Where's your crown, KingNothing?

[pab1964]

Borrowing from Irish. Lest we never forget what got us here.

No Excuse To Cave - NONE!

I don't know Todd, other than what I've read in his intro. His story is inspiring. His story made me cry.

If I ever feel life has given me an excuse to cave, I'm going to come here and read this, again.

Whew where to begin, well brothers and sisters today should be a joyous day 7th floor with 2 trips around the sun to follow and not to be overshadowed by too many other events right. Well, what I am about to follow up with is a warning my way to pay it forward a way for me to find something positive out of what I have found out. A way to reinforce to those that think they are cured and that they may be able to try a dance with their mistress/Reaper... This is a message to the vets as well as newbies it's not over. This isn't written for sympathy or pity I knew that this was a possibility when I thought I was a tough guy with my lip packed full of death.

Friday 3-13-15 a day I will never forget, I had a colonoscopy and yep you guessed it CANCER located close to where small and large intestines come together... I was a bad ass I didn't need a spitter I gutted it this pseudo-badge of courage is probably the culprit.

Funny what goes through your head when you get that kind of news first initial shock...followed up with panic, fear then sadness. It finally really hit me Sunday a.m. I broke down the thoughts that I may not get to see my wife again, smell her hair, see her smile, hear her laugh, miss her sarcasm...not getting to see my son play sports, graduate and see him go through life not getting to be a Grandpa...Yep all those moments be shared with others and not me. I took a walk down memory lane yesterdayÂ…have I put enough away for my family, what have I left for a legacy, have I given more than I have taken, will I be remembered or just another UST statistic... All that shit goes through your head...I am sure that are a lot more emotions to follow.

Today I am up and going I have shit to do before I go for surgery. I have to use all my tools that I have acquired from KTC and apply them moving forward. THIS DOES NOT GIVE ME THE RIGHT OR EXCUSE TO CHEW! This isn't going to be an I, it will be a WE, brothers and sisters from KTC, friends and family taking this head on one day at a time. I am absolutely impressed with the men and women of KTC who have already started pumping out support....THANK YOU.

So if any of you still have friends dippin tell them this if you dont have what it takes to quit nicotine you are gonna be TOO big of a pussy for chemo. Dying is easy its the living that is hard got to dig deep everyday and there would be no way in hell I could do this on my own. If it werent for the support of my wife and family, the support i get daily from the members this site and the people I have in my corner locally. I would have been consumed by this cancer shit. I have already lived through two you only have 6 months left.

Well it appears that it has been awhile since I have put in an update. I had double pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for a week...then home health for a week giving me very strong antibiotics. After a week of that the nausea and pain were enough I woke up on a Monday morning and fired everyone. I called the VA and asked to be put on hospice. Hospice has been working with me to get me under control as far as pain and nausea go. I have been puking and dry heaving for days so finally last night they hooked me up to a morphine drip and a Tordol drip subQ. they have also discovered that I have chemo induced thrush from my mouth to my stomach so another obstacle to overcome.

I also carry a BRAF mutation with in the cancer war is like trying fight fires with gasoline. So I am on the hospice pony and just trying to ride whatever time I have left in relative comfort. So just trying to take it easy.

Once again just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been on this ride with me, I also wanted to say if you text or email and I dont respond right away please dont take it personal there are days that just making it to tomorrow is the best I can do.
thanks
Trauma

Nice 4th floor, BAQ!

Welcome to the 4th floor, reserved the penthouse for your badass self!

[worktowin]

Borrowing from Irish. Lest we never forget what got us here.

No Excuse To Cave - NONE!

I don't know Todd, other than what I've read in his intro. His story is inspiring. His story made me cry.

If I ever feel life has given me an excuse to cave, I'm going to come here and read this, again.

Whew where to begin, well brothers and sisters today should be a joyous day 7th floor with 2 trips around the sun to follow and not to be overshadowed by too many other events right. Well, what I am about to follow up with is a warning my way to pay it forward a way for me to find something positive out of what I have found out. A way to reinforce to those that think they are cured and that they may be able to try a dance with their mistress/Reaper... This is a message to the vets as well as newbies it's not over. This isn't written for sympathy or pity I knew that this was a possibility when I thought I was a tough guy with my lip packed full of death.

Friday 3-13-15 a day I will never forget, I had a colonoscopy and yep you guessed it CANCER located close to where small and large intestines come together... I was a bad ass I didn't need a spitter I gutted it this pseudo-badge of courage is probably the culprit.

