Nick's Quit

[granger829]

Tomorrow's the day. Getting up bright and early to head to the hospital for surgery. The anxiety I have now makes the quitting anxiety seem like it was a joke.

[Dagranger]

Had my first dream about snuff last night. Holy smokes can those suckers feel real. I woke up feeling like trash, thinking I had failed to keep my promise and that I had let myself down. It took 35 days for a dream to sneak it's way in to my sub-conscience. Hopefully they are few and far between because I'm still feeling kinda funky.

The dip dream is such a rite of passage with quitting. I often wonder if I would have any dip dreams without KTC. Waking up thinking you've let down thousands of other quitters definitely leaves a mark. Rub some dirt on it and get back to it.

[worktowin]

Had my first dream about snuff last night. Holy smokes can those suckers feel real. I woke up feeling like trash, thinking I had failed to keep my promise and that I had let myself down. It took 35 days for a dream to sneak it's way in to my sub-conscience. Hopefully they are few and far between because I'm still feeling kinda funky.

Reminder of what losing felt like...

All part of the rewiring. Bright days ahead.

[granger829]

Had my first dream about snuff last night. Holy smokes can those suckers feel real. I woke up feeling like trash, thinking I had failed to keep my promise and that I had let myself down. It took 35 days for a dream to sneak it's way in to my sub-conscience. Hopefully they are few and far between because I'm still feeling kinda funky.

[AppleJack]

Hard to believe tomorrow will be day 30 and 1 month. I feel good 80% of the time. The cravings are still occurring fairly often but have lost strength. The anxiety is tapering off but I have been doing my best to avoid highly stressful situations. Last week at work was brutal and was a completely unavoidable stressful situation. I handled it pretty well considering I would have had a chew in for 40 of 48 hours just 30 days ago.

I finally had my second opinion appointment with a different neurosurgeon last week and was given 3 options. The other doctor I saw had given me two... do nothing or spinal fusion. At 24 years old a spinal fusion is not desirable but I was being led to believe it was my only option.

Turns out an option exists that is much less invasive and has 1/3 the recovery time. I am hoping to have some painless days once I have the procedure and am on my way with recovery.

Keep driving bud. I remember having some really shitty days between day 20 and day 50. I felt quit, but my addiction just wouldn't stop. It gets frustrating but, so many of us have fought through...so you can too.

How have I missed this intro?

Great intro! Great story! A few thoughts...

1. Reading this reminds me of how incredibly youthful I am compared to Applejack! Haha
2. Read about want versus need. AJ, pinched, Dagranger, Ginet... Dude we all needed to quit for years, but we didn't want to quit. Need is sort of a subjective term; we need water, food, shelter, Ivanka Trump flat on her back with a feather duster (I digress...). You have to want this in order for it to work. It gets a shitload easier.
3. Dagranger talked about it being a lifelong battle. Those of us that are successful post roll every day and keep our word. We have peeps who watch out for us. We know when their birthdays are. When they buy a new car. When they bang Ivanka hard (I digress again) but you get the idea. Brotherhood + accountability = success. It is easy to fail yourself, as you know. Once you are on a winning team, you don't shit on them. It works.
4. I work with a guy who showed up one day bent in half like a pretzel hobbling along with a cane. He was so loaded on painkillers that his emails were my main entertainment for weeks (other than pictures and thoughts of Ivanka, I digress). Anyway, he has fusion surgery one day a few weeks later and missed one week of work. No cane no therapy. A miracle. I was shocked. Life is too short to be miserable. Do what you have to do bud.
5. I'm over 1,000 days by a bit. I haven't had a craving in at least 6 months. I kind of appreciate them. They remind me of what a fucking bad ass winner I am (more below on that).
Dont quit for your back. Quit because...

It makes you proud of you
It gives you freedom
It is the right thing for you at the right time
It saves you money
It takes away something you are ashamed of/hide at times
It will make you happier
It will make you healthier

But most of all...

It will make you a winner... At something that you have lost at for years.

This is important man. I live in Kansas City. The Royals were a damn joke for decades. You couldn't give the tickets away. Most home games had 2,000 seats full. Last year the city, and quite frankly the country, was electrified at seeing the underdog win, after years of losing. See, we had given up on the possibility of ever seeing greatness after so many years of loss. But on one fateful Tuesday 875,000 of us wore blue and cheered on those bad ass Royals 3 days after they did what we thought was impossible, in a giant parade that we never imagined we would see.

