couldnt wait to wake up

[traumagnet]

Why didnt you post you were here?  If you are struggling with your own way come back and get to posting roll and getting active again.

Did Drock post somewhere here today? I was talking with him via text earlier today. Was hoping he would post up....

I cant find it. he was here dont know why he didnt post?

[jake frawley]

Why didnt you post you were here? If you are struggling with your own way come back and get to posting roll and getting active again.

Did Drock post somewhere here today? I was talking with him via text earlier today. Was hoping he would post up....

[traumagnet]

Why didnt you post you were here? If you are struggling with your own way come back and get to posting roll and getting active again.

[srans]

today was another tough one, the evenings as the sun goes down really hit me hard. Ive got to quit thinking about this crap. I want to quit and move on... This reminds me of a divorced couple with children. You never really get rid of the spouse , you just dont have to see them all day everday. I think Srans has giving me good advice... I somehow have to figure out how to hate the thing i loved. The more i think about the pain and torture im enduring the more im losing that love and feeling. This evening was a grind not to cave, im so grateful that ive calmed down and back in control.
As a side note , my coworker dippped all around me today, offered me one and i said just let me smell it. It smelled good and my mouth watered but i didnt cave. I admitted to him i was an addict and really woud like one but I choose to QUIT. So my goal going into this third week is to learn to hate what i loved. I need to hate it,want to hate it, shall hate it, pray to hate it.

Wow. Your post brings me back...... to me. I think I should share this with you. You just made my quit stronger. Yes, you should hate the nic bitch. She is evil....

Here is what I wrote once upon a day...




3 weeks into my quit I joined KTC. Remember how pissed you were? When I posted roll you knew this was a game changer. I was playing to win. I now had access to knowledge. I had access to a plan. I had access to support. I was greeted immediately by Ready, Greg, Mike A, and Banner. Oh, I remember. You threw a big fit. You gave me rage, cravings, fatigue, the fog, stupors, headaches and sore throats.

As time passed I began to realize you were the devil. I realized that something that makes you feel so bad when you refrain from using it canÂ’t be all that good. I began to hate you. I mean really really hate you. No more reminiscing of the old times. No nostalgia. So, of course, you threw a big fit. You gave me depression, the blahs and the blues.

This meant war. Game on. I now had a purpose. I was not satisfied just to dump you. I wanted to wreck every other relationship you had. Every relationship. I would wait for new quitters on the boards. I took great pride in pointing out your lies. I enjoyed destroying your grip on others. That is how I met folks like Corn, Miles, Peace, Rocket, Dante, LLCope, Tazz, Luby and Poker just to name a few.



I am here for ya. Yes, hate the bitch. She stole your soul.

Good job drock.. Just know man that the days will get easier. I know it's one thing to say you hate the poison but it's another to reeeeaally hate it. It takes time!! You just have to keep thinking of the reasons your quit. Think of the way life is suppose to be and how different it is with the the poison. As the brain starts to realize all the lies the hate will come forth.

I have to get on to you a little brother. Don't smell the crap,, especially now. You need to keep yourself as far away as possible. The smell is death. Think of a dog when it gets a smell it likes. It follows the smell all the way to it's location. That's what the smell wants from you. It want's to lead you to destruction. NAFAR,, the smell, taste, appearance. Anything about the poison. I don't want to smell it, look at it. I hate to even mention, taste. It puts a tear in my eye every time. Taste means cave. Taste means i'm bound tied and gagged again.

By the way, I to took a smell early in my quit. So I know why you did. I quit with you today.

[Scowick65]

today was another tough one, the evenings as the sun goes down really hit me hard. Ive got to quit thinking about this crap. I want to quit and move on... This reminds me of a divorced couple with children. You never really get rid of the spouse , you just dont have to see them all day everday. I think Srans has giving me good advice... I somehow have to figure out how to hate the thing i loved. The more i think about the pain and torture im enduring the more im losing that love and feeling. This evening was a grind not to cave, im so grateful that ive calmed down and back in control.
As a side note , my coworker dippped all around me today, offered me one and i said just let me smell it. It smelled good and my mouth watered but i didnt cave. I admitted to him i was an addict and really woud like one but I choose to QUIT. So my goal going into this third week is to learn to hate what i loved. I need to hate it,want to hate it, shall hate it, pray to hate it.