Funny what goes through your head when you get that kind of news first initial shock...followed up with panic, fear then sadness. It finally really hit me Sunday a.m. I broke down the thoughts that I may not get to see my wife again, smell her hair, see her smile, hear her laugh, miss her sarcasm...not getting to see my son play sports, graduate and see him go through life not getting to be a Grandpa...Yep all those moments be shared with others and not me. I took a walk down memory lane yesterdayÂ…have I put enough away for my family, what have I left for a legacy, have I given more than I have taken, will I be remembered or just another UST statistic... All that shit goes through your head...I am sure that are a lot more emotions to follow.

Today I am up and going I have shit to do before I go for surgery. I have to use all my tools that I have acquired from KTC and apply them moving forward. THIS DOES NOT GIVE ME THE RIGHT OR EXCUSE TO CHEW! This isn't going to be an I, it will be a WE, brothers and sisters from KTC, friends and family taking this head on one day at a time. I am absolutely impressed with the men and women of KTC who have already started pumping out support....THANK YOU.

So if any of you still have friends dippin tell them this if you dont have what it takes to quit nicotine you are gonna be TOO big of a pussy for chemo. Dying is easy its the living that is hard got to dig deep everyday and there would be no way in hell I could do this on my own. If it werent for the support of my wife and family, the support i get daily from the members this site and the people I have in my corner locally. I would have been consumed by this cancer shit. I have already lived through two you only have 6 months left.

Well it appears that it has been awhile since I have put in an update. I had double pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for a week...then home health for a week giving me very strong antibiotics. After a week of that the nausea and pain were enough I woke up on a Monday morning and fired everyone. I called the VA and asked to be put on hospice. Hospice has been working with me to get me under control as far as pain and nausea go. I have been puking and dry heaving for days so finally last night they hooked me up to a morphine drip and a Tordol drip subQ. they have also discovered that I have chemo induced thrush from my mouth to my stomach so another obstacle to overcome.

I also carry a BRAF mutation with in the cancer war is like trying fight fires with gasoline. So I am on the hospice pony and just trying to ride whatever time I have left in relative comfort. So just trying to take it easy.

Once again just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been on this ride with me, I also wanted to say if you text or email and I dont respond right away please dont take it personal there are days that just making it to tomorrow is the best I can do.
thanks
Trauma

Nice 4th floor, BAQ!

[KingNothing]

Borrowing from Irish. Lest we never forget what got us here.

No Excuse To Cave - NONE!

I don't know Todd, other than what I've read in his intro. His story is inspiring. His story made me cry.

If I ever feel life has given me an excuse to cave, I'm going to come here and read this, again.

Whew where to begin, well brothers and sisters today should be a joyous day 7th floor with 2 trips around the sun to follow and not to be overshadowed by too many other events right. Well, what I am about to follow up with is a warning my way to pay it forward a way for me to find something positive out of what I have found out. A way to reinforce to those that think they are cured and that they may be able to try a dance with their mistress/Reaper... This is a message to the vets as well as newbies it's not over. This isn't written for sympathy or pity I knew that this was a possibility when I thought I was a tough guy with my lip packed full of death.

Friday 3-13-15 a day I will never forget, I had a colonoscopy and yep you guessed it CANCER located close to where small and large intestines come together... I was a bad ass I didn't need a spitter I gutted it this pseudo-badge of courage is probably the culprit.

Funny what goes through your head when you get that kind of news first initial shock...followed up with panic, fear then sadness. It finally really hit me Sunday a.m. I broke down the thoughts that I may not get to see my wife again, smell her hair, see her smile, hear her laugh, miss her sarcasm...not getting to see my son play sports, graduate and see him go through life not getting to be a Grandpa...Yep all those moments be shared with others and not me. I took a walk down memory lane yesterdayÂ…have I put enough away for my family, what have I left for a legacy, have I given more than I have taken, will I be remembered or just another UST statistic... All that shit goes through your head...I am sure that are a lot more emotions to follow.

Today I am up and going I have shit to do before I go for surgery. I have to use all my tools that I have acquired from KTC and apply them moving forward. THIS DOES NOT GIVE ME THE RIGHT OR EXCUSE TO CHEW! This isn't going to be an I, it will be a WE, brothers and sisters from KTC, friends and family taking this head on one day at a time. I am absolutely impressed with the men and women of KTC who have already started pumping out support....THANK YOU.

So if any of you still have friends dippin tell them this if you dont have what it takes to quit nicotine you are gonna be TOO big of a pussy for chemo. Dying is easy its the living that is hard got to dig deep everyday and there would be no way in hell I could do this on my own. If it werent for the support of my wife and family, the support i get daily from the members this site and the people I have in my corner locally. I would have been consumed by this cancer shit. I have already lived through two you only have 6 months left.