That, my friend, is how I feel every time I post my name and day count. Like I'm 10' tall. If I can do this, if pinched... Ginet... Dagranger.... Applejack... Can do this... I know you can too. One day at a time brother. Winning is so sweet

Worktowin 1,179

Appreciate the advice! AppleJack was quick to point out that need will only get me so far and that my want or desire will take me to the finish line (along with the brotherhood here at KTC). My back is what got me thinking about quitting again and my want to be able to do things again without being in pain all the time is my biggest driver. I have to stay quit so that I can stay proud of myself for overcoming this. I have to stay quit so I can stay healthy and live a long happy life with my beautiful wife. I have to stay quit so my future kids don't pick up the habit.

I'm noticing small wins now and I try to always take notice of them because they remind me that what I am doing is worthwhile.

Love this post, bro!

All big things are really a myriad of small things coming together. Freedom isn't something that just happens... it's earned. It's hundred/thousands of little wins. Each of which you should celebrate because each one is creating the new picture of your freedom. First day of work without dip... win. First weekend alone without dip... win. First trip to the store without buying dip... win.

On and on.

Keep racking them up, man...

[granger829]

Hard to believe tomorrow will be day 30 and 1 month. I feel good 80% of the time. The cravings are still occurring fairly often but have lost strength. The anxiety is tapering off but I have been doing my best to avoid highly stressful situations. Last week at work was brutal and was a completely unavoidable stressful situation. I handled it pretty well considering I would have had a chew in for 40 of 48 hours just 30 days ago.

I finally had my second opinion appointment with a different neurosurgeon last week and was given 3 options. The other doctor I saw had given me two... do nothing or spinal fusion. At 24 years old a spinal fusion is not desirable but I was being led to believe it was my only option.

Turns out an option exists that is much less invasive and has 1/3 the recovery time. I am hoping to have some painless days once I have the procedure and am on my way with recovery.

Keep driving bud. I remember having some really shitty days between day 20 and day 50. I felt quit, but my addiction just wouldn't stop. It gets frustrating but, so many of us have fought through...so you can too.

How have I missed this intro?

Great intro! Great story! A few thoughts...

1. Reading this reminds me of how incredibly youthful I am compared to Applejack! Haha
2. Read about want versus need. AJ, pinched, Dagranger, Ginet... Dude we all needed to quit for years, but we didn't want to quit. Need is sort of a subjective term; we need water, food, shelter, Ivanka Trump flat on her back with a feather duster (I digress...). You have to want this in order for it to work. It gets a shitload easier.
3. Dagranger talked about it being a lifelong battle. Those of us that are successful post roll every day and keep our word. We have peeps who watch out for us. We know when their birthdays are. When they buy a new car. When they bang Ivanka hard (I digress again) but you get the idea. Brotherhood + accountability = success. It is easy to fail yourself, as you know. Once you are on a winning team, you don't shit on them. It works.
4. I work with a guy who showed up one day bent in half like a pretzel hobbling along with a cane. He was so loaded on painkillers that his emails were my main entertainment for weeks (other than pictures and thoughts of Ivanka, I digress). Anyway, he has fusion surgery one day a few weeks later and missed one week of work. No cane no therapy. A miracle. I was shocked. Life is too short to be miserable. Do what you have to do bud.
5. I'm over 1,000 days by a bit. I haven't had a craving in at least 6 months. I kind of appreciate them. They remind me of what a fucking bad ass winner I am (more below on that).
Dont quit for your back. Quit because...

It makes you proud of you
It gives you freedom
It is the right thing for you at the right time
It saves you money
It takes away something you are ashamed of/hide at times
It will make you happier
It will make you healthier

But most of all...

It will make you a winner... At something that you have lost at for years.

This is important man. I live in Kansas City. The Royals were a damn joke for decades. You couldn't give the tickets away. Most home games had 2,000 seats full. Last year the city, and quite frankly the country, was electrified at seeing the underdog win, after years of losing. See, we had given up on the possibility of ever seeing greatness after so many years of loss. But on one fateful Tuesday 875,000 of us wore blue and cheered on those bad ass Royals 3 days after they did what we thought was impossible, in a giant parade that we never imagined we would see.

