QUOTING is the only option

[harvestgirl]

Proud of you buddy! Congrats on the HoF!

[Tonifer]

Congratulations on reaching the HOF. I look forward to joining you on that train.

[Jpete328]

So the better place for this may be in my intro but i wanted our group here in january more than anyone else to hear this. So today marked three weeks free and while at times it has seemed to creep by looking back now it feels like a blink of an eye. So i still get foggy but not for as long and not as bad as the first week. My fuse is still at times as short as a chinese fire cracker but i'm learning the triggers and the feeling of rage coming.
So know i would like to speak to the craves. For the first two and a half weeks i would have these soul crushing craves! All i could think about was a chew! Nothing else mattered. I would have to just stop whatever i was doing(usually a trigger) and wait it out. I would text my quit buddies here or go to the online chat. Just needing that reminder that I quit for that day and that minute. Well for a couple glorious days this past week I was crave fog and anger free. A glimpse at what life will be like one day. But the last two days i have been having this new kind of craving. This one is much more subtle and almost seductive. It whispers to me as opposed to yelling at me like before. It says you are all better now and you can have one no more just one. Make no mistake these ones are just as intense as the ones early on that would bring you to your knees only this new crave brings a high with it. Almost wanting you to remember the early days and why you started in the first place. Not the end when you hated it and couldn't stand taking a dip anymore but only did to feed the addiction. I hope this helps some understand what can happen in the not to distant future and that our battle never ends! The nic bitch just seeks new ways to exploit your weakness.
As always guys I am here for you always. My digits are only a pm away and I'm so proud to quit with you today! I look foward to seeing you all on roll tomorrow!

[Jpete328]

So here i sit on day 18! My quit has been an series of highs and lows to this point. The good spots have been great and a glimpse at life nic free. The lows are still hard and can be damn gut wrenching. The craves come with the same intensity but the duration continues to get shorter. The fog comes and goes still but again is shorter and not as deep. I'm beginning to feel like this is all possible and little by little i am taking my life back. This has become my first reflection point in my quit compared to my last one. The last time i was here i didn't share any of this or anything with my quit group. I felt that posting and ghosting was enough. I belonged to a group text in my quit group but was a wall flower there and only responded when prompted. Now i post often and keeping this thread running is helping. I have also gone all in this time with building a web of accountability so deep that no amount of ignoring or blocking will allow me to escape. I regret that it took me a second trip to figure this out. But after some deep reflection and lots of thoughts as to why i failed the first time the one that returns to my mind time after to time is that i was scared!! I was scared because i realized that this site works! Simply posting my name and talking to members here i understood the power of this place. So when i say i was scared it was because i wasn't really ready to quit and didn't realize i wasn't ready til i came back here. The power of posting your word and keeping that promise for one day was so powerful that only after caving and coming back did i fully understand it. I never once posted roll while under the influence of the nic bitch but the day i stopped posting roll was the day i started down the road of caving. i made the mistake of growing some comfortable in my quit that i didn't need this place anymore! but in all truth it was that it worked to well and i wasn't ready to quit deep down. Now i know its different because i have adopted a one min one hour one day approach to this. It can be so intimidating when you first come here and a vet offers help digits and whatever you need for help. You see that number attached to their name and most of the times its over a year at a minimum. You sit there and wonder how can i ever expect to reach that high and you get locked in on the numbers you see. The most important thing to remember though is that all quits are built one day at a time and many days less than that. Thats were the brotherhood and accountability of this site keeps you quit!! So i have been a little long tonight but all things i needed to get off my chest!!! Proud to quit with you all today! and will see you all tomorrow in roll!!

[Slick]

Jp, The answer is Hell no.



I quit with you today.

[Jpete328]

So I write today from a much better place than i last did. It is such a wild ride to get to this point on day thirteen. So in between day eight and day thirteen i think that i have hit every emotion that can be charted and probably some that can't be. The biggest thing has been the rage. My fuse at times has remained shorter than a fire cracker and looking at me cross eyed sets me off. But i have found what triggers those responses and am able to anticipate the rage. The craves have become shorter but the intensity remains. Its amazing the mind games that the nic bitch plays with you. There are days where i swear to myself that one little pinch wouldn't hurt but then i remember the toll it took to get to this point and it goes away. My wife and I had an argument today about the roll dip played in my life and she never understood the depth or amount of my addiction. I would never get ice cream with the family after dinner because dip was my dessert and i could hide it. She never knew i dipped nearly as much as i did. Its funny know cause i admit to her all the times i would dip and she is blown away. but she stands by me cause quitting is the most important part of this. Its other worldly how well this site can work. If you can keep your word and post every day and use the tools this site provides for each day you won't cave. Don't ever give in is my thought and don't promise tomorrow but promise for today!!I know this post is disjointed but again i'm still in a little veil of fog. But know i'm moving forward a day at a time and seeing things clearer. As i have said earlier the craves still come and the intensity is still as strong but the duration is much shorter and my ability to stand up and say 'Finger' is much better!! i'm proud to be quit with you all today and i will quit with you all tomorrow! If you can go through hell and survive would you want to go again?