Well it appears that it has been awhile since I have put in an update. I had double pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for a week...then home health for a week giving me very strong antibiotics. After a week of that the nausea and pain were enough I woke up on a Monday morning and fired everyone. I called the VA and asked to be put on hospice. Hospice has been working with me to get me under control as far as pain and nausea go. I have been puking and dry heaving for days so finally last night they hooked me up to a morphine drip and a Tordol drip subQ. they have also discovered that I have chemo induced thrush from my mouth to my stomach so another obstacle to overcome.

I also carry a BRAF mutation with in the cancer war is like trying fight fires with gasoline. So I am on the hospice pony and just trying to ride whatever time I have left in relative comfort. So just trying to take it easy.

Once again just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been on this ride with me, I also wanted to say if you text or email and I dont respond right away please dont take it personal there are days that just making it to tomorrow is the best I can do.
thanks
Trauma

[KingNothing]

I just read a really cool article about Scott Hall (aka Razor Ramon from past WWF/WWE days). The article is about Hall's struggles with alcohol and addiction and he documents how he came to think he was worthless because he couldn't get out of the cycle. The following quote is all-too-accurate for why we come in here everyday:

"My life is like driving down a road. I occasionally glance in the rearview mirror but I'm not focused on the past or looking back anymore. That's why the windshield is bigger than the review view mirror. I prefer to look ahead, make my short term goals, and focus on today. I'm where I'm supposed to be but not where I want to be. Thank God I'm not where I used to be. I'm OK and I'm on my way one day at a time. Help awaits everyone if they truly want it."

The full article is here: http://www.foxsports.com/buzzer/story/w ... els-090115

It's courtesy of foxsports.com and is written by Jim Ross.

[rdad]

Congratulations on 1 year!

I missed your one year King. Anyway, congrats bro! Who's the master now?!

[KennyZ]

Congratulations on 1 year!

[Stranger999]

Just. Keep. Going.

The last few days have been tough. My subconscious has returned the "glorifying" part of this addiction. As in, remember when driving used to be better with a dip? Remember when golf used to be better with a dip? Remember when being by yourself was better with a dip?

With the tools I have learned on this site though, I can make it. I promised the FUN bags and a bunch of other guys that today I wouldn't use it, so I'm not. What seems to kill the bad thoughts, is the idea that my life is NOT better with nicotine:

The drive wasn't any better. Remember the shavings all over your truck you dummy? Remember right after you put the dip in, the first few spits were kinda sticky? Remember how it stuck to the bottle and when you pulled the bottle away you had to scramble to not get slime on you? Remember how you had to try and hide the various cans in random places in the truck to avoid detection, and every time your wife got near your truck you freaked out because you didn't want her to find them?

Golf wasn't any better. Remember how you had to walk all the way off the green every time you needed to spit? Remember how the guys you played with got pissed because you were packing a freshy and it was your turn to hit? Remember how a blast from the sand would ruin a brand new chew and that was your biggest problem that day? Remember those young kids on the putting green that saw you with a big nasty wad in your mouth?

Being by myself wasn't any better. Remember how you basically had an affair with a stupid can? Remember when you would sit down after a long day and your wife left, and you were king of the world with your stupid face stuffed? Remember when your little boy would come out of his room because he was scared, and instead of comforting him, you got frustrated and hurried him back to his room so you could continue dipping "in peace"? Remember leaving the door to the garage open so your wife couldn't sneak up on you? Remember having to scramble to clean everything up when she got home early?

Fuck all of this bullshit. This isn't living. This isn't glorious or romantic. This is pure deranged bullshit. You threw years away enslaved by it. I can smell your rancid breath when you try to whisper to me. You can get dressed up all you want, wear something slutty, put on some smell good, and get me all sorts of drunk, but you will not take advantage of me any more. Turn out the lights and don't let the door smack you upside the ass as you leave.

The last few days have been tough, but not as tough as my brother going through chemo and radiation on his head. Not as tough as losing body parts to cancer. NOT NEARLY AS FUCKING TOUGH AS THE LAST THING THAT HAPPENS TO ME ON THIS EARTH IS HAVING ONE OF MY KIDS SCREAM "DADDY DON'T GO" because I was too fucking selfish to be done with it.

Just. Keep. Going. It will get better.

Man. Looking back at how frustrated and hopeless I was a mere year ago after giving this stuff up. I can't believe how much I coveted the slavery. Nicotine is incredible in how crafty it is in keeping you addicted. This person that posted this last year no longer exists. I am so happy to say that now. I was so worried about it when I started here, but I look back on it now and realize how pathetic I was to be this ^^^ controlled by a poisonous weed in a can.