That, my friend, is how I feel every time I post my name and day count. Like I'm 10' tall. If I can do this, if pinched... Ginet... Dagranger.... Applejack... Can do this... I know you can too. One day at a time brother. Winning is so sweet

Worktowin 1,179

Appreciate the advice! AppleJack was quick to point out that need will only get me so far and that my want or desire will take me to the finish line (along with the brotherhood here at KTC). My back is what got me thinking about quitting again and my want to be able to do things again without being in pain all the time is my biggest driver. I have to stay quit so that I can stay proud of myself for overcoming this. I have to stay quit so I can stay healthy and live a long happy life with my beautiful wife. I have to stay quit so my future kids don't pick up the habit.

I'm noticing small wins now and I try to always take notice of them because they remind me that what I am doing is worthwhile.

[worktowin]

Hard to believe tomorrow will be day 30 and 1 month. I feel good 80% of the time. The cravings are still occurring fairly often but have lost strength. The anxiety is tapering off but I have been doing my best to avoid highly stressful situations. Last week at work was brutal and was a completely unavoidable stressful situation. I handled it pretty well considering I would have had a chew in for 40 of 48 hours just 30 days ago.

I finally had my second opinion appointment with a different neurosurgeon last week and was given 3 options. The other doctor I saw had given me two... do nothing or spinal fusion. At 24 years old a spinal fusion is not desirable but I was being led to believe it was my only option.

Turns out an option exists that is much less invasive and has 1/3 the recovery time. I am hoping to have some painless days once I have the procedure and am on my way with recovery.

Keep driving bud. I remember having some really shitty days between day 20 and day 50. I felt quit, but my addiction just wouldn't stop. It gets frustrating but, so many of us have fought through...so you can too.

How have I missed this intro?

Great intro! Great story! A few thoughts...

1. Reading this reminds me of how incredibly youthful I am compared to Applejack! Haha
2. Read about want versus need. AJ, pinched, Dagranger, Ginet... Dude we all needed to quit for years, but we didn't want to quit. Need is sort of a subjective term; we need water, food, shelter, Ivanka Trump flat on her back with a feather duster (I digress...). You have to want this in order for it to work. It gets a shitload easier.
3. Dagranger talked about it being a lifelong battle. Those of us that are successful post roll every day and keep our word. We have peeps who watch out for us. We know when their birthdays are. When they buy a new car. When they bang Ivanka hard (I digress again) but you get the idea. Brotherhood + accountability = success. It is easy to fail yourself, as you know. Once you are on a winning team, you don't shit on them. It works.
4. I work with a guy who showed up one day bent in half like a pretzel hobbling along with a cane. He was so loaded on painkillers that his emails were my main entertainment for weeks (other than pictures and thoughts of Ivanka, I digress). Anyway, he has fusion surgery one day a few weeks later and missed one week of work. No cane no therapy. A miracle. I was shocked. Life is too short to be miserable. Do what you have to do bud.
5. I'm over 1,000 days by a bit. I haven't had a craving in at least 6 months. I kind of appreciate them. They remind me of what a fucking bad ass winner I am (more below on that).
Dont quit for your back. Quit because...

It makes you proud of you
It gives you freedom
It is the right thing for you at the right time
It saves you money
It takes away something you are ashamed of/hide at times
It will make you happier
It will make you healthier

But most of all...

It will make you a winner... At something that you have lost at for years.

This is important man. I live in Kansas City. The Royals were a damn joke for decades. You couldn't give the tickets away. Most home games had 2,000 seats full. Last year the city, and quite frankly the country, was electrified at seeing the underdog win, after years of losing. See, we had given up on the possibility of ever seeing greatness after so many years of loss. But on one fateful Tuesday 875,000 of us wore blue and cheered on those bad ass Royals 3 days after they did what we thought was impossible, in a giant parade that we never imagined we would see.

