Good for you, Rachel. The desperation in your intro is something all of us have felt at one time or another before we quit. It is amazing what each of us was capable of in feeding the addiction. Now it's time to put that much effort into taking your life back from that addiction. This site will provide you the tools to do so, but you have to want it and you have to want it for you (not your husband, son or unborn kids). This is entirely possible. You only need to win the battle today. Leave tomorrow's battle for when it gets here. Just focus on winning today. Each time you do, it's a victory.
I tried to quit a hundred times before finding this place, but it never stuck because I didn't have anybody holding me accountable. I will never regret that decision I made 776 days ago. I took my life back and the freedom from having that burden lifted is indescribable. This is going to take some intestinal fortitude, but you can do it. Welcome!