Betrayal

[WS101214]

Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.

Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.

Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.

Proud to be quit with you!

Thanks for the reply. What you are mentioning is what pains me the most. I got away with lies on nic (substance that impacts health and happiness), till I got caught. This is something that really didn't warrant a lie, fear of 10 questions and argument made me lie, which has caused a night full of and probably days to follow full of sorrow and depression on her end and mine. I am willing to (since there is really no folded in lies) to bring the powder to any chemical testing to prove that it was the same tablet, and am ready to test every ounce of my blood for any controlled substance and if I am exposed (which I'm damn sure I wont be). But none of these seem to calm her... It all just happened last night. You are right. More than nic (which I have crushed out - trust me if was very tough since I quit cold turkey), lying is my biggest addiction (like she points out rightly) and I need to break it. Last night, I learnt it the hard way that facing 10 questions is better than lying, getting caught and spoiling everything for everyone.

Yeah you do. And when I say you I mean we. Just like you quit nic, make that choice to be honest today, make it tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. You've got no equity now so don't expect to be believed, but do it because it is the right thing to do, and keep doing it. You've got to fix yourself and the rest will follow.

"killthelies.org" created and used for me with today being quit day 1. It's so bashful and embarrassing going through all this crap at 37, that too for something I could have totally avoided. When I lie (big or small), I seriously cant surmise what goes on in my mind triggering all this (a combination emotions predominantly fear of questions), but I have no choice but to reap what I sowed. Her point is "so you don't like to be questioned on anything you do, and if I question you, you take to more aggressive lies...?" valid enough.

Ha, if you think this is embarrassing at 37 try 43 (soon to be 44 next week)! I would kill to be in your spot now and have several more years of my life without the BS! You got this!

[wantmylifeback]

Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.

Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.

Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.

Proud to be quit with you!

Thanks for the reply. What you are mentioning is what pains me the most. I got away with lies on nic (substance that impacts health and happiness), till I got caught. This is something that really didn't warrant a lie, fear of 10 questions and argument made me lie, which has caused a night full of and probably days to follow full of sorrow and depression on her end and mine. I am willing to (since there is really no folded in lies) to bring the powder to any chemical testing to prove that it was the same tablet, and am ready to test every ounce of my blood for any controlled substance and if I am exposed (which I'm damn sure I wont be). But none of these seem to calm her... It all just happened last night. You are right. More than nic (which I have crushed out - trust me if was very tough since I quit cold turkey), lying is my biggest addiction (like she points out rightly) and I need to break it. Last night, I learnt it the hard way that facing 10 questions is better than lying, getting caught and spoiling everything for everyone.

Yeah you do. And when I say you I mean we. Just like you quit nic, make that choice to be honest today, make it tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. You've got no equity now so don't expect to be believed, but do it because it is the right thing to do, and keep doing it. You've got to fix yourself and the rest will follow.

"killthelies.org" created and used for me with today being quit day 1. It's so bashful and embarrassing going through all this crap at 37, that too for something I could have totally avoided. When I lie (big or small), I seriously cant surmise what goes on in my mind triggering all this (a combination emotions predominantly fear of questions), but I have no choice but to reap what I sowed. Her point is "so you don't like to be questioned on anything you do, and if I question you, you take to more aggressive lies...?" valid enough.

[WS101214]

Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.

Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.

Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.

Proud to be quit with you!

Thanks for the reply. What you are mentioning is what pains me the most. I got away with lies on nic (substance that impacts health and happiness), till I got caught. This is something that really didn't warrant a lie, fear of 10 questions and argument made me lie, which has caused a night full of and probably days to follow full of sorrow and depression on her end and mine. I am willing to (since there is really no folded in lies) to bring the powder to any chemical testing to prove that it was the same tablet, and am ready to test every ounce of my blood for any controlled substance and if I am exposed (which I'm damn sure I wont be). But none of these seem to calm her... It all just happened last night. You are right. More than nic (which I have crushed out - trust me if was very tough since I quit cold turkey), lying is my biggest addiction (like she points out rightly) and I need to break it. Last night, I learnt it the hard way that facing 10 questions is better than lying, getting caught and spoiling everything for everyone.

Yeah you do. And when I say you I mean we. Just like you quit nic, make that choice to be honest today, make it tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. You've got no equity now so don't expect to be believed, but do it because it is the right thing to do, and keep doing it. You've got to fix yourself and the rest will follow.