That, my friend, is how I feel every time I post my name and day count. Like I'm 10' tall. If I can do this, if pinched... Ginet... Dagranger.... Applejack... Can do this... I know you can too. One day at a time brother. Winning is so sweet

Worktowin 1,179

[Dagranger]

Hard to believe tomorrow will be day 30 and 1 month. I feel good 80% of the time. The cravings are still occurring fairly often but have lost strength. The anxiety is tapering off but I have been doing my best to avoid highly stressful situations. Last week at work was brutal and was a completely unavoidable stressful situation. I handled it pretty well considering I would have had a chew in for 40 of 48 hours just 30 days ago.

I finally had my second opinion appointment with a different neurosurgeon last week and was given 3 options. The other doctor I saw had given me two... do nothing or spinal fusion. At 24 years old a spinal fusion is not desirable but I was being led to believe it was my only option.

Turns out an option exists that is much less invasive and has 1/3 the recovery time. I am hoping to have some painless days once I have the procedure and am on my way with recovery.

Keep driving bud. I remember having some really shitty days between day 20 and day 50. I felt quit, but my addiction just wouldn't stop. It gets frustrating but, so many of us have fought through...so you can too.

[granger829]

Hard to believe tomorrow will be day 30 and 1 month. I feel good 80% of the time. The cravings are still occurring fairly often but have lost strength. The anxiety is tapering off but I have been doing my best to avoid highly stressful situations. Last week at work was brutal and was a completely unavoidable stressful situation. I handled it pretty well considering I would have had a chew in for 40 of 48 hours just 30 days ago.

I finally had my second opinion appointment with a different neurosurgeon last week and was given 3 options. The other doctor I saw had given me two... do nothing or spinal fusion. At 24 years old a spinal fusion is not desirable but I was being led to believe it was my only option.

Turns out an option exists that is much less invasive and has 1/3 the recovery time. I am hoping to have some painless days once I have the procedure and am on my way with recovery.

[Ginet]

Today is day 24 and the day that I find out whether I am a candidate for back surgery or not. I'm pretty stressed out about that. I'm stressed because I got denied for disability insurance so if I do have surgery I'll be off work with no income. I'm stressed because I will have to burn the 3 weeks vacation I have been hoarding for hunting, fishing, and taking a buddy of mine with brain cancer on a vacation as part of an FLMA leave.

I'm going to stay quit because I have no other choice but man this life can sure be a mother sometimes.

.....and, you are quit. Life will bitch slap you a few more times I'm sure. None of us are immune from it. We are however, quit. Nothing gets in the way of our quit.......

Hang in there. You have my number.

[granger829]

Today is day 24 and the day that I find out whether I am a candidate for back surgery or not. I'm pretty stressed out about that. I'm stressed because I got denied for disability insurance so if I do have surgery I'll be off work with no income. I'm stressed because I will have to burn the 3 weeks vacation I have been hoarding for hunting, fishing, and taking a buddy of mine with brain cancer on a vacation as part of an FLMA leave.

I'm going to stay quit because I have no other choice but man this life can sure be a mother sometimes.

[granger829]

Well today I am a full 3 weeks into my quit. I thought I would feel much better than I do by the time I made it to 3 weeks. I didn't realize the hold that this substance has had on my brain. The cravings can be just as strong as they were in the first 3 days but generally they aren't. My battle has become a battle of mind over matter and resisting the temptation of the triggers.

I have only had 2 or 3 fake chews while driving since quitting and this was a big thing for me. I wanted to try to break some triggers as early in the game as possible. Weekends remain my biggest trigger and crave of the week. I stay busy M-F and with warmer weather coming, I will be able to stay even busier. I am going to try to revamp my auto-detailing on the side as a means to stay busy and make some extra money while doing so.

I ordered some Triumph online a few weeks ago after reading some reviews and I must say in my opinion it is much better than smokey mountain. Everything about it feels more real. I must caution you though, if you buy from Triumph, please know that they sell product with nicotine in it, you MUST specify NO NICOTINE when purchasing to ensure that you don't get a mixture pack or product with nicotine in it.

Keep on keepin on!

Cruising right along man. Good shiz.

My 2 bits?... I wouldn't give that Triumph company another dime, dude. They're still dealing in the drug you're breaking free from. You're still feeding the industry.

I agree AppleJack but smokey mountain wasn't sitting right with me and I had tried bac-off in the past too. I read some good reviews about Triumph and figured it was worth a shot. Triumph recommends using their nicotine containing products short term to 'ween' yourself off of the real deal so that you can quit. I quit cold turkey but am using the herbal stuff as a crutch here and there. I'm sure some people keep buying their product with the nicotine in it long term though.