[brettlees]

Looks like you first came around here a little before I did. I think you will do it this time-- as long as you keep the perspective you have now, that i see in your posts. Your rant even shows it-- I agree you can't miss roll, that's the cornerstone of this place's method. It's the minimum. Other tools i've found useful are logging my experiences in the intros, so all can see, including myself later ( I still look back at what i will never have to go through again, recorded in there), and building a network of other quitters of all levels for support AND accountability. Those, along with finally really learning how the addiction works, have carried me so far. Quit with you today.

[danojeno]

Time for a rage moment if you all will indulge me. I have hit day eight and feel finally like i have turned a corner. First time i can say that my cravings weren't that strong and i didn't have a single moment of fog. However short lived this may be i am enjoying and looking forward to the next time i can feel this way. Sleeping is still an after thought and i only make it five hours a night. Now back to my rage.

Posting roll here is what we do to insure to ourselves and each other that for one day we won't chew dip or whatever else you call it. Posting roll is not a nine to five fucking job monday through friday. We are all addicts and that means we can't take the weekend off. Posting roll is a 24 hour a day 7 day a week 365 day a year responsibility. Failure to post is a failure to promise to us and most importantly yourself that you quit that day. It is always the weekend where you see this failure rate too. You find the monday through friday people who think this is cool and gets me another day of stoppage. Some show back up the next monday and assume all is fine. But its not ok to miss those days and show back up without an explanation because those that showed up and made a promise not to quit have the right to doubt YOUR QUIT. If you are truly committed and want to quit for yourself you make the time saturday and sunday to post roll it only takes a minute or two. Christ i can do it on my phone laying in bed in one minute. So believe me you have no excuse good enough to miss roll over the weekend. The tools are here the people are here use them. i would give my number to anybody that told me they wanted it to stay quit. Is it odd to surrender your number to a complete online stranger? you bet it is! but i ask this how resolved are you to quit!! I want as many people as i can get on my side and in my corner so no matter what time it is or what day it is I can reach someone to talk me down. I make my promise everyday to my quit group but also to each person i text every day saying i quit for just one day. If you truly want to be quit nothing will stop you from making connections here so deep that you will never have a reason for caving!! This rant is fueled by my withdrawal but also by the fact that you can never lose sight of your goal and thats to quit for one day and promise those here you will do that. But one day means one day no matter what fucking day it is. We don't take weekends off here!!!

I saw, "Quit Harder!!" in your status. I love that. We can't merely go through the motions. Unfortunately you and I have learned that the hard way. We need to fight hard and dirty, each and every day. Leave no crack in the armor, no leak in the dam, whatever the heck you want to call it, leave no way out. Take this One Day at a Time and never forget Day 1.

[Jpete328]

Time for a rage moment if you all will indulge me. I have hit day eight and feel finally like i have turned a corner. First time i can say that my cravings weren't that strong and i didn't have a single moment of fog. However short lived this may be i am enjoying and looking forward to the next time i can feel this way. Sleeping is still an after thought and i only make it five hours a night. Now back to my rage.

Posting roll here is what we do to insure to ourselves and each other that for one day we won't chew dip or whatever else you call it. Posting roll is not a nine to five fucking job monday through friday. We are all addicts and that means we can't take the weekend off. Posting roll is a 24 hour a day 7 day a week 365 day a year responsibility. Failure to post is a failure to promise to us and most importantly yourself that you quit that day. It is always the weekend where you see this failure rate too. You find the monday through friday people who think this is cool and gets me another day of stoppage. Some show back up the next monday and assume all is fine. But its not ok to miss those days and show back up without an explanation because those that showed up and made a promise not to quit have the right to doubt YOUR QUIT. If you are truly committed and want to quit for yourself you make the time saturday and sunday to post roll it only takes a minute or two. Christ i can do it on my phone laying in bed in one minute. So believe me you have no excuse good enough to miss roll over the weekend. The tools are here the people are here use them. i would give my number to anybody that told me they wanted it to stay quit. Is it odd to surrender your number to a complete online stranger? you bet it is! but i ask this how resolved are you to quit!! I want as many people as i can get on my side and in my corner so no matter what time it is or what day it is I can reach someone to talk me down. I make my promise everyday to my quit group but also to each person i text every day saying i quit for just one day. If you truly want to be quit nothing will stop you from making connections here so deep that you will never have a reason for caving!! This rant is fueled by my withdrawal but also by the fact that you can never lose sight of your goal and thats to quit for one day and promise those here you will do that. But one day means one day no matter what fucking day it is. We don't take weekends off here!!!

[pab1964]

Jpete my brother remember as long as that names on roll you're never alone! One text, one call, one post and someone's there. Hell there's guy's and gals on here I would hop a plane if that's what it took to save there quit. You will get stronger a little each day. Share your number with others. Post support in other groups it all helps, not only you but also the ones you support. I've had numerous roller coaster days just like you but my worst days were and still are rarely the rage. When you feel that coming on especially around the family walk away, go for a run whatever but get the hell away! The family don't deserve you being a dickhead, after all they didn't put the shit in your mouth! My number is a pm away. Proud to be quit with you! Quit on!

