"Never forget where you came from and never take your eyes off where you're heading."
I hope you all don't mind if I ramble a bit, because I'm going to anyway. As I sit here today, 49 days into my quit, and reflect on everything leading up to this point, I feel led to share. I hope this may help someone in someway. It matters not how many people you can reach, as long as you reach one. My life isn't anything grandiose. I am human and I fail more than I excel. I am complacent (a feeling of being satisfied with how things are...). I am an addict (to devote or surrender to something habitually or obsessively...). I am free (more on this later...). I am quit, but I realize at any moment I could lose it all. I could easily fall, just as others before me. Before you are quick to judge anyone on their journey, be careful for pride comes before the fall. I have been for the most part silent, but it's a time in my life I needed to be still. I have had to come to face things that I used dip to hide from. I am finding me. I pulled back from life, not just KTC. I went from so much joy in freedom, to "now what" once the exuberance wore off. As hard as the beginning of the quit was, and by no means am I belittling the beginning, it wasn't nearly as difficult to manage as the fight I am in now. In the beginning I was a prisoner. My addiction to the can was my solitary. Then I realized addiction is the only prison where the locks are on the inside. I had the key to escape the cell all along. The easy part was getting out. The hard part is staying out. Each day quit is less difficult. I will never lock myself in that cell again. However, I have become satisfied with where I am at. There is nothing wrong with being happy with where I am in life, but I can't be content or satisfied to stay there. I must always seek to better myself, especially since that is what I expect from others. I am extremely proud to be where I am considering the weak individual I was. I couldn't stay away from something killing me for an extended period of time. Knowing it was killing me I continued to use. I conquered a mighty giant in my life. I am happy, but it can't stop there. So, my next question was how do I stay happy with myself yet improve myself? When I reflected on who I am and where I can be better, it was a depressing period. I felt good about myself, then realized I wasn't as good as I thought I was. I have many areas that can use improvement. It's easy to see it as overwhelming. However, I choose to see it as "I am worth it", and just handle things one at a time. I am on a path to freedom. I will reach that freedom, not only from nic, but from all addiction that continues to keep me from being me. However, this is KTC, so I will keep it about the Nic beast. I'm not preaching (warning: bible verse coming), but I want to share one final thing...
Galatians 5:13 - For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Brothers and Sisters of KTC,
We are called to "freedom". Webster's told me that freedom consisted of three things...
1. not costing any money - Along with the money saved by not purchasing a can, we have found each other for free via KTC. Friends aren't cheap, but they are free. It doesn't cost you anything to get up, post roll, and reach out to one person sometime throughout the day. It may sound trivial, but you never know what it means to someone knowing they aren't fighting life alone. It's nice to know I have my wife by my side, but she doesn't understand the struggle like you guys do. If you haven't shared your phone # with at least one person, that is my challenge to you. I'm not asking you to go crazy. Take the first step. Find one. If you need someone, send me a message with your number. I will text you hello and my name so you have my number. That's it. Nothing more or nothing less. I only want the opportunity to be there for you. It's free
2. not held as a slave or prisoner - We are no longer confined to prison. Our life isn't decided by Warden Nic. We choose our destiny now. Choose you, because you are worth it. Take pride in your freedom. Wear it as a banner. I have heard stories of prisoners who are set free only to end up back in prison. Why would anyone escape the chains only to freely choose to be bound again? The only possible answer is they don't know what to do with their freedom. We are all different, but we all have purpose. Your purpose may be used to help set another prisoner on his/her path to freedom. I won't even try to guess what your purpose is. Only you can find the answer to that. I can tell you what your purpose is 'NOT'. Your purpose is not to turn back to the can.
3. not physically held by something - The can had a physical hold on us. We had our finger in it. Then we had it in our mouth. There is not a lot more physical than that. We are no longer held by this chemical that we so 'needed' just to get through life. My favorite line I repeat to myself, be as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I 'had' to have it just to get through life. Well, now, I 'HAVE' to have the quit just to get through life. The QUIT doesn't hold me to any unnecessary commitment. It frees me from the bonds that held me captive.
If you are still reading this, know this, IT WILL NEVER BE OVER! Freedom can be lost. "Freedom is never given by the oppressor, it must be demanded by the oppressed." On your path to freedom, always CHOOSE YOU! Never stop overcoming obstacles, or they will overcome you. I will quiet for now, but I am here for whoever, whatever, whenever, wherever, or why ever. I'm just a PM away. Carpe diem!!!