Wow. Your post brings me back...... to me. I think I should share this with you. You just made my quit stronger. Yes, you should hate the nic bitch. She is evil....

Here is what I wrote once upon a day...




3 weeks into my quit I joined KTC. Remember how pissed you were? When I posted roll you knew this was a game changer. I was playing to win. I now had access to knowledge. I had access to a plan. I had access to support. I was greeted immediately by Ready, Greg, Mike A, and Banner. Oh, I remember. You threw a big fit. You gave me rage, cravings, fatigue, the fog, stupors, headaches and sore throats.

As time passed I began to realize you were the devil. I realized that something that makes you feel so bad when you refrain from using it canÂ’t be all that good. I began to hate you. I mean really really hate you. No more reminiscing of the old times. No nostalgia. So, of course, you threw a big fit. You gave me depression, the blahs and the blues.

This meant war. Game on. I now had a purpose. I was not satisfied just to dump you. I wanted to wreck every other relationship you had. Every relationship. I would wait for new quitters on the boards. I took great pride in pointing out your lies. I enjoyed destroying your grip on others. That is how I met folks like Corn, Miles, Peace, Rocket, Dante, LLCope, Tazz, Luby and Poker just to name a few.



I am here for ya. Yes, hate the bitch. She stole your soul.

[drock7]

today was another tough one, the evenings as the sun goes down really hit me hard. Ive got to quit thinking about this crap. I want to quit and move on... This reminds me of a divorced couple with children. You never really get rid of the spouse , you just dont have to see them all day everday. I think Srans has giving me good advice... I somehow have to figure out how to hate the thing i loved. The more i think about the pain and torture im enduring the more im losing that love and feeling. This evening was a grind not to cave, im so grateful that ive calmed down and back in control.
As a side note , my coworker dippped all around me today, offered me one and i said just let me smell it. It smelled good and my mouth watered but i didnt cave. I admitted to him i was an addict and really woud like one but I choose to QUIT. So my goal going into this third week is to learn to hate what i loved. I need to hate it,want to hate it, shall hate it, pray to hate it.

[dipweasel]

today was a tough one, i knew i could do it, but it was really tough. I just got home and decided to read the Kern story again. Ive read it a number of times already. I decided this time to click the caringbridge link. A gorgeous family, having to live without their father. My addiction does affect others . I struggle each day and its not easy to say the least. I have only one choice, I QUIT today,
and when i wake GOD willing, Im QUITTING again tomorrow.

Drock, congrats on your quit! I quit back in January and I can tell you the quit past 100 days is sweet and you'll be here before you know it. Read your thread here tonight and I have two thoughts for you:

1. The worst craves only last three minutes. Most are much shorter. You can stand anything for less than three minutes!

2. How sweet was it to "live in the moment" with your kids fishing? Not thinking about dip, just truly enjoying the experience.

I hope these help or at least give you some food for thought. I quit with you today!

[per034]

today was a tough one, i knew i could do it, but it was really tough. I just got home and decided to read the Kern story again. Ive read it a number of times already. I decided this time to click the caringbridge link. A gorgeous family, having to live without their father. My addiction does affect others . I struggle each day and its not easy to say the least. I have only one choice, I QUIT today,
and when i wake GOD willing, Im QUITTING again tomorrow.

You got this Drock. I know you can't tell "tone" on the web, but I have this whole "jedi" feel about you. I know you got this. I know you're going to be an angry young vet when the time comes. But I also know you'll be here tomorrow, taking it one day at a time.

I'll be proud to be quit with you every day that you're quit, Drock - and that will last until we're both in the grave.

[drock7]

today was a tough one, i knew i could do it, but it was really tough. I just got home and decided to read the Kern story again. Ive read it a number of times already. I decided this time to click the caringbridge link. A gorgeous family, having to live without their father. My addiction does affect others . I struggle each day and its not easy to say the least. I have only one choice, I QUIT today,
and when i wake GOD willing, Im QUITTING again tomorrow.

