plenty, Black Red Vines, Carmel Corn, Kettle Corn, Jalepeno Potato chips, cat food and ... oh, yeah.... Grapes."

[Keith0617]

Day 2--Some moments have been okay, but mostly in a fog.
Was in the supermarket earlier--when in produce section
I wanted something from baked goods.  I walk to baked goods
and forget what I wanted... "Oh Grapes"..so back to produce,
then remember it wasn't baked goods, but potato chips I wanted.
Criss cross, criss cross, crossing the store with an empty cart.
At each turn I forget why I'm here and grimace as the cart
pulls me to the other side of the store.  Somehow I end back at my car with
Good 'n Plenty, Black Red Vines, Carmel Corn, Kettle Corn,
Jalepeno Potato chips, cat food and ... oh, yeah.... Grapes.

Considering that no tobacco made it in the cart, I'll call
it a victory.  I might say to I really wasn't thinking about
buying tobacco AT ALL... but not thinking about it took
up about all of my brain processing bandwidth.

Thank you everyone that reached out by private message or
responded to my intro forum post.  And thank fellow new
quitters and supporters posting daily in the March 2020 PreHOF.
It all helps--knowing that we are not alone.

I may trip over my feet, spin in circles and howl
at the moon, but ain't gonna use today.

Great job and I also consider it a victory. However, maybe write crate a list of what you need at the store. 

[Chaotique]

Day 2--Some moments have been okay, but mostly in a fog.
Was in the supermarket earlier--when in produce section
I wanted something from baked goods.  I walk to baked goods
and forget what I wanted... "Oh Grapes"..so back to produce,
then remember it wasn't baked goods, but potato chips I wanted.
Criss cross, criss cross, crossing the store with an empty cart.
At each turn I forget why I'm here and grimace as the cart
pulls me to the other side of the store.  Somehow I end back at my car with
Good 'n Plenty, Black Red Vines, Carmel Corn, Kettle Corn,
Jalepeno Potato chips, cat food and ... oh, yeah.... Grapes.

Considering that no tobacco made it in the cart, I'll call
it a victory.  I might say to I really wasn't thinking about
buying tobacco AT ALL... but not thinking about it took
up about all of my brain processing bandwidth.

Thank you everyone that reached out by private message or
responded to my intro forum post.  And thank fellow new
quitters and supporters posting daily in the March 2020 PreHOF.
It all helps--knowing that we are not alone.

I may trip over my feet, spin in circles and howl
at the moon, but ain't gonna use today.

[AndyCan]

I had not used nicotine for almost 20 years and then.. about 4 years ago I bought a few cigars in Ensenada while on a short cruise. Instantly my daily habit had returned.  I was careful to shower and wash my clothes every time I smoked.  Nobody, except for my posting here on KilltheCan, knows that I use nicotine.  I wanted to wean myself off of smoking.  I tried snorting and swallowing tobacco in an attempt to wean myself off of smoking, but I was still hooked.  I did have a few anxiety filled breaks.  I think the longest was about a month.  The last time I stopped was in September.  I think it was about a week.  I read posts on KilltheCan and considered joining a role call...but after a week of lurking I jumped back into using.  I have been wanting to stop.  Somehow this afternoon I went into some kind of automatic mode, dumping the stash in the disposal, destroying paraphernalia and dumping it in the trash with the used kitty litter.  But I know from previous attempt that the obsession to return to tobacco will return.  This time, though, I am posting an introduction and have added my name to the roll call.  I found time to use.  I can find time to check in daily.

I have 25 years of sobriety—not using alcohol or other drugs—except nicotine.  Accountability can help keep me clean.

You have the experience with quitting.  As you said, you’ve done it before with other substances so you can overcome this one as well.  It will not be easy and you will have to work at it, but I promise you it’s attainable if you stick to what works here.  WUPP (wake up, piss and post) EDD (every damn day).  Share your number with other March 2020 quitters and some veterans (I’ll shoot you a PM), and begin to make some connections around here.  Brotherhood + accountability = success.  It’s not just some corny slogans, there is truth in everything we do and say here.  Because it works - it has for thousands of men and women, addicted to nicotine, who continue to stay quit ODAAT (one day at a time).

Andy

[FLLipOut]

Man, 20 years off tobacco...then a few cigars and a slave again.  This is a cautionary tale for all of us.

Glad you decided to take your life back, Chaotique and proud to be quit with you today.  Stick close to the site, read all you can, reach out to other quitters, and post that promise every day, first thing every day!  You can do this.

[MourningWood]

You got this Chaotique, you know the quit will suck but well worth it.   

[Jenahen]

Welcome Chaotique. Your addiction sounds like my addiction, and thousands of others on this site. Your quit will also resemble ours. Tough, painful, frustrating at first, but in time, you will find freedom. We will be there every step of the way.