[wantmylifeback]

Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.

Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.

Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.

Proud to be quit with you!

Thanks for the reply. What you are mentioning is what pains me the most. I got away with lies on nic (substance that impacts health and happiness), till I got caught. This is something that really didn't warrant a lie, fear of 10 questions and argument made me lie, which has caused a night full of and probably days to follow full of sorrow and depression on her end and mine. I am willing to (since there is really no folded in lies) to bring the powder to any chemical testing to prove that it was the same tablet, and am ready to test every ounce of my blood for any controlled substance and if I am exposed (which I'm damn sure I wont be). But none of these seem to calm her... It all just happened last night. You are right. More than nic (which I have crushed out - trust me if was very tough since I quit cold turkey), lying is my biggest addiction (like she points out rightly) and I need to break it. Last night, I learnt it the hard way that facing 10 questions is better than lying, getting caught and spoiling everything for everyone.

[WS101214]

Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.

Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.

Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.

Proud to be quit with you!

[wantmylifeback]

Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.

Hey man, I was reading through your intro and other posts. Just wanted to offer up some support. Trust me I get the white lies, as I'm sure all of us have told them in the past. For me, I have found honesty is the best policy, even after a lie is told. Just get it off your chest and explain the reasoning, even if the reasoning is bullshit.

Quit with you today brother

Rohde

Hucd

Reason being BS is her problem. If its something like powdering a tablet, why not say it rather than mask it with a lie. What if that's a lie (ITS NOT) like all the previous times is her question. And I truly don't have an answer, but the fact that this time it was truly the tablet I was powdering, and I have no option to repeat this a million times, whether she is willing to accept it or not. May be I am so afraid of her, and lie, and get caught even worsely, however big / small it is - a lie is a lie is a lie.

[Srohde]

Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.

Hey man, I was reading through your intro and other posts. Just wanted to offer up some support. Trust me I get the white lies, as I'm sure all of us have told them in the past. For me, I have found honesty is the best policy, even after a lie is told. Just get it off your chest and explain the reasoning, even if the reasoning is bullshit.

Quit with you today brother

Rohde

Hucd

[wantmylifeback]

Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.

[wantmylifeback]

razd611 and done4me - thanks for the encouragement. Of course no turning back is what I've been telling myself.

[Done4Me]

Day 30 today. So far, so good.

Well done on the 30 days. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. The path will widen and you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

30 days is awesome wantmy. You're killing it. Think about where you were 31 days ago. I'm never going back.

[RAZD611]

Day 30 today. So far, so good.

Well done on the 30 days. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. The path will widen and you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[wantmylifeback]

Day 30 today. So far, so good.

[FMBM707]

Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.

So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?

Obviously you don't get it............

What don't I get? Obviously I hold the key to getting myself back and therefore (over a period of time, my wife's trust) my life back.

I appologize. I confused you wth someone else.

:$

No problem. I did quit cold turkey, but have been reading a lot of posts, experiences and quit stories on this forum, which have been very useful, along with my own tools (which includes watching videos on harmful effects of tobacco), whenever I hear nic bitch whispering in my ears. So I was really not sure what I don't get. There could be something that I don't know, and do want to, in order to not miss out on that aspect. Please let me know. Thanks in advance.

Keep doing what you are doing. Read, watch videos, post role every damn day, use your intro to document your quit. Do what you need to do to stay quit. Nail the door shut, burn the boat- don't ever go back.

[wantmylifeback]

Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.

So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?

Obviously you don't get it............

What don't I get? Obviously I hold the key to getting myself back and therefore (over a period of time, my wife's trust) my life back.

I appologize. I confused you wth someone else.

:$

No problem. I did quit cold turkey, but have been reading a lot of posts, experiences and quit stories on this forum, which have been very useful, along with my own tools (which includes watching videos on harmful effects of tobacco), whenever I hear nic bitch whispering in my ears. So I was really not sure what I don't get. There could be something that I don't know, and do want to, in order to not miss out on that aspect. Please let me know. Thanks in advance.

[RAZD611]

Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.

So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?

Obviously you don't get it............

What don't I get? Obviously I hold the key to getting myself back and therefore (over a period of time, my wife's trust) my life back.

I appologize. I confused you wth someone else.

:$