[drock7]

I was looking ahead today, thinking about college football. I really enjoy the season as much as a person can. Bam !!, out of no where it hit me and i just laughed at myself. If you have ever done what im about to post let me know.
I actually have been watching the game , whether on tv or there in person and felt as if i could change the outcome. Let me explain ! My Dawgs would be going into the fourth quarter, and my stupid self would say " lets put a big fresh lump of cat crap in my mouth and get this game turned around" . It could be 2 minute drill and game on the line, I would say let me get us a dip and bring these boys some luck. I got to get a dip so we can hold them on this huge fourth down play.I have many examples of how this stupid crap made me act , just thought i would share this one today. The makers of this poison really know how to screw your mind up.
I never realized how childish i was acting.... This year i can root for my Dawgs while spitting some seeds or possibly Smokey mtn if im still using the fake. Happy quitting !!

[srans]

Read last night on the net, that oral cancer has a 10 year incubation period. Im a bit confused. I know of several stories where guys dipping have found out after 3 to 4 years after starting dipping. One even started dip and got cancer and died before 6 years. I know we all are different, just curious about this ten years thing. Any input you have on this , feel free to add.

Good job on your quit drock. Yea,, there is a lot of good information out there. There is also a lot of bad information out there. This is the FACT about cancer,, make no mistake. Me and you have dipped for years. We are very fortunate not to have died from it yet. Quitting dipping will not secure our future cancer free. I've read that it will take 15 years before our chances diminish to that of a non dipper. Yep, 15 years from now we could still get lung cancer, jaw cancer, mouth cancer,, or 100 other cancers out there. We cannot know for certain. It also cannot be guaranteed we will not get cancer after that.

The truth is we can not guarantee a life cancer free, but in saying that. Isn't it worth it to diminish the chances even it's by 1%. This is not to mention the freedom you will have poison free.

Take a good look at yourself right now drock. You are worried about cancer. Each day you think about the poison most of the day. I know this because I once had a day 12. Your first thought in the morning is of a filthy, disgusting weed that you even brought inside and shared with your family.. I also brought it in my house and shared it with my family. Think about how sad that it!! Your first thought in the morning is of this filthy disgusting weed. Don't tell me it's not,, remember I'm a addict also.

Let me tell you what your last thought should be before you go to bed. Your loved ones, not a weed. Your first thought in the morning should be of your loved ones, not a weed. The weed has no place in our homes, cars, back pockets, garbage can,yea i said garbage can. I don't even want it in my garbage. This is my house not the poisons. I know this has been long, but I get this way sometimes. I HATE the poison. It has stolen so much from me. I quit with you today.

srans,
i agree totally. we may even get cancer unrelated to dipping but its not an excuse to keep dipping. My grandmother(mom side) dipped for 70 years, died at age 80 never had cancer. I always told myself if i could live to be 80 and died even with cancer of the mouth that i would be satisfied. I look at that now and see how stupid it was to say. I know im going to die, just dont know when. However, i dont have to die with the poison controlling my life. Just as information, i have two great uncles(dad side) thats fate was not as good as my grandmother. They did live to a ripe old age of about 74-76 range. One died from chewing tobacco related mouth cancer. Died one year after major surgery to remove parts of his jaw and tongue. Couldnt speak, just mumbled as if we knew what he was saying. His brother smoked, and died within 3 months of him while struggling with lung cancer. Too top this off, their sister ,(my grandmother) is 100 years old and never smoked or dipped. Its not to say that they would have made it to a 100, but im sure she wouldnt have made it this far. She is in great shape to be a 100. I wanted to write about this as a reminder to me of the damaging effects the poison has had on my family. The fear has been a concern and is a big part of my Quit. The biggest impact has been my family, wife and children. I remain Quit today with all of you quitters.
Times get rough and the nic whore attacks, but its worth it today and I know it will be again tomorrow.

Good post drock. One of the reasons I finally jumped in the quit pool was my mother and law. Her and another member of our church died of lung cancer last year. What an awful way to die. My mother in law had quit for a few years before the cancer took hold, but the damage was done.

My sisters, mother and father all smoke. MY dad is 65 and a chain smoker. He already has been diagnosed with emphysema and has heart problems. I don't know how much time I have left with him. My guess is each day is a blessing because each day he takes more and more days away from his life. Nothing can be done at this point,,, the damage is done and a life a slavery he has chosen.. There is hope for my sisters, in which they will get tired of me, because I will try to set them straight. Your quit is inspiring me brother,, I quit with you today.