I have won for 365 days in a row. 365 'Finger' 's to nicotine. Freedom is amazing and slavery sucks.

Well done King.
Your quit is true.
And you sir are free.
Lets do it again.
ALL DAY LONG.......
Rawls 599

Congratulations on one year my friend. Thanks for guidance and advice early in my quit. B)B

[Rawls]

Just. Keep. Going.

The last few days have been tough. My subconscious has returned the "glorifying" part of this addiction. As in, remember when driving used to be better with a dip? Remember when golf used to be better with a dip? Remember when being by yourself was better with a dip?

With the tools I have learned on this site though, I can make it. I promised the FUN bags and a bunch of other guys that today I wouldn't use it, so I'm not. What seems to kill the bad thoughts, is the idea that my life is NOT better with nicotine:

The drive wasn't any better. Remember the shavings all over your truck you dummy? Remember right after you put the dip in, the first few spits were kinda sticky? Remember how it stuck to the bottle and when you pulled the bottle away you had to scramble to not get slime on you? Remember how you had to try and hide the various cans in random places in the truck to avoid detection, and every time your wife got near your truck you freaked out because you didn't want her to find them?

Golf wasn't any better. Remember how you had to walk all the way off the green every time you needed to spit? Remember how the guys you played with got pissed because you were packing a freshy and it was your turn to hit? Remember how a blast from the sand would ruin a brand new chew and that was your biggest problem that day? Remember those young kids on the putting green that saw you with a big nasty wad in your mouth?

Being by myself wasn't any better. Remember how you basically had an affair with a stupid can? Remember when you would sit down after a long day and your wife left, and you were king of the world with your stupid face stuffed? Remember when your little boy would come out of his room because he was scared, and instead of comforting him, you got frustrated and hurried him back to his room so you could continue dipping "in peace"? Remember leaving the door to the garage open so your wife couldn't sneak up on you? Remember having to scramble to clean everything up when she got home early?

Fuck all of this bullshit. This isn't living. This isn't glorious or romantic. This is pure deranged bullshit. You threw years away enslaved by it. I can smell your rancid breath when you try to whisper to me. You can get dressed up all you want, wear something slutty, put on some smell good, and get me all sorts of drunk, but you will not take advantage of me any more. Turn out the lights and don't let the door smack you upside the ass as you leave.

The last few days have been tough, but not as tough as my brother going through chemo and radiation on his head. Not as tough as losing body parts to cancer. NOT NEARLY AS FUCKING TOUGH AS THE LAST THING THAT HAPPENS TO ME ON THIS EARTH IS HAVING ONE OF MY KIDS SCREAM "DADDY DON'T GO" because I was too fucking selfish to be done with it.

Just. Keep. Going. It will get better.

Man. Looking back at how frustrated and hopeless I was a mere year ago after giving this stuff up. I can't believe how much I coveted the slavery. Nicotine is incredible in how crafty it is in keeping you addicted. This person that posted this last year no longer exists. I am so happy to say that now. I was so worried about it when I started here, but I look back on it now and realize how pathetic I was to be this ^^^ controlled by a poisonous weed in a can.

I have won for 365 days in a row. 365 'Finger' 's to nicotine. Freedom is amazing and slavery sucks.

Well done King.
Your quit is true.
And you sir are free.
Lets do it again.
ALL DAY LONG.......
Rawls 599

[KingNothing]

Just. Keep. Going.

The last few days have been tough. My subconscious has returned the "glorifying" part of this addiction. As in, remember when driving used to be better with a dip? Remember when golf used to be better with a dip? Remember when being by yourself was better with a dip?

With the tools I have learned on this site though, I can make it. I promised the FUN bags and a bunch of other guys that today I wouldn't use it, so I'm not. What seems to kill the bad thoughts, is the idea that my life is NOT better with nicotine:

The drive wasn't any better. Remember the shavings all over your truck you dummy? Remember right after you put the dip in, the first few spits were kinda sticky? Remember how it stuck to the bottle and when you pulled the bottle away you had to scramble to not get slime on you? Remember how you had to try and hide the various cans in random places in the truck to avoid detection, and every time your wife got near your truck you freaked out because you didn't want her to find them?

Golf wasn't any better. Remember how you had to walk all the way off the green every time you needed to spit? Remember how the guys you played with got pissed because you were packing a freshy and it was your turn to hit? Remember how a blast from the sand would ruin a brand new chew and that was your biggest problem that day? Remember those young kids on the putting green that saw you with a big nasty wad in your mouth?

