Definitely better. I'm growing into a relationship with this quit, we're getting to know each other very well. We both hate the nicotine bitch, and my quit is hate fucking that bitch every chance it gets. Now I know what "posting roll and one day at a time" means.
Day 29 without Nicotine, Day 41 w/out chew. Sometimes I feel like something's missing, usually right before I leave the house... "keys, wallet, chew, phone" was my checklist since college. Really, college? I've given up most of the other bad habits I had in college, like drinking until I puked on my shoes, fucking fat girls for fun, sleeping in until noon, but in hindsight I never thought chew would be around this long. I never wanted it to. In fact, I only started chew because I wanted to quit smoking. I started playing Rugby, and smoking became a problem. I told my mates "If you see me smoking, punch me in the face" and they did wholeheartedly, a couple times. Then someone said "here, have a dip". I threw up immediately, filling an empty pitcher with vomit that should have served warning of the evils of chew. At the time, though, we used to fill pitchers with vomit or urine because it was funny, and leave them on other people's tables.
I'm telling these other stories as a way to avoid why I'm replying to my introduction... over the weekend, my family went to see Thomas the train and I saw a guy there, probably around my age, with a giant tumor on his neck right around where I used to throw in a dip. He was there with his son I guess, and I could tell they were having a wonderful time in each other's company. Not only did that little boy not care about his dad's giant tumor (we're talking softball size), but the Dad didn't seem to care when he kissed his son and hugged him. It was all I could do to not stare, and I really thought about how lucky to not have one of those giant tumors myself, especially with 16 years of poison in my face. I'm also lucky to have one of those really cool sons to spend time with, and I'm pissed that even though I don't have one of those giant tumors now, I very well could end up with one and potentially deny my son years of knowing his father.
Appreciate every day, as they are numbered for everyone, the only doubt is in how big our number is.