[drock7]

Read last night on the net, that oral cancer has a 10 year incubation period. Im a bit confused. I know of several stories where guys dipping have found out after 3 to 4 years after starting dipping. One even started dip and got cancer and died before 6 years. I know we all are different, just curious about this ten years thing. Any input you have on this , feel free to add.

Good job on your quit drock. Yea,, there is a lot of good information out there. There is also a lot of bad information out there. This is the FACT about cancer,, make no mistake. Me and you have dipped for years. We are very fortunate not to have died from it yet. Quitting dipping will not secure our future cancer free. I've read that it will take 15 years before our chances diminish to that of a non dipper. Yep, 15 years from now we could still get lung cancer, jaw cancer, mouth cancer,, or 100 other cancers out there. We cannot know for certain. It also cannot be guaranteed we will not get cancer after that.

The truth is we can not guarantee a life cancer free, but in saying that. Isn't it worth it to diminish the chances even it's by 1%. This is not to mention the freedom you will have poison free.

Take a good look at yourself right now drock. You are worried about cancer. Each day you think about the poison most of the day. I know this because I once had a day 12. Your first thought in the morning is of a filthy, disgusting weed that you even brought inside and shared with your family.. I also brought it in my house and shared it with my family. Think about how sad that it!! Your first thought in the morning is of this filthy disgusting weed. Don't tell me it's not,, remember I'm a addict also.

Let me tell you what your last thought should be before you go to bed. Your loved ones, not a weed. Your first thought in the morning should be of your loved ones, not a weed. The weed has no place in our homes, cars, back pockets, garbage can,yea i said garbage can. I don't even want it in my garbage. This is my house not the poisons. I know this has been long, but I get this way sometimes. I HATE the poison. It has stolen so much from me. I quit with you today.

srans,
i agree totally. we may even get cancer unrelated to dipping but its not an excuse to keep dipping. My grandmother(mom side) dipped for 70 years, died at age 80 never had cancer. I always told myself if i could live to be 80 and died even with cancer of the mouth that i would be satisfied. I look at that now and see how stupid it was to say. I know im going to die, just dont know when. However, i dont have to die with the poison controlling my life. Just as information, i have two great uncles(dad side) thats fate was not as good as my grandmother. They did live to a ripe old age of about 74-76 range. One died from chewing tobacco related mouth cancer. Died one year after major surgery to remove parts of his jaw and tongue. Couldnt speak, just mumbled as if we knew what he was saying. His brother smoked, and died within 3 months of him while struggling with lung cancer. Too top this off, their sister ,(my grandmother) is 100 years old and never smoked or dipped. Its not to say that they would have made it to a 100, but im sure she wouldnt have made it this far. She is in great shape to be a 100. I wanted to write about this as a reminder to me of the damaging effects the poison has had on my family. The fear has been a concern and is a big part of my Quit. The biggest impact has been my family, wife and children. I remain Quit today with all of you quitters.
Times get rough and the nic whore attacks, but its worth it today and I know it will be again tomorrow.

[srans]

Read last night on the net, that oral cancer has a 10 year incubation period. Im a bit confused. I know of several stories where guys dipping have found out after 3 to 4 years after starting dipping. One even started dip and got cancer and died before 6 years. I know we all are different, just curious about this ten years thing. Any input you have on this , feel free to add.

Good job on your quit drock. Yea,, there is a lot of good information out there. There is also a lot of bad information out there. This is the FACT about cancer,, make no mistake. Me and you have dipped for years. We are very fortunate not to have died from it yet. Quitting dipping will not secure our future cancer free. I've read that it will take 15 years before our chances diminish to that of a non dipper. Yep, 15 years from now we could still get lung cancer, jaw cancer, mouth cancer,, or 100 other cancers out there. We cannot know for certain. It also cannot be guaranteed we will not get cancer after that.

The truth is we can not guarantee a life cancer free, but in saying that. Isn't it worth it to diminish the chances even it's by 1%. This is not to mention the freedom you will have poison free.

Take a good look at yourself right now drock. You are worried about cancer. Each day you think about the poison most of the day. I know this because I once had a day 12. Your first thought in the morning is of a filthy, disgusting weed that you even brought inside and shared with your family.. I also brought it in my house and shared it with my family. Think about how sad that it!! Your first thought in the morning is of this filthy disgusting weed. Don't tell me it's not,, remember I'm a addict also.