Being by myself wasn't any better. Remember how you basically had an affair with a stupid can? Remember when you would sit down after a long day and your wife left, and you were king of the world with your stupid face stuffed? Remember when your little boy would come out of his room because he was scared, and instead of comforting him, you got frustrated and hurried him back to his room so you could continue dipping "in peace"? Remember leaving the door to the garage open so your wife couldn't sneak up on you? Remember having to scramble to clean everything up when she got home early?

Fuck all of this bullshit. This isn't living. This isn't glorious or romantic. This is pure deranged bullshit. You threw years away enslaved by it. I can smell your rancid breath when you try to whisper to me. You can get dressed up all you want, wear something slutty, put on some smell good, and get me all sorts of drunk, but you will not take advantage of me any more. Turn out the lights and don't let the door smack you upside the ass as you leave.

The last few days have been tough, but not as tough as my brother going through chemo and radiation on his head. Not as tough as losing body parts to cancer. NOT NEARLY AS FUCKING TOUGH AS THE LAST THING THAT HAPPENS TO ME ON THIS EARTH IS HAVING ONE OF MY KIDS SCREAM "DADDY DON'T GO" because I was too fucking selfish to be done with it.

Just. Keep. Going. It will get better.

Man. Looking back at how frustrated and hopeless I was a mere year ago after giving this stuff up. I can't believe how much I coveted the slavery. Nicotine is incredible in how crafty it is in keeping you addicted. This person that posted this last year no longer exists. I am so happy to say that now. I was so worried about it when I started here, but I look back on it now and realize how pathetic I was to be this ^^^ controlled by a poisonous weed in a can.

I have won for 365 days in a row. 365 'Finger' 's to nicotine. Freedom is amazing and slavery sucks.

[pab1964]

Wow one year! That's amazing work (and it is some damn work) and you should be really proud of that. Thanks for being so active and supportive of others here. It's meant a lot to me and to others!

'Cheers'

Congrats man!! You are truly a BAQ!!! Thank you for all you do around here!

Congratulations King! Damn proud to call you a brother and friend! Keep doing what you're doing it's working.

[Tjschu]

Wow one year! That's amazing work (and it is some damn work) and you should be really proud of that. Thanks for being so active and supportive of others here. It's meant a lot to me and to others!

'Cheers'

Congrats man!! You are truly a BAQ!!! Thank you for all you do around here!

[pky1520]

Wow one year! That's amazing work (and it is some damn work) and you should be really proud of that. Thanks for being so active and supportive of others here. It's meant a lot to me and to others!

'Cheers'

[KingNothing]

Thanks all. W2W and Tuco couldn't be more right. When I started this a year ago I thought I was losing a best friend, the only companion that didn't judge me, my release from life, my anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications, and my connection with my buddies.

That was all b.s. Every bit of it. It seems like forever ago now, but on this date in 2015, I was so deep into my slavery that I could barely keep my nose above water to keep from drowning. I now know that all nicotine did was keep me addicted to nicotine. It didn't help my anxiety, my relationships, my mood, my personality, my life. It stole, lied, and cheated me. In turn, I stole, lied, and cheated every one around me. ODAAT I changed that reality. I am closer to my kids, a better husband, more alive than I could have ever dreamed, and live life to the fullest now rather than between dips.

Joining this site was the answer. The tools I have acquired in the last 12 months will never let me down so long as I keep them sharp.

Thanks to everyone on this site, but especially the FUN Bags and those that have stuck by me throughout this journey with unwavering support, accountability, and brother(sister - here's looking at you ChickDip ;))hood. I fully intend to continue to pay it forward, and maybe I can help some sorry sucker that bumbles onto this site, just like you all did for this sorry sucker. 'Cheers'

[Tuco]

1 whole year. It seemed almost impossible 365 days ago, didn't it? But here you are - sitting atop a truly great milestone. You've put 4 full seasons of quit under your belt, and now you have all of the tools you need to remain quit in the next year and beyond.

Well done, man. Well done.

[worktowin]

Congrats on 1yr my man. Great achievement. One BAQ here folks

Hey kingno, Badass quit to 1 year and beyond.

HELL YES!

Man, one year of FREEDOM! Can you even believe it? What seemed so scary 366 days ago... what seemed like a train wreck 365 days... and a Category 5 hurricane 364 days ago... now seems so obvious.

Here's what I will promise you, King. It gets better from here. Where you are is great, where you are going is phenomenal. The pride and freedom just keeps growing from here.

One trip around the sun, and you've proven you are a true leader and mentor around here. You get it, and it is an honor to quit with you today.

Pat yourself on the back; only about 1/10 make it to where you are today. You are an A student at quitting.

-worktowin