« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2014, 11:49:00 PM »
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys.
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
Powerful stuff, Ted. Thanks for sharing.
Wow Ted! Inspiring and brutally honest introduction. That means a lot to a young quitter like myself. I don't have a spouse/girlfriend. I don't have any kids. What I do appreciate is honesty, and owning up to your addiction and, controlling your quit. Quitting w/you today!
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Quitters I've met in person : Keddy, boelker62, Big Brother Jack, baitbanjo, SirDerek, Chewie, Scowick65, theo3wood, mcarmo44, MonsterEMT, Bronc, dforbes, rocketman, Lance from SD, kdip, wastepanel, quitspit, basshaug, greenspidy, 30yrAddict, btdogboy, cmark, chrisTKE1982, Jeffro Dolfie, Clampy, carlh2o, JGlav, ReWire, Chewrouski_Philly, Sranger999, walterwhite, DWEIRICK, spit cup, FranPro, ericfluck