I've read a few cave stories lately. Goddammit. Most of them just suck. My own cave story from June 2011 is a fucking joke. In light of this, I'm going to offer everyone at KTC a template for the cave post. If you cave, just look for my introduction and cut and paste this; because, no matter what you think you should type, this will be the TRUTH.
What Happened?
I was fishing, hunting, working, partying, etc. and had a craving for nicotine...because I'm an addict to nicotine, and these things happen. This time I decided to ignore everything that I have learned so far and perform all of the at least 10 or so steps to get from the crave to actually ingesting nicotine.
Why did it Happen?
I am a selfish little person with no confidence. I had no pride in my quit. I could have stopped myself at least 10 times during this process, and still have been quit. However, I chose to use all of my cunning rationalization skills from years as a maniacal addict to justify performing all 10 steps in the quest to ingest said nicotine. I chose not to use any of the tools here on this website because they would have only gotten in the way of my selfish, sociopathic desire to pleasure myself with nicotine.
What will you do differently?
I will post Day 1 today with my new group. I will apologize to my estranged family in my old group for letting them down. I will learn to master the art of ODAAT, and understand that sometimes it comes down to One Crave at a Time. I will realize that I can never, ever just have one dip. I will realize that there is truly NEVER a reason to use nicotine. My mind may tell me that since the dog died, the girl left, the job is gone, or the house blew away to Oz, that I should get a dip, but the TRUE reason is just feeding the monkey pulling the lever for more nicotine. Nothing more.
That's all I've got for now. If anybody is thinking of pussing out, feel free to cut/paste when/if you have the guts to come back.