Let me tell you what your last thought should be before you go to bed. Your loved ones, not a weed. Your first thought in the morning should be of your loved ones, not a weed. The weed has no place in our homes, cars, back pockets, garbage can,yea i said garbage can. I don't even want it in my garbage. This is my house not the poisons. I know this has been long, but I get this way sometimes. I HATE the poison. It has stolen so much from me. I quit with you today.

[drock7]

Read last night on the net, that oral cancer has a 10 year incubation period. Im a bit confused. I know of several stories where guys dipping have found out after 3 to 4 years after starting dipping. One even started dip and got cancer and died before 6 years. I know we all are different, just curious about this ten years thing. Any input you have on this , feel free to add.

[copingwithoutcopen]

Well just doing some observations as im going through day 10. I see that the site works, its manageable to quit for today. It can be done, however it sucks to the highest degree. The thoughts linger all day long of how good it was, and yes it was good. Maybe not good for me but good to me.  I was much happier dipping. I am not going to cave today, im just telling the truth of how i feel. I am glad that i have the discipline to quit day by day. The more i log on and read at times has a negative effect, its a reminder . The fake crap is a reminder, the seeds have my mouth screwed up worse than dipping ever did, and the jolly ranchers without a doubt will either rot my teeth out or break them from the constant gnawing. Well as i have seen before, it is what it is. The  hope i have in the whole process is to be an example for non dippers and the younger generation. I cant change the fact i screwed my mind up with the drug, but i can and will tell others to never use this crap. Not even once, you will be screwed until your last day.

Drock-As a fellow September slut, I agree with a lot of what you're saying. Dipping was something we all loved to do. If not, we wouldn't be here. I also agree that lots of things are reminders. I consider this site, the fake shit, talking about it with family or friends just a reminder of the fact that I have to be very vigilant and not fuck up.

And every time I feel myself thinking the old "damn, dipping was great" thing, I remind myself that when I was dipping I was constantly worried. Worried about whether I had enough or had to go out to the gas station again, worried about if it was in my teeth or on my shirt or hands, worried about who might find out, worried about when I'd have some time alone away from loved ones so I could dip, worried about CANCER (not that we're out of the woods, but we're certainly done contributing to it), and not mention worried about when I'd finally quit. I worried about every single one of those things every single day I was dipping. FUCK all that worry...and fuck dip! Not worth it. That's what I tell myself when that thought creeps in.

just speaking for me cause i have heard this alot on this site, but i never hid anything from anybody. I dipped openly in front of any and every one. Not bragging about that aspect, but i didnt take time away from family to dip. I did however set bad examples for my children. They always asking whats that in your mouth, and i want some of that. Also, i do agree with some of your points. Like leaving home at 10 30 or 11 at nite, driving 10 miles round trip to get a 3 dollar can of crap. The days it got turned over in the house, truck,car, condo at the beach, hotels provided by work... it happened in all of them. How disgusted i am of myself. I even spit tobacco on someone by accident, but still thats very offensive. If the table was turned i probably would have errupted. to be continued....

my kids even drank from spit cans, cups, bottles...just insanity..
I even remember sore gums once or twice , wait for it , wait for it,... yep... thats
right so sore i dipped in the upper lip. carrying a spit cup in the theater, wedding once, funeral once or twice, the list goes on. Idiot was , thats right was my middle name.
Looks and sounds like a good example of one extreme to the other, good ole fashion basket case. I remain quit today, and have enjoyed this rant rave cry session what ever you want to call it. It was quite releasing.

Hey, we all need to rant and rave and cry. I've done almost everything you've listed, too. When that thought creeps into our heads; that dipping was great or whatever, we just have to "focus on the negative."

Brother, this poison was a big part of our lives for a long time and it takes some time to get past the ceremony of dipping. Don't confuse ceremony with happiness and don't confuse comfort for goodness. Friend, quitting doesn't suck to the highest degree, dying does. Leaving your wife and kids with your final thought during your last breath being that you picked a weed over them (seems to me) would suck to the highest degree. Your addict mind is playing games, make no mistake. There is nothing, no part of your life that wasn't adversely effected by this weed. Conversely, you'll soon see the positive effects on your mouth, your health, your wallet and the relationship with your family as you become the person they deserve.