For the past two months, I've been dipping an insane amount. I keep failing in my quit groups and I don't know what to do. I made a new email address and set up a new phone number. I registered a new username but I didn't go through with posting a day 1 with it. It would be a lie. I'm Letsgo14, a serial caver. Is there a support group for serial cavers? I believe there are three main factors that lead to my caves: 1. I stop posting everyday. 2. I stop putting in effort to support my quit group and new quitters. 3. Alcohol. These are all in my control but life is difficult and I fuck up and lose control. I'm 34 years old and sometimes I feel and act like I am 3.
For the past two months I've been trying to quit on my own but I've failed. It seems impossible.
This site and community have been so meaningful to me but I've thrown it all away. I've lost track of the number of quit groups I've been in since 2014. I've been to the Hall of fame multiple times. I'm afraid to come back here because of my past and fearful of the long time members who have their shit figured out.
I want to start posting in the new quit group but I need to work through this so I don't cave again. I can't go through caving and confessing and letting my quit group and everyone here down. It is so painful. I am full of remorse and am asking for forgiveness and another chance. I want and need to quit. I can't continue living life as a diaper. I'm a full blown addict and I'm asking for your help. Is there anyone out there who has gone through anything similar?
I'll be honest... it really doesn't sound like you want to quit. I stopped every day for about 20 years, until I found this site and decided to follow the "brotherhood and accountability = success" code of honor that all of us live by. If you want to quit, you have to be all in on this. This isn't a "try and get a gold star" system. This is a balls to the wall system.
I'm not going to address all of your excuses, but I am going to address one of them very very directly. Alcohol. I'm a senior executive for a monster large alcohol distributor. I have more alcohol on my desk than a lot of bars have on their backbar. There is alcohol flowing freely, daily, at work. And I quit booze for 100 days when I threw nicotine out. And if I can do it - let me tell you dude.... if I can give up alcohol - there is ZERO excuse for anyone on this site to use about booze. So you can drop that one.
If you don't wanna quit, dude that's ok. Someone needs to pay for those jets that the tobacco execs fly around in. And oncologists have expensive houses and cars to pay for - so when you start paying for chemo and radiation, you can help foot some of their lifestyles too. Feel free, by the way, to attack this line of thought. Tobacco stole my dad at 52, my friend Traumagnet (intro at top of this page) at around 49, and my grandfather at 76.
To quote Shawshank Redemption: Get busy living, or get busy dying. Make up your mind. Now.