I am hoping to just hold on to what I have for extreme urges and cravings and never need to buy any more but time will tell. I keep it around if I have a couple beers with friends and will keep it around during hunting season but I don't expect to use it regularly.

[AppleJack]

Well today I am a full 3 weeks into my quit. I thought I would feel much better than I do by the time I made it to 3 weeks. I didn't realize the hold that this substance has had on my brain. The cravings can be just as strong as they were in the first 3 days but generally they aren't. My battle has become a battle of mind over matter and resisting the temptation of the triggers.

I have only had 2 or 3 fake chews while driving since quitting and this was a big thing for me. I wanted to try to break some triggers as early in the game as possible. Weekends remain my biggest trigger and crave of the week. I stay busy M-F and with warmer weather coming, I will be able to stay even busier. I am going to try to revamp my auto-detailing on the side as a means to stay busy and make some extra money while doing so.

I ordered some Triumph online a few weeks ago after reading some reviews and I must say in my opinion it is much better than smokey mountain. Everything about it feels more real. I must caution you though, if you buy from Triumph, please know that they sell product with nicotine in it, you MUST specify NO NICOTINE when purchasing to ensure that you don't get a mixture pack or product with nicotine in it.

Keep on keepin on!

Cruising right along man. Good shiz.

My 2 bits?... I wouldn't give that Triumph company another dime, dude. They're still dealing in the drug you're breaking free from. You're still feeding the industry.

[granger829]

Well today I am a full 3 weeks into my quit. I thought I would feel much better than I do by the time I made it to 3 weeks. I didn't realize the hold that this substance has had on my brain. The cravings can be just as strong as they were in the first 3 days but generally they aren't. My battle has become a battle of mind over matter and resisting the temptation of the triggers.

I have only had 2 or 3 fake chews while driving since quitting and this was a big thing for me. I wanted to try to break some triggers as early in the game as possible. Weekends remain my biggest trigger and crave of the week. I stay busy M-F and with warmer weather coming, I will be able to stay even busier. I am going to try to revamp my auto-detailing on the side as a means to stay busy and make some extra money while doing so.

I ordered some Triumph online a few weeks ago after reading some reviews and I must say in my opinion it is much better than smokey mountain. Everything about it feels more real. I must caution you though, if you buy from Triumph, please know that they sell product with nicotine in it, you MUST specify NO NICOTINE when purchasing to ensure that you don't get a mixture pack or product with nicotine in it.

Keep on keepin on!

[Dagranger]

Haven't floated around the intro board in a while but tonight I did and caught your name....couldn't help but post some advice. Some of which it looks like you are already getting a handle of.
1. Young guys probably have the worst track record on this site so be aware. For some it's living a party lifestyle (quitting is harder when you're drinking and more vulnerable) for others its the belief that after a few days of quitting they make the mistake in believing that quitting isn't that hard so they can crack for a day and then start quitting again the next day (thinking this added decades to me feeding my addiction). Whatever the reason young guys cave....don't be another 20 something who proves this point again.
2. Most of the successful quitters do not battle dip, they battle themselves and their addiction. When you are sick and tired of answering the call of your addiction and want to take control of your life again once and for all, you have all the tools you need to quit. But knowing you are an addict, a true addict to the drug called nicotine, should tell you that you are an addict for life....so you are making a lifetime decision, but doing it one day at a time.
3. Lots of tough days during your first 100 days. I promise that whatever you are feeling it will change within 10 days. So when you hit a rough patch, know that within 1-1/2 weeks you will be out of it. Also I may be getting ahead of myself but we make a big deal about 100 days on this site....100 days doesn't mean shit, too many guys hit 100 and think they are cured of their addiction. This is a lifetime fight. Celebrate your victories along the way but stay focused for the long haul.
4. When you post roll....realize that you are truly making a promise to quit dipping. Posting will come to matter to you and those in your group. Don't post when you feel up to it, or when you have a free moment....post every day without fail. The earlier the better. It takes me 25 seconds every morning, and I've done it for over 2-1/12 years. It is the lifeblood of this site and it has kept me straight when nothing else did after 28 years of dipping.

You can do this...
-Andy Granger