[FLLipOut]

What a great story and a tremendous win today, jpete. It gets easier. Just keep on making the promise to stay nic free and keep that promise one day at a time.

So very proud to be quit with you today.

FLLip

[Jpete328]

So first i will apologize because i know grammar wise this post will be awful. This is normally a huge pet peeve of mine but in my current state i'm in capable. So today is day four for me and going away the hardest day i have had. I write this today so when i start feeling good one day and think i'm ok i can read this and remember the hell i went through to stay quit. that way i will never have to endure this again. My day started at 6 am this morning. Normal routine shit shower shave and no dip. I always thought that the morning dip would be the hardest to give up but i was wrong because i Have to make my sons lunch for school and get my daughter ready for pre school. I survive taking them to both of their respective schools. Come home get my work van and head off to work. Again no worries i'm feeling good. Handle a service call customer is happy and on my way i go. Now starts the problems. Office has no work for me right now. its a slow time of year for us in maine in the HVAC/R trade. Shoulder season we like to say. they put me on stand by which is them paying me to sit around till a service call comes in. This is the ultimate in boredom and use to be a time when i would chew nonstop. So i'm on stand by in a gas station parking lot and an internal argument is going on inside me. i know the feeling and i came here to this site and read everything. In doing that i survived the most soul crushing crave i have had ever. as i continued to read things here I started getting emotional and even cried. Christ i can't remember the last time i cried. If you ask me wife she would tell you i'm emotionally unavailable! so this is completely out of character. And i'm talking real crying like a blubbering baby!! once i got through that and put myself together i experienced an amazing high!! Here i am in my van not 5 mins ago balling and now i'm singing and smiling like the happiest man on earth. mind you this is in the span of a couple hours!!! as the day wore on i just continued to read anything and everything i could find on this site knowing i would not cave for i made a promise today!! as the day wound down i found myself in a deep fog and just barely going through the motions. Self pity is something i hate and so i got home helped my son with his home work and then went running! I needed to do something to release all this stress and craziness. I ran hard and long replaying my day my head and pushing myself harder to make the pain go anywhere else. Its funny cause i use to love to dip after working out. But tonight after that run not one crave and a great runners high that i dont remember having in a long time. I'm so proud to sit here tonight and tell you all i'm still quit and will stay quit!! But damn i don't know how many days of roller coaster emotions i can take alone!! But i know with what i have built here and continue to build here we can get through this. I'm still quit like fuck!!!!

[Jupiter]

JPete -- First, dont listen to Pab cuz he's a Bama fan.

Secondly, I'm right there with you about trying sooo many times to quit for the wife  kids.... It's got to be for yourself or Nic-Bitch will whisper in your ear making you resent the wife.

When you are ready to harden the fuck up then you will quit for yourself -- to prove that you are n control. Keep the Nic Bitch in check just for today. Hell maybe even just for this hour. You got this. You know what it takes and we can all get there together!

[Armydan13]

You got it this time! I fucked up before. I lasted 2 days on KTC last year. I should of stayed and I regret not taking my quit seriously because I could of been a plus-year quitter right now! Take the lumps like I did and carry on brother.

PM me if you need anything.

-Dan
-Day 79

[Idaho Spuds]

So I return here today to quit this habit for good. I have been here before three years ago and made it to day 40 or so! I stopped at that point because i thought i was over it and that i would never take another dip again. That lasted three days. On the golf course with my brother for his bachelor party what harm would come from one little dip? But once i took that one next thing i knew i was buying a tin and hiding it and then i didn't care anymore and was back to full fledged dipping. i was going through a can of cope every two days! In the three years since i have tried going cold turkey many times and never make it longer than two weeks or so. This post is hard to write because you realize that all the blame is on yourself. I can make all the excuses I want but at the end of the day its my choice to go back. I want to quit and I want to be accountable! I'm tired of being tired with quitting. I have grown to despise dipping and yet i still can't quit. I chose to quit for myself! My wife has asked me many times so many i can't remember now to quit for her and the kids. And every time i would try and quit for them i would fail! Until you are ready to truly quit for yourself and you want to quit it doesn't matter! Its so weird to write this as my father is a raging alcoholic and i use to argue and fight with him so much saying you can take control of this and quit and it always fell on deaf years. Yet here i am needing to take my own advice and can't do it. So I have returned here to QUIT for myself and to once and for all be rid of this awful habit. I know it won't be easy and the journey is long. But the one thing i know from my short time here in the past is that posting roll everyday and being account able to yourself and those here truly helps this process become almost tolerable. So i'm here to take all the blame for my past failures and prove to myself and those here i have quit for good. So please don't hesitate to reach out to me good bad or indifferent i can take it and in some way need it.

I also wasted my first entry into KTC. I came back with a vengeance and I earn back my word and quit everyday.
You are going to take some lumps but the proof is in the pudding, this is your quit, invest in it and show yourself that you can be a quiter.
ID